Atlantis Fic - Shivers Upon A Spire
Title: Shivers Upon A Spire
Author: Chensuu
Category Gen
Rating: R
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, later team and Carson Beckett
Disclaimer: John and Rodney don’t belong to me and I'm not making any profit.
Summary: John’s not the only one being tortured...
Warning:Violence, non-con situations; possible spoiler for season 3 - Common Ground-
Word Count 10,063
Check out the amazing Cover Art by Obaona!
Shivers Upon A Spire
Shivers Upon A Spire
by Chensuu
John Sheppard wakes from the crash with a painful start. For a moment he’s confused. His head aches and there’s blood in his eyes but everything else seems okay. He coughs and clears his throat. MGR-517 seemed like a very good idea at the time. Trees, ruins, and the possibility of trade and allies…a perfect first contact mission…well except for all the mountains. But hey, this is Pegasus, and something bad happens minutes after they come through the gate. He thinks hard and it comes to him. Ah, yes, the weapons fire.
“Sheppard?”
“Ronon?”
It’s smoky in the jumper, with some smashed metal plating and sizzling wires but the craft itself is still in one piece. John feels relieved. The Ancients sure knew how to build them. He touches his forehead, “Ouch,” wipes blood from his eyes and checks on his team.
Ronon is pulling himself upright, carefully touching his left arm and John sees a small piece of metal sticking through the top of his muscle that must really hurt. “Just sit tight big guy. I’ll be right with you.” His head’s starting to throb and John spares a moment to hope he doesn’t have a concussion. He sways into the console and grips the edge for support.
“You don’t look so good.” Ronon observes, concerned and John frowns briefly until he sees Teyla and Rodney still unconscious and tossed to the rear in a half-hazard grace. Ronon reacts at the same time and struggles to move but John motions him down with a wave of his hand and a commanding “Sit.”
“Teyla…Rodney!”
He gets to Rodney first, checks his pulse and breathes a sigh of relief. It’s strong. He’s already starting to stir. The same goes for Teyla. He strokes the bruise on her cheek and her eyelashes flutter. “You okay?”
“I am fine.” Teyla’s pretty face shows confusion. John knows how she feels. “What happened?”
Before John can speak Ronon says, “We crashed.” John nods ruefully. “What he said. I think someone shot us down.”
Rodney chooses this time to come back to the land of the living. “Oh my god that makes twice this year! You do realize that our puddle jumpers are finite don’t you? We can’t exactly run them off an assembly line.”
“Rodney…” John’s tries patience.
“The Ancients left the plans in the database but we still haven’t figured them out! I do have other things on my plate to worry about like getting eaten by the Wraith and finding ZPMs.”
“Rodney!” He’s more forceful this time and it gets McKay’s attention.
“What?”
“How ya feeling?” John lays a hand on Rodney’s shoulder and stands unsteadily. It takes a good ten seconds for the dizziness to fade.
“How the hell do you think I’m feeling. We crashed.” When John doesn’t reply Rodney continues. “I’m fine.”
***********************************
Well, it’s definitely not an accident.
The Suryans don’t deny shooting them down. In fact they seem quite proud of the fact that it only took three tries to crash the jumper. The weapon they used is kind of cool…a long aluminum tube type thing with a concave lens hooked to a small ridge at the top. John wishes he could get a closer look at it. Maybe if all goes well he can negotiate a couple for Atlantis.
“Look, it’s true you could have killed us but we’re not ones to hold a grudge. We’re looking for allies against the Wraith and trading partners…” John’s head still hurts but it’s calmed down a bit from a furious throb to a dull achy thud. If that’s the worst of his problems he’ll manage just fine.
“Silence!”
One of the Suryans butts John in the back with such force he falls to his knees breathless. Oh yeah, his day’s just gotten worse. “This is so not the way to make friends.” He’s suddenly very happy that they cloaked the jumper.
The Suryan who struck John clenches his face until John’s eyes start to water. “Do not speak unless you are addressed.” Up close the man is imposing, standing at least as tall as Ronon and built like a brick wall. John wonders about the scar on his cheek.
“We only want…”
The scarred man slaps John hard across the face and like magic his headache suddenly jumps up a notch.
“Hey!” Rodney moves to defend John. The guards quickly restrain Ronon. “You want silence…all right. We get it.” He gestures across his lips. “All zipped shut.”
The nearest guard elbows Rodney in the stomach in a strike so rough it leaves him gasping for air. He staggers to his feet and bends over breathing deeply. “Whoa…it’s okay…I’m okay.” Then he seems to consider his position, clutches his belly and shouts. “You’ll give me a freaking aneurysm here!”
John clenches out a response. “Look if you want us to leave just say so. Stop beating the crap out of us and we’ll leave through the gate and you’ll never have to see us again. We’re not your enemies and I think…”
The local justice isn’t in the mood to listen to John’s protests and when he snaps his fingers two guards grab John’s shoulders, hold him steady and stuff a gag in his mouth that tastes like rotten eggs. John fights while they attach the straps, but only for a few seconds. One glance at the heavy leather obstruction is enough to keep Rodney quiet and Ronon growling menacingly from the sidelines. John breathes slowly through his nose and tries not to panic. The gag is heavy and John has to work hard just to keep his head up straight. The thick fabric and extensive chain drags his chin to his chest and the strap attached around his neck makes it near impossible to swallow.
“You are spies. You did not come through the ring.” The justice announces thoughtfully and the man with the scar agrees with a smile. “You will be kept in our cells until questioning is over.”
“Spies? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Rodney sounds condescending and for some reason that makes John happy. “Of course we came through the ring. You shot us down. Then you forced us to walk across half a mountain to get here and strapped leather over our faces. We’re not from your world. We couldn’t care a less about spying on you.”
A hard slap to the face spins Rodney in a circle and Teyla grabs his arm to keep him from falling.
The justice ignores Rodney’s tirade and addresses the scar-faced man. “Keep the gag in place until this evening.” He gestures to John and Rodney. “These two are yours.”
John physically struggles when they start to take Ronon and Teyla away. Separating the team is never a good idea. The Suryans aren’t the friendliest of people by a long shot and the arrogant cast to their faces causes John more than a bit of worry. They push him toward Rodney and the scarred man orders their feet chained together. Across the room he notices two Suryans attempting the same with his teammates. John catches Teyla’s eye, notes her grim expression, and does his best to appear reassuring despite having part of his face temporarily turned into a football. She nods, flexes her fingers and lowers her eyes.
Then Ronon throws a knife and all hell breaks loose.
**************************************
“Ouch! That hurts Rodney.”
John captures Rodney’s hand in mid-motion stopping the physicist from pressing John’s ribcage and accidentally inflicting more damage. He sits up with some effort and promptly wishes he were still lying down.
“Of course it hurts. That’s what happens when someone uses you as a human punching bag.” Rodney’s frustration rings through in each exhausted syllable. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes then opens them to stare so hard at John he has to look away. “Other than the obvious how are you feeling?”
John breathes in deeply then stops. He sighs. “Pissed off…tired.” When Rodney nods he continues. “And you?”
“Oh just peachy. I have front row seats to watch some paranoid pre-industrial aliens beat you to death.”
“Hey! Still breathing here.” He settles himself in the most comfortable position he can find. “If Teyla and Ronon made it to the gate they’ll come for us.” John doesn’t doubt his words for a second. His teammates won’t leave them behind.
“That’s a big ‘if” Colonel.” Rodney grumbles. “It took us over an hour to walk here. Big mountains remember? That’s why we used the puddle jumper in the first place.”
“Yeah, but it’s all I got for now.” John groans when he leans forward too sharply. His chest is sore and he’s feeling a bit loopy. He suspects the food might have been laced with something or maybe just the water. John’s got a headache and he’s unbelievably thirsty.
Rodney sighs. “I hope it’s enough.” His eyes rake John up and down with enough intensity to make him flinch. “They drugged us you know, after they took the gag off and pounded you into the ground last night. I knew that chicken thing tasted funny.”
“Rodney…” John’s not sure what Rodney needs from him or if he’s even able to supply it. Since the crash John hasn’t had a moment to think straight that hasn’t been clouded with pain.
“Forget it.”
Rodney stands and stretches and John decides that now would probably be a good time for lunch. The Suryans didn’t give them breakfast and Rodney seems a bit pale and probably needs to eat as soon as possible. John could certainly do with some water. The drugs left them both pretty dehydrated.
“They keep hurting you.” Rodney finally manages. He sucks at emotion almost as much as John does but under the circumstances not many words are needed.
“Yeah…” John frowns. The Suryans don’t seem interested in inflicting pain on Rodney. Instead his friend’s agony comes from watching scarface beat John. The night they arrived, the day after and then again this morning, with fists and boots and clubs and Rodney screaming profanities and begging uselessly in the corner. It’s a cruel show and John knows that Rodney’s nearly out of his mind with worry. Helplessness is definitely not his strong suit.
“Nothing I say makes a difference. I think they want me to shout. It gives them an excuse to hurt you more.”
“Don’t worry Rodney. Today they might smack you around instead.”
Rodney laughs, “Ha Ha. Very funny.” But at least they’re back on familiar ground now with worry for each other’s survival carefully tucked away…or maybe not. “Seriously…you look like shit.”
John feels like it too, in ever fiber of his being. He’s sick and achy with bruises on nearly every part of his body. He recites, “I’m fine Rodney,” and recoils when the other man snickers.
“Fine? Christ John who are you fooling? Either you’re concussed which I’ll forgive or you’re lying because you think I’ll panic if you tell me the truth which I guess I’ll forgive too since it shows you’re concerned for me.” Rodney pauses, John waits. “I see what they do to you. How many ribs have they broken? Or how about the fun game they played this morning where they choked you until you passed out, woke you up, and then did it again? Soon they’ll start pushing your head in the toilet. And the cold in here isn’t doing you any good. You’re bound to get pneumonia.”
“All right!” John doesn’t mean to shout and it makes his head spin. “It’s bad Rodney. These bastards really enjoy it. But at this point there’s not a lot I can do but try and keep you safe by staying alive long enough until help arrives so they’ll have no reason to damage you too!”
Rodney seems dazed. “You think I want that?” John squirms. “You think I’m more concerned about myself?”
“Jesus McKay…of course not. It’s just that I’ve seen this kind of thing before.” He hopes Rodney doesn’t push it further. There are places it hurts for even John to go.
“Yes I’m sure with your vaulted ‘high pain threshold’…” Rodney considers. “You’ve been tortured before?” He sits next to John, waiting.
John rubs his eyes wearily. “Not now okay?” He notes the earnest concerned expression in his friend’s eyes and sighs. “Look…” John’s never been a very open guy and he’s close to Rodney, really close but god, it wouldn’t be easy to talk about the possibility of dying even if their situation wasn’t so freaking hopeless. “Not counting being sucked on by a Wraith, which wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, I’ve been through some bad stuff before and I’ve seen similar tactics. They won’t hurt you unless they have to Rodney but you’re not safe by a long shot. The Suryans will use you against me however the hell they want to and their threats won’t be meaningless. Or they can decide to switch tactics and start using me against you.”
Rodney huffs. “Huh…I thought that’s exactly what they were doing.”
John doesn’t reply to that. He knows Rodney’s in a lot of pain, not the physical kind, but just as potent, and no amount of consolation on John’s part is going to make it go away. He shivers and watches as realization dawns. Crap…he hasn’t felt this sick in a very long time.
“They could kill us both.” Rodney sounds edgy now, and more than a bit worried.
John shakes his head. “That’s not gonna happen! If they wanted us dead they would have killed us by now.” He sounds a lot sterner than he intended but god he’s weary, maybe if he could nap for while, or have something cold to drink. John banishes the image of a cold Coors Light right out of his head because he’s been tortured too much lately and it would really be stupid to torture himself any more.
“They know we’re not spies.” Rodney sounds calmer. “And they haven’t asked about the puddle jumper yet. Arrogant idiots probably think they destroyed it.”
John agrees wholeheartedly. He’s impressed at how quickly Rodney covers his fear. “Yeah, they don’t really know who or what we are and they don’t care. That makes them more dangerous.”
Rodney nods. “You should get some rest Colonel. We don’t know when scarface is coming back.” Rodney pats his shoulder and John smiles. It’s a sweet gesture and yet so very much McKay. Awkward, supportive and somehow exactly what John needs.
