(no subject)
View From An Occupation
Conclusion
AaA
"I do not wish to leave Atlantis Sheppard."
"Well, I'm sure the Wraith would like you to stay..." John's exhausted and shaky and he hates the weakness evident in every syllable of his voice when he speaks. "...for dinner."
The Gateroom is full of Genii soldiers and scientists alike some with weapons drawn and all waiting impatiently for their Commander to give the word and finally send them safely out of the city. Of course, Kolya is stubborn, and determined, and oh yeah, maybe more than a little off kilter so even with the city being overrun by Wraith, he's still playing soldier and grasping at straws.
"If I do decide to depart," Kolya's eyes find his and the darkness is unsettling. "Then I will take you with me as a slave to the Genii."
At that moment John decides that he'll go with Kolya if forced to leave if it means that Rodney, his team and Atlantis will be safe. "Why in the world would I want to stay here?"
"You amuse me Major." Kolya looks around the room and absorbs the horror on the faces of his men. "But do not test me or I may choose to leave you for the Wraith after all."
John nods and waits for the decision. Right now it's kind of out of his hands. He looks around slowly, trying to find Rodney's face in the shadows. The soldiers stare at him grimly, wishing him dead, and John swallows hard in the glare of their hatred, palpable still despite their fear.
"What do you think I should do Sheppard?" Kolya is toying with him now and John hates that his intimidation is working.
"How about letting me gate to another world?" His voice is rough and edgy, but really, John's lucky he's able to talk at all. A particularly nasty blow to the chest had him seeing red only minutes ago and it's quite a nice surprise to find that he's still at least partially conscious.
"Very funny Major, but I think not."
"Sir...they are moving this way, scattering everywhere! We have to dial out now!" Ladon's voice is desperate and why the hell not? If John didn't know the truth he'd be sweating it out too.
Kolya is adamant. "No. We will stay and fight."
"But that is...suicide!" Ladon must realize by now that he cannot reason with Kolya. John suspects he's known that bit of truth for quite a while. But sedition in the military is not a pretty word and the shit has to be pretty dire before a second in command decides to tread that pathway. Most times there is no turning back.
"We cannot expect to win. We have scientists here along with our soldiers. We must retreat now while we can still access the gate."
Ladon is one hell of a patient guy but he'll go grey before he wins the argument here. Kolya's not going to budge. He's bartered too many lives for Atlantis to give her up now.
"Again...I will not leave. My son died because of this city, because of this man!" When he points to John his hand is shaking. "I will not let the Wraith take what is mine by right!"
There are murmurs from the crowd and some shuffling back and forth and in the current scenario that's not a good sign. The Genii are petrified of the Wraith and it's no secret they're not fans of being forced to stay in the Ancestor's broken down city. They want to go home. They want to see their families. And most of all, they want to survive.
"But Sir...!"
John swallows hard at Kolya's next words. "Ladon do not dial the gate! I command you."
After that everything happens so quickly that for a second John forgets to breathe.
"Disarm him."
Ladon nods his head and the Genii soldiers point their weapons at Kolya and remove the gun from his belt. Somewhere in the distance two shots are fired and a wave of fear floats through the crowd. Seconds later the Stargate fires up a familiar blue event horizon and the scientists start to scatter through.
"What is this?" Kolya shouts, baffled, and damn if John doesn't feel a bit of sympathy for his adversary once again. He looks up at Ladon in the control room.
"I believe it's called 'mutiny'." John whispers calmly.
"I gave you an order dammit!"
"Yes, you did, but one that I have no intention of following." Ladon walks down the stairs as evenly as the situation allows. "We need to hurry so the Wraith do not follow us through." He gestures again and the remaining scientists exit followed by most of the remaining soldiers until only two, along with Ladon and Kolya remain.
John's a bit surprised by his next words. "This wormhole does not lead to Genii. We will redial once we arrive through the gate. I've recalibrated the Atlantis gate to immediately redial another planet so we leave no trail behind. It is my hope the world I lead the Wraith toward is still uninhabited although I cannot say for certain. You can take your chances Sheppard or you can remain behind here. But you are not welcome to continue to Genii."
"Okay..." So, not really a spur of the moment decision then. "What about Doctor Weir?"
"I'll do my best to return her to the Manarians. You'll have to take it from there if you survive."
"No! He must return with us to answer for his crimes!"
As usual the Genii are less than thorough and it's no surprise to John when Kolya produces a hidden knife and holds it tight against his throat. John's seen the knife before. And he's got the wounds to prove it. "I'll kill him. Right here, right now." He digs the knife in for emphasis.
John doesn't doubt he'll follow through. He snarls and struggles against the hold. "You're a bastard Kolya."
And god he honestly means it. Kolya is a bastard and John wants an opportunity to hurt him very badly for all the misery he's caused since arriving in the city. He wants to hit and harm and make the Commander pay for each and every life John was forced to take defending Atlantis.
"He is a murderer..." Kolya's grip tightens on his throat and when the knife digs into his flesh John stops moving.
"I have given the Major my word. The decision is his alone. You cannot remain behind. Cowen will not allow it."
Ladon gestures again and this time the guards grab Kolya before he can bleed the life out of John past a small deep nick just a hairsbreadth away from his jugular.
But the Genii commander has a few tricks left. Kolya feints resignation, seizes a gun from one of his subordinates and turns it pointblank towards John's chest.
"Oh for god's sake..." John starts wearily, but before he can even think about fighting for his life a shot rings out loud and clear in the nearly empty room and Kolya staggers forward then backward until he eventually stumbles into the event horizon.
John turns in the direction of the bullet and sees Rodney, gun drawn, blood covering his arm, staggering forward like a drunken man.
"I'm okay..." Rodney manages before falling down.
"Major!" Ford rushes in followed by Teyla and finally Beckett zooming straight past everyone to Rodney's side.
"Rodney!" John's hands start to shake and his throat freezes.
Rodney, please...I need you alive.
"He's okay. It looks like a through and through." Beckett allows. "But I have to stitch him up some."
John says, "Okay..." when he means 'thank god'.
When Ladon arrives at the gate he glances out at the group of ragged Atlantis refugees and his mouth twists. In that instant John knows that the scientist is aware that the Genii have been duped. Atlantis is safe. The enemy was never in the city.
"In the future perhaps our people can be allies..."
John nods curtly. "Don't count on it."
Thankfully Ladon is a lot smarter than Kolya. He says simply, "Good luck against the Wraith," and takes one last look around before stepping through the Stargate.
John rushes to Rodney's side just as Beckett finishes bandaging his shoulder and shooting a needle into his arm.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself Sheppard, I got shot!"
"I can see that. By one of the Genii?" John is more relieved than curious. Rodney is pale and drawn and his eyes are dark rimmed and bloodshot but he's breathing and confrontational and absolutely perfect. "Or by the Wraith?"
"No, I mean, neither." Rodney sighs and exhales. "It's a long story."
"And an amazing one I bet." John can't help smiling. His team is alive and the Genii are gone and life in the Pegasus galaxy is pretty darn good. Next up he'll work on getting the gate fixed and the rest of his people back from the Manarians but first maybe something to eat followed by a quick power nap. "I can't wait to hear all about it." He squeezes Rodney's hand and his lover squeezes back and if that's being obvious, then who the hell cares. "So, your plan worked..."
"Yes and you're still alive." Rodney's voice is weakening and John knows it's a matter of time before Beckett's happy juice kicks in and takes him away. "And you're so... wow...but Sheppard, I'm brave...I shot Kolya before he could shoot you...!" And with those words he passes out.
John looks around quickly. But if anyone just heard the city's top science officer refer to the acting military commander as 'wow' they're being discreet enough to keep it to themselves. Then again, Atlantis is basically vacant, so no harm done.
He sags against the wall and waits with Rodney until Carson and Ford arrive with the gurney and heft him atop it. John wants to get up and follow them to the infirmary but his butt won't move from the floor. Every bone in his body is jarred and aching and John doesn't think he can walk a straight line if he tried.
