It's not all abraca-fuck you and what not. I have a beating heart! I'm multi-dimensional!
Hello, friends! It's me, remember me?! That's okay!! I don't really remember me, either. I've slacked on LJ so hard that it's 28 days into the new year and I'm only now getting around to posting my 2017 fic round-up. In my defense, I spent the entirety of January up until now working on a very late spn_j2_xmas fic that I just posted, and which I'm very happy with the final product of.
Title: Over the Wall
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, past drug use, violence (including graphic sexual violence and past physical child abuse)
Word Count: 29,469
Summary: The achronological he said-he said account of Jared and Jensen's jailhouse romance.
ANYWAY, READ MY THING, LOVE ME, look at this beautiful art my friend made for the story.
Also, did I fail to tell you guys that I wrote a timestamp in the Anita Verse?! It's probably the most exciting thing that happened to me in 2017. XD
Title: Mother, May I?
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared (Jay)/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content (barebacking, impreg kink, sex toys), discussions of past self-destructive behavior including unsafe sex and recreational drug use. This verse deals with gender fluidity and the porn in this installment is M/F.
Word Count: 7,637
Summary: Jensen's been wanting to ditch the condoms for a few months now, but every time he tries to broach the subject, she shrugs it off. He's not sure why. It doesn't seem worth it to push.
Okay, so. Here's the fic round-up, I know no one cares but me, but I'm not letting this tradition die. It's really helpful for me in determining how ashamed I am of past-year!me. (SPOILER: Actually pretty happy with myself at the moment.)
January
Wildwood [Eyewitness; Philip/Lukas] - 11,641
February
Forever and a Day [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spnopera - 10,234 (4,049 in 2017)
July
Shipwreck Between Your Ribs [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang - 40,908 (28,054 in 2017)
November
Mother, May I? [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Timestamp to Oh, My Queen! - 7,633
Unpublished But Written in 2017:
Interlude [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_reversebang - 5,290
[UNTITLED] [Eyewitness; Philip/Lukas] - 375
All That is Gold [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_reversebang - 19,723
Total Word Count: 76,765
Fandoms that I dabbled in this year, old and new: J2 RPF and Eyewitness for writing. I’ve gotten extremely into The Adventure Zone podcast, but so far only did art in that fandom. Also did a little podfic cover art for a Leverage fic. I didn't write anything in Supernatural, which is kind of sad and new. I guess that's what happens when the canon ruined your ship four seasons ago and hasn't really bounced back.
My favorite story this year: I feel like it should be the bigbang, which obviously took the most work, and which I AM pretty happy with. But I think I’d be lying if I tried to pretend it wasn’t returning to the Anita!Verse with Mother, May I?.
My least favorite story this year: Probably have to say Forever and a Day. I am someone who really loves dark fic, but I just don’t think it’s my strong suit, writing-wise. I started this story in 2015 and it languished for two years until I finally made a push to finish it this year. I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE, but I also don’t know that there’s a lot there to enjoy…other than the art, which I can’t take credit for.
Most successful story: Wildwood if you go by AO3 kudos, but Shipwreck Between Your Ribs if you go by actual, engaged responses, which is what I care about. Which is how it should be! Eyewitness was a new, excitable fandom when I posted the former, but the bigbang is what I worked harder on, so I’m glad people responded to that effort.
Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I worked on Shipwreck Between Your Ribs for five years and thought it was such a cool idea, so while it didn’t flop, I had sort of hoped people would get more excited for it. Still, it had some really great feedback, so I can’t complain.
Most fun story: Getting to return to the Anita!Verse and check in on those versions of Jared and Jensen in Mother, May I? was definitely the most fun I had writing this year and probably in the last several years. Jay is just very important to me and I have such a soft spot for her and spending time with her makes me really happy (I sound like Jensen, eh?).
Story with single sexiest moment: Not to sound like a broken record, but definitely Mother, May I? again. That little salsa dress and the impreg kink? Please. It was my kinkbrain on display.