He closes his eyes and dozes in and out. When John wakes up Rodney is examining him with an expression that John can’t identify. It’s mildly unsettling and downright confusing. John smiles at him gently and Rodney turns away. He asks, “Are you okay?” and Rodney nods and returns the smile and they sit in companionable silence until the door latch clicks open.
John struggles to get up and braces himself against the wall. He flinches at the chill and rubs his hands together. Rodney grabs his elbow to keep him steady. Both he and Rodney are barefoot, and wearing T-shirts and pants doesn’t help much in the damp, icy cell. He wonders if they’ll be fed before the games start. With John’s luck they’ll probably wait until later, when he doesn’t feel much like eating. Or worse yet, he’ll eat and then not be able to keep any of it down.
The door swings open and three Suryans step into the room. John doesn’t see the scarred man among them and allows himself to relax. Maybe his luck is changing. Two of the guards arrange trays on the floor and then stand near the exit with weapons ready. The third guard drags in a wooden chair and then leaves without shutting the door. John raises an eyebrow warily and looks at Rodney. He knows the chair means something and it’s probably not good.
“Don’t worry now.” Rodney admonishes. “Drink this.” John accepts the water gratefully and drinks with his eyes closed. He feels like he can swallow an ocean and hopes to god that there’s no drugs involved this time. The rest of the food smells far from appetizing but John starts to pick at it anyway determined to keep up his strength for whatever lies ahead.
“I hope the meal is to your liking.”
John jumps. It’s only been a few days but he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the dull lisping accent of that voice. He exhales nervously when the scarred man enters and takes a seat in the chair directly across from where he and Rodney are eating.
“Enjoy yourselves.” The man’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He crosses his legs and folds his hands in his lap, the perfect picture of complacency. John feels his heartbeat increase and he clenches his fingernails into his palms. “Don’t let me interrupt. I’ll eat later.”
John scowls. He hates being put on display. Hates the fact that his fear is probably wetting this monster’s appetite for violence. His stomach growls but it doesn’t matter. There’s no way he’s eating anything now. “Here…” John pushes his food tray towards Rodney and is met with a stern look of disapproval. He finishes his glass of water and waits.
****************************
Rodney’s hand gripping his thigh in a painful squeeze is the only indication John has that he’s still breathing. His entire body hurts and it’s strange, so very strange because he doesn’t really have any memory of a beginning to his pain. He only wishes it would end.
“You’re still with me right?”
Rodney’s voice is soft in his ear and John does his best to lean into the alluring wisp of it. He wants to sleep without dreams and succumb to the nervous energy that is Rodney McKay, worried to death and scared out of his mind that John’s very likely going to die any minute and leave him here all alone with a cruel bunch of paranoid aliens.
“I’m here Rodney…”
“So what now…yesterday we were spies hell-bent on their destruction, then petty thieves, and today they call us terrorists? Pithy power plays and fucked up world wars. I knew this planet reminded me of earth for a reason.”
John tries to laugh but he doesn’t have the strength so he settles for a weak smile instead. When he moves his shoulder erupts in agony. An ironclad fist smashed the left side of his collarbone four hours ago and if he thinks about it too much he knows he’ll faint for sure. John didn’t hear a ‘snap’ so it might not be broken but he really doesn’t want to know and he hasn’t asked Rodney. He groans and fights the overwhelming urge to give in to the throb. Something’s cracked for sure because it hurts like hell and forces John to slump continuously on his right side and use Rodney’s body as a pillow.
He manages, “Just try to be calm,” because Rodney needs a bit of reassurance even though John’s not entirely certain Ronon and Teyla even made it to the gate. The image of his remaining team members being beaten into submission makes his nerves twist until he pushes the idea out of his head and does his best to swallow down the bile churning away in his belly. He tries to keep it steady, really he does, because vomiting in this windowless room is a really dumb idea. “They’ll come for us.”
“How do you know that?” John can hear the break in Rodney’s voice. He sounds rough and hollow and John knows that Rodney’s blood pressure is going through the roof by the slight nerve popping in and out under his left eye. “Maybe Teyla’s dead Colonel. Or maybe Ronon’s getting his body smashed identically to yours in the cell down the hall and they’re making her watch him suffer and bleed and wonder why she won the toss of the coin and gets to keep her bones intact and lose her fucking mind instead!”
The look he gives John is priceless, one half outrage, one half panic attack and as always, pure McKay. Before he can speak Rodney’s off and running again with “I’m sorry…god I’m so sorry…it’s just that I’m worried about you all shattered and stuff.” He pulls John closer into a poorly conceived bear hug that only serves to roll his fragile bones a little more out of their sockets. It’s painful and he hisses through his teeth until Rodney relaxes his hold without even noticing the brief exchange. When he tells John, “You’re right…they’ll find us,” his voice is so brittle John swallows a sob and buries his face in McKay’s blistering warmth and dreams of waking up in Atlantis.
***********************
He comes to with a jerk holding his breath at the sound of footsteps just outside the cell. He thinks it’s too soon for the Suryans to come back again or at least he hopes it is. But John’s been sleeping off and on for a while and he’s probably lost track of time. He wants to ask Rodney what he thinks but he doesn’t have the strength. John’s not sure how much more he can take and honestly doesn’t want to know. He has no allusions, John’s aware of his breaking point and if he’s not there by now then surely just around the corner. He’s gasping in and out, staggered and terrified and clinging to his friend like a lifeline. He notices Rodney’s intense gaze and tries to regulate his breathing without success.
“They don’t even give you a chance to explain to them how precisely unfair and crazy they are! They just beat you and make vague comments about their “demands”. It doesn’t make sense. You’d think they’d want to know more about us. We don’t even know what they want. Everyday is something different to confess too!” Rodney’s doing his best to think things through and break down the mystery of torture into concise theoretical proofs. John wishes he had the strength to explain that madmen don’t always abide by the rules but he’s sure that if the Pegasus galaxy has taught Rodney anything, it’s that life isn’t something you can figure out from a textbook or even a fragmented file in an Ancient database.
John knows Rodney feels guilty because the Suryans haven’t laid a hand on him and it’s making him nuts. If their positions were reversed John would be out of his mind by now.
They come in twice a day, make John scream and bleed and smile at Rodney. The more Rodney shrieks for them to leave John the fuck alone the more viscously their fists and feet inflict bruises. It’s a laugh a minute with these guys, always something new and painful to experience but never enough to break John completely. Rodney calls them fuckers and monsters and curses their gene pool, their mothers, and their manhood. But for all his caustic comments the Suryans only response is to make John suffer more.
At some point Rodney figures out his mistake, shuts his mouth, and sits with his eyes closed in the corner of the room. It’s a good idea for a while but it’s obvious their jailers want a festive audience. The next time, when they bring a pair of rusty pliers and relieve John of one of his molars Rodney fights back rage, deadens his expression and watches the horror unfold. The silence is easier on John but it damages Rodney in ways that hurt too much for John to think about. Later as Rodney packs a piece of his shredded T-shirt inside the hole in John’s mouth, holds his limp body steady and lets him bleed all over his remaining clothing, John fervently hopes the Suryans don’t kill him. He’s honestly afraid that Rodney won’t survive.
“Hey, are you okay?” Rodney grabs his hand and touches every open piece of skin he can find.
“I’m good…” John’s nowhere near that but Rodney isn’t fooled and what the hell…whatever gets them through the day.
“You’re hot.” Rodney’s expression falls flat. “You have a fever.” He reaches for John’s face and gently pries his mouth open and looks inside. “Fucking bastards…”
“I feel okay…” John pulls away. Any kind of contact right now is uncomfortable. He knows what Rodney’s thinking. The bleeding stopped…the infection is just beginning.
“Are you hungry? You should try and eat. I mashed some bean things up for you.” John can’t help but feel touched. Rodney looks exhausted. John knows the situation is really wearing on him but he’s not complaining for John’s sake. “They fed us while you were sleeping.”
“They were here?” It worries John that he didn’t hear the Suryans come in. Their heavy metal tipped boots could wake the dead and he wonders for the first time how far gone he really is to have snoozed through that racket. It’s vaguely terrifying to think he’s missing time, slipping into unconsciousness in lieu of sleep.
“John…food?”
He passes on dinner…or breakfast or lunch… much to Rodney’s dismay and coughs and sneezes so hard his chest clenches, his vision grays and the world starts to blacken. When he opens his eyes he’s flat on his back staring straight at the ceiling and Rodney is alternating pacing with shouting for help and banging on the door.
“Please Rodney…please…stop…” John’s not sure what he’s begging for and his voice is so weak it’s possible that Rodney hasn’t even heard his plea. He only knows he’s in so much pain it’s nearly unbearable. His body is trembling from head to toe and the cold is slowly numbing his limbs and making it impossible to fight the fatigue. He wonders if this is what death feels like, a slow descent into nothingness. But John can’t die now, can’t leave Rodney around to take on the brunt of their anger. Right now he needs Rodney to stop banging on the door and leave the enemy on the other side for just a little while longer. “Rodney…” John reaches out with all his strength and tugs at the hem of Rodney’s pants until the physicist flops on the floor next to him and grabs John’s shaky hand in his own.
“Oh god…you can’t keep doing this Colonel.” Nervous fingers stroke John’s hair with affection. “If you die on me I swear to I’ll find a way to get my revenge somehow. I need…”
John never finds out what Rodney needs because at that moment the door opens and his nightmare walks into the room with a smirk. He’s big, this bastard, the enflamed scar trailing down his neck from some past encounter and a smashed lip courtesy of John’s fist when the opening bell rang two days ago. John thinks his name might be Noram. Two more Suryans follow him in and John knows the fun is about to start when they pull Rodney away from him and toss him into the furthest corner at gunpoint away from John…the one with the best view of the proceedings.
“You are not popular anymore. Your people have forgotten about you. They refuse to give in to our demands.” The grin he flashes makes John shiver. “You’re not worth trading for pigs.”
John’s eyes narrow. Elizabeth is tough and she’s certainly not stupid. John doesn’t believe the Suryans even contacted her. If Ronon and Teyla made it back through the gate maybe the contact was initiated from Atlantis. Or maybe there’s been no contact at all. “Where are the rest of my team?” He tries not to sound desperate and wonders briefly why he uses his strength to ask this question every day when Noram hasn’t answered it once.
“Quiet!”
John stifles a cry when one of the guards kicks his bruised shoulder. He curls into a ball and tries to breathe. If he passes out too soon the Suryans will really be pissed. He manages to sit upright but he can’t quite pull off the angry glare.
But this time Noram surprises him. He puts up his hand to quell the guard. “You and your friend are the only ones who live.”
Well, there’s a first time for everything. John wonders why Noram caved. His veiled response gives John hope that Teyla and Ronon escaped. If they were dead this monster would have shown him the corpses at dinner.
John’s first hint that Rodney doesn’t agree is when he shouts, “Your baboons killed them?” his voice dripping with contempt and bravado. John glances at Noram and worries about McKay. “You just fucked up your last chance at getting anything from us. We don’t deal with murderers.”
“Rodney shut up.” It sounds more like a request than an order. Like John should just insert ‘please’ and be done with it but Rodney gets the message and snarls in place of speaking.
Noram’s cold laughter echoes in the cell. He tugs John to his feet and moves close enough to kiss him. John jumps and sways warily when a large hand grips his ass.
Oh yeah, this is new. He finds Rodney’s eyes, swallows hard and tells himself that sexual assault is just another form of torture. Noram slams John into the wall and rubs against him lewdly, grinding John’s pelvis with one hell of an erection. By the time his filthy tongue is in John’s mouth the world is spinning out of control and he resists the impulse to bite down hard because, hey, John doesn’t want this happening to Rodney instead.
“Ahhh!!!”
Noram’s tongue digs into the tender spot from John’s missing molar and it’s agony. He screams and trembles so hard he swears his body is breaking into pieces one nerve at a time. It takes John a minute to realize that Noram hasn’t stopped kissing him. He’s continuing the assault, lapping at John’s swollen orifice like a bitch in heat. It’s disgusting and sickening and oh god please no please, please no John really, really needs for this to stop.
“For gods sake leave him alone!”