After nearly four weeks of Genii occupation Atlantis is finally free and he has so much to do and so little time to do it and yet nothing seems more important in the entire galaxy right now than just sitting on the floor leaning against the wall and doing nothing.
"Oh fuck..." John closes his eyes tight and fights back tears of relief, and god, this so isn't like him. It's possible he needs a bit more than just a power nap.
"Major?" Beckett's brogue is soft and if the city weren't so drafty John might even have missed it. "I need you to come with me now."
The doctor helps him to his feet and John doesn't offer a word of protest. He leans against Beckett and groans. He feels like an old man. John tries to concentrate, to put one foot in front of the other, but despite his hard work, his legs give out without warning when they're halfway to the transporter and he nearly sobs in gratitude when the shorter man continues to shoulder the burden and keep him from falling flat on his face.
"Easy does it laddie. You're gonna be all right."
He murmurs, "Thank you..." and leans his weight against the doctor.
John wants to believe Beckett, honest to god he does, but his body has other ideas and after all the good luck of the past few hours his optimism has finally run its course. He stares at his friend and tries to smile but instead grimaces as a wave of pain tightens within his chest. And it's odd, he thinks, to feel so poorly now, when only moments ago he was willing to fight tooth and nail and sacrifice his life if necessary for the lives of everyone he cares about.
The past weeks are unexpectedly hazy. He knows the Genii occupied Atlantis because he has the leftover guilt and bruises to prove it, but still, right now, walking through the darkened corridors of the nearly empty city, barely able to stand upright and feeling like a load of crap in Beckett's arms, everything at the moment is surreal to John and he wonders if he'll ever shake the feelings.
They walk a bit longer and John has no idea where the hell he's going but it doesn't matter because he trusts the doctor to get him there in one piece. Beckett's hand is steady around his waist and his Scottish burr soft and encouraging in John’s ear.
His head hurts and he whimpers low in his throat, loud enough that Beckett gives him an odd glance. Everything's strange...nothing seems right, he's edgy and damaged, and Rodney...he really, really, needs to see Rodney.
"Please..." John hates feeling so unsteady and exposed, but at least he's among friends. He just needs a moment to get his bearings, breathe deeply and let the bad stuff go away for a while and then maybe, hopefully, go numb. His body hurts and he's so damn tired. There's no way in hell John can walk another step. He breaks free from Beckett's hold and turns his face against the cool metal of the passageway wall. The tile is icy cold against his skin but it's exactly what he needs.
"All right Major, just stay here a spell...I'll be right back."
The pungent smell of antiseptic tells John he's near the infirmary and he stands in the hallway for a moment leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, breathing steady, unsure of what the hell he's supposed to do next.
For more than three long weeks he thinks only of Rodney, his team and staying alive long enough to retake the city and now that it's over he doesn't quite know how to respond. John's happy of course, and relieved god knows, but there's also some terrible stuff for him to decipher too and it's going to take a hell of a long time to forget all the torture, death and suffering. He's going to have some tough shit to deal with but he'll save it up for later at some point in time when he's sure his head won't explode.
For now John finds a colder space on the tile, rubs his face back and forth, moans, and waits for Beckett to return.
"Major?"
When the doctor touches his arm he shudders and turns into the touch, and it's really kind of embarrassing for the military commander of Atlantis to be so damn clingy.
"Up you go."
John collapses onto the offered gurney, turns his face to the side and sobs quietly when Beckett squeezes his shoulder.
"There, there son, now you can pass out as much as you like."
AaA
Rodney recalls firing the shot that slams Kolya through the gate on a one-way ticket back to Genii, Sheppard calling his name, and then fading to black.
When he wakes up in the infirmary Carson is telling him to stay still, that he's been injured but he's going to be okay and Teyla is standing protectively in the background waiting for the doctor to finish. In the corner of the room he sees Sheppard on another gurney, dead to the world, bandaged and hooked up to numerous IVs.
He looks at Teyla and she takes his hand and smiles and everything is super until Rodney tries to sit up and a wave of pain washes over him so fierce he screams for Carson who then takes a mammoth needle and medicates him into La-La Land
Later he finds out that the bullet hit his shoulder and went clean through and that Kavanagh is alive and not even concussed and being kept in the same damp holding cell that the Genii kept the Major.
The doctor confides that it's crazy finding stuff. It took him three hours to locate clean bandages and he has Ford out looking for flashlights now. The Genii, it seems, are crazy about storing and labeling things and Rodney has a feeling they're going to be searching for everything from canned fruit to paper clips for a very long time. And as for toilet paper...god, he doesn't even dare think about it. Still, life goes on, and Carson isn't a complainer, he's just exhausted and only now starting to really feel the burn.
When he asks about Sheppard the doctor frowns then quickly replaces the look with a familiar smile. He tells Rodney Sheppard is sick, feverish and fighting an infection from the whip cuts on his back that should have been treated over a week ago. He's got one broken rib that's healing nicely and one cracked one that's making Carson crazy, a fractured cheekbone and a number of bruises and abrasions from his treatment at the hands of the Genii.
Carson informs him that after sleeping for twenty-four hours Sheppard refuses to remain in the infirmary. Since Atlantis is in tatters Beckett doesn't try to stop him. Rodney will be free to leave in the morning too. Until then he's advised to get some sleep, shut off the laptop, and not get into any more trouble.
Oh, yeah, right.
Systems are failing, the lower regions of the city are flooding and oh, yes, they seem to have a bit of a rodent problem. In short, Rodney has a shit load of work to do and if he didn't feel miserable and thanks to Carson, a bit dopey, he'd be up and running and fixing stuff right now.
Of course, when Rodney fires up his laptop he promptly falls asleep. When he wakes up Sheppard is sitting in the chair by his bed all long legs and rumpled clothing. Rodney can't help it. His heart skips a beat.
"I'm here to spring you." Sheppard's smile is bright but doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Is it morning all ready?" Rodney wants to touch but keeps his hands to himself. Being this close to Sheppard makes him horny no matter the physical state of his battered body. He rubs his shoulder and grinds his teeth. "Ouch."
"Yeah, morning..." Sheppard's voice trails away. "It's finally over."
"You think?" Rodney hates to sound flippant, because really it's just beginning. "I have to get the gate fixed, monitor some of the vital systems, remove the sensor glitch, fix the drainage problem, rotate the sewer controls and then, if there's time, figure out a way to chain Kavanagh's ass to the floor so he can help me without causing any more damage.
Sheppard's smile is genuine now. He pats Rodney's knee gently and helps him up to the edge of the bed.
"Sounds great...is that before or after breakfast."
Rodney considers a moment. They're both disheveled and drained and ailing on so many levels it's almost ridiculous to imagine them doing more than sleeping for the next few weeks, preferably together, and yet the city can't wait, their people need rescuing and the Wraith aren't going to cut them a break for past pain and suffering. He stares into Sheppard's understanding hazel eyes, reaches for his hand and squeezes gently. What a pair of heroes they make.
In the end his stomach decides for him. "After."
AaA
John works like an animal for the next week despite Beckett's protests. He helps Rodney when he's able, clears debris from tsunami clogged passageways, flies the jumper to the mainland to pick up Sora and the two young Athosians, sets Ford up to guard Kavanagh who swears on his grandmother's grave that he's finished being a traitor and lovingly initiates more Ancient technology than he's touched since his arrival in the city.
"Major Sheppard," Teyla's voice sounds uncertain and John knows she's having a rough time of things. He's not sure if she and Sora have made up at all but he's seen them eating together in the lunchroom and doing some of the menial labor around the city. Besides, if punches were thrown, Ford would have told him.
"You okay Teyla?"
"It is I that should be asking you that question." She frowns. "Dr. Beckett feels that you are not keeping hydrated."
"He's right." John takes the offered bottle of water and downs it in three gulps. "Thanks."
"Both you and Dr. McKay are working too hard."
"Everyone's working hard Teyla, yourself included." John considers asking her about Sora but the fabrication he and Rodney wove to the Genii about Teyla is still a bit of a sore spot between them and he'd rather not open old wounds when he still has a zillion other items on his plate. As it stands, Teyla doesn't give him much of a chance.
