First Love, Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Luke arrived on the ninth floor only a few minutes after Reid. Wheeling his hastily packed luggage down the hallway was an almost out-of-body experience.
I’m going to our room. I’ll be sleeping in our bed. Well, maybe not sleeping….
And maybe it was still technically Reid’s room. But it was as close to how things should have been as Luke had gotten in the past three years. And he was going to relish every moment. However many were left. Don’t think about tomorrow.
He lifted his hand to knock on the door - then remembered his key. My key. He took metaphorical satisfaction in seeing the green light flash. OK, now you’re just being silly. He didn’t care.
Luke found Reid sitting on the bed, still holding his laptop case. His expression was blank.
“When…when did you do all this?”
Luke set his luggage by the bed. Our bed. “Well, I made sure housekeeping got to us first.” Us. “And I figured you’d still be hungry.” He was satisfied to see that the room had been cleaned and that the food appeared to be hot. The air was thick with the distinctive smell of breakfast food. The entire breakfast menu, in fact.
Luke grinned, pleased with his efforts. “My treat.”
At that, Reid glanced sideways at Luke. “You should be grateful I’m not processing words at the moment.” He stood and began wandering amongst the food, lifting covers, smelling, tasting. He seemed thoroughly dazed.
“And here,” Luke picked up a long, bulging oblong package wrapped in white paper. “For lunch.” He handed it to Reid.
Carefully, Reid unwrapped the package. His puzzled look gradually turned to wonderment. “My sandwich,” he breathed. Myriad smells wafted, everything from roasted meats and pungent cheeses to grilled onions and sweet peppers. Assorted sauces leaked. Reid was mesmerized. “How did you find it?”
Luke looked relieved. “Well, I figured that at some point you would have gone looking for a sandwich. So, I just got a list of sandwich shops in the area from the concierge. Then I went to them and, well, started asking.”
Reid was still admiring his gift. “Asking what?”
Luke scratched his ear. “Well, I asked if they’d remembered a man coming in and ordering…well…anything unusual.”
Reid paused in his careful rewrapping to look up quizzically.
“You know, something with a lot of stuff in it. Lots of combinations. I also, uh, mentioned that the man might have been a bit, you know, rude.” Luke ducked his head and smiled apologetically.
Reid stared at Luke. Then: “Good call.”
Luke grinned. “So, eventually, I got lucky. Seems you can be quite…unforgettable.”
They shared a quick but potent look.
Reid put the sandwich on the dresser. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘eventually’? How many places did you visit?”
“Oh, I don’t know…” Luke’s voice trailed off. “Maybe five…ten?”
That registered. Reid was finally getting it. He swallowed. The moment stretched. Finally, Reid looked away.
“’Bout time you earned your keep.” Reid rubbed his hands together. “Let’s eat.”
__________________________________________________
“Mmm. Mmmmm.” Reid had positioned a chair so that he was surrounded by three food-laden tables. Luke sat on the bed with a plate on his lap, enjoying the show. Reminding Luke of a ravenous octopus, Reid maneuvered around the food ambidextrously, his concentration never wavering. No wonder he’s so good in bed.
Only when the majority of the food had disappeared did Reid speak with words. “This eggs benedict isn’t half bad.”
“You should taste my grandmother’s”
“Since when is Lucinda domestic?”
“Ha ha. Too bad Emma never got to cook for you. It would have been true love.” Luke froze. Stupid stupid stupid.
The rate of food shoveling momentarily slowed, but Reid otherwise didn’t react.
“And how is my favorite circle of hell?”
Luke exhaled. “Actually, not as crazy as it used to be. It’s practically boring now. Hardly anyone’s come back from the dead.”
With a loud, contented sigh, Reid leaned back in his chair.
“Mom and dad are back together. To the surprise of no one.”
Looking at nothing in particular, Reid rubbed his belly slowly. “Hmm, yeah, I heard.”
“You heard…? Oh, right, Katie. She mentioned that you’ve kept in touch.” And that’s all she ever told me, no matter how hard I begged. “So…had she mentioned I’d moved back?”