John wants to tell Rodney to stop struggling, that it doesn’t matter anyway. Noram has already made up his mind. He’s been hurting John repeatedly for most of the week and is too turned on by his handiwork to stop the battering now. John tries to calm down, to allow his body time to adjust to what’s about to happen to it, but when Noram squeezes his cock through his BDUs John flinches and pulls back automatically. Oh god, he really doesn’t want Rodney witnessing his rape.
Noram buries his face in John’s neck and bites down hard. When he pulls away John sees blood on his attacker’s lips. He feels ill. One kiss later and he tastes the copper pang of his own blood. Time stands still. John’s mouth is open, slack, allowing Noram to take and hurt and use him without reprisal. To grope John and stroke and dominate him until he starts to moan from the sheer torment of the act. Nausea builds in his stomach and he swallows it down along with his own blood. If he starts throwing up now John doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop.
He closes his eyes when they move Rodney into his line of vision, but opens them with a gasp when Noram places a steadying hand on his bruised shoulder and forces him down to his knees.
“Tell me you want this.” Noram strokes his hair almost tenderly. “Tell me.” It’s not a request any more, it’s a demand and when John doesn’t answer Noram grabs his chin, twists his face and makes him look at his teammate.
John’s played this game before. He knows he’ll suck Noram off, maybe the other guards too, if it means they don’t touch Rodney. John shudders. He’s so not looking forward to the next couple of hours.
“Tell me whore…”
Noram shakes him so hard John nearly blacks out. He licks his lips and swallows but Rodney’s one step ahead of him. He hears Rodney shout “No! Do me instead!” at the same exact time John replies shakily, “I want this.
“Rodney…” John’s voice is weary. He refuses to look Rodney in the eye…John can’t face the hopelessness he’ll probably find there. He feels Noram tense and growl, his anger a living breathing thing. John is tugged to his feet and kissed roughly and then tossed to the floor where he crumbles like a rag-doll. If Noram’s planning on taking Rodney up on his offer John’s gonna lose it right here. He gives it one last shot. “Noram…you bastard…I want this.”
Noram’s smile is death. John’s never seen one quite like it before. “You’ll get it…I promise.”
He cringes when the large Suryan reels around in a circle towards Rodney. Noram grabs the physicist by his jacket and punches him hard in the face. It’s the first bit of violence ever shown him. Rodney doesn’t have time to groan before Noram throws him across the floor into John knocking him flat on his back. It hurts, god it hurts so badly but it’s not Rodney’s fault. He wants to console his friend but the words won’t come. His chest clenches, he feels something shift, and oh god that’s not good. It’s getting kind of hard to breathe. “Rodney…” He gropes for some measure of contact and finds Rodney’s face.
Rodney’s expressive eyes tell John he’s sorry, that he tried his very best and if they both die now there’s no regrets between them. John groans when Rodney wraps his arms around his waist and forms a fragile shield between John and Noram. It’s a useless gesture but John appreciates it all the same. He feels the Suryans fury in kick after kick against Rodney’s exposed back but his own body doesn’t take a single blow. Rodney squeezes him tighter, protecting him and it’s so helpless and painful that John wants to cry. Noram’s high octane shouts hammer into his skull and he bites through his lip to keep from screaming.
“Leave them for me!” Noram’s stormy advance makes the cell floor rattle.
John can’t look away but god he really wants to. Noram is going to rape him and force Rodney to watch. Then Rodney’s going to die…no question about it. Noram’s not a forgiving kind of guy.
“You fucker!” Rodney’s voice bellows loud enough to get Noram’s attention. John watches the Suryan smile again and land a rough punch between Rodney’s shoulder blades. He feels his friend stiffen in pain but Rodney’s a stubborn guy and the brutality both incenses and strengthens him enough to increase his hold on John. “I won’t let you touch him.”
It’s an amazing display of bravery and stubborn resolve but John knows that there’s only so much pummeling Rodney’s body can take before his grip weakens and he’s forced to concede. He murmurs, “Please…” when another punch passes through him and Rodney shudders, his eyes closed tight and his face red and sweaty from exertion. John hates feeling vulnerable. He abhors the weakness and pain in his limbs almost as much as he fears the queasiness building to a fevered pitch in his belly. He wishes he could help his friend more because Rodney certainly deserves a hell of a lot better.
“Bastards…” Rodney mutters and John can tell he’s weakening. He ignores the dizzying pain ripping through his neck and chest and stretches his arms to tighten around Rodney binding them together even as Noram struggles to pull them apart.
Noram grasps Rodney’s shoulders tugging in vain because Rodney just won’t let go. He’s running purely on willpower now, determined to see this nightmare through to the end. When Noram wraps his fingers around Rodney’s neck in a chokehold John leans forward and bites his hand. The Suryan screams and rewards him with a swift punch that explodes on impact with his swollen jaw. John leans into the shelter of his friend’s shoulder, mumbles, “Rodney…god…” and inhales his warmth until strength fails him and the world fades away.
***************************************************
“Sheppard?” Then… “He looks pretty bad.”
John hears the voice but continues to slumber. His entire body hurts like hell and he doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes. He drifts for a while and then remembers. Rodney, Noram, pain, and screaming…it’s too much. He can’t face it.
“Let him rest Ronon. The Colonel has been through a lot.”
Teyla sounds worried and afraid, almost frantic, and it freaks him out enough to crack one of his eyelids open. His people are in danger. John can’t afford to nap anymore.
“Teyla?”
“You are awake. That is wonderful.” Two eyes open now and Teyla’s smile is one of the most beautiful sights John has ever seen.
“McKay?” Teyla frowns and John feels his heart clench when she squeezes his hand. “Teyla…please…?” He’s begging again and dear god Rodney can’t be dead. Not after everything they went through together. His heart feels heavy in his chest and he does his best to squeeze Teyla’s hand in return.
“He is alive John but he was also injured.” Teyla frowns. “I am sorry it took us so long to help you.”
“Where is he?” John struggles to sit up but he’s not really able to move more than an inch in any direction and he winds up trembling like a small kitten. “Please…I really need to see him.” John’s not sure why he’s so nervous, so anxious to see his friend. But he only knows that if he doesn’t see Rodney in the next few minutes he’s gonna have a serious mental breakdown.
“Try not to move. We are all in the jumper. Dr. McKay’s been working steadily on repairs.”
John swallows hard…so, still on the planet then. “The Suryans?”
“We left them in quite a bit of disarray. I will explain later. The jumper is still cloaked but it may be only a matter of time before they find us.”
“Okay…” The last four days slap John’s consciousness into first gear. The crash…Noram, the beatings, the cold, Rodney… He remembers the Suryans tearing his mouth apart with pliers, how he struggled and cried and the memory is at once so vile and intense, the smell of his blood so strong, that the nausea John’s been holding back all week explodes out of him like a freight train. He’s too broken to get up so he vomits on his back, turning his head to dispel the contents of his weak and testy stomach.
Teyla reacts immediately, lifting his head and calling for Ronon
John shudders when Teyla strokes and cleans his face. “You must rest John. I will bring Dr. McKay as soon as he’s able.” She stares in dismay at the mess. “Move him across the jumper Ronon…away from…this.”
John nods and starts to drift as Ronon picks him up. The only thing he can do now is wait and worry. Once again, his life is in Rodney’s hands.
*****************************************************
“I told you to get me when he woke up. How difficult can that be to understand…eyes open…get McKay.”
Rodney’s irritated voice is music to John’s ears.
“He wasn’t awake for very long and you were busy fixing the ship.” Ronon replies easily, his voice calm. John wonders if that’s good news or bad.
“Yes, well I did that didn’t I?” Rodney sounds exhausted.
“Yeah, thanks Doc.”
John can almost feel Ronon’s happy smile warm the room. He opens his eyes and says, “Hey…”
“Colonel?” Rodney’s by his side in a heartbeat. “Don’t move…don’t even breathe too deeply. I’m surprised your body’s still in one piece.” He turns to Ronon. “Give us a minute?” When Ronon leaves Rodney sniffs the air and wrinkles his nose. “So…it doesn’t smell like roses in the back of the jumper anymore.”
“Yeah…not so much.” John swallows hard. “What’s our status?” He feels damaged and defenseless and his head hurts so much it’s hard for John to think straight. He stares at Rodney and waits, notes the pale complexion, the bruising, the haunted eyes that John’s sure must mirror his own.
Rodney speaks in a rushed tone explaining to John about the escape and how Ronon and Teyla found them practically glued together with their arms wrapped around each other and he’s not sure what they think about that. John’s not quite sure what he thinks about it either. He explains that Noram is dead, or at least Rodney thinks he is, Ronon shot him full blast and his weapon wasn’t set on stun. He’s hazy about some of what happened, how they ultimately escaped the prison and made it back to the cloaked puddle jumper. He was barely conscious when they returned and after resting for a bit set to work on repairs. John never woke up. Rodney says he picked up remnants of a MALP that Elizabeth must have sent through when Atlantis lost contact. The Suryans destroyed it and then attached some type of resonance shield over the gate.
“I’ll have all systems operational soon and I’ll find the signal to stop it.” Rodney paused. “We’re cloaked, so hopefully they can’t find us.” The last words are shaky and Rodney closes his eyes.
“Rodney…”
“Jesus Christ John I thought they were going to kill you. And that bastard wanted to…god he wanted to…you know…and there was nothing I could do to stop him from getting his way.” He looks at John, his tired blue eyes begging him to understand and to forgive him.
John shudders. He remembers exactly what Noram wanted to do to him. The tongue in his mouth, the hand on his ass, the disgusting wet kisses and the horror in Rodney’s eyes. It’s all there in Technicolor rehashing over and over in his waking dreams. But despite all the horrors of the past week, despite all the pain and confusion John’s most powerful memories are of Rodney grabbing him and holding him tight, shielding his body and taking the final beating himself, screaming at the Suryans and protecting John from harm.
He manages, “I know…” and hates how small his voice sounds. Rodney is staring at him, waiting for something but John’s just too exhausted to figure it out. He wonders if Rodney will gently help him along. Knowing Rodney he’ll probably smack John in the face with it soon. “Are you okay?”
“Okay?” Rodney stands and starts to pace. “No, I’m not okay. I’m bruised and hurting and I hate that I’ve suddenly become this altruistic savior who cares more for your life then he does for his own. I could have died trying to save you with the optimum word here being trying. Two galaxies would never recover from the loss.” He flops back on the jumper floor next to John and sighs. “I am just so damn glad to be out of there.”
“Yeah.” John manages. He tries to pull himself closer to Rodney but when he lifts his arm agony radiates from the tips of his fingers to his neck and oh yeah his collarbone is definitely broken and maybe a few other bones too. He lets his hand drop and utters a sigh that comes out sounding more like a helpless groan.
Rodney doesn’t miss a trick. He touches John’s hand, squeezes it briefly. “I know you’re in pain but I don’t want to give you any medication other than antibiotics.”
“It’s okay…I’m fine…” John’s voice blurs. He’s struggling to stay awake because Rodney needs him and after the mammoth Hail Mary he pulled in the cell John’s not about to let his friend down. He wants to say thank you or maybe reassure Rodney that he understands, but instead John says, “I didn’t want you to watch him rape me…” and realizes he must be out of his mind with pain because saying what he just said is way too personal between friends. John murmurs sorry and turns his face away. He’s so grateful to Rodney for everything right now but not quite sure how to voice it.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter because Rodney sighs, his voice gentle. “Sleep now, okay? You’ll wake up on Atlantis.”
************************************************
As usual Rodney is absolutely right.
John wakes up in the Gateroom being lifted onto a stretcher. He hears Beckett’s lilting voice ask his team questions that John’s not expected to answer. Someone starts to hook up an IV and John shudders then starts to moan.
“Hey, watch his left arm! Oh and his right one too maybe.” Rodney bellows. “Christ…keep up Carson they beat the shit out of him remember?”
“Doc?” John’s voice sounds so weak he wonders if anyone can hear him. Beckett turns to him and smiles.
“You’re going to be all right Colonel.” Beckett busies himself attaching straps around John’s wrists. “Okay…we’re going to move him.”
“Rodney’s hurt…”
“Yes I know that son. You can’t turn your head because we have your neck strapped as a precaution but Rodney’s on the stretcher right next to yours.”
A hand brushes across his fingers and John tries to grab it but can’t. Still, he knows it’s Rodney’s hand and that’s enough. John closes his eyes and oh yeah Beckett must have put something in that IV line because he’s definitely starting to feel no pain.
