Afterlife (oneshot)
Title: Afterlife
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo, Kris/Baekhyun
Rating: R
Length: 5,434 words
Summary: Life after death is the same as life on Earth, only a bit worse.
Warnings:(Contains themes of suicide but essentially it's a happy fic. Happy suicide fic yep. Loosely based on the movie Wristcutters, everyone should watch it.)
A/N: Written for runandgun's summer challenge!
Jongin is tired.
He comes home from work at 11pm and crashes onto his worn out black leather couch right away, flipping through channels absentmindedly till he realizes there’s really nothing interesting showing at this time of night. Ten minutes pass by and still, nothing.
He sighs, turns off the television and walks into his small kitchenette for a butcher knife. Once he finds a clean one he heads to the bathroom, filling the tub with lukewarm water before settling himself in, sopping wet clothes sticking to his skin.
He closes his eyes when he presses the tip of the blade to his wrist.
He’s just tired.
“So how do you think he died?”
“Huh?”
“That guy sitting all the way at the end of the bar.” Baekhyun snickers as he brings the rim of the beer glass to his lips. Jongin shrugs lethargically, “Wanna bet on it?” Clearly he’s had too many drinks for the night. Yifan silently sets a crisp bill on the table.
“A hundred it is,” Jongin says, kicking his chair back from the table, “which one of you bitches wants to go first?” He easily dodges Baekhyun’s light slap to his arm.
“Probably hung himself,” Yifan says casually, as if he’s merely talking about the weather. He takes another sip of his whiskey and winces from the obvious burn as he swallows. They’re all quiet for a few moments until Baekhyun clears his throat when he realizes Jongin wasn’t going to speak yet, “Nah, I’d say he overdosed on meds. Look how swollen he is!”
“Wrong and wrong,” Jongin laughs lightly and stands up, “there’s a mark on his wrist. It’s obvious he slit it.” Immediately after, Jongin picks up the bill and waves it in front of their faces, suppressing his grin when their expressions change from confusion to annoyance simultaneously, “I win.”
“Fuck you,” Jongin bursts out laughing this time because it’s not every day Yifan loses his cool completely. That and he finds it comical that Baekhyun and Yifan are upset at all, considering Jongin didn’t even cheat his way into winning; all’s fair, they’re just sore losers.
“Where are you going?” Baekhyun calls out when Jongin suddenly stands and walks over to the male they just betted on moments ago. He buries his hands in his coat pocket, exhales quietly, and gets straight to the point.
“So, how’d you do it?” He raises his eyebrows when he notices the young man sitting down was twiddling with his thumbs and hadn’t even touched his drink once. He looks up, eyes widening slightly. His skin’s colorless and his eyes are diluted and bloodshot red. Damn, Jongin thinks, this guy looks like he’s in bad shape.
Then again, so does everyone else that ends up in this place.
“Excuse me?” The young man asks as he stares incredulously at Jongin.
“Jongin, you can’t just ask him that!” Baekhyun yells out. Jongin didn’t even notice the two were following closely behind him the whole time. He ignores the other male’s outburst and instead folds his arms across his chest, waiting for an answer.
“How did I do what?”
“You know, kill yourself.” Jongin rolls his eyes.
The stranger scoffs, “I’m not supposed to be here, this was an accident.”
Yifan and Baekhyun are silent, occasionally exchanging glances to each other, and Jongin stares at the young man long and hard before chuckling in a lighthearted manner. “Impossible. Nothing is ever accidental if you end up in this place.”
“I’m telling you it was!” The young man raises his voice, and Jongin notices him clenching his fists tightly near his sides. Cute.
“Whatever you say. Either way, you’re still stuck here.” Jongin turns to leave, then stops before he can take a second step because the stranger’s suddenly clutching his arm. He tries to shrug him off, but no avail, he has an awfully tight grip for someone so frail looking.
“Please, I need to speak to the people in charge about this. Can you help me?”
Jongin snorts. “Look, I really don’t know who the fuck’s in charge of this place,” he exhales when he looks into the young man’s eyes, because something tells him he’s being completely earnest and is determined no matter what he says either way, “but I guess I can lend a helping hand.” Jongin doesn’t even remember being this nice while he was still alive.
“Name’s Jongin.”
He extends his arm and the stranger accepts. Both their hands are cold and clammy and the young bites back the need to wince, “Kyungsoo. Thank you so much.”
“Make yourself at home,” Jongin tells Kyungsoo as he props two pillows on the twin bed beside his. There’s tea brewing and cheap ramen noodle packs cooking in the kitchen; that’s all he’s ever had really, but Kyungsoo’s just going to have to get used to it.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a long time; he only quietly observes everything around him and chews on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words to say. Jongin notices his internal struggle.
