(no subject)
Well, it's been a while since I've posted. A lot has happened, and I won't go too much into it. Sorry that I haven't posted much lately, or posted any pictures for that matter. I've been working and going to church, outreach, and Bible studies. I had a great time with graduation weekend, and I have plenty of pictures from the Grace Hour Banquet, and graduation from the end of May, but I think I still have yet to post those Shane and Shane concert photos from the end of April.
It feels like I'm in a state of spiritual limbo. Just waiting on God, going through the mundane motions of every day, seeing what my next step will be. I've been feeling more and more a realization of the complete depravity of my heart. And along with it, God has been revealing Himself more and more, and removing piece by piece anything or anyone that I can run to but Him. I need to cleave to Him. I have friends and they are great and selfless, and love me very much through God's love, but I haven't had the presence of a really close friend (outside of relatives) for a little while now. I have friends that are there for me, but I'd like one that I can fellowship every day, and that position is really one only God can fill. And God has been drawing me that He'd fill that empty place in my heart. Sometimes my faith feels empty, and my hearing becomes dull, my love for others is dry, but then God just takes the axe to it with positional truth, His nature, and the cross of Calvary. Then He stirs up my heart in faith, and I become energized in that truth.
Sometimes the greatest remedy to cycles of moods, or faithlessness especially in the morning is to simply thank God. To change your mind and have an expectation on God that He is faithful and that salvation belongs to Him. I know God will give me an amazing day because I'm His child, and a priest, and I am made to receive from Him. We are objects of His love, and should we let that love become internalized, then we behold the love, and dwell in it, and it dwells in us, then it flows from us to others without having to find something lovely or desirable about them. After all what did we have within ourselves that was desirable to God when He first loved us? Nothing. It's quite the illumination that there is nothing in us that is desirable, and if we are honest with ourselves we can quite easily understand why. It's so easy to live in Romans 7, where we do what we shouldn't and don't do what we should. It's so easy to realize that there is nothing our evil hearts aren't capable of, and the only cure for it, for the entire human race, with all of our equally depraved hearts, is Jesus Christ. Our hearts are just as depraved as the next man. I may not have turned into some sociopath, or drug addict, or fornicator, but my heart is just as depraved as those who commit those sins. The only difference between me and them is grace. They embrace their depravity, while I see that I need to embrace grace thanks to the renewed mind God gave me at salvation.
There is beauty for ashes. There is joy in the morning. Christ didn't stay in the grave. There is a Romans 8 after Romans 7. There is a Second Adam to replace the first. There is forgiveness for guilt. There is a freedom that replaces the bondage. There is an everlasting mercy. There is a melody of victory as our marching song in battle.
In Christ,
Josh