************************************** ******
Beckett delivers the bad news with a frown. His voice is calm as he dictates John’s injuries, broken collarbone, two broken fingers, four broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, torn gums, bruises and contusions too numerous to mention and a wee bit of internal bleeding near his stomach that he took care of during surgery. All in all John’s gonna be hurting badly for the next few weeks and there may be some more dental work in his future.
“It could have been worse…” John murmurs thinking…if it wasn’t for Rodney. He feels terrible, all hot and flushed and if the way Beckett is looking at him is any indication he must look it too.
“Son, I know you’re hurting so you don’t need to pretend. You’re gonna be in here for at least a couple of weeks maybe longer. Also…” Beckett pauses for a moment then sighs. “You’re fighting a pretty bad infection due to the impromptu tooth extraction the Suryans performed. ”
“Yeah.” John coughs and his chest clenches miserably. “God…”
“Both you and Rodney are lucky you don’t have pneumonia.” Beckett clucks away for a moment but John isn’t listening. He’s both cold and burning up. Exhausted and worried. The pain in his body flares and then subsides and his head feels heavy and leaded. It’s a familiar feeling…Beckett must have fed him the good drugs.
“How’s Rodney?” John’s breathe catches at Beckett’s expression.
“He’s lucky Colonel…very lucky. The beating he took could have really damaged his kidneys and I’m certainly going to watch them for a while but all in all he’s gonna pull through fine. He’ll be feeling like hell for while too.”
“He saved me…” John closes his eyes. The memories are too vivid…the wounds too raw. “Rodney stopped them…” No, John won’t go there yet. He’ll write it up in his report and he won’t sugarcoat it either. Rodney nearly lost his life to stop Noram from raping John and it makes him angry and grateful in varying turns. One moment he’s sure it wasn’t worth it and the next moment he thinks ‘thank god!’
Beckett stares at him but decides not to push it because he merely smiles at John and checks his chart. “Aye…he’s got some hidden reserves that one. I had to sedate him. He’s sleeping in the next bed. You’ll be buddies in here for a bit.” Beckett gestures toward the door. “Teyla and Ronon have been waiting to see you. Elizabeth stopped by earlier but you were still out.”
John nods. He really doesn’t feel like talking to anyone but his friends are worried about him. “Sure…” He yawns and his chest hurts but if Beckett notices he’s kind enough to ignore John’s flinch. Beckett also ignored the teeth marks on John’s neck in his earlier evaluation but he’s sure that slight is temporary. Beckett didn’t press him for information but John’s sure the doctor checked him for assault while he was unconscious. He has visions of Heightmeyer in his future.
“Only for a couple of minutes okay?” Beckett checks his chart one more time and leaves John alone. He stares at Rodney lying one bed over and frowns because Rodney looks, well, fragile. He’s pale and bruised, with one black eye and a swollen bottom lip. All the confidence, energy and annoying traits that make Rodney unique are missing when he’s asleep replaced by a vulnerable innocence that belies the strong, brilliant man underneath. John’s breathe catches and he turns away feeling absurdly sad and uncomfortable. They’re both alive and he knows he should be happy but John can’t shake the guilt and anger at not being able to protect Rodney. Despite all the hurt Noram inflicted on John, it’s Rodney’s injuries that sting more. The memories rush him again but John is saved from further introspection when Teyla and Ronon enter with smiles so big that John can’t help smiling in return.
Teyla says, “John.” and holds his hand, then, “Doctor Beckett says both you and Dr. McKay will get well.”
John listens to her sweet and steady voice and images of the past week disappear. He slumbers, they’re safe now, back home on Atlantis.
**************************************************************
“Why the hell is he still sleeping then?” Rodney’s voice is never soft…not even when he’s whispering.
“He’s exhausted Rodney. I explained all that to you. The Colonel’s injuries were severe. He’s recovering but it will take a while. He’s running a bit of a fever and I had to clear an abscess this morning. . I have him on pain meds and they make him sleepy.”
“I’m awake.” John murmurs but keeps his eyes closed. “I just have a headache.”
“It probably started when Rodney came in…” Beckett’s joke stutters flat and John realizes that Rodney probably gave him one hell of a withering look.
He opens his eyes and catches the end of a very nasty expression.
“That’s so very clever Carson.” Rodney turns to John and shakes off his frustration. “So…”
“Don’t harass the Colonel.” Beckett gives John a look that says, ‘sorry to leave you with him’ and exits with a grimace.
John gives Rodney all his attention. Five days back on Atlantis and John spent the first three sleeping nearly twenty-four hours. He knows there’s a lot of stuff left unsaid between them, emotional stuff, things he’d rather still not say but there’s no reason to believe that Rodney will let him off the hook because he’s never gone easy on John before. He takes a deep breath and waits.
“Are we okay?” Rodney face is open, his concerns and anxieties laid bare and John hates the complexity of what he’s just been asked.
“Geez Rodney…you sure don’t start slow and build.” John rubs his forehead and deflects the question. “We’re fine.” The words come easy and he’s surprised at how well he lies…so much guilt, so little time.
“Right.” Rodney pauses for a moment and John can swear he sees fear brewing right behind his bright blue eyes. “So the fact that I stood by and watched the evil aliens try and beat you to death and didn’t do anything to intervene hasn’t impacted on our relationship at all?”
“There wasn’t anything you could do.” The words sound hollow but John knows they’re true. Rodney was in a bind. They both were, and no amount of backpedaling can change the facts of the situation. Noram knew exactly what he was doing. They’re both damaged, physically and mentally, and it’s a deep confusing hurt.
Rodney throws up his hands. “Oh yeah, I finally get in on the action when that monster decides to take liberties.”
John frowns. Rodney’s pain is a bit clearer to him now. “So, you think you should have acted sooner? Come to my defense?” His voice sounds slurred courtesy of swelling from Beckett’s promised dental fix-me-up earlier in the morning. The meds are starting to wear off and his mouth is starting to feel the ache.
“Yes.”
“How exactly.” If John doesn’t nip this in the bud Rodney will stew and nibble at what he perceives as the endless possibilities for weeks to come.
“I could have overpowered a guard. Taken his gun away. Turned it on Noram.” Rodney’s voice is edgy. John understands his pain.
He shakes his head. “Two guards. Two guns…and that’s not counting Noram. And me fully incapacitated.” It hurts to admit this weakness but not nearly as much as John thought. Rodney’s his friend, a very good friend, and the simple fact that they can be truthful with each other means a hell of a lot. “The biggest mistake Noram made was bringing you into the fight.”
Rodney’s face still looks uncertain but his expression brightens a bit. “Yes, well, he didn’t know who he was dealing with.”
“You got that right.” John smiles but it’s a hard sell. He’s playing hardball with some strong feelings of his own.
Rodney’s fingers brush across John’s and he follows the caress with wide eyes. “So if we’re okay then why do you look so…not…okay?” His concern is more than friendly, it’s downright intimate and John feels surprised at just how okay he is with that. There’s a lot going on between the lines but neither he nor Rodney is willing to take the conversation in that direction just yet.
“I messed up…” John doesn’t have the strength to pull his hand away. He watches Rodney’s fingers, hypnotized by the steady touch and swallows. “I should have kept you safe.” He’s tired and wounded and wonders if he’ll ever feel himself again.
“Keep me safe? You’re kidding right? They used your body as a punching bag.” Rodney looks exasperated now and John thinks this might be easier than high emotion. “For gods sake John you could barely move and that guy wanted to screw your brains out.”
“But he didn’t.”
“He came pretty damn close.” Rodney eyes the bandage covering the bite mark on John’s neck until he touches it self-consciously.
John remembers and whimpers and closes his eyes. Rodney could have died just to save his honor and John doesn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive himself if that happened. He’s not sure how he would feel if Rodney died saving him. Sadness, guilt and anger don’t even begin to cover it.
“I’m sorry. I’m insensitive, you know that about me, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Rodney continues. “But this isn’t just about that sick bastard wanting you, it’s about him torturing you, hurting you, and leaving me alone. And oh god that tooth thing…all the blood and me just doing nothing.”
“You helped me. It’s not your job to protect me…” John tries but he knows Rodney’s not gonna buy it.
“Yes, yes it is. I may be a brilliant scientist, possibly the most brilliant scientific mind ever, but I’m a member of your gate team and it’s my job to keep you safe and Teyla safe and Ronon safe. Just like it’s Teyla’s job and Ronon’s job and your job too.”
“Rodney…” John flinches when Rodney stares him down. “All right…I get it. We take care of each other.” He sighs. Rodney’s not gonna like the next part. “But the fact remains that I’m military. You’re a civilian. I wish there had been another way that didn’t involve them laying into you.”
Rodney sits back and folds his arms across his chest. “You gave so much of yourself. You barely fought them because to do so might have turned their attentions to me. You would have let him rape you… if it meant that I didn’t have to experience it.” His bitter laugh makes John cringe. “And you think you’re feeling guilt?”
John closes his eyes. All of Rodney’s words are true but they’re still painfully difficult to hear. “I’m so sorry…god Rodney…please.” He remembers their captivity in lurid detail and can’t stop his hands from shaking. John can still feel Rodney’s arms around his waist, holding him secure and getting beaten for his efforts and it’s enough to make his breathing rough. He murmurs, “You could have died…”
“That goes both ways.” Rodney’s expression is hard but his voice is gentle. “He didn’t win John. We’re both alive.”
John hates the emotion building inside him. He’s exposed and vulnerable and he can still feel every punch the Suryans threw his way. “I’m not sure I could have survived without you.” There, it’s out in the open and John feels a bit better, a bit worse. He’s never depended on anyone but himself to survive before but somehow, here, in this amazing city in another galaxy it just feels kind of right.
Rodney clears his throat and John notices his face is a bit flushed. “So…ah…I guess that means we’re okay?”
“Yeah, we’re very okay.” John squeezes Rodney’s hand and tries unsuccessfully to fight back a yawn.
“You’re tired…Beckett stitched your mouth up so I guess he’s a dentist now too…I’ll leave.” Rodney still looks concerned, still looks sick and exhausted but there’s a bounce in his step John didn’t realize he missed. “While we were gone Zelenka found a small device in one of the storage closets that he thinks might be part of a prototype to recharge ZED PMs. It’s quite fascinating actually but he’s probably way off. More likely it’s a modification docket for the trash disposal units. Hmmm…that would still be quite useful. Do you know the amount of garbage we produce? It’s disgusting.”
“Rodney…” John really needs to say something.
“Yes?” Rodney turns around his face relaxed and open.
“Listen...” John flounders for the right words. God, he really sucks at expressing himself. ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t cut it after a week spent in Suryan hell being beaten and nearly raped but John goes with it anyway and adds a whole lot of meaning. By the look on Rodney’s face he doesn’t mind at all.
“You’re welcome John.” Rodney’s smile is radiant and John feels happier than he’s felt in days.
“Why don’t you stay for a bit.” John offers casually and waits.
Rodney stares at him for a minute and John’s sure he’s gonna say no, that he’s busy in the lab or has a meeting with Elizabeth, any excuse necessary to get out fast but instead he pulls up a chair and starts to chat. More tidbits from the city, a few off world discoveries, some mindless gossip from the mainland and a fascinating story on a new marine from the Daedalus, getting lost on his way to the infirmary and ending up in a storage closet on the far end of the city.
John watches as Rodney’s intelligent eyes widen and listens to the way his voice rises and falls from story to story but it doesn’t immediately engage him. Images of Noram screaming and slapping him senseless are tough to defeat and he tries to blot out the pain of the last week. John can’t fight the taste of blood in his mouth. Sickness, confusion and guilt surround him until he nearly can’t breathe. He grips the bed rail until his knuckles turn white and closes his eyes to wait out the horror. John takes a deep breath and then another and god, it’s so hard to pull himself back, but somehow he manages. The past blurs away replaced in minutes by warmth, safety and the odd comfort of Rodney’s words.
“Oh and did I tell you Ronon refuses to believe we’re not ‘together’ because of the way he found us wrapped in each other’s arms. God, you’d swear he’s miffed because we didn’t make him best man at the wedding or something. And Teyla has a few questions about it too. It seems the Althosians have a ceremony where instead of touching foreheads…”
John smiles. This is one story he doesn’t want to miss. He opens his eyes and tunes into Rodney.
