(no subject)
today was a very BAD day. so i get up this morning and i resove to myself that i'm finally gonna tell *you know who* about how i feel aobut him, even though i am feeling really sick to my stomach. i go to the bus stop and when he gets there he immediatly hands me this note. and it's from this girl who likes him. he asked me what he should do about it. i asked him if he liked her that way, and of course he said YES! i just wanted to disappear right then and there. i never actually told him what he should do about it. so i don't know what is going to happen with that. so i was going to tell him during 4th period bio that i liked him, just so that i could finally get it off my chest. but of course he was on some stupid fieldtrip! so i was feeling really sick at this point anyway, probably a lot because of his bad news. so i go to the nurse and tell my parents that i feel sick and i go home. i go right upstairs and go to sleep cause i can't think of anything else that i could possibly do that could make me feel any better. so i keep having these dreams about him, and that he doesn't like me. and it just made me feel worse. so then i woke up and tried to eat something, but couldn't get much down. so i just laid down upstairs and watched a bunch of really dumb shows around 4:00 and on. my mom was working from home so i couldn't get online to talk to anyone until like 9:00. then i got online and talked to phyllis about everything and it really made me feel better (I LUB YOU PYLL... U ARE THE BESTEST). and then i got onto lj and typed all this up...so i still feel sick, and i really just wish that i could crawl into a hole go to sleep and wake up and forget everything that has happened, and forget that i ever know him. i feel so dumb for thinking that he would keep liking me. i need to stop getting so attached to people, it just sucks. apathy seems like a truely beautiful thing. oh well, it's the way life goes i guess. i'm going to go listen to some of the more emo-ish mixes i have uploaded onto my comp. that will make me feel better:).