Biggest story fail: Which of the spn_reversebang fics I failed to complete this year to choose?! I guess I’ll say Interlude, because All That is Gold is at least very close to done and I expect to be able to post it in early February.
Hardest story to make: I spent five years psyching myself out over whether I was doing Shipwreck Between Your Ribs justice, and I’m still not sure I did. So that one, I guess.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? For the first time in many years, I wrote more! Granted, I still didn’t write very much, but I did do more than in 2016 despite a pretty busy year with frequent travel, so I’m proud of that. I’m working on accepting that I can’t write as much as I did in college and judging myself by now standards rather than all-time-high standards, you know? And I’ve already written nearly 30,000 words in January, so I feel pretty optimistic about 2018.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? All That is Gold is a high-fantasy AU, which is a very involved world-building genre that I wouldn’t have expected myself to have the commitment to follow through on. Granted, it’s not done yet, but having written 19,000+ and being pretty pleased with the world so far is something I’m pretty surprised at and proud of.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Writing risks? Not many this year, to be honest. I did write really unsympathetic!J2 in Forever and a Day, which is outside my usual boundaries, but I think what I learned from that is that I’m just not very good at it.
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I don’t know that this happened very much in 2017. The untitled Philip/Lukas fic I started but didn’t get very far with is about Lukas dressing in drag, which is very different from the toppy/butch he is/tries to be, so maybe that one once it’s done?
Biggest Surprise: I started to shift my stories over to AO3 from infatuated_ink after years and years resisting even having one. I never thought I’d use it, and now it’s the primary place I post my fic. I still really hate it and think it ruined fandom in a big way, but unfortunately, that’s where readers are, and the lesser feedback you get over there these days is still less depressing than posting on LJ and reaching no one.
Story with the sweetest moment: Shipwreck Between Your Ribs has so many soft moments, but probably the sweetest is when Jared gives Jensen his sealskin.
Story that made you cry: I cried writing both Shipwreck Between Your Ribs and Mother, May I?. I’m pretty easy to make cry, though.
Most eye roll-worthy title: I actually am pretty happy with the titles I came up with for stuff this year. I don’t think I had any I really had to force like I usually do. Maybe the clichéness of having a LOTR-type story titled All That is Gold or the fact that I still don’t have a name for the Eyewitness fic, if it’s okay to answer with titles from unposted fic.
Most intentionally telling: I really leave it out on the field when I write in the Anita!Verse, and Mother, May I?. Impreg is a big kink of mine despite my not liking kids or having any interest in pregnancy, so I guess that’s a pretty weird thing I broadcasted.
Unintentionally?: I think making Jensen a writer/English professor in Shipwreck Between Your Ribs probably revealed some of the ‘what ifs?’ I wonder about if I’d tried to pursue something more intellectually rewarding after grad school than the path I’m currently on.
Most overdue: Fuck, I don’t even know where to begin. Probably the alien!Jensen spn_reversebang I’ve been poking at since February 2016 because I really can’t forgive myself for failing reversebangs, and I do intend to finish those for the artists even when I’ve missed the challenge. But I also have 40,000+ of a bigbang I didn’t finish in 2015 that I waffle between wanting to finish as a J2 fic or wanting to wait until after fandom to see if I can turn it into original fiction and have it published.
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most: If you buckle down and make yourself work at it, you can finish any story, no matter how long you’ve been stuck on it. I mean, I started Shipwreck Between Your Ribs in summer of 2012. When I had just graduated from undergrad. And I finally got it to 40,000 words and complete in Summer 2017.
Favorite Opening Line(s):
He loses her in a Target.
It's a joke Jensen has been making for nearly a decade and a half now, but there's truth in humor. You turn your back on Jared for five seconds, you'd better not expect him to still be there when you return. The pronouns have changed for today, but the problem persists.
(Mother, May I?)