“Things are pretty much the same here too huh?”
Kyungsoo breaks away from his thoughts, “Yeah, but just a little bit worse.”
Baekhyun and Yifan are bickering in the room next to theirs-something about Yifan eating the last bit of Baekhyun’s beef jerky-but Jongin predicts that a heavy make out session will ensue within the next two minutes, as usual.
“So...” Man, Jongin thinks, Kyungsoo really doesn’t talk much does he, “how’d you die then?”
They’re both a couple feet away from each other on their own beds, lying on their backs and staring up at the ceiling fan after finishing their meal for the night. Things are too quiet around here. Everything is dingy and gray, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to take this. He just wants to go home.
“I accidentally overdosed on my medication,” Kyungsoo whispers, turning over on his side to face Jongin, “and all I remembered was blacking out. Then somehow I ended up here.”
Jongin nods and closes his eyes. He decides not to press on any further.
“You guys must really love drinking.,” Kyungsoo states, as he silently counts all the empty bottles on their table. There are ten of them, and Kyungsoo’s only had one beer.
“I know that’s not what you really wanted to say,” Jongin coughs after drinking a little too fast, “you can ask us if you want to, it’s only fair.” Baekhyun and Yifan nod in agreement, but still, Kyungsoo hesitates for a few moments.
Finally, he asks, “how’d you, you know, do it?”
Baekhyun sets his glass down, clearing his throat because the burn from the alcohol’s still lingering there, “I used to be in a band but, one day while we were performing at a small concert I just poured my beer down onto my electric guitar.” He merely shrugs, but Kyungsoo looks absolutely mortified, and everyone else almost laughs because his reactions are so real, so raw. Something they haven’t seen here in a while.
“Hanged myself,” Yifan says, pulling down on his collar to show a deep purple bruise. Kyungsoo hisses at the sight but remains quiet and listens to all three of them.
“Slit my wrist in the shower.” Jongin says before yelling at the bartender for another refill. He’s never really one to elaborate on his death, not even to Baekhyun or Yifan. He just, doesn’t want to remember any of it, although this place will always serve as a reminder for him about what he’s done and the consequences of it.
“Why though?” Kyungsoo asks, his voice quivering in hopes that none of them are offended, and thankfully, none of them are, but instead, they all shrug at the same time.
“We had enough. That’s it.” Yifan says.
“But what about your parents―”
“Look here.” Kyungsoo realizes he’s finally struck a nerve in Baekhyun and now he’s suddenly regretting ever opening his mouth in the first place. He should know by now that some of the things he says can be a little, well, harsh although he really doesn’t mean it to come off that way.
“We’ve been selfless people our entire lives by taking everyone’s shit and not doing anything about it for years. So don’t you dare insinuate that we’re suddenly now selfish in our actions because we chose to leave everything behind that’s ever hurt us.”
Yifan reaches up to squeeze Baekhyun’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down, and it works. Jongin on the other hand runs his index finger along the rim of his glass, clearly thinking about something but choosing to keep silent, something Kyungsoo should’ve done since the beginning. He lowers his head and it’s quiet for the rest of the night.
“We’re going on a trip,” Yifan tells everyone when they return to the apartment after a long night out at the bar, “so get ready and we’ll leave first thing in the morning.”
“Where to?” No way Kyungsoo was going to tag along without knowing exactly where they were all heading to. Jongin and Baekhyun already seem to know the answer since they’re not wondering the same thing as him aloud.
“Gonna see an old friend of mine, that’s all,” Yifan mutters and retreats to his room, followed by Baekhyun. Jongin reappears from the bathroom, undoing a couple buttons of his white dress shirt, which shows a bit of his chest. Kyungsoo can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose or if he’s just too drunk, as usual. He shifts his gaze from the floor to Jongin’s exposed left nipple, feeling a blush creep up his face as the other leans against the wall, hands buried in his pockets.
He really should stop being so painfully obvious.
“Um,” Kyungsoo starts, stumbling a bit on his words when Jongin chuckles then casually saunters towards him, “I thought you said you were going to help me with―”
“I know," Jongin interrupts, and Kyungsoo doesn’t appreciate it one bit.
“You know,” Kyungsoo states. Jongin nods slowly, his eyebrows knitting together, and the other senses he’s apprehensive about something. It makes Kyungsoo’s stomach churn.
“I didn’t forget,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo thinks he’s foolish for believing him a second time, “I’m just as confused as you are, but I’m still trying to find a way to get you back, I promise.” Their eyes meet for a few seconds, and that’s enough for Kyungsoo to take his word for it.
Just as Kyungsoo swipes his sunglasses with the hem of his shirt, he accidentally drops them, and when he looks down to retrieve it, he blinks a few times, watching as dark, gray swirls slowly engulf it till it disappears.