"Sora too is helping."
"Ah, about that Teyla, you do realize that what Rodney and I did, the things we said to Sora, the lies, were all part of the plan. We needed to get to the mainland and she wouldn't go and get you if she thought you were innocent or contrite."
"You used her love for her father against her."
"Well, when you put it like that..." John rubs his temple and waits.
"In your position I would probably have done the same thing."
John bites his bottom lip. Somehow he doesn't think so. "I'm so sorry."
Teyla hands him another bottled water and smiles. "Drink this."
And just like that things are good between them. Teyla watches him gulp down the bottle and leaves with a nod of her head.
John wonders where Rodney's working today. They've hardly had a private moment together that wasn't all rushed and jittery or include scientific mumbo jumbo or plans on rebuilding.
Rodney's pissed at the slow progress they're making but without the body of scientists to help and the marines to do the grunt work, they're doing the best they can under nearly impossible circumstances.
The Stargate isn't repaired yet but surprise, surprise, when they dial out and contact the Manarian gate, Stackhouse answers the call and his brief but informative message is followed quickly by a pep talk from Elizabeth Weir.
It seems that a contingent of grounded Marines is even worse at waiting around than John and they figure out pretty quickly that the Manarians screwed them over to help the Genii storm the city. It takes a little over an hour to show the fuckers who are really in charge, and when they attempt to dial the gate back to Atlantis without results they fear the worst but choose to remain optimistic. Of course three and a half weeks later when Dr. Weir pops through the Manarian gate accompanied by an apologetic Ladon Radim they realize that things are going to turn out just fine. Everyone has loads of questions but John's exhausted and defers all answers to a later briefing when he can get his thoughts in perspective.
After that everyone feels a lot better and later that evening in the lab Rodney pulls him close and kisses him softly. Three kisses later John knows they're going to be okay too.
AaA
"Have you seen the Major?"
Rodney shakes his head and winces and thinks about telling Ford the truth. That Sheppard is right now waiting in Rodney's quarters with half a bottle of Scotch and is probably, hopefully, god willingly naked. He imagines the Lieutenant's expression and keeps his mouth firm. "Nope...haven't seen him."
"You're turning in for the night Doc?"
"Yes, I've fixed half the city today and I think I'll save the other half for tomorrow."
Ford's answering smirk makes him feel good and he wonders just how much the young marine understands about the true nature of Rodney's relationship with his commanding officer.
"Yes, well, goodnight." Rodney tries not to rush down the hallway but it's hard to stay calm when he knows Sheppard's waiting.
He opens the door to his room and enters quietly. The lights are off and for a moment he's disappointed. But then Rodney sees a familiar slender outline under his sheets and a shock of dark hair on his pillows. Sheppard is sleeping, curled up on the bed like a small but long legged child.
"John..." he whispers and then simply looks.
At the mention of his name Sheppard twists slightly, curving his spine in a way unnatural to normal humans, but doesn't wake up. He grips the edge of the sheet and arches upward, in a move both innocent and erotic, depending upon Rodney's mood, and murmurs softly under his breath.
Rodney moves closer to try and understand and suddenly the moisture on Sheppard's lips, perfect and full, and waiting to be kissed transfixes him. But still he waits. His lover's been through a heck of a lot in the past month and as silly as it may sound Rodney doesn't want to scare him.
He flinches when the sheets drop below Sheppard's chest and the myriad of bruises become visible, exposed and vibrant against the moonlit night.
"Damn..." Rodney wishes he could erase every pain Kolya inflicted upon Sheppard and make him whole and better and pure but sadly that just isn't going to happen. Still, what's done is done, and they're both alive. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that he'll feel better in the morning.
"Is that you?"
Sheppard's sleepy voice makes Rodney smile and his grin widens when John stretches his long body from headboard to bottom and the sheets flop open and lay bare one very enticing curve of pelvic bone.
Rodney touches it greedily, possessively, and Sheppard responds with a sharp inhalation and a breathy moan.
"Rodney..." Sheppard's sleep filled eyes dance. "Come to bed."
AaA
John wakes up a little after midnight and finds Rodney wrapped in a blanket staring out the window. He gets up quietly and stands behind his lover laying his chin on Rodney's shoulder with a sigh.
"Hey."
"You know your chin is pointy right? I have enough injuries to deal with Sheppard."
John doesn't answer, waits, and soon after Rodney turns around and kisses the side of his throat. "I couldn't sleep."
John manages, "I was kind of hoping you'd say that," and wraps his arms tight around Rodney's waist.
Rodney touches his face and John melts. Sturdy fingers trace fine lines across his cheekbone, nose and lips, casually spinning down his throat, skimming the edges of his ear and finally finding purchase on his collarbone. He sighs into the caress feeling warm and safe and then shivers, suddenly icy, when Rodney pulls away.
"You are so beautiful..." Rodney leads him to the bed and lays John out like a banquet.
"Rodney..." John wants to protest because 'beautiful' is not really a man word but really what's the point? It's been ten days since the Genii left the city, ten days of frantic repairs and hurried kisses, and now finally, when there's nothing more they can do for Atlantis except work, wait and see, John is determined to feel the full stretch of his lover seated deep inside his body. It's been too long dammit...he wants Rodney now.
"Please..." John tries to be calm, really he does, and he hates sounding so needy, but Rodney makes him feel all sorts of strange things, and right now, naked and yearning with his cock angling up like a signpost, he feels more vulnerable than he's ever felt before in his whole entire life.
"I never thought I'd see you again...I mean, I knew my plan would work, at least I hoped, but I didn't know if Kolya would let you go..." Rodney closes his eyes and when he opens them John stirs at the intensity of his expression. "Because I know I would have wanted to keep you..."
Rodney talks a lot during sex and for some wacky reason John finds it comforting. It's just as sexy to listen to Rodney's plans for his body, as it is to hear him babble randomly about system failures and waterlogged components while he turns John's limbs to mush.
"I'm here Rodney...and so are you." John leans up and captures the worried lips in a kiss, teasing his lover's crooked mouth open and tasting faints hints of coffee on his tongue. It's oddly reassuring. All the while Rodney hasn't stopped touching him, moving his body, squeezing the cheeks of his ass, stroking along his inner thigh.
"Mmmmmm..."
He sighs and drops his legs open, inviting Rodney to take whatever he wants, to use him and enjoy him and fuck him straight into paradise.
"I want you...god John...I really, really want you." Rodney sounds uncertain and the fact that John finds that detail quite endearing probably means he's fucked. "You're so...god..."
Rodney's fingers are trembling now, excited and gaining strength fast. John sighs and grabs his hand, kissing the palm softly until Rodney whimpers. And oh god, it's such a relief to see such raw passion, and realize he's not the only one in this relationship with doubts. John's not sure how far they can take this but he's willing to give it a try. Rodney makes him happy and he figures after the past near month of Genii hell they both deserve a little bit of pleasure in their lives.
He moans and stretches, relieved for a second when fewer things hurt today than they did the night before.
"Get over here..." he murmurs and reaches for his lover's hand.
"Yes," Rodney's gaze is full of desire and John kisses him once more before pulling him down to the mattress with a thud.
The beds on Atlantis are small, but what the heck, since they're all alone with just Ford, Teyla and Beckett for company, it isn't much of a hassle to tie a couple of beds together and make a Pegasus full-size mattress from two twin components.
They sleep together every night, and it doesn't matter that John hasn't really been up to much more than snuggling, since for his part Rodney's pretty beat too and is content to just lie there and stare at him.
For a week they kiss and cuddle and nibble and touch. It's a sweet arrangement, and makes John feel like he's in high school, but tonight he's geared up for more and he hopes Rodney's just as eager as he is to get their relationship moving full throttle.
"You have me Rodney. Now just get your damn clothes off." John chides him gently and Rodney takes no offence. He smiles wearily and sits up but when he doesn't unzip John immediately starts to worry. "Rodney?"
