Denial (5/?)
Without my realisation, it happened, right under my nose.
I was sitting on a bench at the park nearby a hospital. Kids were playing tag, hide-and-seek and some other games. And I was sitting on a bench... Waiting for Yoochun.
A few minutes ago, after I showed him around the neighbourhood (I even showed him where Mr Lee's house was), Yoochun said he'd buy me an ice-cream cone, I didn't want it but before I got the chance to say anything his figure dissapeared and that was how I ended here... Sitting... On a bench... Waiting for Yoochun.
''Junsu, here's chocolate for you,'' Yoochun came skipping -really, I'm not lying- towards me. His character... I've never met with anyone like that in my (17-year-old) life.
''Thanks. Are you sure that I don't need to pay you for this?'' I looked at his face while pointing at the cold appetizing ice-cream. Yoochun smiled and answered that it was okay, and sat down beside me.
''Junsu, why Chicken Face?'' He asked out of the blue, causing myself to choke my ice-cream cone. Before you guys wonder why, I wanted to call him Chicken face because, as I was hurrily 'scanning' his face, I noticed something discrete about it.
''You have a large forehead,'' and I told him straight, making his smile suddenly turned to a straight line, ''really? Is it weird?'' Placing his right hand on his temple.
To tell you the truth, this guy was naive and a bit childlike yet... I can't help but feel this aura that sort of attracted me to him in the first place.
''No, it's not. I think it's cute.''
And I said that without thinking, I was sure Yoochun was going to look at me with that glare again. I looked away, trying to hide my embarrassment and shame. But surprisingly, I didn't get a glare, instead...
''Thanks.'' And he chuckled. He amazed me even more that moment, his unthinkable comments, his 'dull' pretty face that changes drastically to a childish and pure smile and his mysterious naivity. They all came in the most absurd ways.
Yoochun finished his laugh and continued, ''you probably haven't realised it yet, but... this feels like a date.''
And there it came again, his unthinkable comments.
''Ah?'' I paused for a moment, then focused on our position and current circumstances.
At a park, evening, after school, sitting together on a bench, eating ice-cream while talking in an enjoyable manner. The only lack was that we're both guys. Wait... Nowadays, that's sort of normal... I guess we were really on a date. This was what they'd call a date, right?
Wait... Why am I accepting this? I shouldn't be. I'm straight. I AM STRAIGHT!... Right?
And my monologue continued on becoming worse than before.
''Haha, yeah. Great joke, Yoochun,'' I fret. I was very nervous,''you might be the girl since you're the beauty.'' I laughed to make it sound more like a joke, even though I wasn't really joking.
''Ah, really? I thought you were the girl, I'll bet you'd look cute if you really were a girl,'' he took the joke rather well, and we both laughed, still I can't help but feel a bit dejected. God knows why.
''Junsu?'' A girl's voice was heard from our right. It was Beomi. My face changed in a split second as my joy subsided slowly.
Beomi, she was my ex until last year.
''Beomi, why are you here? Er... It's so good to see you,'' I lied, to be truthful, I was devastated. I swore I'd never want to see her again. She dumped me for another guy without reason. Sure, she moved to some other high school in town but, she left without a reason. She was a year younger than me.
''I was free for the week so I decided to spend my free time here,'' Beomi smiled, there was another guy with her, holding each other's hand. Obviously her boyfriend. Beomi looked at me, then glanced at me right, ''Ah. Sunbae!''
I felt sort of puzzled, I looked at Yoochun. Oh yeah, Chicken face used to study in a school in town, must be the same as Beomi then.
Yoochun, too, turned and glanced at me.
''I'm a first year from your school, Yoochun-sunbae, am I right?'' Beomi claimed, pointing to Yoochun, resulting the latter to jerk back as if dodging her finger. Yoochun nodded.
''Nice to meet you. Junsu and I are kind of busy, so we got to go. See you later,'' he said, while suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, causing my heart to skip a beat.
No, I still wouldn't admit I li-...I meant, have feelings for Yoochun, it was just that... Yoochun just looked like a prince (what was I saying!?) when he took me away. No, I'm not in denial.