The rubbing motion stopped. “She knows not to say your name.”
Luke blinked away tears.
“Reid-”
“How’s Noah?”
What?
Luke shook his head as if to clear it. “Um…fine? Still in LA. Well, actually, I think he’s at a film festival at the moment.”
Reid’s head was tilted downward. He looked at the table sightlessly, his long fingers rhythmically tapping on a glass of cranberry juice.
“I mean, I’m not really sure…we don’t exactly talk much these days.”
Reid continued to look down. “That must be hard.”
Luke’s unease increased. “Um…?”
“You’re obviously still hung up on him.”
Luke’s jaw fell. “I’m…? I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Did you miss something? Like the part where we spent all of last night fucking? (was that all it was?) Luke put down his plate and leaned forward. “My feelings for Noah changed a long, long time ago.” Longer than you realize. “We’ve been broken up for a year.”
“Exactly.” Reid turned to look at Luke. His face gave away nothing. “You’re a healthy, young, gay man. There’s no other reason for you not to have....” Reid looked back at his glass.
What the…? Slowly, comprehension dawned. Reid. You still don’t get it. “What I said last night…about not having been with anyone else. Not since….”
Reid shifted in his chair.
“Reid,” Luke said softly, “Noah’s not the one I’ve been hung up on.”
Reid slowly lifted his head. His eyes met Luke’s. In Reid's was a mix of wary disbelief, weary vulnerability, and a measure of anger. Luke’s gaze was steady, compelling. Imploring.
“You have to know - for most of it Noah and I were more like roommates than anything. I mean, yeah, we were technically engaged, but we pretty much both knew it was a mistake the minute it happened. But by then, you were gone. And so I…I tried to go back to what was familiar. Tried to make it work. We spent almost two years pretending that it wasn’t already broken.” That my heart wasn’t with you.
Reid’s expression had turned to stone. As if he were refusing to listen, refusing to believe. But Luke could tell he was barely hanging on. That the effort to shut Luke out was costing him.
“I thought you were finally mine.” The words appeared fully formed, as if out of thin air. Reid hadn’t moved, hadn’t seemed to have spoken at all. Luke barely dared to breathe.
“That day at the pond…I let myself believe that you could be mine. That it was possible. That you’d chosen me.” Reid’s voice and gaze were lifeless. “I actually looked forward to being introduced to your ridiculous family as your boyfriend - granted, if only to see the look on your mother’s face. You’d promised me an Emma-supper that day….”
Transfixed by the bleakness in Reid’s far-away stare, Luke didn’t notice the tears rolling down his own face.
“I’d promised you a night you’d never forget. You just didn’t know it yet.” Reid’s mouth lifted cruelly. “And then he called.”
The night Noah proposed. Luke remembered going to tell Reid, remembered how Reid wouldn’t let him inside the apartment. Ohh, Reid. What had you been planning for me? Remembered how he’d watched something die in Reid’s eyes. How Luke had killed it. I killed him. And I knew even then that I’d killed myself, too.
The next thing Luke knew, Reid was on the bed beside him.
“Don’t cry.” Reid put his arm around Luke’s shoulders and lifted a hand to wipe away the tears. Kissed the side of Luke’s head. “It’s OK. I know we weren’t meant to be.” Rather than be consoling, Reid’s quiet words terrified. Because Luke heard the emptiness behind them. He heard the finality.