“W-What’s that?!” Kyungsoo almost shouts, bringing his knees up so his feet aren't touching the floor of the car. This place is really too fucking weird for him to handle, and he hasn’t even been here for more than a week.
“Ah, the black hole,” Baekhyun says, eyes still closed as he drifts in and out of consciousness, “just make sure you don’t drop anything or else it’s gone forever, though I’m pretty sure you know that now.” His breathing is more regulated once he leans against Yifan’s shoulder and stops fighting against sleep.
“Where do they end up?” Kyungsoo presses, but Yifan doesn’t know much more about it than he does. Soon, Yifan’s sleeping as well, his head resting atop Baekhyun’s and it’s only Jongin and Kyungsoo that are awake.
“Let’s play a game,” Jongin suggests, eyes still on the road in front of him, “how about I Spy?” He takes a sip of his raspberry lemonade sitting in the cupholder, and Kyungsoo’s thankful it’s not another bottle of whiskey. Jongin curses aloud when he accidentally drops the bottle in front of him.
“Damn car,” he mutters as his drink disappears.
“Really though? I Spy is such a child’s game.”
Jongin sighs, “Look I just don’t wanna fall asleep on the wheel okay?” Kyungsoo grunts to himself, searching around the car for an object to guess on. He figures the ballpoint pen resting in the opened glove compartment should work.
“I spy, something small and pink.” Jongin snorts aloud, and the other’s cheeks begin to redden.
“I was gonna say my dick but,” Jongin clears his throat, “I’m not exactly small you see.”
“Well I can’t see anyway," Kyungsoo mutters. Jongin laughs even harder and Kyungsoo thinks he needs to shut up right about now.
“Want me to show you then?” If Kyungsoo can reach over to the front seat and hit Jongin where it hurts he would, really. But that would mean a fight might ensue, which he isn’t up for right now.
“You know what? Once this game is over, I’m going to sleep.” Jongin continues to laugh until Kyungsoo’ fast asleep on the car window, his breath fogging the pristine glass.
Jongin can’t even remember the last time he’s ever laughed like this.
“I think they’re fighting again,” Kyungsoo says, pointing as Baekhyun’s practically screaming his head off while poking his index finger against Yifan’s chest repeatedly. The elder’s growing equally frustrated but chooses to run his hand through his hair in exasperation instead.
“Yeah, well, happens all the time,” Jongin lights another cigarette, “Yifan’s a patient one though, that’s for sure.” Kyungsoo shifts uncomfortably, staring at the bickering couple. Jongin snorts, shaking his head as he takes the other’s hand in his. Kyungsoo yelps, trying to release Jongin’s grip by twisting and turning his arm but the other doesn’t seem to be affected in the slightest.
“Quit acting like a virgin and let’s get out of here.” Jongin leads them both outside the hotel room, and Kyungsoo’s both embarrassed and flustered because of Jongin’s insult and the fact that they’re still holding hands even when they’re out the door.
“Where to now?” Kyungsoo asks, pulling away once Jongin loosens his grip. The other’s thinking for a long while, and Kyungsoo’s not really surprised when he says, “There’s a bar not too far from here, we could get a couple drinks.”
If Kyungsoo wanted to babysit a drunken Jongin, then of course he would’ve agreed. For the past five days, it had been a routine for all of them; they would go to the bar for a few drinks, order more when three bottles wasn’t enough, and while Yifan and Baekhyun would argue about who even knows what on their way to the car, Kyungsoo would struggle to hold up Jongin, who would barely be able to walk once the night was over.
Kyungsoo hates this place, hates it so much. Everything’s dark, maybe a little gray sometimes, and no one ever fucking smiles here. Even more frightening however, is that everyone looks exactly the same from when they died. If someone blew their brains out with a gun, that’s how they appear to be here. There’s really no way Kyungsoo can get used to this, and it’s not like he should, considering he’s not like everyone that resides here; the way he thinks and the way they think are too different.
Unlike Jongin, Yifan, and Baekhyun, he still wanted to live while he was still breathing on Earth. He needs to go home.
“How about we drive for a bit?”
Jongin pulls out his car keys from his pockets. “Sure, anywhere specific you want to go?” Kyungsoo contemplates long and hard, however he still doesn’t really know the area well besides the small bar that stands a few minutes from Jongin’s apartment but well, they’re 7 hours away from that now.
“Just, anywhere’s fine.”
“If that’s what you want.” Jongin shrugs, and now they’re on the highway again. There are barely any cars on the road. Maybe once in awhile they’d spot one, but Jongin ends up passing all of them from how fast he’s driving. For about twenty minutes into the drive, no one’s saying anything, there’s no awkward coughing or shifting going around, nothing.
