Who I Am
So, I finally figured out that for the past 10 years or so, I've been pretending to be something I'm not. Actually, a lot longer than that. When I lived at home, I had to hide my opinions of everything because when I did state my opinion on anything, more often than not, it would start an argument with my dad. When I was dating, I molded myself to be someone that the guy I was with would accept.
Here lately, it's been absorbing into my thick skull that I've forgotten who I am.
When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't want to be. At least that's what I kept telling myself, just to please the guy who I made a baby with. So this became who I was. As excited as I was about the new life growing within me, I hid my joy each time I felt her move. I resisted singing to her, talking to her, because I convinced myself I didn't want her. After she was born, I had post-partum depression and spent a good deal of time ignoring her and not being very nice. Now, while I may not ever win the Mother of the Year award, I've grown as a mother and I love my daughter more than anything in the world. She comes first. Everything I do is for her and screw everyone else. I'm a mother. If you don't like it, kiss my ass.
Next is my faith. When I was younger, I was a Christian. Born again, baptized, going on missions, preaching and teaching. No man I have ever been with has been religious, including my husband. So, I put my faith away to please the men I was with. Granted, my actual outlook on faith has changed a lot in the past few years. I may not be a holy rolling Christian, but I do believe. But what I believe is this: Whether it's a goddess, aliens, multiple dieties or anything...they're all the same being, from Buddah, to Allah, to the Greek pantheon. I truly believe that whatever created us has come to different cultures as different beings to teach us and to guide us. Look at all the similarities between the teachings of all the faiths, from flood stories to messiahs. My belief is this: If you are truly a faithful person and follow the teachings of your faith without hyppocracy, then you are a good person. It's the judgemental people and extremists of any faith I can't stand. Don't preach to me, no matter what you believe in. Don't tell me how to raise my child in a God like home. I will teach her the values she needs in this world, and she will draw her own conclusions from that. Truly love one another and you will be loved. Keep peace in your heart and peace will find you.
And finally politics. I don't usually talk about politics or religion, but lately, I've been drawn into too many conversations concerning both. I'm a middle-of-the-road conservative. If you want to chalk that up to being a republican, that's fine. I voted for Bush twice and I cringe when I hear people compare him to Satan, call him stupid, or anything else. It's your right to do so, but consider this: The president is nothing more than a figurehead. In the end, those elected officials we put into Congress are the ones who called all those shots. The president does not have unlimited power. As far as Obama goes, I didn't vote for him, but I like him and support him. Depending on how the next couple of years go, he'll more than likely get my vote in the next election.
So there you have it. This is me. If you don't like it, don't speak to me. I love my husband, although I may rant about him at times. I love my Creator and I pray regularly (just don't expect to hear me scream out "Praise Jesus" every time something good happens in my life). I'm against higher taxes and abortion but I understand that some things are unavoidable and I will not judge anyone based on what they believe, who they support, how they live, who they love or what they do to their body. We live in a (mostly) free society and these are our choices as members of the human race.
Here lately, it's been absorbing into my thick skull that I've forgotten who I am.
When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't want to be. At least that's what I kept telling myself, just to please the guy who I made a baby with. So this became who I was. As excited as I was about the new life growing within me, I hid my joy each time I felt her move. I resisted singing to her, talking to her, because I convinced myself I didn't want her. After she was born, I had post-partum depression and spent a good deal of time ignoring her and not being very nice. Now, while I may not ever win the Mother of the Year award, I've grown as a mother and I love my daughter more than anything in the world. She comes first. Everything I do is for her and screw everyone else. I'm a mother. If you don't like it, kiss my ass.
Next is my faith. When I was younger, I was a Christian. Born again, baptized, going on missions, preaching and teaching. No man I have ever been with has been religious, including my husband. So, I put my faith away to please the men I was with. Granted, my actual outlook on faith has changed a lot in the past few years. I may not be a holy rolling Christian, but I do believe. But what I believe is this: Whether it's a goddess, aliens, multiple dieties or anything...they're all the same being, from Buddah, to Allah, to the Greek pantheon. I truly believe that whatever created us has come to different cultures as different beings to teach us and to guide us. Look at all the similarities between the teachings of all the faiths, from flood stories to messiahs. My belief is this: If you are truly a faithful person and follow the teachings of your faith without hyppocracy, then you are a good person. It's the judgemental people and extremists of any faith I can't stand. Don't preach to me, no matter what you believe in. Don't tell me how to raise my child in a God like home. I will teach her the values she needs in this world, and she will draw her own conclusions from that. Truly love one another and you will be loved. Keep peace in your heart and peace will find you.
And finally politics. I don't usually talk about politics or religion, but lately, I've been drawn into too many conversations concerning both. I'm a middle-of-the-road conservative. If you want to chalk that up to being a republican, that's fine. I voted for Bush twice and I cringe when I hear people compare him to Satan, call him stupid, or anything else. It's your right to do so, but consider this: The president is nothing more than a figurehead. In the end, those elected officials we put into Congress are the ones who called all those shots. The president does not have unlimited power. As far as Obama goes, I didn't vote for him, but I like him and support him. Depending on how the next couple of years go, he'll more than likely get my vote in the next election.
So there you have it. This is me. If you don't like it, don't speak to me. I love my husband, although I may rant about him at times. I love my Creator and I pray regularly (just don't expect to hear me scream out "Praise Jesus" every time something good happens in my life). I'm against higher taxes and abortion but I understand that some things are unavoidable and I will not judge anyone based on what they believe, who they support, how they live, who they love or what they do to their body. We live in a (mostly) free society and these are our choices as members of the human race.