Luke knew there were no words that could do battle with such desolation. Luke kissed the fingers that were brushing his face, bringing a hand up to immobilize them. He kissed Reid’s wrist, his forearm. He rubbed his face against the inside of Reid’s elbow, resting it there. The knuckles of Reid’s other hand lightly skimmed up and down Luke’s back as he watched Luke’s progress. Luke continued on, nuzzling Reid’s shoulder and chest. He breathed in at a small gap between the buttons of Reid’s shirt and then swiftly brought up his hands to undo them, kissing exposed flesh as he went. Reid rested his head on top of Luke’s and then helped to pull off the shirt completely. After Luke removed his own shirt, he took Reid’s face in his hands, pressing their naked chests together. Luke waited for Reid to meet his eyes. He refused to accept what he saw there, refused to believe Reid’s words. We are meant to be, you bastard. I’ll show you. With his eyes alone, Luke tried to fill up the emptiness. Reid was passively receptive, but the void proved too deep. Luke added his lips. He gently sucked on Reid’s upper lip, nibbled at the corners. Softly, so softly he darted his tongue against Reid’s lower lip. Reid opened his mouth. Allowed Luke in. Their mouths now sealed, Reid’s tongue met Luke’s and slowly slid against it. They both gently sucked, leisurely explored.
Luke’s fingers tangled in Reid’s soft waves. Carefully but firmly, Luke pushed Reid back slightly and straddled his lap. With unhurried movements, they continued to kiss and gently rock against each other, their hands in each other’s hair and stroking each other’s backs.
Breathlessly, Luke pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against Reid’s. He lightly dragged his nails down Reid’s chest, resting at his belt. Reid’s abdomen tightened, accentuating the muscles. Luke felt puffs of Reid’s breath on the tracks of his drying tears. With only slightly trembling fingers, Luke undid Reid’s belt and pants. He gripped Reid’s penis with one hand, lightly rubbing his thumb along the underside of the head. He looked into Reid’s eyes. Reid’s lids were heavy, but he was there. Willing to be convinced. Looking around, Luke leaned over to one side and lifted a pat of butter off the nearest table. Without breaking eye contact, he rubbed his hands together, melting the butter. Cupping his hands slightly, Luke placed them on each side of Reid’s penis and slowly stroked from base to tip several times. Next, Luke began to roll the growing hardness between his palms, moving up and down, using the heels of his hands to apply extra pressure. Reid leaned back heavily on his hands. A low rumble emanated from his chest. Although Reid’s eyes were threatening to drift closed, Luke kept them open with the ferocity of his gaze.
With one hand firmly pulling down at the base, Luke began stroke upward with the other, at first using only his thumb and forefinger. He then added a twisting motion as he moved upward, eventually using his entire hand. He gradually increased the tempo, alternating short and long strokes at the base and tip. Luke never once looked down; his gaze never faltered. Grasping the base firmly, he rubbed the underside of the shaft with his palm, pushing the penis into Reid’s stomach. The rumbling intensified. Reid threw his head back, closing his eyes. Still gripping the base, Luke focused on the head with the other hand, pulling up and twisting, stroking the underside with each turn.
Sensing that Reid was close, Luke began to rub both hands up and down the entire length of his cock in rapid strokes. He then moved one hand down to Reid’s balls and gently tugged at the scrotum. Reid’s entire body jerked. Luke massaged the balls, the perineum. Opening his mouth, Reid’s rumbling became a low, desperate whine. It was the sound of a soul trying to escape a body. Panting, pumping, Luke brought a hand to Reid’s head and lifted it, clenching his hair tightly. Forced out of his trance, Reid opened his eyes and was caught by the intensity in Luke’s. Their wills clashed. Both gazes turned pleading, but for different reasons. The air crackled. Reid’s breath hitched, and with a piercing wail, he came. Luke maintained his grip on Reid’s head, maintained the eye contact. His other hand was a blur, focusing on the head of Reid’s cock. Semen coated his hand in seemingly endless spurts.
Reid collapsed back on the bed, taking Luke with him. Reid’s eyes were closed, his face slack. Luke lay sprawled across Reid’s chest, listening to the hammering heart he was so desperate to own. His slick hand slowly rubbed patterns on Reid’s abdomen. Panting, Reid rubbed a hand through the back of Luke’s hair. Tugging gently, he lifted Luke’s head and, with soft, sleepy eyes, kissed him. Luke’s fingers curled where they touched Reid’s skin. Tenderly, Reid positioned Luke’s head back on his chest. Encircled him with his arms.
You don’t believe yet, but you will. There’s still time.