“Honestly, I regret it so much,” Jongin scratches the top of his head sheepishly, eyes still remaining on the road in front of him, “killing myself I mean, I wish I didn’t do it. At the time, doing it felt so right though.”
Kyungsoo turns to look at him, and Jongin’s biting incessantly on his bottom lip as he talks, and when he isn't, they're quivering slightly. He does the obvious and slowly reaches over to his hand on the other’s knees, and when Jongin didn’t react to the touch by pulling away, he squeezes lightly in a comforting gesture.
Jongin sighs, and Kyungsoo takes it as a good sign.
“Everyone says the same thing when people die. They’re in a better place, so we shouldn’t worry about them. Maybe this only applies to people who have a natural death or haven’t been killed by their own hands. As for us, this place only serves as a punishment, by being exactly like Earth, just a little bit worse.”
“You want to go home too.” Kyungsoo finally looks up to Jongin and the other’s nodding firmly. For once, Jongin seems so sure about this. Truthfully, this makes Kyungsoo happy for different reasons, one being someone shares the same thoughts as him, and two, without even trying, Jongin seems to have no problems opening up to him. Kyungsoo didn’t think he would be able to connect to anyone here, but thankfully he’s never been more wrong.
Once they find out who the, “People In Charge” are, Kyungsoo won’t forget to beg them to let Jongin come back with him. He doesn’t belong here either.
“Yeah, I really do.”
Jongin doesn’t think he could ever tell this to Baekhyun or Yifan, and it breaks his heart that he’ll never be able to, that they’ll never understand how he really feels about being here. He really does love them as brothers, however some things are best kept as secrets.
And somehow, he trusts Kyungsoo not to tell the news to them. He might be naive at times, but there’s no way he would let anyone else around here know about this. He likes that there’s someone he can rely on now after being here for the past year.
For the first time, Jongin’s smile reaches his eyes.
“We’re back!” Jongin calls out and sets two bags of food on the coffee table. Baekhyun and Yifan are out of the bathroom at the same time, their towels hanging loosely around their waists and Kyungsoo’s surprised they got over their earlier fight so quickly.
“Baekhyun, we got you some ribs and there’s a burger with ketchup, lettuce, pickles, and no tomatoes in one of those bags for you Yifan.”
“Thanks man,” Yifan says earnestly, removing his food from the aluminum foil and taking a large bite. Jongin nods as he and Kyungsoo pick out their own subs and head to the second room, shutting the door and leaving the other two in the living room.
They eat without talking; it’s impossible anyway when they’re both practically inhaling their sandwiches after having nothing to eat all day. Since their little talk in the car, neither of them said anything else till it was time for them to order some food at a small food cart. Perhaps it was better off that way.
“Not sure if Yifan told you yet but, we’re going to see his friend tomorrow morning.” Jongin frowns when his head sinks into one of the hotel pillows. They always feel somewhat like clouds, he hates it. Kyungsoo misses when he throws his foil in the trash bin in front of him.
“He didn’t, but thanks for letting me know. Have any idea who he is?”
“Not really, but I think his name’s Luhan.”
“Ah, got it.” Kyungsoo lies down as well, picking his fingernails in boredom when both of them stop talking. There seems to be a growing pattern, sometimes they can go on for hours without talking and then afterwards there’s an awkward silence and although they want to say something, they choose not to, and it’s frustrating for them to deal with, really.
“You’ve never heard Baekhyun perform, right?” Jongin asks and Kyungsoo’s face suddenly lights up. He’d thought the other was fast asleep.
“No, but I bet he’s really good.”
“He is. And speaking of bets, I think I should probably give Yifan back his money.” Jongin mutters the last sentence and snickers with his hand over his mouth when Kyungsoo watches his him looking perplexed as ever.
“What was that?” Kyungsoo tries his luck and asks anyway; though he has a feeling Jongin wants to keep this one to himself.
“Nothing, nothing at all.”
It turns quiet again and Kyungsoo frowns. He figures Jongin’s probably fast asleep at this point in time until he hears the other sighing softly, shifting positions to find a comfortable spot. Kyungsoo thinks it’s kind of cute.
“Can you, do me a little favor?” Jongin asks timidly, and it’s weird to Kyungsoo because, well, from what he knows so far about him, he’s anything but timid or shy.
“What is it?” Kyungsoo breathes out. Jongin takes a while to answer and it makes the other nervous as well.
“Can you, um, sleep next to me? I mean, if you don’t want to that’s fine too," Jongin quickly adds, and Kyungsoo wants to cackle loudly because it’s awfully strange seeing and him act sheepishly.