END
=end=
Author: Chensuu
Category Gen
Rating: R
Characters: John Sheppard, Rodney McKay, later team and Carson Beckett
Disclaimer: John and Rodney don’t belong to me and I'm not making any profit.
Summary: John’s not the only one being tortured...
Warning:Violence, non-con situations; possible spoiler for season 3 - Common Ground-
Word Count 10,063
Check out the amazing Cover Art by Obaona!
Shivers Upon A Spire
Shivers Upon A Spire
by Chensuu
John Sheppard wakes from the crash with a painful start. For a moment he’s confused. His head aches and there’s blood in his eyes but everything else seems okay. He coughs and clears his throat. MGR-517 seemed like a very good idea at the time. Trees, ruins, and the possibility of trade and allies…a perfect first contact mission…well except for all the mountains. But hey, this is Pegasus, and something bad happens minutes after they come through the gate. He thinks hard and it comes to him. Ah, yes, the weapons fire.
“Sheppard?”
“Ronon?”
It’s smoky in the jumper, with some smashed metal plating and sizzling wires but the craft itself is still in one piece. John feels relieved. The Ancients sure knew how to build them. He touches his forehead, “Ouch,” wipes blood from his eyes and checks on his team.
Ronon is pulling himself upright, carefully touching his left arm and John sees a small piece of metal sticking through the top of his muscle that must really hurt. “Just sit tight big guy. I’ll be right with you.” His head’s starting to throb and John spares a moment to hope he doesn’t have a concussion. He sways into the console and grips the edge for support.
“You don’t look so good.” Ronon observes, concerned and John frowns briefly until he sees Teyla and Rodney still unconscious and tossed to the rear in a half-hazard grace. Ronon reacts at the same time and struggles to move but John motions him down with a wave of his hand and a commanding “Sit.”
“Teyla…Rodney!”
He gets to Rodney first, checks his pulse and breathes a sigh of relief. It’s strong. He’s already starting to stir. The same goes for Teyla. He strokes the bruise on her cheek and her eyelashes flutter. “You okay?”
“I am fine.” Teyla’s pretty face shows confusion. John knows how she feels. “What happened?”
Before John can speak Ronon says, “We crashed.” John nods ruefully. “What he said. I think someone shot us down.”
Rodney chooses this time to come back to the land of the living. “Oh my god that makes twice this year! You do realize that our puddle jumpers are finite don’t you? We can’t exactly run them off an assembly line.”
“Rodney…” John’s tries patience.
“The Ancients left the plans in the database but we still haven’t figured them out! I do have other things on my plate to worry about like getting eaten by the Wraith and finding ZPMs.”
“Rodney!” He’s more forceful this time and it gets McKay’s attention.
“What?”
“How ya feeling?” John lays a hand on Rodney’s shoulder and stands unsteadily. It takes a good ten seconds for the dizziness to fade.
“How the hell do you think I’m feeling. We crashed.” When John doesn’t reply Rodney continues. “I’m fine.”
***********************************
Well, it’s definitely not an accident.
The Suryans don’t deny shooting them down. In fact they seem quite proud of the fact that it only took three tries to crash the jumper. The weapon they used is kind of cool…a long aluminum tube type thing with a concave lens hooked to a small ridge at the top. John wishes he could get a closer look at it. Maybe if all goes well he can negotiate a couple for Atlantis.
“Look, it’s true you could have killed us but we’re not ones to hold a grudge. We’re looking for allies against the Wraith and trading partners…” John’s head still hurts but it’s calmed down a bit from a furious throb to a dull achy thud. If that’s the worst of his problems he’ll manage just fine.
“Silence!”
One of the Suryans butts John in the back with such force he falls to his knees breathless. Oh yeah, his day’s just gotten worse. “This is so not the way to make friends.” He’s suddenly very happy that they cloaked the jumper.
The Suryan who struck John clenches his face until John’s eyes start to water. “Do not speak unless you are addressed.” Up close the man is imposing, standing at least as tall as Ronon and built like a brick wall. John wonders about the scar on his cheek.
“We only want…”
The scarred man slaps John hard across the face and like magic his headache suddenly jumps up a notch.
“Hey!” Rodney moves to defend John. The guards quickly restrain Ronon. “You want silence…all right. We get it.” He gestures across his lips. “All zipped shut.”
The nearest guard elbows Rodney in the stomach in a strike so rough it leaves him gasping for air. He staggers to his feet and bends over breathing deeply. “Whoa…it’s okay…I’m okay.” Then he seems to consider his position, clutches his belly and shouts. “You’ll give me a freaking aneurysm here!”
John clenches out a response. “Look if you want us to leave just say so. Stop beating the crap out of us and we’ll leave through the gate and you’ll never have to see us again. We’re not your enemies and I think…”
The local justice isn’t in the mood to listen to John’s protests and when he snaps his fingers two guards grab John’s shoulders, hold him steady and stuff a gag in his mouth that tastes like rotten eggs. John fights while they attach the straps, but only for a few seconds. One glance at the heavy leather obstruction is enough to keep Rodney quiet and Ronon growling menacingly from the sidelines. John breathes slowly through his nose and tries not to panic. The gag is heavy and John has to work hard just to keep his head up straight. The thick fabric and extensive chain drags his chin to his chest and the strap attached around his neck makes it near impossible to swallow.
“You are spies. You did not come through the ring.” The justice announces thoughtfully and the man with the scar agrees with a smile. “You will be kept in our cells until questioning is over.”
“Spies? You’ve got to be kidding me.” Rodney sounds condescending and for some reason that makes John happy. “Of course we came through the ring. You shot us down. Then you forced us to walk across half a mountain to get here and strapped leather over our faces. We’re not from your world. We couldn’t care a less about spying on you.”
A hard slap to the face spins Rodney in a circle and Teyla grabs his arm to keep him from falling.
The justice ignores Rodney’s tirade and addresses the scar-faced man. “Keep the gag in place until this evening.” He gestures to John and Rodney. “These two are yours.”
John physically struggles when they start to take Ronon and Teyla away. Separating the team is never a good idea. The Suryans aren’t the friendliest of people by a long shot and the arrogant cast to their faces causes John more than a bit of worry. They push him toward Rodney and the scarred man orders their feet chained together. Across the room he notices two Suryans attempting the same with his teammates. John catches Teyla’s eye, notes her grim expression, and does his best to appear reassuring despite having part of his face temporarily turned into a football. She nods, flexes her fingers and lowers her eyes.
Then Ronon throws a knife and all hell breaks loose.
**************************************
“Ouch! That hurts Rodney.”
John captures Rodney’s hand in mid-motion stopping the physicist from pressing John’s ribcage and accidentally inflicting more damage. He sits up with some effort and promptly wishes he were still lying down.
“Of course it hurts. That’s what happens when someone uses you as a human punching bag.” Rodney’s frustration rings through in each exhausted syllable. He leans back against the wall and closes his eyes then opens them to stare so hard at John he has to look away. “Other than the obvious how are you feeling?”
John breathes in deeply then stops. He sighs. “Pissed off…tired.” When Rodney nods he continues. “And you?”
“Oh just peachy. I have front row seats to watch some paranoid pre-industrial aliens beat you to death.”
“Hey! Still breathing here.” He settles himself in the most comfortable position he can find. “If Teyla and Ronon made it to the gate they’ll come for us.” John doesn’t doubt his words for a second. His teammates won’t leave them behind.
“That’s a big ‘if” Colonel.” Rodney grumbles. “It took us over an hour to walk here. Big mountains remember? That’s why we used the puddle jumper in the first place.”
“Yeah, but it’s all I got for now.” John groans when he leans forward too sharply. His chest is sore and he’s feeling a bit loopy. He suspects the food might have been laced with something or maybe just the water. John’s got a headache and he’s unbelievably thirsty.
Rodney sighs. “I hope it’s enough.” His eyes rake John up and down with enough intensity to make him flinch. “They drugged us you know, after they took the gag off and pounded you into the ground last night. I knew that chicken thing tasted funny.”
“Rodney…” John’s not sure what Rodney needs from him or if he’s even able to supply it. Since the crash John hasn’t had a moment to think straight that hasn’t been clouded with pain.
“Forget it.”
Rodney stands and stretches and John decides that now would probably be a good time for lunch. The Suryans didn’t give them breakfast and Rodney seems a bit pale and probably needs to eat as soon as possible. John could certainly do with some water. The drugs left them both pretty dehydrated.
“They keep hurting you.” Rodney finally manages. He sucks at emotion almost as much as John does but under the circumstances not many words are needed.
“Yeah…” John frowns. The Suryans don’t seem interested in inflicting pain on Rodney. Instead his friend’s agony comes from watching scarface beat John. The night they arrived, the day after and then again this morning, with fists and boots and clubs and Rodney screaming profanities and begging uselessly in the corner. It’s a cruel show and John knows that Rodney’s nearly out of his mind with worry. Helplessness is definitely not his strong suit.
“Nothing I say makes a difference. I think they want me to shout. It gives them an excuse to hurt you more.”
“Don’t worry Rodney. Today they might smack you around instead.”
Rodney laughs, “Ha Ha. Very funny.” But at least they’re back on familiar ground now with worry for each other’s survival carefully tucked away…or maybe not. “Seriously…you look like shit.”
John feels like it too, in ever fiber of his being. He’s sick and achy with bruises on nearly every part of his body. He recites, “I’m fine Rodney,” and recoils when the other man snickers.
“Fine? Christ John who are you fooling? Either you’re concussed which I’ll forgive or you’re lying because you think I’ll panic if you tell me the truth which I guess I’ll forgive too since it shows you’re concerned for me.” Rodney pauses, John waits. “I see what they do to you. How many ribs have they broken? Or how about the fun game they played this morning where they choked you until you passed out, woke you up, and then did it again? Soon they’ll start pushing your head in the toilet. And the cold in here isn’t doing you any good. You’re bound to get pneumonia.”
“All right!” John doesn’t mean to shout and it makes his head spin. “It’s bad Rodney. These bastards really enjoy it. But at this point there’s not a lot I can do but try and keep you safe by staying alive long enough until help arrives so they’ll have no reason to damage you too!”
Rodney seems dazed. “You think I want that?” John squirms. “You think I’m more concerned about myself?”
“Jesus McKay…of course not. It’s just that I’ve seen this kind of thing before.” He hopes Rodney doesn’t push it further. There are places it hurts for even John to go.
“Yes I’m sure with your vaulted ‘high pain threshold’…” Rodney considers. “You’ve been tortured before?” He sits next to John, waiting.
John rubs his eyes wearily. “Not now okay?” He notes the earnest concerned expression in his friend’s eyes and sighs. “Look…” John’s never been a very open guy and he’s close to Rodney, really close but god, it wouldn’t be easy to talk about the possibility of dying even if their situation wasn’t so freaking hopeless. “Not counting being sucked on by a Wraith, which wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, I’ve been through some bad stuff before and I’ve seen similar tactics. They won’t hurt you unless they have to Rodney but you’re not safe by a long shot. The Suryans will use you against me however the hell they want to and their threats won’t be meaningless. Or they can decide to switch tactics and start using me against you.”
Rodney huffs. “Huh…I thought that’s exactly what they were doing.”
John doesn’t reply to that. He knows Rodney’s in a lot of pain, not the physical kind, but just as potent, and no amount of consolation on John’s part is going to make it go away. He shivers and watches as realization dawns. Crap…he hasn’t felt this sick in a very long time.
“They could kill us both.” Rodney sounds edgy now, and more than a bit worried.
John shakes his head. “That’s not gonna happen! If they wanted us dead they would have killed us by now.” He sounds a lot sterner than he intended but god he’s weary, maybe if he could nap for while, or have something cold to drink. John banishes the image of a cold Coors Light right out of his head because he’s been tortured too much lately and it would really be stupid to torture himself any more.
“They know we’re not spies.” Rodney sounds calmer. “And they haven’t asked about the puddle jumper yet. Arrogant idiots probably think they destroyed it.”
John agrees wholeheartedly. He’s impressed at how quickly Rodney covers his fear. “Yeah, they don’t really know who or what we are and they don’t care. That makes them more dangerous.”
Rodney nods. “You should get some rest Colonel. We don’t know when scarface is coming back.” Rodney pats his shoulder and John smiles. It’s a sweet gesture and yet so very much McKay. Awkward, supportive and somehow exactly what John needs.