"You don't blame me and I hate myself and you don't blame me at all for what I've done, for what could have happened." He's fidgeting, never a very good sign, and John waits patiently. "I could have gotten you killed and you know that and how can you want to be with me?"
"Christ..." John swallows down a groan. This talk's been coming for a long time and there's really no way to avoid it in the scheme of things, not if they want their relationship to stand a chance. It's no secret Rodney's been trying to process a big helping of guilt, mostly where John's concerned, and it might be better now to get it out in the open. "It's okay Rodney..."
But things certainly aren't okay, not really, and with every fiber of his being he hopes that Rodney can filter stuff soon so they can both get on with their lives. Of course, since John's just added Collins and sixty other Genii to his long list of demons that already includes Afghanistan he's got issues of his own to work through.
He takes a deep breath and begins. "Okay, look, so it's not okay. I know that. You're hurting and I'm hurting and I suck at this type of stuff tremendously. But for you I'll talk about it if you need me too."
Rodney sighs and rubs a hand over his tired eyes. "Right now you're what I need."
And sure it sounds like an absurd line from a romance novel, but what the fuck, they've both earned it.
"Okay..." John offers, and waits.
Rodney starts talking, frantic and resigned, with his hands waving in all directions. It's wild and nearly unintelligible and John has to touch his arm to slow him down, to calm him and give his words time to process. He talks about Kolya and the plan and his fears for John's safety. He describes his anger over Kavanagh and his guilt at making Teyla into a villain in Sora's eyes.
And John understands his pain and his confusion and he tells Rodney as much but he's not sure if the scientist is listening to him. Rodney's depleted and wary, unsure of how John feels and after everything they've gone through and said to each other it's really just too fucking much. John holds Rodney's hands carefully and says, "I care for you a lot and I...I love you maybe...even."
There, it's out. John says it and he's still breathing. He didn't pass out or drop dead and the world sure as hell didn't end with his confession. He notices Rodney staring again and feels his cheeks burn.
"You love me?" Rodney's deep blue eyes are full of self-doubt at John's responding nod. "When did that happen?"
John beams. "Somewhere between running for our lives, getting shot at, nearly eaten and invaded."
Life sure is strange sometimes...thank god for that.
"Yeah...I mean, of course you love me. I'm a hero. I saved the city."
"Yes, you did."
"And I saved your ass too."
"I'm at your mercy."
"And I'm going to fix the gate...soon."
"I have complete trust in all your abilities."
Rodney shakes his head at John's innuendo and suddenly it feels good again, like before the Genii gated into their city. "Well, I am a genius after all."
"Yes, you sure are."
John's cock twitches in anticipation and his belly does a summersault. When Rodney starts to plant wet sloppy kisses all across his stomach John can't hold back an embarrassing, pleading, desperate moan.
"And..." Rodney repeats looking up and gazing hard into his eyes. "I happen to love you too."
Under any other circumstances John might be embarrassed. He's never been an 'I love you' type of guy. But Rodney makes him crazy and hot and out of control and John needs to feel that way, god he needs it very, very badly. His voice sounds rough when he responds "good" and Rodney's bright responding smile is incentive enough to grab him by the hair and kiss him breathless.
And sure maybe his lover is a shade too arrogant but Rodney's also brilliant beyond all comprehension, even though on bad days he's somewhat of a challenge to be around. He's insulting and genuine and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. His colleagues cringe in fear when they make mistakes but John believes they must secretly adore him because he can't fully comprehend otherwise. And the thing is, despite all his rather eclectic personality traits, even though everyone on base might probably say John could do better if of course they knew he was gay and doing McKay, he doesn't want anyone else. He wants to keep Rodney because he loves him.
"You have so many bruises..." One taste of his shoulder blade, another gentle peck on his cheekbone, the smooth glide of tongue ignites his flesh and John gasps when Rodney circles his nipple and maybe he pleads for more but Rodney won't be bossed around. He's determined now and suddenly sure in this as he is in all things.
"Whoa, that one's ugly..."
"Rodney..."
Of course Rodney's idea of pillow talk can probably use some work, but he's not fibbing. John's body is a Picasso of marks and discolorations and his ribs are still taped up tight enough to restrict his oxygen. His hair is long and floppy, definitely not regulation, and his lips are torn and sore from Kolya's beatings but still Rodney calls him beautiful and dammit this time John's going to take him at his word.
He touches Rodney's cock, outlines the deep veins and ridges, and it feels amazing to stroke along the heated length and listen to Rodney groan. John's done this to Rodney, made him this hard, wanting, fanatical with need and desire, for him, for John dammit and that's so spectacular, so fucking out of this world amazing that for a moment he's stunned and scared and it's ridiculous, but god, he's holding Rodney's cock.
"Are you still with me?" Rodney touches his face gently. "Look at me John."
And John looks because it's Rodney and he's impossible to ignore under any circumstances. And what he sees in Rodney's clear blue eyes rivets him and shatters him all at the same time. Rodney loves him, is in love with him, and fuck he's so transparent John wonders how the hell everyone in the city doesn't notice it every god damn day.
Rodney tilts his mouth up, nuzzles under his neck, along his jaw, and the curve of his collarbone, touching as much of John's body as he can in the process. It's wild and sweet and perfect in ways John could never imagine and he captures Rodney's face in response, smoothes his fingers in the baby fine curls at the back of his neck and simply kisses him.
The kiss is rough, with both of them giving and taking. And since it's impossible to control the spin John just goes with the flow allowing Rodney to handle him, position him, and enjoy him as much as humanly possible.
"Yes...god, yes..."
He squeezes Rodney's cock, lines it up with his own and wraps his fingers around the slick, firm shafts, joining them together. They grind and grope and kiss and stroke, until John is gasping for breath and both of them are sweaty and happy and good. John wonders idly if Beckett would approve. After all, this is almost as far away from 'no strenuous activity as he can get.
Somehow, during all the kissing, Rodney manages to part John's legs and press two fingers deep inside him. John whines incoherently and thanks god, because, oh yeah, fingers, in his ass and that's just...whoa. He pushes against the fingers and then starts to moan like a baby when Rodney pats his belly, churns his knuckles, and then proves what a complete and utter genius he is by adding one more.
"Oh fuck..."
The strokes are glorious, soft and tender with Rodney painting murals within him. John closes his eyes and just allows himself to feel the balanced glide, moving his body in time to the strokes, wanton and careless against the sweat soaked sheets. Just when he thinks he's timed things right, when he knows where Rodney's going, his lover ups the pace and the steady contact changes, becomes forceful then coarse until John starts to shudder so hard he thinks he just might explode.
Rodney sighs into his mouth and pulls their bodies close together and John knows they're both completely lost when Rodney hugs him tenderly and takes a deep breath before laying his hard cock between John's legs and looking into his eyes for permission.
He manages to exhale, "Please" before Rodney's kissing him once more and grinding down hard enough to make his nerves flutter.
"I want you so bad John...want you..."
John thrusts up and Rodney returns the push, and he can't stop shaking and shivering, hoping Rodney gets with the program soon and fills him because surely all this waiting and playing and build-up is going to end John's life without even so much as an orgasm to send him on his way. He wraps his legs around Rodney's waist, holds on tight and explores the moist warmth building up between their thighs all the while biting his lip and doing his best to remain patient while Rodney takes the time to prepare him.
It's an absurd position to find himself in and even odder considering the person he's with but if the next few minutes of his life are any indication, John's got a feeling that even though their relationship will probably make his life crazy in the end it's definitely going to be worth it.
Because when Rodney finally stops wasting time and just takes him, spreading John open like a buffet and tasting him inside and out, something in his mind clicks and his heart follows willingly.
John is lucky, damn in your face lucky to have found Rodney at a time in his life when so many memories are dragging him down and he's also lucky to be alive right now to enjoy him.
He knows this revelation is significant but he pushes it aside for later because right now the Genii are out of their city, his teammates are safe, Rodney loves him and John is finally, finally after weeks of frustrating hell, having sex in a double bed, safe and secure for the moment on a star filled night in Atlantis.
Everything else in the universe can wait until morning.