Luke arrived on the ninth floor only a few minutes after Reid. Wheeling his hastily packed luggage down the hallway was an almost out-of-body experience.
I’m going to our room. I’ll be sleeping in our bed. Well, maybe not sleeping….
And maybe it was still technically Reid’s room. But it was as close to how things should have been as Luke had gotten in the past three years. And he was going to relish every moment. However many were left. Don’t think about tomorrow.
He lifted his hand to knock on the door - then remembered his key. My key. He took metaphorical satisfaction in seeing the green light flash. OK, now you’re just being silly. He didn’t care.
Luke found Reid sitting on the bed, still holding his laptop case. His expression was blank.
“When…when did you do all this?”
Luke set his luggage by the bed. Our bed. “Well, I made sure housekeeping got to us first.” Us. “And I figured you’d still be hungry.” He was satisfied to see that the room had been cleaned and that the food appeared to be hot. The air was thick with the distinctive smell of breakfast food. The entire breakfast menu, in fact.
Luke grinned, pleased with his efforts. “My treat.”
At that, Reid glanced sideways at Luke. “You should be grateful I’m not processing words at the moment.” He stood and began wandering amongst the food, lifting covers, smelling, tasting. He seemed thoroughly dazed.
“And here,” Luke picked up a long, bulging oblong package wrapped in white paper. “For lunch.” He handed it to Reid.
Carefully, Reid unwrapped the package. His puzzled look gradually turned to wonderment. “My sandwich,” he breathed. Myriad smells wafted, everything from roasted meats and pungent cheeses to grilled onions and sweet peppers. Assorted sauces leaked. Reid was mesmerized. “How did you find it?”
Luke looked relieved. “Well, I figured that at some point you would have gone looking for a sandwich. So, I just got a list of sandwich shops in the area from the concierge. Then I went to them and, well, started asking.”
Reid was still admiring his gift. “Asking what?”
Luke scratched his ear. “Well, I asked if they’d remembered a man coming in and ordering…well…anything unusual.”
Reid paused in his careful rewrapping to look up quizzically.
“You know, something with a lot of stuff in it. Lots of combinations. I also, uh, mentioned that the man might have been a bit, you know, rude.” Luke ducked his head and smiled apologetically.
Reid stared at Luke. Then: “Good call.”
Luke grinned. “So, eventually, I got lucky. Seems you can be quite…unforgettable.”
They shared a quick but potent look.
Reid put the sandwich on the dresser. “Wait, what do you mean, ‘eventually’? How many places did you visit?”
“Oh, I don’t know…” Luke’s voice trailed off. “Maybe five…ten?”
That registered. Reid was finally getting it. He swallowed. The moment stretched. Finally, Reid looked away.
“’Bout time you earned your keep.” Reid rubbed his hands together. “Let’s eat.”
__________________________________________________
“Mmm. Mmmmm.” Reid had positioned a chair so that he was surrounded by three food-laden tables. Luke sat on the bed with a plate on his lap, enjoying the show. Reminding Luke of a ravenous octopus, Reid maneuvered around the food ambidextrously, his concentration never wavering. No wonder he’s so good in bed.
Only when the majority of the food had disappeared did Reid speak with words. “This eggs benedict isn’t half bad.”
“You should taste my grandmother’s”
“Since when is Lucinda domestic?”
“Ha ha. Too bad Emma never got to cook for you. It would have been true love.” Luke froze. Stupid stupid stupid.
The rate of food shoveling momentarily slowed, but Reid otherwise didn’t react.
“And how is my favorite circle of hell?”
Luke exhaled. “Actually, not as crazy as it used to be. It’s practically boring now. Hardly anyone’s come back from the dead.”
With a loud, contented sigh, Reid leaned back in his chair.
“Mom and dad are back together. To the surprise of no one.”
Looking at nothing in particular, Reid rubbed his belly slowly. “Hmm, yeah, I heard.”
“You heard…? Oh, right, Katie. She mentioned that you’ve kept in touch.” And that’s all she ever told me, no matter how hard I begged. “So…had she mentioned I’d moved back?”