“No no, it’s fine. I don’t mind at all.” Kyungsoo doesn’t bother bringing over his pillows or sheets when he moves over next to Jongin on his bed; he decides they can both share without asking. Both of them feel their cheeks burning when Kyungsoo’s daring enough and leans over to wrap his arm around Jongin’s bare torso. He doesn’t pull away and Kyungsoo presses on and massages his fingertips into Jongin’s skin, smiling when the other exhales shakily.
“You okay?” Kyungsoo is surprised he can even talk when his heart’s practically beating out of his chest.
“Yeah, just fine. Thank you.” Jongin forces out a cough and rests his hand atop Kyungsoo’s. Within five minutes, they’re both fast asleep.
“Baekhyun, can we talk for a minute? Please?” Kyungsoo whispers carefully so he doesn’t wake up Yifan since he’s pressed up to Baekhyun and snoring lightly. Baekhyun squints up at Kyungsoo, then looks at the alarm clock beside their bed, “Kyungsoo, it’s three in the morning.”
“I know but―”
“Kyungsoo, it’s three in the morning,” Baekhyun repeats and Kyungsoo sighs heavily.
“Never mind, go back to sleep.” Kyungsoo turns until Baekhyun’s grasping his arm. “Too late, I’m up, and this better be important.” Kyungsoo hopes it’s important too.
“Okay so.” Kyungsoo starts when they’re both standing outside their hotel room. Baekhyun’s still looking groggy from sleep and he feels slightly bad for waking him up. Just slightly.
“Right, um, well I think I might have a tiny crush on Jongin.” Well that didn’t exactly come out that way he wanted it to. Baekhyun scoffs, “Seriously, this is what you wanted to tell me? And I’m sorry to break it to you but there’s a pretty big chance Jongin doesn’t like you back, I mean, he’s not really fond of anyone besides Yifan and I.”
Well, he’s harsh and to the point.
“I’m not so sure about that, I mean he did ask me to sleep with him last night and I just don’t know anymore.” Of course Baekhyun’s wide awake after hearing this.
“Wait you mean, you both fucked? Oh my god.”
“No! I mean, we literally just slept next to each other. That’s it.” Baekhyun’s back to his original state again, and Kyungsoo can’t help but stare incredulously at him. He never knew he was one to engage in gossip.
“Still though, wow. He hates it when anyone goes near him. You must be a real special one.” Kyungsoo laughs nervously, scratching the top of his head, because he doesn’t remember ever being considered as special to anyone, ever.
“You think so?” Kyungsoo needs some kind of affirmation, though he should really be talking about this with Jongin instead.
“Yeah, I think he really likes you too. You’re in luck.” Baekhyun pats his back and smiles.
“This is my friend I was telling you guys about.” Yifan says after pulling away from a brief hug. Kyungsoo almost gasped aloud when he sees the young man’s face; from the side he appears to be beautiful but, there’s a hole in the middle of his forehead. No one else says anything and he’s glad he had the willpower to hold himself back.
“Hi, name’s Luhan. Nice to meet you all.” After getting over their stiff introductions they’re sitting on a long couch opposite him and Jongin and Kyungsoo look around the home; it’s pretty small but seems comfortable and at least the paint color around the house’s not dark like everything else, Kyungsoo thinks.
“So, how long have you been living here?” It’s pretty difficult for Kyungsoo to meet his eyes so he quickly glances at him before setting his eyes at his feet again. He almost jumps when Jongin presses his fingers into his back, and when he turns to look at him, he’s staring at him solemnly and shaking his head slightly. Kyungsoo gulps.
“Almost five years,” Luhan says in a hushed tone and gazes up momentarily to smile, “it’s been awhile since I left that place.”
“Ah, I see. Do you like it here?”
Luhan presses his lips together, “I’m not really sure yet.” No one’s saying anything until Yifan stands up and heads out to the kitchen next door, “Feeling kind of hungry you got anything to eat?”
“Some fried chicken and fried rice leftover from yesterday but other than that, not much.” Luhan looks apologetic.
“Anyway,” he turns to look at the three sitting upright on the couch, hands resting on their own knees, “Yifan and I talked on the phone a few days ago, something about there being a mistake?” Baekhyun and Jongin turn to look at Kyungsoo.
“Yes, that’s me. There’s been a mistake and I’ve been sent here even though I didn’t,” Kyungsoo pauses to look at Jongin and the other reaches over to hold his hand, and now he’s feeling less anxious than before, “kill myself.”
“So you want to go home, is that what you’re saying?” Luhan presses on further, and Kyungsoo nods, squeezing Jongin’s hand.