END
=end=
Conclusion
AaA
"I do not wish to leave Atlantis Sheppard."
"Well, I'm sure the Wraith would like you to stay..." John's exhausted and shaky and he hates the weakness evident in every syllable of his voice when he speaks. "...for dinner."
The Gateroom is full of Genii soldiers and scientists alike some with weapons drawn and all waiting impatiently for their Commander to give the word and finally send them safely out of the city. Of course, Kolya is stubborn, and determined, and oh yeah, maybe more than a little off kilter so even with the city being overrun by Wraith, he's still playing soldier and grasping at straws.
"If I do decide to depart," Kolya's eyes find his and the darkness is unsettling. "Then I will take you with me as a slave to the Genii."
At that moment John decides that he'll go with Kolya if forced to leave if it means that Rodney, his team and Atlantis will be safe. "Why in the world would I want to stay here?"
"You amuse me Major." Kolya looks around the room and absorbs the horror on the faces of his men. "But do not test me or I may choose to leave you for the Wraith after all."
John nods and waits for the decision. Right now it's kind of out of his hands. He looks around slowly, trying to find Rodney's face in the shadows. The soldiers stare at him grimly, wishing him dead, and John swallows hard in the glare of their hatred, palpable still despite their fear.
"What do you think I should do Sheppard?" Kolya is toying with him now and John hates that his intimidation is working.
"How about letting me gate to another world?" His voice is rough and edgy, but really, John's lucky he's able to talk at all. A particularly nasty blow to the chest had him seeing red only minutes ago and it's quite a nice surprise to find that he's still at least partially conscious.
"Very funny Major, but I think not."
"Sir...they are moving this way, scattering everywhere! We have to dial out now!" Ladon's voice is desperate and why the hell not? If John didn't know the truth he'd be sweating it out too.
Kolya is adamant. "No. We will stay and fight."
"But that is...suicide!" Ladon must realize by now that he cannot reason with Kolya. John suspects he's known that bit of truth for quite a while. But sedition in the military is not a pretty word and the shit has to be pretty dire before a second in command decides to tread that pathway. Most times there is no turning back.
"We cannot expect to win. We have scientists here along with our soldiers. We must retreat now while we can still access the gate."
Ladon is one hell of a patient guy but he'll go grey before he wins the argument here. Kolya's not going to budge. He's bartered too many lives for Atlantis to give her up now.
"Again...I will not leave. My son died because of this city, because of this man!" When he points to John his hand is shaking. "I will not let the Wraith take what is mine by right!"
There are murmurs from the crowd and some shuffling back and forth and in the current scenario that's not a good sign. The Genii are petrified of the Wraith and it's no secret they're not fans of being forced to stay in the Ancestor's broken down city. They want to go home. They want to see their families. And most of all, they want to survive.
"But Sir...!"
John swallows hard at Kolya's next words. "Ladon do not dial the gate! I command you."
After that everything happens so quickly that for a second John forgets to breathe.
"Disarm him."
Ladon nods his head and the Genii soldiers point their weapons at Kolya and remove the gun from his belt. Somewhere in the distance two shots are fired and a wave of fear floats through the crowd. Seconds later the Stargate fires up a familiar blue event horizon and the scientists start to scatter through.
"What is this?" Kolya shouts, baffled, and damn if John doesn't feel a bit of sympathy for his adversary once again. He looks up at Ladon in the control room.
"I believe it's called 'mutiny'." John whispers calmly.
"I gave you an order dammit!"
"Yes, you did, but one that I have no intention of following." Ladon walks down the stairs as evenly as the situation allows. "We need to hurry so the Wraith do not follow us through." He gestures again and the remaining scientists exit followed by most of the remaining soldiers until only two, along with Ladon and Kolya remain.
John's a bit surprised by his next words. "This wormhole does not lead to Genii. We will redial once we arrive through the gate. I've recalibrated the Atlantis gate to immediately redial another planet so we leave no trail behind. It is my hope the world I lead the Wraith toward is still uninhabited although I cannot say for certain. You can take your chances Sheppard or you can remain behind here. But you are not welcome to continue to Genii."
"Okay..." So, not really a spur of the moment decision then. "What about Doctor Weir?"
"I'll do my best to return her to the Manarians. You'll have to take it from there if you survive."
"No! He must return with us to answer for his crimes!"
As usual the Genii are less than thorough and it's no surprise to John when Kolya produces a hidden knife and holds it tight against his throat. John's seen the knife before. And he's got the wounds to prove it. "I'll kill him. Right here, right now." He digs the knife in for emphasis.
John doesn't doubt he'll follow through. He snarls and struggles against the hold. "You're a bastard Kolya."
And god he honestly means it. Kolya is a bastard and John wants an opportunity to hurt him very badly for all the misery he's caused since arriving in the city. He wants to hit and harm and make the Commander pay for each and every life John was forced to take defending Atlantis.
"He is a murderer..." Kolya's grip tightens on his throat and when the knife digs into his flesh John stops moving.
"I have given the Major my word. The decision is his alone. You cannot remain behind. Cowen will not allow it."
Ladon gestures again and this time the guards grab Kolya before he can bleed the life out of John past a small deep nick just a hairsbreadth away from his jugular.
But the Genii commander has a few tricks left. Kolya feints resignation, seizes a gun from one of his subordinates and turns it pointblank towards John's chest.
"Oh for god's sake..." John starts wearily, but before he can even think about fighting for his life a shot rings out loud and clear in the nearly empty room and Kolya staggers forward then backward until he eventually stumbles into the event horizon.
John turns in the direction of the bullet and sees Rodney, gun drawn, blood covering his arm, staggering forward like a drunken man.
"I'm okay..." Rodney manages before falling down.
"Major!" Ford rushes in followed by Teyla and finally Beckett zooming straight past everyone to Rodney's side.
"Rodney!" John's hands start to shake and his throat freezes.
Rodney, please...I need you alive.
"He's okay. It looks like a through and through." Beckett allows. "But I have to stitch him up some."
John says, "Okay..." when he means 'thank god'.
When Ladon arrives at the gate he glances out at the group of ragged Atlantis refugees and his mouth twists. In that instant John knows that the scientist is aware that the Genii have been duped. Atlantis is safe. The enemy was never in the city.
"In the future perhaps our people can be allies..."
John nods curtly. "Don't count on it."
Thankfully Ladon is a lot smarter than Kolya. He says simply, "Good luck against the Wraith," and takes one last look around before stepping through the Stargate.
John rushes to Rodney's side just as Beckett finishes bandaging his shoulder and shooting a needle into his arm.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself Sheppard, I got shot!"
"I can see that. By one of the Genii?" John is more relieved than curious. Rodney is pale and drawn and his eyes are dark rimmed and bloodshot but he's breathing and confrontational and absolutely perfect. "Or by the Wraith?"
"No, I mean, neither." Rodney sighs and exhales. "It's a long story."
"And an amazing one I bet." John can't help smiling. His team is alive and the Genii are gone and life in the Pegasus galaxy is pretty darn good. Next up he'll work on getting the gate fixed and the rest of his people back from the Manarians but first maybe something to eat followed by a quick power nap. "I can't wait to hear all about it." He squeezes Rodney's hand and his lover squeezes back and if that's being obvious, then who the hell cares. "So, your plan worked..."
"Yes and you're still alive." Rodney's voice is weakening and John knows it's a matter of time before Beckett's happy juice kicks in and takes him away. "And you're so... wow...but Sheppard, I'm brave...I shot Kolya before he could shoot you...!" And with those words he passes out.
John looks around quickly. But if anyone just heard the city's top science officer refer to the acting military commander as 'wow' they're being discreet enough to keep it to themselves. Then again, Atlantis is basically vacant, so no harm done.
He sags against the wall and waits with Rodney until Carson and Ford arrive with the gurney and heft him atop it. John wants to get up and follow them to the infirmary but his butt won't move from the floor. Every bone in his body is jarred and aching and John doesn't think he can walk a straight line if he tried.
