Standing Still 4: courage
Hallo :) Here's the 4th installment (yay!)
Anyhow, I hope you enjoy reading this ^_^
Back in Japan...
As the plane landed upon the tarmac, butterflies fluttered wildly inside Sho's stomach; he could swear that the other passengers could hear his heart thundering loudly in his chest as he contemplated all the possible consequences of what he was about to do.
"I have to do it... I have to tell him" Sho thought to himself, taking a deep breath and steeling his nerves as he stepped onto the platform, making his way to the airport.
3 days ago...
After settling into his hotel room and unpacking his things, Sho opted for a quick shower and a cup of brewed coffee before reviewing his material for tomorrow's interview. Since the G8 summit, Sho politely requested for more field assignments to refine his skills, and had thus been given the task of following up on how some countries were doing its part to reduce its carbon footprint. The person he was about to interview is a renowned environmental activist, whose opinions were sought by big corporations seeking a more energy efficient, and environmentally friendly way to run their businesses.
After 4 hours of meticulously reviewing his notes and searching for additional information, Sho saved his files and shut down his laptop.
The small sense of accomplishment that he felt about being prepared for tomorrow's task was slowly being replaced by the sinking feeling of hopelessness, as he braced himself to confront another gigantic task-- one, he was afraid, he could never be prepared enough for...
"Aiba..." Sho sighed, hugging his knees to his chest as he leaned on the headboard of the small bed in his lonely hotel room; the magnificent view of the cityscape, doing nothing to ease his somber mood.
Ah, yes, what was he to do with Aiba? More importantly, how will he deal with whatever it was that he felt towards the younger man?
It was true. He needed to admit it if he ever wanted to get anywhere, Sho rationalized. He was in love with Aiba--clumsy, bubbly, silly, childlike, Aibaka-chan, who made his day just that much brighter with his antics and his harebrained schemes. He knew he loved Aiba long before he was willing to recognize it; long before he passed it off as brotherly affection, or a deep, platonic love for a best friend.
Now that Sho had openly admitted this to himself, he was scared. Questions like: "How will Aiba take the news?," or "How will this change Arashi?," raced through his mind; but the questions: "What do I do if Aiba doesn't feel the same ?," and more importantly "What will I do if Aiba doesn't want me?" terrified him the most. He was pretty sure that all the sane parts of him would break down at Aiba's rejection, and he wouldn't know where he would get the strength to pick up the shattered pieces of himself.
In the midst of his worrying, Sho's cellphone rang. One of his coworkers called to invite him for a night out and a little sight seeing before tomorrow's hectic day.
**********************
At the restaurant...
"Ne, Sho-kun, have a drink! You'll do fine tomorrow, don't worry!" A coworker joked, as he filled Sho's glass with wine.
"Thanks, Taka-san. I'm okay, just a little nervous" Sho replied, taking a sip.
"Aha! it looks like Sho's having girl problems!" the cameraman chirped, slightly tipsy "Let me guess, you have trouble telling her that you like her, right?" Sawada giggled as he drank another glass of wine.
As if on cue, Sho blushed, "Am I really that obvious?" he stuttered, nearly choking on his food. A series of 'Oohs' and some laughter could be heard from their table as they continued to mercilessly tease Sho about his 'girl problems.'
"So, who is this girl, and why is the great Sho out of words?" piped Shiori, between mouthfuls of pasta.
"Anoo... well, I can't tell you that, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't know what to do if 'she' says no..." replied Sho, who suddenly lost his appetite as he proceeded to toy with his food.
"Ooh, this is serious, huh?" said Taka "for a guy like you to get this worked up over someone... she must be really special"
"She is." said Sho
"What's she like?" asked Shiori
"Well, 'she's' clumsy, she's also a bit of an airhead, often speaks without thinking, and I can't remember how many times I've gotten into trouble because of her; but 'she' has the most beautiful eyes, I've ever seen and she makes me very happy. I think I love her." Sho replied with a wry smile, as he looked glumly at his half empty wine glass.
"She must be one lucky girl" Shiori sighed, slicing a small piece of cake with her fork.
"Well, Sho-kun, take it from one guy who's faced so many rejections," Sawada said as he gave Sho a friendly pat on the back, "Tell her. You'll never know what will happen until you tell her. It's better than wondering what would have happened if you took the chance, right?"
"Yes, I guess so." Sho exhaled as he pondered Sawada's words. It actually made sense; all that was left is to muster the courage to tell 'her.' "Thank you, Sawada-kun."
"Anyhow," Taka said "It's getting a bit late, and we all have work tomorrow, let's get some rest and meet at the lobby around 8?"
"Sure"
"All right, let's go then." Taka replied, asking the waiter for the bill, as they all packed up and prepared to make their way back to the hotel.
As Sho slipped into his pajamas, he reflected on Sawada's words and felt like some weight had been lifted off of his chest. For the first night in a long time, Sho slept peacefully and dreamt happy dreams of lying down on wide, open meadows in the summertime, Aiba's hand holding his as they lazily watched butterflies flutter along from flower to flower.
*****************************
Sho's interview went successfully, and his coworkers had renewed respect for Sho's dedication to his work. The last day was spent on reviewing the material gathered, and trying to squeeze in some time for a little more sight-seeing, and for buying some souvenirs to take home.
As the minutes ticked by, Sho's resolve to confess his feelings for Aiba had gotten firmer, and he was determined to get past this obstacle, no matter what the outcome.
"At least I tried..." Sho thought to himself as he boarded the plane heading back to Japan "I'm still scared as hell though..."