Favorite Closing Line(s):
Jensen is left holding each of Jared's hands in his own, and all that remains of Jared’s past are two long cuts down his arms, mirror images of a seven pointed star burnt into each of his palms, and the empty skin of a seal Jensen once loved curled on the sand by Jared's feet.
Jared looks down at Jensen with a mystified expression after he finishes inspecting his new tattoos, and his slanted eyes hold Jensen's gaze. He doesn't look any different, but Jensen can tell somehow. Jared is human now. Jared is his.
Jensen says, "Caught 'ya."(Shipwreck Between Your Ribs)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
1. Jay wearing her purple salsa dress on her date with Jensen in Mother, May I?.
2. Obviously, this can’t exist yet because I haven’t posted the fic, and I doubt it ever will because Eyewitness is long over, but I’d love to see art of Lukas’s drag persona, Ricki Anderton.
3. Jay in the silly Ritz Carlton robe and slippers in Mother, May I?. What? I didn’t write very many stories this year, and half of them already have art. So I HAVE TO pick more than one from the same fic!
4. Philip and Lukas goofing off on the boardwalk in Wildwood would be cute!!
5. Jay lost in Target and Jensen watching her talking to the little girl’s mom with the little girl in Mother, May I?. Okay, I admit it. If I could have a paper doll of Jay and every outfit I’ve ever put her in, I would.
The things I've learned this year: I think I’ve started to take myself less seriously re: writing and try to just have a good time with it. I’ve been horrible at deadlines the last few years, and I finally just gave myself a pass on hating myself and feeling constantly guilty for that. Which has actually allowed me to go in and finish a few of those stories I felt really guilty about. Now I have confidence that I’ll be able to finish the rest.
Fic-writing goals for 2018: I have been trying for years to post at least one fic every month of the year, and I have not done it in ages. I’d love to do that. I’m also hoping I can finish and post all three of the outstanding spn_reversebang before this year’s round (assuming it runs again), so that I can claim guilt-free this year (and then, you know, fucking finishing that one ACTUALLY ON TIME). Just simply missing no deadlines would be great, which I think means taking on fewer of them.
Title: Over the Wall
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content, past drug use, violence (including graphic sexual violence and past physical child abuse)
Word Count: 29,469
Summary: The achronological he said-he said account of Jared and Jensen's jailhouse romance.
ANYWAY, READ MY THING, LOVE ME, look at this beautiful art my friend made for the story.
Also, did I fail to tell you guys that I wrote a timestamp in the Anita Verse?! It's probably the most exciting thing that happened to me in 2017. XD
Title: Mother, May I?
Fandom: Real Person Fic: CW
Characters/Pairings: Jared (Jay)/Jensen
Rating: NC-17 for explicit sexual content (barebacking, impreg kink, sex toys), discussions of past self-destructive behavior including unsafe sex and recreational drug use. This verse deals with gender fluidity and the porn in this installment is M/F.
Word Count: 7,637
Summary: Jensen's been wanting to ditch the condoms for a few months now, but every time he tries to broach the subject, she shrugs it off. He's not sure why. It doesn't seem worth it to push.
Okay, so. Here's the fic round-up, I know no one cares but me, but I'm not letting this tradition die. It's really helpful for me in determining how ashamed I am of past-year!me. (SPOILER: Actually pretty happy with myself at the moment.)
January
Wildwood [Eyewitness; Philip/Lukas] - 11,641
February
Forever and a Day [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spnopera - 10,234 (4,049 in 2017)
July
Shipwreck Between Your Ribs [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] spn_j2_bigbang - 40,908 (28,054 in 2017)
November
Mother, May I? [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] Timestamp to Oh, My Queen! - 7,633
Unpublished But Written in 2017:
Interlude [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_reversebang - 5,290
[UNTITLED] [Eyewitness; Philip/Lukas] - 375
All That is Gold [CW RPF; Jared/Jensen] unfinished spn_reversebang - 19,723
Total Word Count: 76,765
Fandoms that I dabbled in this year, old and new: J2 RPF and Eyewitness for writing. I’ve gotten extremely into The Adventure Zone podcast, but so far only did art in that fandom. Also did a little podfic cover art for a Leverage fic. I didn't write anything in Supernatural, which is kind of sad and new. I guess that's what happens when the canon ruined your ship four seasons ago and hasn't really bounced back.