He closes his eyes and dozes in and out. When John wakes up Rodney is examining him with an expression that John can’t identify. It’s mildly unsettling and downright confusing. John smiles at him gently and Rodney turns away. He asks, “Are you okay?” and Rodney nods and returns the smile and they sit in companionable silence until the door latch clicks open.
John struggles to get up and braces himself against the wall. He flinches at the chill and rubs his hands together. Rodney grabs his elbow to keep him steady. Both he and Rodney are barefoot, and wearing T-shirts and pants doesn’t help much in the damp, icy cell. He wonders if they’ll be fed before the games start. With John’s luck they’ll probably wait until later, when he doesn’t feel much like eating. Or worse yet, he’ll eat and then not be able to keep any of it down.
The door swings open and three Suryans step into the room. John doesn’t see the scarred man among them and allows himself to relax. Maybe his luck is changing. Two of the guards arrange trays on the floor and then stand near the exit with weapons ready. The third guard drags in a wooden chair and then leaves without shutting the door. John raises an eyebrow warily and looks at Rodney. He knows the chair means something and it’s probably not good.
“Don’t worry now.” Rodney admonishes. “Drink this.” John accepts the water gratefully and drinks with his eyes closed. He feels like he can swallow an ocean and hopes to god that there’s no drugs involved this time. The rest of the food smells far from appetizing but John starts to pick at it anyway determined to keep up his strength for whatever lies ahead.
“I hope the meal is to your liking.”
John jumps. It’s only been a few days but he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the dull lisping accent of that voice. He exhales nervously when the scarred man enters and takes a seat in the chair directly across from where he and Rodney are eating.
“Enjoy yourselves.” The man’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes. He crosses his legs and folds his hands in his lap, the perfect picture of complacency. John feels his heartbeat increase and he clenches his fingernails into his palms. “Don’t let me interrupt. I’ll eat later.”
John scowls. He hates being put on display. Hates the fact that his fear is probably wetting this monster’s appetite for violence. His stomach growls but it doesn’t matter. There’s no way he’s eating anything now. “Here…” John pushes his food tray towards Rodney and is met with a stern look of disapproval. He finishes his glass of water and waits.
****************************
Rodney’s hand gripping his thigh in a painful squeeze is the only indication John has that he’s still breathing. His entire body hurts and it’s strange, so very strange because he doesn’t really have any memory of a beginning to his pain. He only wishes it would end.
“You’re still with me right?”
Rodney’s voice is soft in his ear and John does his best to lean into the alluring wisp of it. He wants to sleep without dreams and succumb to the nervous energy that is Rodney McKay, worried to death and scared out of his mind that John’s very likely going to die any minute and leave him here all alone with a cruel bunch of paranoid aliens.
“I’m here Rodney…”
“So what now…yesterday we were spies hell-bent on their destruction, then petty thieves, and today they call us terrorists? Pithy power plays and fucked up world wars. I knew this planet reminded me of earth for a reason.”
John tries to laugh but he doesn’t have the strength so he settles for a weak smile instead. When he moves his shoulder erupts in agony. An ironclad fist smashed the left side of his collarbone four hours ago and if he thinks about it too much he knows he’ll faint for sure. John didn’t hear a ‘snap’ so it might not be broken but he really doesn’t want to know and he hasn’t asked Rodney. He groans and fights the overwhelming urge to give in to the throb. Something’s cracked for sure because it hurts like hell and forces John to slump continuously on his right side and use Rodney’s body as a pillow.
He manages, “Just try to be calm,” because Rodney needs a bit of reassurance even though John’s not entirely certain Ronon and Teyla even made it to the gate. The image of his remaining team members being beaten into submission makes his nerves twist until he pushes the idea out of his head and does his best to swallow down the bile churning away in his belly. He tries to keep it steady, really he does, because vomiting in this windowless room is a really dumb idea. “They’ll come for us.”
“How do you know that?” John can hear the break in Rodney’s voice. He sounds rough and hollow and John knows that Rodney’s blood pressure is going through the roof by the slight nerve popping in and out under his left eye. “Maybe Teyla’s dead Colonel. Or maybe Ronon’s getting his body smashed identically to yours in the cell down the hall and they’re making her watch him suffer and bleed and wonder why she won the toss of the coin and gets to keep her bones intact and lose her fucking mind instead!”
The look he gives John is priceless, one half outrage, one half panic attack and as always, pure McKay. Before he can speak Rodney’s off and running again with “I’m sorry…god I’m so sorry…it’s just that I’m worried about you all shattered and stuff.” He pulls John closer into a poorly conceived bear hug that only serves to roll his fragile bones a little more out of their sockets. It’s painful and he hisses through his teeth until Rodney relaxes his hold without even noticing the brief exchange. When he tells John, “You’re right…they’ll find us,” his voice is so brittle John swallows a sob and buries his face in McKay’s blistering warmth and dreams of waking up in Atlantis.
***********************
He comes to with a jerk holding his breath at the sound of footsteps just outside the cell. He thinks it’s too soon for the Suryans to come back again or at least he hopes it is. But John’s been sleeping off and on for a while and he’s probably lost track of time. He wants to ask Rodney what he thinks but he doesn’t have the strength. John’s not sure how much more he can take and honestly doesn’t want to know. He has no allusions, John’s aware of his breaking point and if he’s not there by now then surely just around the corner. He’s gasping in and out, staggered and terrified and clinging to his friend like a lifeline. He notices Rodney’s intense gaze and tries to regulate his breathing without success.
“They don’t even give you a chance to explain to them how precisely unfair and crazy they are! They just beat you and make vague comments about their “demands”. It doesn’t make sense. You’d think they’d want to know more about us. We don’t even know what they want. Everyday is something different to confess too!” Rodney’s doing his best to think things through and break down the mystery of torture into concise theoretical proofs. John wishes he had the strength to explain that madmen don’t always abide by the rules but he’s sure that if the Pegasus galaxy has taught Rodney anything, it’s that life isn’t something you can figure out from a textbook or even a fragmented file in an Ancient database.
John knows Rodney feels guilty because the Suryans haven’t laid a hand on him and it’s making him nuts. If their positions were reversed John would be out of his mind by now.
They come in twice a day, make John scream and bleed and smile at Rodney. The more Rodney shrieks for them to leave John the fuck alone the more viscously their fists and feet inflict bruises. It’s a laugh a minute with these guys, always something new and painful to experience but never enough to break John completely. Rodney calls them fuckers and monsters and curses their gene pool, their mothers, and their manhood. But for all his caustic comments the Suryans only response is to make John suffer more.
At some point Rodney figures out his mistake, shuts his mouth, and sits with his eyes closed in the corner of the room. It’s a good idea for a while but it’s obvious their jailers want a festive audience. The next time, when they bring a pair of rusty pliers and relieve John of one of his molars Rodney fights back rage, deadens his expression and watches the horror unfold. The silence is easier on John but it damages Rodney in ways that hurt too much for John to think about. Later as Rodney packs a piece of his shredded T-shirt inside the hole in John’s mouth, holds his limp body steady and lets him bleed all over his remaining clothing, John fervently hopes the Suryans don’t kill him. He’s honestly afraid that Rodney won’t survive.
“Hey, are you okay?” Rodney grabs his hand and touches every open piece of skin he can find.
“I’m good…” John’s nowhere near that but Rodney isn’t fooled and what the hell…whatever gets them through the day.
“You’re hot.” Rodney’s expression falls flat. “You have a fever.” He reaches for John’s face and gently pries his mouth open and looks inside. “Fucking bastards…”
“I feel okay…” John pulls away. Any kind of contact right now is uncomfortable. He knows what Rodney’s thinking. The bleeding stopped…the infection is just beginning.
“Are you hungry? You should try and eat. I mashed some bean things up for you.” John can’t help but feel touched. Rodney looks exhausted. John knows the situation is really wearing on him but he’s not complaining for John’s sake. “They fed us while you were sleeping.”
“They were here?” It worries John that he didn’t hear the Suryans come in. Their heavy metal tipped boots could wake the dead and he wonders for the first time how far gone he really is to have snoozed through that racket. It’s vaguely terrifying to think he’s missing time, slipping into unconsciousness in lieu of sleep.
“John…food?”
He passes on dinner…or breakfast or lunch… much to Rodney’s dismay and coughs and sneezes so hard his chest clenches, his vision grays and the world starts to blacken. When he opens his eyes he’s flat on his back staring straight at the ceiling and Rodney is alternating pacing with shouting for help and banging on the door.
“Please Rodney…please…stop…” John’s not sure what he’s begging for and his voice is so weak it’s possible that Rodney hasn’t even heard his plea. He only knows he’s in so much pain it’s nearly unbearable. His body is trembling from head to toe and the cold is slowly numbing his limbs and making it impossible to fight the fatigue. He wonders if this is what death feels like, a slow descent into nothingness. But John can’t die now, can’t leave Rodney around to take on the brunt of their anger. Right now he needs Rodney to stop banging on the door and leave the enemy on the other side for just a little while longer. “Rodney…” John reaches out with all his strength and tugs at the hem of Rodney’s pants until the physicist flops on the floor next to him and grabs John’s shaky hand in his own.
“Oh god…you can’t keep doing this Colonel.” Nervous fingers stroke John’s hair with affection. “If you die on me I swear to I’ll find a way to get my revenge somehow. I need…”
John never finds out what Rodney needs because at that moment the door opens and his nightmare walks into the room with a smirk. He’s big, this bastard, the enflamed scar trailing down his neck from some past encounter and a smashed lip courtesy of John’s fist when the opening bell rang two days ago. John thinks his name might be Noram. Two more Suryans follow him in and John knows the fun is about to start when they pull Rodney away from him and toss him into the furthest corner at gunpoint away from John…the one with the best view of the proceedings.
“You are not popular anymore. Your people have forgotten about you. They refuse to give in to our demands.” The grin he flashes makes John shiver. “You’re not worth trading for pigs.”
John’s eyes narrow. Elizabeth is tough and she’s certainly not stupid. John doesn’t believe the Suryans even contacted her. If Ronon and Teyla made it back through the gate maybe the contact was initiated from Atlantis. Or maybe there’s been no contact at all. “Where are the rest of my team?” He tries not to sound desperate and wonders briefly why he uses his strength to ask this question every day when Noram hasn’t answered it once.
“Quiet!”
John stifles a cry when one of the guards kicks his bruised shoulder. He curls into a ball and tries to breathe. If he passes out too soon the Suryans will really be pissed. He manages to sit upright but he can’t quite pull off the angry glare.
But this time Noram surprises him. He puts up his hand to quell the guard. “You and your friend are the only ones who live.”
Well, there’s a first time for everything. John wonders why Noram caved. His veiled response gives John hope that Teyla and Ronon escaped. If they were dead this monster would have shown him the corpses at dinner.
John’s first hint that Rodney doesn’t agree is when he shouts, “Your baboons killed them?” his voice dripping with contempt and bravado. John glances at Noram and worries about McKay. “You just fucked up your last chance at getting anything from us. We don’t deal with murderers.”
“Rodney shut up.” It sounds more like a request than an order. Like John should just insert ‘please’ and be done with it but Rodney gets the message and snarls in place of speaking.
Noram’s cold laughter echoes in the cell. He tugs John to his feet and moves close enough to kiss him. John jumps and sways warily when a large hand grips his ass.
Oh yeah, this is new. He finds Rodney’s eyes, swallows hard and tells himself that sexual assault is just another form of torture. Noram slams John into the wall and rubs against him lewdly, grinding John’s pelvis with one hell of an erection. By the time his filthy tongue is in John’s mouth the world is spinning out of control and he resists the impulse to bite down hard because, hey, John doesn’t want this happening to Rodney instead.
“Ahhh!!!”
Noram’s tongue digs into the tender spot from John’s missing molar and it’s agony. He screams and trembles so hard he swears his body is breaking into pieces one nerve at a time. It takes John a minute to realize that Noram hasn’t stopped kissing him. He’s continuing the assault, lapping at John’s swollen orifice like a bitch in heat. It’s disgusting and sickening and oh god please no please, please no John really, really needs for this to stop.
“For gods sake leave him alone!”
John wants to tell Rodney to stop struggling, that it doesn’t matter anyway. Noram has already made up his mind. He’s been hurting John repeatedly for most of the week and is too turned on by his handiwork to stop the battering now. John tries to calm down, to allow his body time to adjust to what’s about to happen to it, but when Noram squeezes his cock through his BDUs John flinches and pulls back automatically. Oh god, he really doesn’t want Rodney witnessing his rape.