The rubbing motion stopped. “She knows not to say your name.”
Luke blinked away tears.
“Reid-”
“How’s Noah?”
What?
Luke shook his head as if to clear it. “Um…fine? Still in LA. Well, actually, I think he’s at a film festival at the moment.”
Reid’s head was tilted downward. He looked at the table sightlessly, his long fingers rhythmically tapping on a glass of cranberry juice.
“I mean, I’m not really sure…we don’t exactly talk much these days.”
Reid continued to look down. “That must be hard.”
Luke’s unease increased. “Um…?”
“You’re obviously still hung up on him.”
Luke’s jaw fell. “I’m…? I’m sorry, did I miss something?” Did you miss something? Like the part where we spent all of last night fucking? (was that all it was?) Luke put down his plate and leaned forward. “My feelings for Noah changed a long, long time ago.” Longer than you realize. “We’ve been broken up for a year.”
“Exactly.” Reid turned to look at Luke. His face gave away nothing. “You’re a healthy, young, gay man. There’s no other reason for you not to have....” Reid looked back at his glass.
What the…? Slowly, comprehension dawned. Reid. You still don’t get it. “What I said last night…about not having been with anyone else. Not since….”
Reid shifted in his chair.
“Reid,” Luke said softly, “Noah’s not the one I’ve been hung up on.”
Reid slowly lifted his head. His eyes met Luke’s. In Reid's was a mix of wary disbelief, weary vulnerability, and a measure of anger. Luke’s gaze was steady, compelling. Imploring.
“You have to know - for most of it Noah and I were more like roommates than anything. I mean, yeah, we were technically engaged, but we pretty much both knew it was a mistake the minute it happened. But by then, you were gone. And so I…I tried to go back to what was familiar. Tried to make it work. We spent almost two years pretending that it wasn’t already broken.” That my heart wasn’t with you.
Reid’s expression had turned to stone. As if he were refusing to listen, refusing to believe. But Luke could tell he was barely hanging on. That the effort to shut Luke out was costing him.
“I thought you were finally mine.” The words appeared fully formed, as if out of thin air. Reid hadn’t moved, hadn’t seemed to have spoken at all. Luke barely dared to breathe.
“That day at the pond…I let myself believe that you could be mine. That it was possible. That you’d chosen me.” Reid’s voice and gaze were lifeless. “I actually looked forward to being introduced to your ridiculous family as your boyfriend - granted, if only to see the look on your mother’s face. You’d promised me an Emma-supper that day….”
Transfixed by the bleakness in Reid’s far-away stare, Luke didn’t notice the tears rolling down his own face.
“I’d promised you a night you’d never forget. You just didn’t know it yet.” Reid’s mouth lifted cruelly. “And then he called.”
The night Noah proposed. Luke remembered going to tell Reid, remembered how Reid wouldn’t let him inside the apartment. Ohh, Reid. What had you been planning for me? Remembered how he’d watched something die in Reid’s eyes. How Luke had killed it. I killed him. And I knew even then that I’d killed myself, too.
The next thing Luke knew, Reid was on the bed beside him.
“Don’t cry.” Reid put his arm around Luke’s shoulders and lifted a hand to wipe away the tears. Kissed the side of Luke’s head. “It’s OK. I know we weren’t meant to be.” Rather than be consoling, Reid’s quiet words terrified. Because Luke heard the emptiness behind them. He heard the finality.