My favorite story this year: I feel like it should be the bigbang, which obviously took the most work, and which I AM pretty happy with. But I think I’d be lying if I tried to pretend it wasn’t returning to the Anita!Verse with Mother, May I?.
My least favorite story this year: Probably have to say Forever and a Day. I am someone who really loves dark fic, but I just don’t think it’s my strong suit, writing-wise. I started this story in 2015 and it languished for two years until I finally made a push to finish it this year. I don’t think it’s TERRIBLE, but I also don’t know that there’s a lot there to enjoy…other than the art, which I can’t take credit for.
Most successful story: Wildwood if you go by AO3 kudos, but Shipwreck Between Your Ribs if you go by actual, engaged responses, which is what I care about. Which is how it should be! Eyewitness was a new, excitable fandom when I posted the former, but the bigbang is what I worked harder on, so I’m glad people responded to that effort.
Story most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I worked on Shipwreck Between Your Ribs for five years and thought it was such a cool idea, so while it didn’t flop, I had sort of hoped people would get more excited for it. Still, it had some really great feedback, so I can’t complain.
Most fun story: Getting to return to the Anita!Verse and check in on those versions of Jared and Jensen in Mother, May I? was definitely the most fun I had writing this year and probably in the last several years. Jay is just very important to me and I have such a soft spot for her and spending time with her makes me really happy (I sound like Jensen, eh?).
Story with single sexiest moment: Not to sound like a broken record, but definitely Mother, May I? again. That little salsa dress and the impreg kink? Please. It was my kinkbrain on display.
Biggest story fail: Which of the spn_reversebang fics I failed to complete this year to choose?! I guess I’ll say Interlude, because All That is Gold is at least very close to done and I expect to be able to post it in early February.
Hardest story to make: I spent five years psyching myself out over whether I was doing Shipwreck Between Your Ribs justice, and I’m still not sure I did. So that one, I guess.
Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? For the first time in many years, I wrote more! Granted, I still didn’t write very much, but I did do more than in 2016 despite a pretty busy year with frequent travel, so I’m proud of that. I’m working on accepting that I can’t write as much as I did in college and judging myself by now standards rather than all-time-high standards, you know? And I’ve already written nearly 30,000 words in January, so I feel pretty optimistic about 2018.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? All That is Gold is a high-fantasy AU, which is a very involved world-building genre that I wouldn’t have expected myself to have the commitment to follow through on. Granted, it’s not done yet, but having written 19,000+ and being pretty pleased with the world so far is something I’m pretty surprised at and proud of.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Writing risks? Not many this year, to be honest. I did write really unsympathetic!J2 in Forever and a Day, which is outside my usual boundaries, but I think what I learned from that is that I’m just not very good at it.
Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I don’t know that this happened very much in 2017. The untitled Philip/Lukas fic I started but didn’t get very far with is about Lukas dressing in drag, which is very different from the toppy/butch he is/tries to be, so maybe that one once it’s done?
Biggest Surprise: I started to shift my stories over to AO3 from infatuated_ink after years and years resisting even having one. I never thought I’d use it, and now it’s the primary place I post my fic. I still really hate it and think it ruined fandom in a big way, but unfortunately, that’s where readers are, and the lesser feedback you get over there these days is still less depressing than posting on LJ and reaching no one.
Story with the sweetest moment: Shipwreck Between Your Ribs has so many soft moments, but probably the sweetest is when Jared gives Jensen his sealskin.
Story that made you cry: I cried writing both Shipwreck Between Your Ribs and Mother, May I?. I’m pretty easy to make cry, though.