Noram buries his face in John’s neck and bites down hard. When he pulls away John sees blood on his attacker’s lips. He feels ill. One kiss later and he tastes the copper pang of his own blood. Time stands still. John’s mouth is open, slack, allowing Noram to take and hurt and use him without reprisal. To grope John and stroke and dominate him until he starts to moan from the sheer torment of the act. Nausea builds in his stomach and he swallows it down along with his own blood. If he starts throwing up now John doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop.
He closes his eyes when they move Rodney into his line of vision, but opens them with a gasp when Noram places a steadying hand on his bruised shoulder and forces him down to his knees.
“Tell me you want this.” Noram strokes his hair almost tenderly. “Tell me.” It’s not a request any more, it’s a demand and when John doesn’t answer Noram grabs his chin, twists his face and makes him look at his teammate.
John’s played this game before. He knows he’ll suck Noram off, maybe the other guards too, if it means they don’t touch Rodney. John shudders. He’s so not looking forward to the next couple of hours.
“Tell me whore…”
Noram shakes him so hard John nearly blacks out. He licks his lips and swallows but Rodney’s one step ahead of him. He hears Rodney shout “No! Do me instead!” at the same exact time John replies shakily, “I want this.
“Rodney…” John’s voice is weary. He refuses to look Rodney in the eye…John can’t face the hopelessness he’ll probably find there. He feels Noram tense and growl, his anger a living breathing thing. John is tugged to his feet and kissed roughly and then tossed to the floor where he crumbles like a rag-doll. If Noram’s planning on taking Rodney up on his offer John’s gonna lose it right here. He gives it one last shot. “Noram…you bastard…I want this.”
Noram’s smile is death. John’s never seen one quite like it before. “You’ll get it…I promise.”
He cringes when the large Suryan reels around in a circle towards Rodney. Noram grabs the physicist by his jacket and punches him hard in the face. It’s the first bit of violence ever shown him. Rodney doesn’t have time to groan before Noram throws him across the floor into John knocking him flat on his back. It hurts, god it hurts so badly but it’s not Rodney’s fault. He wants to console his friend but the words won’t come. His chest clenches, he feels something shift, and oh god that’s not good. It’s getting kind of hard to breathe. “Rodney…” He gropes for some measure of contact and finds Rodney’s face.
Rodney’s expressive eyes tell John he’s sorry, that he tried his very best and if they both die now there’s no regrets between them. John groans when Rodney wraps his arms around his waist and forms a fragile shield between John and Noram. It’s a useless gesture but John appreciates it all the same. He feels the Suryans fury in kick after kick against Rodney’s exposed back but his own body doesn’t take a single blow. Rodney squeezes him tighter, protecting him and it’s so helpless and painful that John wants to cry. Noram’s high octane shouts hammer into his skull and he bites through his lip to keep from screaming.
“Leave them for me!” Noram’s stormy advance makes the cell floor rattle.
John can’t look away but god he really wants to. Noram is going to rape him and force Rodney to watch. Then Rodney’s going to die…no question about it. Noram’s not a forgiving kind of guy.
“You fucker!” Rodney’s voice bellows loud enough to get Noram’s attention. John watches the Suryan smile again and land a rough punch between Rodney’s shoulder blades. He feels his friend stiffen in pain but Rodney’s a stubborn guy and the brutality both incenses and strengthens him enough to increase his hold on John. “I won’t let you touch him.”
It’s an amazing display of bravery and stubborn resolve but John knows that there’s only so much pummeling Rodney’s body can take before his grip weakens and he’s forced to concede. He murmurs, “Please…” when another punch passes through him and Rodney shudders, his eyes closed tight and his face red and sweaty from exertion. John hates feeling vulnerable. He abhors the weakness and pain in his limbs almost as much as he fears the queasiness building to a fevered pitch in his belly. He wishes he could help his friend more because Rodney certainly deserves a hell of a lot better.
“Bastards…” Rodney mutters and John can tell he’s weakening. He ignores the dizzying pain ripping through his neck and chest and stretches his arms to tighten around Rodney binding them together even as Noram struggles to pull them apart.
Noram grasps Rodney’s shoulders tugging in vain because Rodney just won’t let go. He’s running purely on willpower now, determined to see this nightmare through to the end. When Noram wraps his fingers around Rodney’s neck in a chokehold John leans forward and bites his hand. The Suryan screams and rewards him with a swift punch that explodes on impact with his swollen jaw. John leans into the shelter of his friend’s shoulder, mumbles, “Rodney…god…” and inhales his warmth until strength fails him and the world fades away.
***************************************************
“Sheppard?” Then… “He looks pretty bad.”
John hears the voice but continues to slumber. His entire body hurts like hell and he doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes. He drifts for a while and then remembers. Rodney, Noram, pain, and screaming…it’s too much. He can’t face it.
“Let him rest Ronon. The Colonel has been through a lot.”
Teyla sounds worried and afraid, almost frantic, and it freaks him out enough to crack one of his eyelids open. His people are in danger. John can’t afford to nap anymore.
“Teyla?”
“You are awake. That is wonderful.” Two eyes open now and Teyla’s smile is one of the most beautiful sights John has ever seen.
“McKay?” Teyla frowns and John feels his heart clench when she squeezes his hand. “Teyla…please…?” He’s begging again and dear god Rodney can’t be dead. Not after everything they went through together. His heart feels heavy in his chest and he does his best to squeeze Teyla’s hand in return.
“He is alive John but he was also injured.” Teyla frowns. “I am sorry it took us so long to help you.”
“Where is he?” John struggles to sit up but he’s not really able to move more than an inch in any direction and he winds up trembling like a small kitten. “Please…I really need to see him.” John’s not sure why he’s so nervous, so anxious to see his friend. But he only knows that if he doesn’t see Rodney in the next few minutes he’s gonna have a serious mental breakdown.
“Try not to move. We are all in the jumper. Dr. McKay’s been working steadily on repairs.”
John swallows hard…so, still on the planet then. “The Suryans?”
“We left them in quite a bit of disarray. I will explain later. The jumper is still cloaked but it may be only a matter of time before they find us.”
“Okay…” The last four days slap John’s consciousness into first gear. The crash…Noram, the beatings, the cold, Rodney… He remembers the Suryans tearing his mouth apart with pliers, how he struggled and cried and the memory is at once so vile and intense, the smell of his blood so strong, that the nausea John’s been holding back all week explodes out of him like a freight train. He’s too broken to get up so he vomits on his back, turning his head to dispel the contents of his weak and testy stomach.
Teyla reacts immediately, lifting his head and calling for Ronon
John shudders when Teyla strokes and cleans his face. “You must rest John. I will bring Dr. McKay as soon as he’s able.” She stares in dismay at the mess. “Move him across the jumper Ronon…away from…this.”
John nods and starts to drift as Ronon picks him up. The only thing he can do now is wait and worry. Once again, his life is in Rodney’s hands.
*****************************************************
“I told you to get me when he woke up. How difficult can that be to understand…eyes open…get McKay.”
Rodney’s irritated voice is music to John’s ears.
“He wasn’t awake for very long and you were busy fixing the ship.” Ronon replies easily, his voice calm. John wonders if that’s good news or bad.
“Yes, well I did that didn’t I?” Rodney sounds exhausted.
“Yeah, thanks Doc.”
John can almost feel Ronon’s happy smile warm the room. He opens his eyes and says, “Hey…”
“Colonel?” Rodney’s by his side in a heartbeat. “Don’t move…don’t even breathe too deeply. I’m surprised your body’s still in one piece.” He turns to Ronon. “Give us a minute?” When Ronon leaves Rodney sniffs the air and wrinkles his nose. “So…it doesn’t smell like roses in the back of the jumper anymore.”
“Yeah…not so much.” John swallows hard. “What’s our status?” He feels damaged and defenseless and his head hurts so much it’s hard for John to think straight. He stares at Rodney and waits, notes the pale complexion, the bruising, the haunted eyes that John’s sure must mirror his own.
Rodney speaks in a rushed tone explaining to John about the escape and how Ronon and Teyla found them practically glued together with their arms wrapped around each other and he’s not sure what they think about that. John’s not quite sure what he thinks about it either. He explains that Noram is dead, or at least Rodney thinks he is, Ronon shot him full blast and his weapon wasn’t set on stun. He’s hazy about some of what happened, how they ultimately escaped the prison and made it back to the cloaked puddle jumper. He was barely conscious when they returned and after resting for a bit set to work on repairs. John never woke up. Rodney says he picked up remnants of a MALP that Elizabeth must have sent through when Atlantis lost contact. The Suryans destroyed it and then attached some type of resonance shield over the gate.
“I’ll have all systems operational soon and I’ll find the signal to stop it.” Rodney paused. “We’re cloaked, so hopefully they can’t find us.” The last words are shaky and Rodney closes his eyes.
“Rodney…”
“Jesus Christ John I thought they were going to kill you. And that bastard wanted to…god he wanted to…you know…and there was nothing I could do to stop him from getting his way.” He looks at John, his tired blue eyes begging him to understand and to forgive him.
John shudders. He remembers exactly what Noram wanted to do to him. The tongue in his mouth, the hand on his ass, the disgusting wet kisses and the horror in Rodney’s eyes. It’s all there in Technicolor rehashing over and over in his waking dreams. But despite all the horrors of the past week, despite all the pain and confusion John’s most powerful memories are of Rodney grabbing him and holding him tight, shielding his body and taking the final beating himself, screaming at the Suryans and protecting John from harm.
He manages, “I know…” and hates how small his voice sounds. Rodney is staring at him, waiting for something but John’s just too exhausted to figure it out. He wonders if Rodney will gently help him along. Knowing Rodney he’ll probably smack John in the face with it soon. “Are you okay?”
“Okay?” Rodney stands and starts to pace. “No, I’m not okay. I’m bruised and hurting and I hate that I’ve suddenly become this altruistic savior who cares more for your life then he does for his own. I could have died trying to save you with the optimum word here being trying. Two galaxies would never recover from the loss.” He flops back on the jumper floor next to John and sighs. “I am just so damn glad to be out of there.”
“Yeah.” John manages. He tries to pull himself closer to Rodney but when he lifts his arm agony radiates from the tips of his fingers to his neck and oh yeah his collarbone is definitely broken and maybe a few other bones too. He lets his hand drop and utters a sigh that comes out sounding more like a helpless groan.
Rodney doesn’t miss a trick. He touches John’s hand, squeezes it briefly. “I know you’re in pain but I don’t want to give you any medication other than antibiotics.”
“It’s okay…I’m fine…” John’s voice blurs. He’s struggling to stay awake because Rodney needs him and after the mammoth Hail Mary he pulled in the cell John’s not about to let his friend down. He wants to say thank you or maybe reassure Rodney that he understands, but instead John says, “I didn’t want you to watch him rape me…” and realizes he must be out of his mind with pain because saying what he just said is way too personal between friends. John murmurs sorry and turns his face away. He’s so grateful to Rodney for everything right now but not quite sure how to voice it.
Ultimately it doesn’t matter because Rodney sighs, his voice gentle. “Sleep now, okay? You’ll wake up on Atlantis.”
************************************************
As usual Rodney is absolutely right.
John wakes up in the Gateroom being lifted onto a stretcher. He hears Beckett’s lilting voice ask his team questions that John’s not expected to answer. Someone starts to hook up an IV and John shudders then starts to moan.
“Hey, watch his left arm! Oh and his right one too maybe.” Rodney bellows. “Christ…keep up Carson they beat the shit out of him remember?”
“Doc?” John’s voice sounds so weak he wonders if anyone can hear him. Beckett turns to him and smiles.
“You’re going to be all right Colonel.” Beckett busies himself attaching straps around John’s wrists. “Okay…we’re going to move him.”
“Rodney’s hurt…”
“Yes I know that son. You can’t turn your head because we have your neck strapped as a precaution but Rodney’s on the stretcher right next to yours.”
A hand brushes across his fingers and John tries to grab it but can’t. Still, he knows it’s Rodney’s hand and that’s enough. John closes his eyes and oh yeah Beckett must have put something in that IV line because he’s definitely starting to feel no pain.