Luke knew there were no words that could do battle with such desolation. Luke kissed the fingers that were brushing his face, bringing a hand up to immobilize them. He kissed Reid’s wrist, his forearm. He rubbed his face against the inside of Reid’s elbow, resting it there. The knuckles of Reid’s other hand lightly skimmed up and down Luke’s back as he watched Luke’s progress. Luke continued on, nuzzling Reid’s shoulder and chest. He breathed in at a small gap between the buttons of Reid’s shirt and then swiftly brought up his hands to undo them, kissing exposed flesh as he went. Reid rested his head on top of Luke’s and then helped to pull off the shirt completely. After Luke removed his own shirt, he took Reid’s face in his hands, pressing their naked chests together. Luke waited for Reid to meet his eyes. He refused to accept what he saw there, refused to believe Reid’s words. We are meant to be, you bastard. I’ll show you. With his eyes alone, Luke tried to fill up the emptiness. Reid was passively receptive, but the void proved too deep. Luke added his lips. He gently sucked on Reid’s upper lip, nibbled at the corners. Softly, so softly he darted his tongue against Reid’s lower lip. Reid opened his mouth. Allowed Luke in. Their mouths now sealed, Reid’s tongue met Luke’s and slowly slid against it. They both gently sucked, leisurely explored.
Luke’s fingers tangled in Reid’s soft waves. Carefully but firmly, Luke pushed Reid back slightly and straddled his lap. With unhurried movements, they continued to kiss and gently rock against each other, their hands in each other’s hair and stroking each other’s backs.
Breathlessly, Luke pulled away slightly and rested his forehead against Reid’s. He lightly dragged his nails down Reid’s chest, resting at his belt. Reid’s abdomen tightened, accentuating the muscles. Luke felt puffs of Reid’s breath on the tracks of his drying tears. With only slightly trembling fingers, Luke undid Reid’s belt and pants. He gripped Reid’s penis with one hand, lightly rubbing his thumb along the underside of the head. He looked into Reid’s eyes. Reid’s lids were heavy, but he was there. Willing to be convinced. Looking around, Luke leaned over to one side and lifted a pat of butter off the nearest table. Without breaking eye contact, he rubbed his hands together, melting the butter. Cupping his hands slightly, Luke placed them on each side of Reid’s penis and slowly stroked from base to tip several times. Next, Luke began to roll the growing hardness between his palms, moving up and down, using the heels of his hands to apply extra pressure. Reid leaned back heavily on his hands. A low rumble emanated from his chest. Although Reid’s eyes were threatening to drift closed, Luke kept them open with the ferocity of his gaze.
With one hand firmly pulling down at the base, Luke began stroke upward with the other, at first using only his thumb and forefinger. He then added a twisting motion as he moved upward, eventually using his entire hand. He gradually increased the tempo, alternating short and long strokes at the base and tip. Luke never once looked down; his gaze never faltered. Grasping the base firmly, he rubbed the underside of the shaft with his palm, pushing the penis into Reid’s stomach. The rumbling intensified. Reid threw his head back, closing his eyes. Still gripping the base, Luke focused on the head with the other hand, pulling up and twisting, stroking the underside with each turn.
Sensing that Reid was close, Luke began to rub both hands up and down the entire length of his cock in rapid strokes. He then moved one hand down to Reid’s balls and gently tugged at the scrotum. Reid’s entire body jerked. Luke massaged the balls, the perineum. Opening his mouth, Reid’s rumbling became a low, desperate whine. It was the sound of a soul trying to escape a body. Panting, pumping, Luke brought a hand to Reid’s head and lifted it, clenching his hair tightly. Forced out of his trance, Reid opened his eyes and was caught by the intensity in Luke’s. Their wills clashed. Both gazes turned pleading, but for different reasons. The air crackled. Reid’s breath hitched, and with a piercing wail, he came. Luke maintained his grip on Reid’s head, maintained the eye contact. His other hand was a blur, focusing on the head of Reid’s cock. Semen coated his hand in seemingly endless spurts.
Reid collapsed back on the bed, taking Luke with him. Reid’s eyes were closed, his face slack. Luke lay sprawled across Reid’s chest, listening to the hammering heart he was so desperate to own. His slick hand slowly rubbed patterns on Reid’s abdomen. Panting, Reid rubbed a hand through the back of Luke’s hair. Tugging gently, he lifted Luke’s head and, with soft, sleepy eyes, kissed him. Luke’s fingers curled where they touched Reid’s skin. Tenderly, Reid positioned Luke’s head back on his chest. Encircled him with his arms.
You don’t believe yet, but you will. There’s still time.