end of september
summers ending. things are fading. people are growing
kristen is going to paraguay for two years..leaving tuesday. lindseys back at school. i have never visited heather in boston ever. thats a serious problem. zoes gone to portland for probably another two years or so. nig called me finally, says she's been doing things for all the wrong reasons. shes leaving him and going back to her parents. good. she says she might come back home.. and that home is here. that would be fucking the greatest. last time i saw her in grand central, she said it would probably be the last time we'd ever see each other, period. good thing her plans never go through, in a way. and jackies not talking to me because i texted her drunk one time. fun
some plans just suck. like, i lot of the one we all get that we think are great. that we think are what we want, but mostly its just whats safe. and its not what we really want, it's just what we know. its just settling. and that what i would be still doing also, had she not been such a jerk to me. people are mean for reasons. or for a purpose, sometimes one that no one knows i think, not even them. it is protection. against feelings. against chances. against rejection. against love and being let down.
i dont know why this still hurts. still cant figure it out. logically this makes sense, but not in my heart. i've been more miserable without, than with .. for the most part. being alone during this time in my life is extremely hard. have to try to figure out the reasons. like nig did. she also told me, right before we got off the phone that she was glad to hear i wasnt still with her. that i definitely deserve better, that i always have and always will. we always hate when each other is seeing
someone that isn't amazing.
just want to replace the pain with something constructive
this does not include mediating my parents, or being subjected to this embarrassing living situation anymore
kristen is going to paraguay for two years..leaving tuesday. lindseys back at school. i have never visited heather in boston ever. thats a serious problem. zoes gone to portland for probably another two years or so. nig called me finally, says she's been doing things for all the wrong reasons. shes leaving him and going back to her parents. good. she says she might come back home.. and that home is here. that would be fucking the greatest. last time i saw her in grand central, she said it would probably be the last time we'd ever see each other, period. good thing her plans never go through, in a way. and jackies not talking to me because i texted her drunk one time. fun
some plans just suck. like, i lot of the one we all get that we think are great. that we think are what we want, but mostly its just whats safe. and its not what we really want, it's just what we know. its just settling. and that what i would be still doing also, had she not been such a jerk to me. people are mean for reasons. or for a purpose, sometimes one that no one knows i think, not even them. it is protection. against feelings. against chances. against rejection. against love and being let down.
i dont know why this still hurts. still cant figure it out. logically this makes sense, but not in my heart. i've been more miserable without, than with .. for the most part. being alone during this time in my life is extremely hard. have to try to figure out the reasons. like nig did. she also told me, right before we got off the phone that she was glad to hear i wasnt still with her. that i definitely deserve better, that i always have and always will. we always hate when each other is seeing
someone that isn't amazing.
just want to replace the pain with something constructive
this does not include mediating my parents, or being subjected to this embarrassing living situation anymore