************************************** ******
Beckett delivers the bad news with a frown. His voice is calm as he dictates John’s injuries, broken collarbone, two broken fingers, four broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, torn gums, bruises and contusions too numerous to mention and a wee bit of internal bleeding near his stomach that he took care of during surgery. All in all John’s gonna be hurting badly for the next few weeks and there may be some more dental work in his future.
“It could have been worse…” John murmurs thinking…if it wasn’t for Rodney. He feels terrible, all hot and flushed and if the way Beckett is looking at him is any indication he must look it too.
“Son, I know you’re hurting so you don’t need to pretend. You’re gonna be in here for at least a couple of weeks maybe longer. Also…” Beckett pauses for a moment then sighs. “You’re fighting a pretty bad infection due to the impromptu tooth extraction the Suryans performed. ”
“Yeah.” John coughs and his chest clenches miserably. “God…”
“Both you and Rodney are lucky you don’t have pneumonia.” Beckett clucks away for a moment but John isn’t listening. He’s both cold and burning up. Exhausted and worried. The pain in his body flares and then subsides and his head feels heavy and leaded. It’s a familiar feeling…Beckett must have fed him the good drugs.
“How’s Rodney?” John’s breathe catches at Beckett’s expression.
“He’s lucky Colonel…very lucky. The beating he took could have really damaged his kidneys and I’m certainly going to watch them for a while but all in all he’s gonna pull through fine. He’ll be feeling like hell for while too.”
“He saved me…” John closes his eyes. The memories are too vivid…the wounds too raw. “Rodney stopped them…” No, John won’t go there yet. He’ll write it up in his report and he won’t sugarcoat it either. Rodney nearly lost his life to stop Noram from raping John and it makes him angry and grateful in varying turns. One moment he’s sure it wasn’t worth it and the next moment he thinks ‘thank god!’
Beckett stares at him but decides not to push it because he merely smiles at John and checks his chart. “Aye…he’s got some hidden reserves that one. I had to sedate him. He’s sleeping in the next bed. You’ll be buddies in here for a bit.” Beckett gestures toward the door. “Teyla and Ronon have been waiting to see you. Elizabeth stopped by earlier but you were still out.”
John nods. He really doesn’t feel like talking to anyone but his friends are worried about him. “Sure…” He yawns and his chest hurts but if Beckett notices he’s kind enough to ignore John’s flinch. Beckett also ignored the teeth marks on John’s neck in his earlier evaluation but he’s sure that slight is temporary. Beckett didn’t press him for information but John’s sure the doctor checked him for assault while he was unconscious. He has visions of Heightmeyer in his future.
“Only for a couple of minutes okay?” Beckett checks his chart one more time and leaves John alone. He stares at Rodney lying one bed over and frowns because Rodney looks, well, fragile. He’s pale and bruised, with one black eye and a swollen bottom lip. All the confidence, energy and annoying traits that make Rodney unique are missing when he’s asleep replaced by a vulnerable innocence that belies the strong, brilliant man underneath. John’s breathe catches and he turns away feeling absurdly sad and uncomfortable. They’re both alive and he knows he should be happy but John can’t shake the guilt and anger at not being able to protect Rodney. Despite all the hurt Noram inflicted on John, it’s Rodney’s injuries that sting more. The memories rush him again but John is saved from further introspection when Teyla and Ronon enter with smiles so big that John can’t help smiling in return.
Teyla says, “John.” and holds his hand, then, “Doctor Beckett says both you and Dr. McKay will get well.”
John listens to her sweet and steady voice and images of the past week disappear. He slumbers, they’re safe now, back home on Atlantis.
**************************************************************
“Why the hell is he still sleeping then?” Rodney’s voice is never soft…not even when he’s whispering.
“He’s exhausted Rodney. I explained all that to you. The Colonel’s injuries were severe. He’s recovering but it will take a while. He’s running a bit of a fever and I had to clear an abscess this morning. . I have him on pain meds and they make him sleepy.”
“I’m awake.” John murmurs but keeps his eyes closed. “I just have a headache.”
“It probably started when Rodney came in…” Beckett’s joke stutters flat and John realizes that Rodney probably gave him one hell of a withering look.
He opens his eyes and catches the end of a very nasty expression.
“That’s so very clever Carson.” Rodney turns to John and shakes off his frustration. “So…”
“Don’t harass the Colonel.” Beckett gives John a look that says, ‘sorry to leave you with him’ and exits with a grimace.
John gives Rodney all his attention. Five days back on Atlantis and John spent the first three sleeping nearly twenty-four hours. He knows there’s a lot of stuff left unsaid between them, emotional stuff, things he’d rather still not say but there’s no reason to believe that Rodney will let him off the hook because he’s never gone easy on John before. He takes a deep breath and waits.
“Are we okay?” Rodney face is open, his concerns and anxieties laid bare and John hates the complexity of what he’s just been asked.
“Geez Rodney…you sure don’t start slow and build.” John rubs his forehead and deflects the question. “We’re fine.” The words come easy and he’s surprised at how well he lies…so much guilt, so little time.
“Right.” Rodney pauses for a moment and John can swear he sees fear brewing right behind his bright blue eyes. “So the fact that I stood by and watched the evil aliens try and beat you to death and didn’t do anything to intervene hasn’t impacted on our relationship at all?”
“There wasn’t anything you could do.” The words sound hollow but John knows they’re true. Rodney was in a bind. They both were, and no amount of backpedaling can change the facts of the situation. Noram knew exactly what he was doing. They’re both damaged, physically and mentally, and it’s a deep confusing hurt.
Rodney throws up his hands. “Oh yeah, I finally get in on the action when that monster decides to take liberties.”
John frowns. Rodney’s pain is a bit clearer to him now. “So, you think you should have acted sooner? Come to my defense?” His voice sounds slurred courtesy of swelling from Beckett’s promised dental fix-me-up earlier in the morning. The meds are starting to wear off and his mouth is starting to feel the ache.
“Yes.”
“How exactly.” If John doesn’t nip this in the bud Rodney will stew and nibble at what he perceives as the endless possibilities for weeks to come.
“I could have overpowered a guard. Taken his gun away. Turned it on Noram.” Rodney’s voice is edgy. John understands his pain.
He shakes his head. “Two guards. Two guns…and that’s not counting Noram. And me fully incapacitated.” It hurts to admit this weakness but not nearly as much as John thought. Rodney’s his friend, a very good friend, and the simple fact that they can be truthful with each other means a hell of a lot. “The biggest mistake Noram made was bringing you into the fight.”
Rodney’s face still looks uncertain but his expression brightens a bit. “Yes, well, he didn’t know who he was dealing with.”
“You got that right.” John smiles but it’s a hard sell. He’s playing hardball with some strong feelings of his own.
Rodney’s fingers brush across John’s and he follows the caress with wide eyes. “So if we’re okay then why do you look so…not…okay?” His concern is more than friendly, it’s downright intimate and John feels surprised at just how okay he is with that. There’s a lot going on between the lines but neither he nor Rodney is willing to take the conversation in that direction just yet.
“I messed up…” John doesn’t have the strength to pull his hand away. He watches Rodney’s fingers, hypnotized by the steady touch and swallows. “I should have kept you safe.” He’s tired and wounded and wonders if he’ll ever feel himself again.
“Keep me safe? You’re kidding right? They used your body as a punching bag.” Rodney looks exasperated now and John thinks this might be easier than high emotion. “For gods sake John you could barely move and that guy wanted to screw your brains out.”
“But he didn’t.”
“He came pretty damn close.” Rodney eyes the bandage covering the bite mark on John’s neck until he touches it self-consciously.
John remembers and whimpers and closes his eyes. Rodney could have died just to save his honor and John doesn’t think he’d ever be able to forgive himself if that happened. He’s not sure how he would feel if Rodney died saving him. Sadness, guilt and anger don’t even begin to cover it.
“I’m sorry. I’m insensitive, you know that about me, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Rodney continues. “But this isn’t just about that sick bastard wanting you, it’s about him torturing you, hurting you, and leaving me alone. And oh god that tooth thing…all the blood and me just doing nothing.”
“You helped me. It’s not your job to protect me…” John tries but he knows Rodney’s not gonna buy it.
“Yes, yes it is. I may be a brilliant scientist, possibly the most brilliant scientific mind ever, but I’m a member of your gate team and it’s my job to keep you safe and Teyla safe and Ronon safe. Just like it’s Teyla’s job and Ronon’s job and your job too.”
“Rodney…” John flinches when Rodney stares him down. “All right…I get it. We take care of each other.” He sighs. Rodney’s not gonna like the next part. “But the fact remains that I’m military. You’re a civilian. I wish there had been another way that didn’t involve them laying into you.”
Rodney sits back and folds his arms across his chest. “You gave so much of yourself. You barely fought them because to do so might have turned their attentions to me. You would have let him rape you… if it meant that I didn’t have to experience it.” His bitter laugh makes John cringe. “And you think you’re feeling guilt?”
John closes his eyes. All of Rodney’s words are true but they’re still painfully difficult to hear. “I’m so sorry…god Rodney…please.” He remembers their captivity in lurid detail and can’t stop his hands from shaking. John can still feel Rodney’s arms around his waist, holding him secure and getting beaten for his efforts and it’s enough to make his breathing rough. He murmurs, “You could have died…”
“That goes both ways.” Rodney’s expression is hard but his voice is gentle. “He didn’t win John. We’re both alive.”
John hates the emotion building inside him. He’s exposed and vulnerable and he can still feel every punch the Suryans threw his way. “I’m not sure I could have survived without you.” There, it’s out in the open and John feels a bit better, a bit worse. He’s never depended on anyone but himself to survive before but somehow, here, in this amazing city in another galaxy it just feels kind of right.
Rodney clears his throat and John notices his face is a bit flushed. “So…ah…I guess that means we’re okay?”
“Yeah, we’re very okay.” John squeezes Rodney’s hand and tries unsuccessfully to fight back a yawn.
“You’re tired…Beckett stitched your mouth up so I guess he’s a dentist now too…I’ll leave.” Rodney still looks concerned, still looks sick and exhausted but there’s a bounce in his step John didn’t realize he missed. “While we were gone Zelenka found a small device in one of the storage closets that he thinks might be part of a prototype to recharge ZED PMs. It’s quite fascinating actually but he’s probably way off. More likely it’s a modification docket for the trash disposal units. Hmmm…that would still be quite useful. Do you know the amount of garbage we produce? It’s disgusting.”
“Rodney…” John really needs to say something.
“Yes?” Rodney turns around his face relaxed and open.
“Listen...” John flounders for the right words. God, he really sucks at expressing himself. ‘Thank you’ just doesn’t cut it after a week spent in Suryan hell being beaten and nearly raped but John goes with it anyway and adds a whole lot of meaning. By the look on Rodney’s face he doesn’t mind at all.
“You’re welcome John.” Rodney’s smile is radiant and John feels happier than he’s felt in days.
“Why don’t you stay for a bit.” John offers casually and waits.
Rodney stares at him for a minute and John’s sure he’s gonna say no, that he’s busy in the lab or has a meeting with Elizabeth, any excuse necessary to get out fast but instead he pulls up a chair and starts to chat. More tidbits from the city, a few off world discoveries, some mindless gossip from the mainland and a fascinating story on a new marine from the Daedalus, getting lost on his way to the infirmary and ending up in a storage closet on the far end of the city.
John watches as Rodney’s intelligent eyes widen and listens to the way his voice rises and falls from story to story but it doesn’t immediately engage him. Images of Noram screaming and slapping him senseless are tough to defeat and he tries to blot out the pain of the last week. John can’t fight the taste of blood in his mouth. Sickness, confusion and guilt surround him until he nearly can’t breathe. He grips the bed rail until his knuckles turn white and closes his eyes to wait out the horror. John takes a deep breath and then another and god, it’s so hard to pull himself back, but somehow he manages. The past blurs away replaced in minutes by warmth, safety and the odd comfort of Rodney’s words.
“Oh and did I tell you Ronon refuses to believe we’re not ‘together’ because of the way he found us wrapped in each other’s arms. God, you’d swear he’s miffed because we didn’t make him best man at the wedding or something. And Teyla has a few questions about it too. It seems the Althosians have a ceremony where instead of touching foreheads…”
John smiles. This is one story he doesn’t want to miss. He opens his eyes and tunes into Rodney.
END
=end=