“Okay. Get ready then, I’m going to take you back.” All three of them are left with their mouths wide open and unable to speak. So, this was why Yifan wanted to meet with his old friend so badly, he’s one of the People in Charge. Or the Person in Charge, whichever it is. He’ll need to thank Yifan later for this huge favor.
“Really, you can?!” Kyungsoo turns around and sees Jongin with a huge smile, “Jongin, I get to go home!” He pounces on the younger man, his tight grip on his neck almost suffocating him, he’s sure of it. Jongin laughs, his own arms closing in around Kyungsoo’s waist, “I know, I’m so happy for you.”
Kyungsoo misses the sadness in his voice when he says this, or doesn’t think for a moment that he really meant I know, but I’ll miss you.
He takes about ten minutes to say his goodbyes to everyone, taking half of that time to hug Jongin. He’s so close to living again but, this would mean they wouldn’t be able to go together. Kyungsoo begged and begged Luhan and even went down on his knees crying for Jongin to come with him until the younger hauls him up on his feet, telling him it’s okay, even though they both know it’s not, and they probably won’t see each other again after this.
“I’m really sorry,” Kyungsoo whispers against Jongin’s neck and the latter smiles, rubbing small circles over his back, “that I can’t take you with me, I really am.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Jongin says and he pulls away for a bit, leaning down to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s.
Kyungsoo presses back into him right away, his vision blurry because he can’t imagine leaving Jongin alone here. He needs Jongin, and he knows the other feels the same way about him. When Jongin tries to pull away, Kyungsoo whines and scratches at his back, his cheeks wet with fallen tears. He wants to punch Jongin when he laughs in his mouth.
Kyungsoo reluctantly pulls away first, turning to face Luhan and nods solemnly, uncaring to wipe away at his face, “I think I’m ready to leave.” Luhan nods, gesturing him to lie down on one of the beds in his guest room. Kyungsoo looks up at everyone and smiles, but for once his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I love you,” Jongin mouths to him and at that moment, Kyungsoo regrets leaving.
It’s been a month since Kyungsoo went back to earth. Jongin doesn’t really talk much after, not even to Baekhyun or Yifan and neither of them have ever brought up his name since then. He stopped smiling as well, but then again he’s never smiled once before he met Kyungsoo. He went back to his old habits, not caring, not smiling, and not engaging in conversations.
Baekhyun had his problems with Kyungsoo when they first met, but he couldn’t deny he didn’t miss him either. Things were a lot quieter around the apartment, of course when Yifan and Baekhyun weren’t trying to tear each other apart with the harsh insults. Even once while Jongin was away from them, Yifan muttered that things just, simply weren’t the same without him.
Jongin’s chugging down drinks at the bar, and this time the pair with him only order a couple drinks each.
After his fifth bottle, Jongin breaks down completely, and Baekhyun and Yifan aren’t really sure how they should go about trying to comfort him, or if they should at all. He shoves the bottles in front of him away, muffled sobs leaving his lips when he presses his face into his hands. He doesn’t remember ever crying like this, crying so much that he feels like throwing up, and literally no one at the moment can say or do anything to get rid of this feeling of loneliness.
“I, I,” Jongin forces out before throwing a coughing fit and now he’s close to choking.
“Just, let it all out. Don’t speak.” Yifan says and Jongin cries for another good two hours.
Jongin did not for a second think he’d see Kyungsoo standing right in front of him when he opened his apartment door. There was lot of screaming involved, too much hugging, kisses, and tears from both of them. Baekhyun and Yifan didn’t say anything and didn’t push themselves in either, because they figured they both need some time alone.
“You’re an idiot for coming back.” Jongin says before kissing him long and hard, and Kyungsoo reciprocated with an equal passion, perhaps even more. “I couldn’t,” Kyungsoo murmurs against his lips, “I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”
After calming down and pulling away, Baekhyun finally asks him how he came back.
“I overdosed, and this time it was on purpose,” Kyungsoo said with his eyes shut and Jongin interlocks their fingers together, “I was so scared but I wanted this so bad.” He stops talking and cries again against Jongin’s shoulder.
They all agreed not to bring it up again until he does first.
“You know, the minute I saw you, I knew I made the right decision.” Kyungsoo says, interlocking their fingers together. Jongin smiles and presses a kiss on the top of the other’s forehead.
“Yeah?” He asks smugly and Kyungsoo laughs.
“Yeah, and Baekhyun told me about your crying fits. I see you missed me too.”
“I’ll kill him.” Jongin mumbles, his cheeks flushed because Kyungsoo was never supposed to know about this, they all agreed on it.
“You won’t get that far with Yifan next to him all the time.” Kyungsoo flicks his forehead playfully, snorting when Jongin starts grumbling to himself again. There are no more awkward silences between the two and Kyungsoo’s thankful. In a sense, they needed some time away from each other to sort out their feelings and rethink everything that’s ever happened between the two. A lot can happen in just one month.
