1997 - 3rd May 2012
So my dog died yesterday morning at 7am. I noticed she had been panting the night before, but I didn't expect her to die. She can be unpredictable. So after 16 years, and many recent daily doses of heart and asthma medication(s), she finally gave in. She lost her sight a few months ago......
When I woke up, my aunt immediately informed me, I was speechless when I saw the dead corpse. My aunt said she died peacefully, but I knew based by her position of her body on the floor + some blood oozing out from the mouth, that she had died a rather painful death. So she was actually suffering since the day before. I still don't know why my aunt did not wake me up so I could spend my last moments with my dog. According to my maid she woke up and found the dog already collapsed on the floor struggling for life at around 530am.
I can't explain my sadness first of all, because I've been living with her for almost 16 years. I am also very angry that nobody woke me up, the only thing I wish I could have done, was spend her final moments with her. I really do, I will never forgive my aunt or maid for not informing me earlier. There is nothing casual about death, in fact my aunt's casualness is what pisses me off the most. The dog was like a close friend to me, I cried more than when my grandmother, grandfather or uncle had passed away. Like how my old friend who is also nursing a dying dog, just said to me "Your Buddy is more important than your uncle" we both agreed. I don't wish to offend anyone but this is true.... I've grown to love my now dead dog more than I could love some family members I hardly knew, hardly met and can't connect with. This is who I am and I am not going to apologize for it.
I look back to the past and acknowledge how my grand-dad and grandma on my dad's side used to be really awesome grandparents. But what is clear to me is that their deaths have not affected me as much as my dog's death. the amount of time spent with them cannot amount to time i've spent with my dog. The dog did not have to love me for me to feel this way about her. It's just how I fucking feel. The point is, she brought joy, daily. And now I've lost something I've grown used to having around for 16 years, and losing it all of a sudden is one of the worse things that has happened.
When I woke up, my aunt immediately informed me, I was speechless when I saw the dead corpse. My aunt said she died peacefully, but I knew based by her position of her body on the floor + some blood oozing out from the mouth, that she had died a rather painful death. So she was actually suffering since the day before. I still don't know why my aunt did not wake me up so I could spend my last moments with my dog. According to my maid she woke up and found the dog already collapsed on the floor struggling for life at around 530am.
I can't explain my sadness first of all, because I've been living with her for almost 16 years. I am also very angry that nobody woke me up, the only thing I wish I could have done, was spend her final moments with her. I really do, I will never forgive my aunt or maid for not informing me earlier. There is nothing casual about death, in fact my aunt's casualness is what pisses me off the most. The dog was like a close friend to me, I cried more than when my grandmother, grandfather or uncle had passed away. Like how my old friend who is also nursing a dying dog, just said to me "Your Buddy is more important than your uncle" we both agreed. I don't wish to offend anyone but this is true.... I've grown to love my now dead dog more than I could love some family members I hardly knew, hardly met and can't connect with. This is who I am and I am not going to apologize for it.
I look back to the past and acknowledge how my grand-dad and grandma on my dad's side used to be really awesome grandparents. But what is clear to me is that their deaths have not affected me as much as my dog's death. the amount of time spent with them cannot amount to time i've spent with my dog. The dog did not have to love me for me to feel this way about her. It's just how I fucking feel. The point is, she brought joy, daily. And now I've lost something I've grown used to having around for 16 years, and losing it all of a sudden is one of the worse things that has happened.