Meta: Sam going through grief
It's a known factor in SPN that when grief hits, it hits hard. It's devastating; the kind of stuff that makes breathing hard and makes your heart heavy, makes you want to just end it all.
We've seen different forms of grief through different people.
From John, Dean, Bobby, Cas and even Sam have all expressed grief in different ways.
The first grief we see out of Sam is when Jessica dies.
Like John, he's despondent, sluggish, has a hard time eating or sleeping and uses hunting and the thought of finding out who killed Jess as a release.
It's not the best way to cope or deal as we've seen with John, who turned out obsessed.
But like always Sam had Dean to help him deal and keep him from going that route, from turning into John.
What happens when Dean isn't around anymore?
Come season 3 Dean's deal is ticking, while Dean is still there Sam feels that he can't really rely on Dean making it better anymore, he has to be tougher and stronger.
It's also the first time we really see Sam dabble with alcohol as a coping method. We also see Sam's obsessive behavior starts to raise a head. It's the little things, how Sam stopped at nothing to find a way out of the deal, the sleepless nights spending pouring over books or the internet, and how not even Dean was able to stop him from trying.
Then what happens? Dean dies and Sam's left alone. He has Bobby but this is the time where we see Sam at his must destructive.
We've heard from him first hand, Sam almost died. We've seen him drinking, having sex, and throwing himself head first into hunting.
Like when in Mystery Spot, how Sam was a cold blooded hunter and trying to get by this is very much the same.
He starts to drop all the traits that make him, him and starts to develop harder and colder methods to get by.
So in other words he was drowning and Ruby was the lifeline. I'm not saying that the decision he made was right but Sam really didn't have many options, he wasn't thinking right, he didn't have Dean telling him it was a bad idea.
He had nothing.
All he could really hold onto was Ruby's promise to train him so he could kill Lilith.
Revenge.
Something that in season 1 almost ate Sam up and turned him into John.
He knew what he was wrong. He could tell it deep in his heart but as he slowly changed he didn't care anymore.
Revenge was steadfast in his head.If he couldn't save Dean he might as well kill the person who cast Dean into Hell.
He started uses alcohol, sex and demon blood as a release. A way to cope. To get by.
As time went on demon blood became less and less as a release but more as a drug.
In season 5 Sam's depressed. He's started the apocalypse, let Lucifer free and is wracked with guilt.
He doesn't even think he deserves to die. He wants to but he's too much of a man to leave the world with his mess.
The demon blood is still thee as an addiction but not as prevalent. In fact Sam doesn't even use anything as a release, he feels he doesn't deserve release.
Come season 6 of course Sam has no soul, and this soulless Sam doesn't feel grief, and when Sam comes topside again he doesn't feel grief either just guilt.
In season 6 I truly believe we start to see Sam handling situations without his extreme method of dealing, of starting to see how to heal and let go and in season 7 we actually find out he doesn't feel guilty anymore.
Going from season 1 to now is amazing. Seeing all the stages of grief, and Sam's high and lows throughout it really marks an amazing characterization.
So alcohol, sex, demon blood, hunting and obsessive behavior is all ways that Sam deals with things. It's all methods he's used to try and get by and absolve his grief.
Of course they aren't the brightest ways to go about things but as we see with Supernatural time and time again that feelings and emotions are magnified ten folds and seem more dire and desperate.
Just surviving all these things on the show is a miracle in itself.