After nearly four weeks of Genii occupation Atlantis is finally free and he has so much to do and so little time to do it and yet nothing seems more important in the entire galaxy right now than just sitting on the floor leaning against the wall and doing nothing.
"Oh fuck..." John closes his eyes tight and fights back tears of relief, and god, this so isn't like him. It's possible he needs a bit more than just a power nap.
"Major?" Beckett's brogue is soft and if the city weren't so drafty John might even have missed it. "I need you to come with me now."
The doctor helps him to his feet and John doesn't offer a word of protest. He leans against Beckett and groans. He feels like an old man. John tries to concentrate, to put one foot in front of the other, but despite his hard work, his legs give out without warning when they're halfway to the transporter and he nearly sobs in gratitude when the shorter man continues to shoulder the burden and keep him from falling flat on his face.
"Easy does it laddie. You're gonna be all right."
He murmurs, "Thank you..." and leans his weight against the doctor.
John wants to believe Beckett, honest to god he does, but his body has other ideas and after all the good luck of the past few hours his optimism has finally run its course. He stares at his friend and tries to smile but instead grimaces as a wave of pain tightens within his chest. And it's odd, he thinks, to feel so poorly now, when only moments ago he was willing to fight tooth and nail and sacrifice his life if necessary for the lives of everyone he cares about.
The past weeks are unexpectedly hazy. He knows the Genii occupied Atlantis because he has the leftover guilt and bruises to prove it, but still, right now, walking through the darkened corridors of the nearly empty city, barely able to stand upright and feeling like a load of crap in Beckett's arms, everything at the moment is surreal to John and he wonders if he'll ever shake the feelings.
They walk a bit longer and John has no idea where the hell he's going but it doesn't matter because he trusts the doctor to get him there in one piece. Beckett's hand is steady around his waist and his Scottish burr soft and encouraging in John’s ear.
His head hurts and he whimpers low in his throat, loud enough that Beckett gives him an odd glance. Everything's strange...nothing seems right, he's edgy and damaged, and Rodney...he really, really, needs to see Rodney.
"Please..." John hates feeling so unsteady and exposed, but at least he's among friends. He just needs a moment to get his bearings, breathe deeply and let the bad stuff go away for a while and then maybe, hopefully, go numb. His body hurts and he's so damn tired. There's no way in hell John can walk another step. He breaks free from Beckett's hold and turns his face against the cool metal of the passageway wall. The tile is icy cold against his skin but it's exactly what he needs.
"All right Major, just stay here a spell...I'll be right back."
The pungent smell of antiseptic tells John he's near the infirmary and he stands in the hallway for a moment leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, breathing steady, unsure of what the hell he's supposed to do next.
For more than three long weeks he thinks only of Rodney, his team and staying alive long enough to retake the city and now that it's over he doesn't quite know how to respond. John's happy of course, and relieved god knows, but there's also some terrible stuff for him to decipher too and it's going to take a hell of a long time to forget all the torture, death and suffering. He's going to have some tough shit to deal with but he'll save it up for later at some point in time when he's sure his head won't explode.
For now John finds a colder space on the tile, rubs his face back and forth, moans, and waits for Beckett to return.
"Major?"
When the doctor touches his arm he shudders and turns into the touch, and it's really kind of embarrassing for the military commander of Atlantis to be so damn clingy.
"Up you go."
John collapses onto the offered gurney, turns his face to the side and sobs quietly when Beckett squeezes his shoulder.
"There, there son, now you can pass out as much as you like."
AaA
Rodney recalls firing the shot that slams Kolya through the gate on a one-way ticket back to Genii, Sheppard calling his name, and then fading to black.
When he wakes up in the infirmary Carson is telling him to stay still, that he's been injured but he's going to be okay and Teyla is standing protectively in the background waiting for the doctor to finish. In the corner of the room he sees Sheppard on another gurney, dead to the world, bandaged and hooked up to numerous IVs.
He looks at Teyla and she takes his hand and smiles and everything is super until Rodney tries to sit up and a wave of pain washes over him so fierce he screams for Carson who then takes a mammoth needle and medicates him into La-La Land
Later he finds out that the bullet hit his shoulder and went clean through and that Kavanagh is alive and not even concussed and being kept in the same damp holding cell that the Genii kept the Major.
The doctor confides that it's crazy finding stuff. It took him three hours to locate clean bandages and he has Ford out looking for flashlights now. The Genii, it seems, are crazy about storing and labeling things and Rodney has a feeling they're going to be searching for everything from canned fruit to paper clips for a very long time. And as for toilet paper...god, he doesn't even dare think about it. Still, life goes on, and Carson isn't a complainer, he's just exhausted and only now starting to really feel the burn.
When he asks about Sheppard the doctor frowns then quickly replaces the look with a familiar smile. He tells Rodney Sheppard is sick, feverish and fighting an infection from the whip cuts on his back that should have been treated over a week ago. He's got one broken rib that's healing nicely and one cracked one that's making Carson crazy, a fractured cheekbone and a number of bruises and abrasions from his treatment at the hands of the Genii.
Carson informs him that after sleeping for twenty-four hours Sheppard refuses to remain in the infirmary. Since Atlantis is in tatters Beckett doesn't try to stop him. Rodney will be free to leave in the morning too. Until then he's advised to get some sleep, shut off the laptop, and not get into any more trouble.
Oh, yeah, right.
Systems are failing, the lower regions of the city are flooding and oh, yes, they seem to have a bit of a rodent problem. In short, Rodney has a shit load of work to do and if he didn't feel miserable and thanks to Carson, a bit dopey, he'd be up and running and fixing stuff right now.
Of course, when Rodney fires up his laptop he promptly falls asleep. When he wakes up Sheppard is sitting in the chair by his bed all long legs and rumpled clothing. Rodney can't help it. His heart skips a beat.
"I'm here to spring you." Sheppard's smile is bright but doesn't quite reach his eyes.
"Is it morning all ready?" Rodney wants to touch but keeps his hands to himself. Being this close to Sheppard makes him horny no matter the physical state of his battered body. He rubs his shoulder and grinds his teeth. "Ouch."
"Yeah, morning..." Sheppard's voice trails away. "It's finally over."
"You think?" Rodney hates to sound flippant, because really it's just beginning. "I have to get the gate fixed, monitor some of the vital systems, remove the sensor glitch, fix the drainage problem, rotate the sewer controls and then, if there's time, figure out a way to chain Kavanagh's ass to the floor so he can help me without causing any more damage.
Sheppard's smile is genuine now. He pats Rodney's knee gently and helps him up to the edge of the bed.
"Sounds great...is that before or after breakfast."
Rodney considers a moment. They're both disheveled and drained and ailing on so many levels it's almost ridiculous to imagine them doing more than sleeping for the next few weeks, preferably together, and yet the city can't wait, their people need rescuing and the Wraith aren't going to cut them a break for past pain and suffering. He stares into Sheppard's understanding hazel eyes, reaches for his hand and squeezes gently. What a pair of heroes they make.
In the end his stomach decides for him. "After."
AaA
John works like an animal for the next week despite Beckett's protests. He helps Rodney when he's able, clears debris from tsunami clogged passageways, flies the jumper to the mainland to pick up Sora and the two young Athosians, sets Ford up to guard Kavanagh who swears on his grandmother's grave that he's finished being a traitor and lovingly initiates more Ancient technology than he's touched since his arrival in the city.
"Major Sheppard," Teyla's voice sounds uncertain and John knows she's having a rough time of things. He's not sure if she and Sora have made up at all but he's seen them eating together in the lunchroom and doing some of the menial labor around the city. Besides, if punches were thrown, Ford would have told him.
"You okay Teyla?"
"It is I that should be asking you that question." She frowns. "Dr. Beckett feels that you are not keeping hydrated."
"He's right." John takes the offered bottle of water and downs it in three gulps. "Thanks."
"Both you and Dr. McKay are working too hard."
"Everyone's working hard Teyla, yourself included." John considers asking her about Sora but the fabrication he and Rodney wove to the Genii about Teyla is still a bit of a sore spot between them and he'd rather not open old wounds when he still has a zillion other items on his plate. As it stands, Teyla doesn't give him much of a chance.