Most eye roll-worthy title: I actually am pretty happy with the titles I came up with for stuff this year. I don’t think I had any I really had to force like I usually do. Maybe the clichéness of having a LOTR-type story titled All That is Gold or the fact that I still don’t have a name for the Eyewitness fic, if it’s okay to answer with titles from unposted fic.
Most intentionally telling: I really leave it out on the field when I write in the Anita!Verse, and Mother, May I?. Impreg is a big kink of mine despite my not liking kids or having any interest in pregnancy, so I guess that’s a pretty weird thing I broadcasted.
Unintentionally?: I think making Jensen a writer/English professor in Shipwreck Between Your Ribs probably revealed some of the ‘what ifs?’ I wonder about if I’d tried to pursue something more intellectually rewarding after grad school than the path I’m currently on.
Most overdue: Fuck, I don’t even know where to begin. Probably the alien!Jensen spn_reversebang I’ve been poking at since February 2016 because I really can’t forgive myself for failing reversebangs, and I do intend to finish those for the artists even when I’ve missed the challenge. But I also have 40,000+ of a bigbang I didn’t finish in 2015 that I waffle between wanting to finish as a J2 fic or wanting to wait until after fandom to see if I can turn it into original fiction and have it published.
This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most: If you buckle down and make yourself work at it, you can finish any story, no matter how long you’ve been stuck on it. I mean, I started Shipwreck Between Your Ribs in summer of 2012. When I had just graduated from undergrad. And I finally got it to 40,000 words and complete in Summer 2017.
Favorite Opening Line(s):
He loses her in a Target.
It's a joke Jensen has been making for nearly a decade and a half now, but there's truth in humor. You turn your back on Jared for five seconds, you'd better not expect him to still be there when you return. The pronouns have changed for today, but the problem persists.
(Mother, May I?)
Favorite Closing Line(s):
Jensen is left holding each of Jared's hands in his own, and all that remains of Jared’s past are two long cuts down his arms, mirror images of a seven pointed star burnt into each of his palms, and the empty skin of a seal Jensen once loved curled on the sand by Jared's feet.
Jared looks down at Jensen with a mystified expression after he finishes inspecting his new tattoos, and his slanted eyes hold Jensen's gaze. He doesn't look any different, but Jensen can tell somehow. Jared is human now. Jared is his.
Jensen says, "Caught 'ya."(Shipwreck Between Your Ribs)
Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:
1. Jay wearing her purple salsa dress on her date with Jensen in Mother, May I?.
2. Obviously, this can’t exist yet because I haven’t posted the fic, and I doubt it ever will because Eyewitness is long over, but I’d love to see art of Lukas’s drag persona, Ricki Anderton.
3. Jay in the silly Ritz Carlton robe and slippers in Mother, May I?. What? I didn’t write very many stories this year, and half of them already have art. So I HAVE TO pick more than one from the same fic!
4. Philip and Lukas goofing off on the boardwalk in Wildwood would be cute!!
5. Jay lost in Target and Jensen watching her talking to the little girl’s mom with the little girl in Mother, May I?. Okay, I admit it. If I could have a paper doll of Jay and every outfit I’ve ever put her in, I would.
The things I've learned this year: I think I’ve started to take myself less seriously re: writing and try to just have a good time with it. I’ve been horrible at deadlines the last few years, and I finally just gave myself a pass on hating myself and feeling constantly guilty for that. Which has actually allowed me to go in and finish a few of those stories I felt really guilty about. Now I have confidence that I’ll be able to finish the rest.
Fic-writing goals for 2018: I have been trying for years to post at least one fic every month of the year, and I have not done it in ages. I’d love to do that. I’m also hoping I can finish and post all three of the outstanding spn_reversebang before this year’s round (assuming it runs again), so that I can claim guilt-free this year (and then, you know, fucking finishing that one ACTUALLY ON TIME). Just simply missing no deadlines would be great, which I think means taking on fewer of them.