“Oh and, I love you too.” Kyungsoo leans over to kiss him again.
Neither of them has ever felt so alive.
so funny thing, I wrote this super late for my recipient and it ended up being super choppy
and just, downright awful but nonetheless i had to get this sent in before the deadline haha.
i wanted to edit a few parts in it but i think i'll just leave it the way it is ;~~~;
Pairing: Kai/Kyungsoo, Kris/Baekhyun
Rating: R
Length: 5,434 words
Summary: Life after death is the same as life on Earth, only a bit worse.
Warnings:(Contains themes of suicide but essentially it's a happy fic. Happy suicide fic yep. Loosely based on the movie Wristcutters, everyone should watch it.)
A/N: Written for runandgun's summer challenge!
Jongin is tired.
He comes home from work at 11pm and crashes onto his worn out black leather couch right away, flipping through channels absentmindedly till he realizes there’s really nothing interesting showing at this time of night. Ten minutes pass by and still, nothing.
He sighs, turns off the television and walks into his small kitchenette for a butcher knife. Once he finds a clean one he heads to the bathroom, filling the tub with lukewarm water before settling himself in, sopping wet clothes sticking to his skin.
He closes his eyes when he presses the tip of the blade to his wrist.
He’s just tired.
“So how do you think he died?”
“Huh?”
“That guy sitting all the way at the end of the bar.” Baekhyun snickers as he brings the rim of the beer glass to his lips. Jongin shrugs lethargically, “Wanna bet on it?” Clearly he’s had too many drinks for the night. Yifan silently sets a crisp bill on the table.
“A hundred it is,” Jongin says, kicking his chair back from the table, “which one of you bitches wants to go first?” He easily dodges Baekhyun’s light slap to his arm.
“Probably hung himself,” Yifan says casually, as if he’s merely talking about the weather. He takes another sip of his whiskey and winces from the obvious burn as he swallows. They’re all quiet for a few moments until Baekhyun clears his throat when he realizes Jongin wasn’t going to speak yet, “Nah, I’d say he overdosed on meds. Look how swollen he is!”
“Wrong and wrong,” Jongin laughs lightly and stands up, “there’s a mark on his wrist. It’s obvious he slit it.” Immediately after, Jongin picks up the bill and waves it in front of their faces, suppressing his grin when their expressions change from confusion to annoyance simultaneously, “I win.”
“Fuck you,” Jongin bursts out laughing this time because it’s not every day Yifan loses his cool completely. That and he finds it comical that Baekhyun and Yifan are upset at all, considering Jongin didn’t even cheat his way into winning; all’s fair, they’re just sore losers.
“Where are you going?” Baekhyun calls out when Jongin suddenly stands and walks over to the male they just betted on moments ago. He buries his hands in his coat pocket, exhales quietly, and gets straight to the point.
“So, how’d you do it?” He raises his eyebrows when he notices the young man sitting down was twiddling with his thumbs and hadn’t even touched his drink once. He looks up, eyes widening slightly. His skin’s colorless and his eyes are diluted and bloodshot red. Damn, Jongin thinks, this guy looks like he’s in bad shape.
Then again, so does everyone else that ends up in this place.
“Excuse me?” The young man asks as he stares incredulously at Jongin.
“Jongin, you can’t just ask him that!” Baekhyun yells out. Jongin didn’t even notice the two were following closely behind him the whole time. He ignores the other male’s outburst and instead folds his arms across his chest, waiting for an answer.
“How did I do what?”
“You know, kill yourself.” Jongin rolls his eyes.
The stranger scoffs, “I’m not supposed to be here, this was an accident.”
Yifan and Baekhyun are silent, occasionally exchanging glances to each other, and Jongin stares at the young man long and hard before chuckling in a lighthearted manner. “Impossible. Nothing is ever accidental if you end up in this place.”
“I’m telling you it was!” The young man raises his voice, and Jongin notices him clenching his fists tightly near his sides. Cute.
“Whatever you say. Either way, you’re still stuck here.” Jongin turns to leave, then stops before he can take a second step because the stranger’s suddenly clutching his arm. He tries to shrug him off, but no avail, he has an awfully tight grip for someone so frail looking.
“Please, I need to speak to the people in charge about this. Can you help me?”
Jongin snorts. “Look, I really don’t know who the fuck’s in charge of this place,” he exhales when he looks into the young man’s eyes, because something tells him he’s being completely earnest and is determined no matter what he says either way, “but I guess I can lend a helping hand.” Jongin doesn’t even remember being this nice while he was still alive.
“Name’s Jongin.”