"Sora too is helping."
"Ah, about that Teyla, you do realize that what Rodney and I did, the things we said to Sora, the lies, were all part of the plan. We needed to get to the mainland and she wouldn't go and get you if she thought you were innocent or contrite."
"You used her love for her father against her."
"Well, when you put it like that..." John rubs his temple and waits.
"In your position I would probably have done the same thing."
John bites his bottom lip. Somehow he doesn't think so. "I'm so sorry."
Teyla hands him another bottled water and smiles. "Drink this."
And just like that things are good between them. Teyla watches him gulp down the bottle and leaves with a nod of her head.
John wonders where Rodney's working today. They've hardly had a private moment together that wasn't all rushed and jittery or include scientific mumbo jumbo or plans on rebuilding.
Rodney's pissed at the slow progress they're making but without the body of scientists to help and the marines to do the grunt work, they're doing the best they can under nearly impossible circumstances.
The Stargate isn't repaired yet but surprise, surprise, when they dial out and contact the Manarian gate, Stackhouse answers the call and his brief but informative message is followed quickly by a pep talk from Elizabeth Weir.
It seems that a contingent of grounded Marines is even worse at waiting around than John and they figure out pretty quickly that the Manarians screwed them over to help the Genii storm the city. It takes a little over an hour to show the fuckers who are really in charge, and when they attempt to dial the gate back to Atlantis without results they fear the worst but choose to remain optimistic. Of course three and a half weeks later when Dr. Weir pops through the Manarian gate accompanied by an apologetic Ladon Radim they realize that things are going to turn out just fine. Everyone has loads of questions but John's exhausted and defers all answers to a later briefing when he can get his thoughts in perspective.
After that everyone feels a lot better and later that evening in the lab Rodney pulls him close and kisses him softly. Three kisses later John knows they're going to be okay too.
AaA
"Have you seen the Major?"
Rodney shakes his head and winces and thinks about telling Ford the truth. That Sheppard is right now waiting in Rodney's quarters with half a bottle of Scotch and is probably, hopefully, god willingly naked. He imagines the Lieutenant's expression and keeps his mouth firm. "Nope...haven't seen him."
"You're turning in for the night Doc?"
"Yes, I've fixed half the city today and I think I'll save the other half for tomorrow."
Ford's answering smirk makes him feel good and he wonders just how much the young marine understands about the true nature of Rodney's relationship with his commanding officer.
"Yes, well, goodnight." Rodney tries not to rush down the hallway but it's hard to stay calm when he knows Sheppard's waiting.
He opens the door to his room and enters quietly. The lights are off and for a moment he's disappointed. But then Rodney sees a familiar slender outline under his sheets and a shock of dark hair on his pillows. Sheppard is sleeping, curled up on the bed like a small but long legged child.
"John..." he whispers and then simply looks.
At the mention of his name Sheppard twists slightly, curving his spine in a way unnatural to normal humans, but doesn't wake up. He grips the edge of the sheet and arches upward, in a move both innocent and erotic, depending upon Rodney's mood, and murmurs softly under his breath.
Rodney moves closer to try and understand and suddenly the moisture on Sheppard's lips, perfect and full, and waiting to be kissed transfixes him. But still he waits. His lover's been through a heck of a lot in the past month and as silly as it may sound Rodney doesn't want to scare him.
He flinches when the sheets drop below Sheppard's chest and the myriad of bruises become visible, exposed and vibrant against the moonlit night.
"Damn..." Rodney wishes he could erase every pain Kolya inflicted upon Sheppard and make him whole and better and pure but sadly that just isn't going to happen. Still, what's done is done, and they're both alive. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that he'll feel better in the morning.
"Is that you?"
Sheppard's sleepy voice makes Rodney smile and his grin widens when John stretches his long body from headboard to bottom and the sheets flop open and lay bare one very enticing curve of pelvic bone.
Rodney touches it greedily, possessively, and Sheppard responds with a sharp inhalation and a breathy moan.
"Rodney..." Sheppard's sleep filled eyes dance. "Come to bed."
AaA
John wakes up a little after midnight and finds Rodney wrapped in a blanket staring out the window. He gets up quietly and stands behind his lover laying his chin on Rodney's shoulder with a sigh.
"Hey."
"You know your chin is pointy right? I have enough injuries to deal with Sheppard."
John doesn't answer, waits, and soon after Rodney turns around and kisses the side of his throat. "I couldn't sleep."
John manages, "I was kind of hoping you'd say that," and wraps his arms tight around Rodney's waist.
Rodney touches his face and John melts. Sturdy fingers trace fine lines across his cheekbone, nose and lips, casually spinning down his throat, skimming the edges of his ear and finally finding purchase on his collarbone. He sighs into the caress feeling warm and safe and then shivers, suddenly icy, when Rodney pulls away.
"You are so beautiful..." Rodney leads him to the bed and lays John out like a banquet.
"Rodney..." John wants to protest because 'beautiful' is not really a man word but really what's the point? It's been ten days since the Genii left the city, ten days of frantic repairs and hurried kisses, and now finally, when there's nothing more they can do for Atlantis except work, wait and see, John is determined to feel the full stretch of his lover seated deep inside his body. It's been too long dammit...he wants Rodney now.
"Please..." John tries to be calm, really he does, and he hates sounding so needy, but Rodney makes him feel all sorts of strange things, and right now, naked and yearning with his cock angling up like a signpost, he feels more vulnerable than he's ever felt before in his whole entire life.
"I never thought I'd see you again...I mean, I knew my plan would work, at least I hoped, but I didn't know if Kolya would let you go..." Rodney closes his eyes and when he opens them John stirs at the intensity of his expression. "Because I know I would have wanted to keep you..."
Rodney talks a lot during sex and for some wacky reason John finds it comforting. It's just as sexy to listen to Rodney's plans for his body, as it is to hear him babble randomly about system failures and waterlogged components while he turns John's limbs to mush.
"I'm here Rodney...and so are you." John leans up and captures the worried lips in a kiss, teasing his lover's crooked mouth open and tasting faints hints of coffee on his tongue. It's oddly reassuring. All the while Rodney hasn't stopped touching him, moving his body, squeezing the cheeks of his ass, stroking along his inner thigh.
"Mmmmmm..."
He sighs and drops his legs open, inviting Rodney to take whatever he wants, to use him and enjoy him and fuck him straight into paradise.
"I want you...god John...I really, really want you." Rodney sounds uncertain and the fact that John finds that detail quite endearing probably means he's fucked. "You're so...god..."
Rodney's fingers are trembling now, excited and gaining strength fast. John sighs and grabs his hand, kissing the palm softly until Rodney whimpers. And oh god, it's such a relief to see such raw passion, and realize he's not the only one in this relationship with doubts. John's not sure how far they can take this but he's willing to give it a try. Rodney makes him happy and he figures after the past near month of Genii hell they both deserve a little bit of pleasure in their lives.
He moans and stretches, relieved for a second when fewer things hurt today than they did the night before.
"Get over here..." he murmurs and reaches for his lover's hand.
"Yes," Rodney's gaze is full of desire and John kisses him once more before pulling him down to the mattress with a thud.
The beds on Atlantis are small, but what the heck, since they're all alone with just Ford, Teyla and Beckett for company, it isn't much of a hassle to tie a couple of beds together and make a Pegasus full-size mattress from two twin components.
They sleep together every night, and it doesn't matter that John hasn't really been up to much more than snuggling, since for his part Rodney's pretty beat too and is content to just lie there and stare at him.
For a week they kiss and cuddle and nibble and touch. It's a sweet arrangement, and makes John feel like he's in high school, but tonight he's geared up for more and he hopes Rodney's just as eager as he is to get their relationship moving full throttle.
"You have me Rodney. Now just get your damn clothes off." John chides him gently and Rodney takes no offence. He smiles wearily and sits up but when he doesn't unzip John immediately starts to worry. "Rodney?"
