(no subject)
I know exactly who I am right now.
I just don't know who I am to other people
people who I used to count on to tell me that.
I had good times in D.C.
I'm feeling kind of isolated now, though.
I am entirely taken with the idea of this one particular person, but I'm going to be okay.
I've been inspired to learn again. Learn more. Learn new things. Make my own ideas.
So, I'll be ok.
I'll still listen even though I kind of want to talk instead.
I'm going to work it out anyway.
So, why should I insist on being heard,
when by being heard,
I am possibly pushing myself into that mental corner
of not being understood correctly,
of being made to feel foolish and naieve and girlish?
Because being heard can heal.
Because sometimes faith in the sympathetic ear is rewarded.
Because that's how this is apparently supposed to work.
I don't know I don't know I don't know I do not know right now.
I'd just like to listen to grand ideas and acoustic guitar and lay in bed with the golden lights shining and think about flying over the city at night and eat rose ice cream and have someone see to my depths and read in between these lines I draw/write/paint/construct and tell me what's in there. I'm not even talking about being in love, necessarily. Just someone who can get past what they assume they know and really see me. I feel invisible, it's been too long. No one seems willing to look. No one seems willing to talk.
I ask for a lot of very simple things.
I'm sorry.
I just don't know who I am to other people
people who I used to count on to tell me that.
I had good times in D.C.
I'm feeling kind of isolated now, though.
I am entirely taken with the idea of this one particular person, but I'm going to be okay.
I've been inspired to learn again. Learn more. Learn new things. Make my own ideas.
So, I'll be ok.
I'll still listen even though I kind of want to talk instead.
I'm going to work it out anyway.
So, why should I insist on being heard,
when by being heard,
I am possibly pushing myself into that mental corner
of not being understood correctly,
of being made to feel foolish and naieve and girlish?
Because being heard can heal.
Because sometimes faith in the sympathetic ear is rewarded.
Because that's how this is apparently supposed to work.
I don't know I don't know I don't know I do not know right now.
I'd just like to listen to grand ideas and acoustic guitar and lay in bed with the golden lights shining and think about flying over the city at night and eat rose ice cream and have someone see to my depths and read in between these lines I draw/write/paint/construct and tell me what's in there. I'm not even talking about being in love, necessarily. Just someone who can get past what they assume they know and really see me. I feel invisible, it's been too long. No one seems willing to look. No one seems willing to talk.
I ask for a lot of very simple things.
I'm sorry.