(no subject)
ok here comes another i'm all depressed entry. so my birthday is tomorrow....and nobody remembers. i was supposed to hang out with mary, but now she has to go to a doctors appointment that was supposed to be scheduled for today. my dad and sister are off doing something called "Oddessy of the Mind" so he won't be around. and my mom scheduled a meeting in North Carolina. I have always hated my birthday. nobody ever remembers...and it's always "omg i completely forgot i'm so sorry." every single year. and something bad always happens. for instance, freshman year, i got dumped by my boyfriend the day before my birthday. sophmore year, about 2 people remembered and for some reason EVERYBODY was in a bad mood that day and was lashing out with all their problems. this year, my family forgot my birthday, i have been ditched by my friend, and i will bet you that even george won't remember to give me a call like i asked him to! i hate this day! i mean, even if there is nothing else, jesse hein always seems to make me feel bad that day, since it's his birthday too. and in 8th grade i was sick of people not remembering my birthday, so i made a goofy sign saying "hug me it's my birthday" just for fun. he thought i was trying to make everyone ignore him or something (this is what i've heard) and he's hated me ever since. and ever since, if i see him i make it a point to wish him a happy birthday just so he knows that i was never trying to steal his thunder or whatever. yet i never could shake this feeling that he hates me. oh well, he's not alone in hating me. my neighbor colin LOVES to point out that all his friends hate me and make fun of me constantly. i ask him why they hate me, and he says, "i don't know, they just do." that's really a great reason people. last year i found out that one of them decided i was a fat cow. WHAT THE HELL! you petty people think that you are so much better then me! why do people in stoga think that since i don't wear abercrombie and fitch (since i can't afford it) that i'm like the biggest loser of all time. yeah ok i'm not a unique individual yet. yeah i'm not so hot that i could make any guy melt just by looking at me. and yes, i don't make my own clothes or buy really expensive brands....hell i shop at TJMaxx! but that is because i'm not a rich main liner like all of them! i can't afford a car, i can't afford the best clothes, i cant' afford to buy an oceanside beachhouse in the bahamas! but i can't help it. i hate the main line! i hate people who think they're better then me because i don't fit mainline standards! i hate people that hate me but have no excuse as to why! do you know how horrible that makes people feel. it's people like you who cause people to become anorexic, or to become sluts so that they can feel like they are loved! why is it that you need to see someone suffer so that you can feel superior? you people are the people that should burn in hell! i know that is a horrid thing to wish on someone, but they are the ones responsible for all the people who cut themselves, who starve themselves, and who kill themselves. they make people like me feel like they are worthless when THEY'RE NOT! and i swear that if i ever go them into a room alone to confront them with everything they have said and done to people i would let them know what it's like to be labled a loser for being different. and not in a "i'm so punk nobody understands me" type of way. i mean someone who doesn't know who they are yet! for god sakes we're in high school! and we're supposed to be rebelious and different from everyone else! you are either so different that you are a punk or whatever, or your such a lemming that your popular. or maybe your an ugly hybrid of the 2. a person wearing designer "punk" lables, trying to make it seem like you are so hot, yet such a rebel. oh please. you are all such asses. i've wanted to leave this place for so long. but i didn't i got stuck here. don't get me wrong, there are people that are truely themselves and i commend you for being who you are, and i envy you for knowing who you are as early as high school. i have no problem with you if you wanna spend $35.00 on a pair of jeans because you think that they look awsome on you, and not because it's the latest trend. but the sad truth is that most people are so worried about how they look that they don't really get the whole idea that high school is the time when you are supposed to start finding the real you. not the you that the rest of the country wants you to be. so for god sakes, get over yourselves! and happy fucking birthday to me!