Anyhow, I hope you enjoy reading this ^_^
Back in Japan...
As the plane landed upon the tarmac, butterflies fluttered wildly inside Sho's stomach; he could swear that the other passengers could hear his heart thundering loudly in his chest as he contemplated all the possible consequences of what he was about to do.
"I have to do it... I have to tell him" Sho thought to himself, taking a deep breath and steeling his nerves as he stepped onto the platform, making his way to the airport.
3 days ago...
After settling into his hotel room and unpacking his things, Sho opted for a quick shower and a cup of brewed coffee before reviewing his material for tomorrow's interview. Since the G8 summit, Sho politely requested for more field assignments to refine his skills, and had thus been given the task of following up on how some countries were doing its part to reduce its carbon footprint. The person he was about to interview is a renowned environmental activist, whose opinions were sought by big corporations seeking a more energy efficient, and environmentally friendly way to run their businesses.
After 4 hours of meticulously reviewing his notes and searching for additional information, Sho saved his files and shut down his laptop.
The small sense of accomplishment that he felt about being prepared for tomorrow's task was slowly being replaced by the sinking feeling of hopelessness, as he braced himself to confront another gigantic task-- one, he was afraid, he could never be prepared enough for...
"Aiba..." Sho sighed, hugging his knees to his chest as he leaned on the headboard of the small bed in his lonely hotel room; the magnificent view of the cityscape, doing nothing to ease his somber mood.
Ah, yes, what was he to do with Aiba? More importantly, how will he deal with whatever it was that he felt towards the younger man?
It was true. He needed to admit it if he ever wanted to get anywhere, Sho rationalized. He was in love with Aiba--clumsy, bubbly, silly, childlike, Aibaka-chan, who made his day just that much brighter with his antics and his harebrained schemes. He knew he loved Aiba long before he was willing to recognize it; long before he passed it off as brotherly affection, or a deep, platonic love for a best friend.
Now that Sho had openly admitted this to himself, he was scared. Questions like: "How will Aiba take the news?," or "How will this change Arashi?," raced through his mind; but the questions: "What do I do if Aiba doesn't feel the same ?," and more importantly "What will I do if Aiba doesn't want me?" terrified him the most. He was pretty sure that all the sane parts of him would break down at Aiba's rejection, and he wouldn't know where he would get the strength to pick up the shattered pieces of himself.
In the midst of his worrying, Sho's cellphone rang. One of his coworkers called to invite him for a night out and a little sight seeing before tomorrow's hectic day.
**********************
At the restaurant...
"Ne, Sho-kun, have a drink! You'll do fine tomorrow, don't worry!" A coworker joked, as he filled Sho's glass with wine.
"Thanks, Taka-san. I'm okay, just a little nervous" Sho replied, taking a sip.
"Aha! it looks like Sho's having girl problems!" the cameraman chirped, slightly tipsy "Let me guess, you have trouble telling her that you like her, right?" Sawada giggled as he drank another glass of wine.
As if on cue, Sho blushed, "Am I really that obvious?" he stuttered, nearly choking on his food. A series of 'Oohs' and some laughter could be heard from their table as they continued to mercilessly tease Sho about his 'girl problems.'
"So, who is this girl, and why is the great Sho out of words?" piped Shiori, between mouthfuls of pasta.
"Anoo... well, I can't tell you that, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't know what to do if 'she' says no..." replied Sho, who suddenly lost his appetite as he proceeded to toy with his food.
"Ooh, this is serious, huh?" said Taka "for a guy like you to get this worked up over someone... she must be really special"
"She is." said Sho
"What's she like?" asked Shiori
"Well, 'she's' clumsy, she's also a bit of an airhead, often speaks without thinking, and I can't remember how many times I've gotten into trouble because of her; but 'she' has the most beautiful eyes, I've ever seen and she makes me very happy. I think I love her." Sho replied with a wry smile, as he looked glumly at his half empty wine glass.
"She must be one lucky girl" Shiori sighed, slicing a small piece of cake with her fork.
"Well, Sho-kun, take it from one guy who's faced so many rejections," Sawada said as he gave Sho a friendly pat on the back, "Tell her. You'll never know what will happen until you tell her. It's better than wondering what would have happened if you took the chance, right?"
"Yes, I guess so." Sho exhaled as he pondered Sawada's words. It actually made sense; all that was left is to muster the courage to tell 'her.' "Thank you, Sawada-kun."
"Anyhow," Taka said "It's getting a bit late, and we all have work tomorrow, let's get some rest and meet at the lobby around 8?"
"Sure"
"All right, let's go then." Taka replied, asking the waiter for the bill, as they all packed up and prepared to make their way back to the hotel.
As Sho slipped into his pajamas, he reflected on Sawada's words and felt like some weight had been lifted off of his chest. For the first night in a long time, Sho slept peacefully and dreamt happy dreams of lying down on wide, open meadows in the summertime, Aiba's hand holding his as they lazily watched butterflies flutter along from flower to flower.
*****************************
Sho's interview went successfully, and his coworkers had renewed respect for Sho's dedication to his work. The last day was spent on reviewing the material gathered, and trying to squeeze in some time for a little more sight-seeing, and for buying some souvenirs to take home.
As the minutes ticked by, Sho's resolve to confess his feelings for Aiba had gotten firmer, and he was determined to get past this obstacle, no matter what the outcome.
"At least I tried..." Sho thought to himself as he boarded the plane heading back to Japan "I'm still scared as hell though..."