A beautiful night for anxiety to set in
Today felt like summer. An afternoon at the beach, catching up with an old friend; an evening on the porch, watching the sunset and reading a book; a late night eating ice cream sundaes with my family and watching a movie. It's the first summer day I've had all season. I can't wait for more like this. (After this week I'll have nearly 3 weeks of real, no-major-obligations summer!)
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Carson seriously cannot stop talking. It's fun having a five-year-old shadow, but after about eight hours of "Look at me! Watch this! Are you watching?" and holding non-stop conversations, it gets a bit tiring. Now the kid wants to sleep in my room. I love him and I enjoy his company, I really do, but I'm the sort that needs the occasional moment to be left to my thoughts. Or at least a moment of silence to think.
I think that's my problem. I have all of today to do nothing, and yet my mind is running with all of the things I'm NOT doing. I don't have any pressing obligations, but it's as if my mind's wired to think that a person's existence is so short that I must constantly fill my life with as much as possible -- to accomplish everything that I can.
That's the real trouble. I think in terms of completion, not in experiences. I keep to do lists instead of scrapbooks, I remind myself of what I should be doing more often than relishing in what I am doing right this second. I'm trying to break that cycle.
Sure, I want to accomplish a lot of things in my lifetime, and who knows how long I'm renting this space on Earth, but why dwell on it so much? Why be so consumed by it?
******
Carson seriously cannot stop talking. It's fun having a five-year-old shadow, but after about eight hours of "Look at me! Watch this! Are you watching?" and holding non-stop conversations, it gets a bit tiring. Now the kid wants to sleep in my room. I love him and I enjoy his company, I really do, but I'm the sort that needs the occasional moment to be left to my thoughts. Or at least a moment of silence to think.
I think that's my problem. I have all of today to do nothing, and yet my mind is running with all of the things I'm NOT doing. I don't have any pressing obligations, but it's as if my mind's wired to think that a person's existence is so short that I must constantly fill my life with as much as possible -- to accomplish everything that I can.
That's the real trouble. I think in terms of completion, not in experiences. I keep to do lists instead of scrapbooks, I remind myself of what I should be doing more often than relishing in what I am doing right this second. I'm trying to break that cycle.
Sure, I want to accomplish a lot of things in my lifetime, and who knows how long I'm renting this space on Earth, but why dwell on it so much? Why be so consumed by it?