I'm not.
* * *
''Yoochun, why did you run?'' I asked just after Yoochun let go of my hand. His hands were cold and sweaty, signifying he was nervous. The Chicken face kept silent.
''Why?'' I asked again, this time Yoochun grabbed my hand again and gave a faint smile. I pray that he'd just let go because it was just creeping me out.
''Junsu...'' He said with his low, husky voice, ''...some things are better kept inside.''
My mind went blank, as if Yoochun just brainswashed it. His tone, it had sorrow in it, with a hint of desperation, it was sad, very sad. His cold hands gripped mine stronger and stronger until he finally loosen and let go. I felt relieved, a bit... Okay, a lot... ...
I looked around and noticed that we were at the exact place where he said those exact words a few days ago when I spied on him. The wind blew and made my soft hair and Yoochun's sway with it. Yoochun looked straight into my eyes as I was looking into his. My hands were shaking.
Yoochun, it was hard enough for me to hide it alone, don't make it even harder. Please...
''Junsu, that was your ex, right?'' and he asked that.
It was hard to admit, but Yoochun's quite the mood-spoiler/saver. My pouring sweat gradually lessen and a laugh burst out of my mouth. Eukyangkyang! Yeah, that's my LOL-laugh, which I seldom show.
''What? Was I wrong?'' Yoochun asked again, and it made me laugh even harder. He fascinated me more and more. I wiped my tears of joy and nodded, ''She was. Thanks.''
''I noticed you were down when you saw her... So...'' Yoochun said, averting his eyes while grinning. His action, it was simple yet it saved me, a lot.
''Yeah, I still think about her once in a while,'' I continued my story. Yoochun's eyes widened, ''you must really like her.''
My eyes opened, I kind of felt rejoiced. Maybe I'm straight after all! My heart filled up with joy. ''Yeah, I can't forget about her, I guess.'' And there it was, I thought I was maybe still in love with Beomi.
Yoochun and I laughed for a second when two girls passed by us.
''When he helped me pick up my book, our hands touched!'' the first squealed.
''If you still feel his hands, then that means you've just fallen in love!'' the second ellaborated.
''Oh My Gosh! Then I AM! Bye-bye my ex, hello new guy!''
We just watched and listened to them. When they were out of sight, we couldn't help our amusement and started laughing our guts out- yeah, 'we' as in Yoochun and I- hard while mimicking their gestures and words.
''As if that'd be real,'' I mean, just because their hands touched doesn't necessarily mean that some feelings were made! That's wacko! Girls. As if us boys would think that way. I'd feel sorry for the guy who touched your hands.
''Yeah, they sounded cute, but the words!'' Yoochun excitedly said, his hands slapping his thighs.
Man, that was a good laugh.
* * *
''Thanks for the tour, tour-guide,'' Yoochun waved as he stepped into his house. It turned out our houses were just a few houses away. I smiled and waved back at him. He opened the door, stepped inside, and stopped, ''Duck Butt...'' he walked towards me, ''I forgot to ask for your number, silly me.''
I grinned and handed him my cellphone. His hand reached for it and... Accidentally, our fingers touched. I felt a buzz, quickly I tried to brush the spark and plastered a smile on my face.
''Oh, your phone's cool!''
I nodded.
''And it's blue. Cool.''
I nodded.
''I'll let you save your number in my phone.''
I grabbed his phone and nodded.
silence...
When we finished exchanging numbers, Chicken face placed his hand on my head and messed up my hair, ''I don't like to see Junsu down. Hurry up and get over that Beomi, okay?''
''Don't worry...'' I answered.
''Hwaiting!'' and he went inside, leaving me alone. Free to think and say what I want.
I lifted my right hand and said it softly. ''Hwaiting! ...''
Staring at my hand, a drop of sweat rolled down my cheek. Then, with that hand, I covered my face.
I thought, ''tomorrow's gonna be a hard day.'' No, it's gonna be even harder.
Lesson of the day: Never look down on random-passing-girls'-talk.
Lesson learned.