"You don't blame me and I hate myself and you don't blame me at all for what I've done, for what could have happened." He's fidgeting, never a very good sign, and John waits patiently. "I could have gotten you killed and you know that and how can you want to be with me?"
"Christ..." John swallows down a groan. This talk's been coming for a long time and there's really no way to avoid it in the scheme of things, not if they want their relationship to stand a chance. It's no secret Rodney's been trying to process a big helping of guilt, mostly where John's concerned, and it might be better now to get it out in the open. "It's okay Rodney..."
But things certainly aren't okay, not really, and with every fiber of his being he hopes that Rodney can filter stuff soon so they can both get on with their lives. Of course, since John's just added Collins and sixty other Genii to his long list of demons that already includes Afghanistan he's got issues of his own to work through.
He takes a deep breath and begins. "Okay, look, so it's not okay. I know that. You're hurting and I'm hurting and I suck at this type of stuff tremendously. But for you I'll talk about it if you need me too."
Rodney sighs and rubs a hand over his tired eyes. "Right now you're what I need."
And sure it sounds like an absurd line from a romance novel, but what the fuck, they've both earned it.
"Okay..." John offers, and waits.
Rodney starts talking, frantic and resigned, with his hands waving in all directions. It's wild and nearly unintelligible and John has to touch his arm to slow him down, to calm him and give his words time to process. He talks about Kolya and the plan and his fears for John's safety. He describes his anger over Kavanagh and his guilt at making Teyla into a villain in Sora's eyes.
And John understands his pain and his confusion and he tells Rodney as much but he's not sure if the scientist is listening to him. Rodney's depleted and wary, unsure of how John feels and after everything they've gone through and said to each other it's really just too fucking much. John holds Rodney's hands carefully and says, "I care for you a lot and I...I love you maybe...even."
There, it's out. John says it and he's still breathing. He didn't pass out or drop dead and the world sure as hell didn't end with his confession. He notices Rodney staring again and feels his cheeks burn.
"You love me?" Rodney's deep blue eyes are full of self-doubt at John's responding nod. "When did that happen?"
John beams. "Somewhere between running for our lives, getting shot at, nearly eaten and invaded."
Life sure is strange sometimes...thank god for that.
"Yeah...I mean, of course you love me. I'm a hero. I saved the city."
"Yes, you did."
"And I saved your ass too."
"I'm at your mercy."
"And I'm going to fix the gate...soon."
"I have complete trust in all your abilities."
Rodney shakes his head at John's innuendo and suddenly it feels good again, like before the Genii gated into their city. "Well, I am a genius after all."
"Yes, you sure are."
John's cock twitches in anticipation and his belly does a summersault. When Rodney starts to plant wet sloppy kisses all across his stomach John can't hold back an embarrassing, pleading, desperate moan.
"And..." Rodney repeats looking up and gazing hard into his eyes. "I happen to love you too."
Under any other circumstances John might be embarrassed. He's never been an 'I love you' type of guy. But Rodney makes him crazy and hot and out of control and John needs to feel that way, god he needs it very, very badly. His voice sounds rough when he responds "good" and Rodney's bright responding smile is incentive enough to grab him by the hair and kiss him breathless.
And sure maybe his lover is a shade too arrogant but Rodney's also brilliant beyond all comprehension, even though on bad days he's somewhat of a challenge to be around. He's insulting and genuine and he doesn't suffer fools gladly. His colleagues cringe in fear when they make mistakes but John believes they must secretly adore him because he can't fully comprehend otherwise. And the thing is, despite all his rather eclectic personality traits, even though everyone on base might probably say John could do better if of course they knew he was gay and doing McKay, he doesn't want anyone else. He wants to keep Rodney because he loves him.
"You have so many bruises..." One taste of his shoulder blade, another gentle peck on his cheekbone, the smooth glide of tongue ignites his flesh and John gasps when Rodney circles his nipple and maybe he pleads for more but Rodney won't be bossed around. He's determined now and suddenly sure in this as he is in all things.
"Whoa, that one's ugly..."
"Rodney..."
Of course Rodney's idea of pillow talk can probably use some work, but he's not fibbing. John's body is a Picasso of marks and discolorations and his ribs are still taped up tight enough to restrict his oxygen. His hair is long and floppy, definitely not regulation, and his lips are torn and sore from Kolya's beatings but still Rodney calls him beautiful and dammit this time John's going to take him at his word.
He touches Rodney's cock, outlines the deep veins and ridges, and it feels amazing to stroke along the heated length and listen to Rodney groan. John's done this to Rodney, made him this hard, wanting, fanatical with need and desire, for him, for John dammit and that's so spectacular, so fucking out of this world amazing that for a moment he's stunned and scared and it's ridiculous, but god, he's holding Rodney's cock.
"Are you still with me?" Rodney touches his face gently. "Look at me John."
And John looks because it's Rodney and he's impossible to ignore under any circumstances. And what he sees in Rodney's clear blue eyes rivets him and shatters him all at the same time. Rodney loves him, is in love with him, and fuck he's so transparent John wonders how the hell everyone in the city doesn't notice it every god damn day.
Rodney tilts his mouth up, nuzzles under his neck, along his jaw, and the curve of his collarbone, touching as much of John's body as he can in the process. It's wild and sweet and perfect in ways John could never imagine and he captures Rodney's face in response, smoothes his fingers in the baby fine curls at the back of his neck and simply kisses him.
The kiss is rough, with both of them giving and taking. And since it's impossible to control the spin John just goes with the flow allowing Rodney to handle him, position him, and enjoy him as much as humanly possible.
"Yes...god, yes..."
He squeezes Rodney's cock, lines it up with his own and wraps his fingers around the slick, firm shafts, joining them together. They grind and grope and kiss and stroke, until John is gasping for breath and both of them are sweaty and happy and good. John wonders idly if Beckett would approve. After all, this is almost as far away from 'no strenuous activity as he can get.
Somehow, during all the kissing, Rodney manages to part John's legs and press two fingers deep inside him. John whines incoherently and thanks god, because, oh yeah, fingers, in his ass and that's just...whoa. He pushes against the fingers and then starts to moan like a baby when Rodney pats his belly, churns his knuckles, and then proves what a complete and utter genius he is by adding one more.
"Oh fuck..."
The strokes are glorious, soft and tender with Rodney painting murals within him. John closes his eyes and just allows himself to feel the balanced glide, moving his body in time to the strokes, wanton and careless against the sweat soaked sheets. Just when he thinks he's timed things right, when he knows where Rodney's going, his lover ups the pace and the steady contact changes, becomes forceful then coarse until John starts to shudder so hard he thinks he just might explode.
Rodney sighs into his mouth and pulls their bodies close together and John knows they're both completely lost when Rodney hugs him tenderly and takes a deep breath before laying his hard cock between John's legs and looking into his eyes for permission.
He manages to exhale, "Please" before Rodney's kissing him once more and grinding down hard enough to make his nerves flutter.
"I want you so bad John...want you..."
John thrusts up and Rodney returns the push, and he can't stop shaking and shivering, hoping Rodney gets with the program soon and fills him because surely all this waiting and playing and build-up is going to end John's life without even so much as an orgasm to send him on his way. He wraps his legs around Rodney's waist, holds on tight and explores the moist warmth building up between their thighs all the while biting his lip and doing his best to remain patient while Rodney takes the time to prepare him.
It's an absurd position to find himself in and even odder considering the person he's with but if the next few minutes of his life are any indication, John's got a feeling that even though their relationship will probably make his life crazy in the end it's definitely going to be worth it.
Because when Rodney finally stops wasting time and just takes him, spreading John open like a buffet and tasting him inside and out, something in his mind clicks and his heart follows willingly.
John is lucky, damn in your face lucky to have found Rodney at a time in his life when so many memories are dragging him down and he's also lucky to be alive right now to enjoy him.
He knows this revelation is significant but he pushes it aside for later because right now the Genii are out of their city, his teammates are safe, Rodney loves him and John is finally, finally after weeks of frustrating hell, having sex in a double bed, safe and secure for the moment on a star filled night in Atlantis.
Everything else in the universe can wait until morning.
END
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