He extends his arm and the stranger accepts. Both their hands are cold and clammy and the young bites back the need to wince, “Kyungsoo. Thank you so much.”
“Make yourself at home,” Jongin tells Kyungsoo as he props two pillows on the twin bed beside his. There’s tea brewing and cheap ramen noodle packs cooking in the kitchen; that’s all he’s ever had really, but Kyungsoo’s just going to have to get used to it.
Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything for a long time; he only quietly observes everything around him and chews on his bottom lip, trying to find the right words to say. Jongin notices his internal struggle.
“Things are pretty much the same here too huh?”
Kyungsoo breaks away from his thoughts, “Yeah, but just a little bit worse.”
Baekhyun and Yifan are bickering in the room next to theirs-something about Yifan eating the last bit of Baekhyun’s beef jerky-but Jongin predicts that a heavy make out session will ensue within the next two minutes, as usual.
“So...” Man, Jongin thinks, Kyungsoo really doesn’t talk much does he, “how’d you die then?”
They’re both a couple feet away from each other on their own beds, lying on their backs and staring up at the ceiling fan after finishing their meal for the night. Things are too quiet around here. Everything is dingy and gray, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to take this. He just wants to go home.
“I accidentally overdosed on my medication,” Kyungsoo whispers, turning over on his side to face Jongin, “and all I remembered was blacking out. Then somehow I ended up here.”
Jongin nods and closes his eyes. He decides not to press on any further.
“You guys must really love drinking.,” Kyungsoo states, as he silently counts all the empty bottles on their table. There are ten of them, and Kyungsoo’s only had one beer.
“I know that’s not what you really wanted to say,” Jongin coughs after drinking a little too fast, “you can ask us if you want to, it’s only fair.” Baekhyun and Yifan nod in agreement, but still, Kyungsoo hesitates for a few moments.
Finally, he asks, “how’d you, you know, do it?”
Baekhyun sets his glass down, clearing his throat because the burn from the alcohol’s still lingering there, “I used to be in a band but, one day while we were performing at a small concert I just poured my beer down onto my electric guitar.” He merely shrugs, but Kyungsoo looks absolutely mortified, and everyone else almost laughs because his reactions are so real, so raw. Something they haven’t seen here in a while.
“Hanged myself,” Yifan says, pulling down on his collar to show a deep purple bruise. Kyungsoo hisses at the sight but remains quiet and listens to all three of them.
“Slit my wrist in the shower.” Jongin says before yelling at the bartender for another refill. He’s never really one to elaborate on his death, not even to Baekhyun or Yifan. He just, doesn’t want to remember any of it, although this place will always serve as a reminder for him about what he’s done and the consequences of it.
“Why though?” Kyungsoo asks, his voice quivering in hopes that none of them are offended, and thankfully, none of them are, but instead, they all shrug at the same time.
“We had enough. That’s it.” Yifan says.
“But what about your parents―”
“Look here.” Kyungsoo realizes he’s finally struck a nerve in Baekhyun and now he’s suddenly regretting ever opening his mouth in the first place. He should know by now that some of the things he says can be a little, well, harsh although he really doesn’t mean it to come off that way.
“We’ve been selfless people our entire lives by taking everyone’s shit and not doing anything about it for years. So don’t you dare insinuate that we’re suddenly now selfish in our actions because we chose to leave everything behind that’s ever hurt us.”
Yifan reaches up to squeeze Baekhyun’s shoulder in an attempt to calm him down, and it works. Jongin on the other hand runs his index finger along the rim of his glass, clearly thinking about something but choosing to keep silent, something Kyungsoo should’ve done since the beginning. He lowers his head and it’s quiet for the rest of the night.
“We’re going on a trip,” Yifan tells everyone when they return to the apartment after a long night out at the bar, “so get ready and we’ll leave first thing in the morning.”
“Where to?” No way Kyungsoo was going to tag along without knowing exactly where they were all heading to. Jongin and Baekhyun already seem to know the answer since they’re not wondering the same thing as him aloud.
“Gonna see an old friend of mine, that’s all,” Yifan mutters and retreats to his room, followed by Baekhyun. Jongin reappears from the bathroom, undoing a couple buttons of his white dress shirt, which shows a bit of his chest. Kyungsoo can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose or if he’s just too drunk, as usual. He shifts his gaze from the floor to Jongin’s exposed left nipple, feeling a blush creep up his face as the other leans against the wall, hands buried in his pockets.
He really should stop being so painfully obvious.
“Um,” Kyungsoo starts, stumbling a bit on his words when Jongin chuckles then casually saunters towards him, “I thought you said you were going to help me with―”
“I know," Jongin interrupts, and Kyungsoo doesn’t appreciate it one bit.
“You know,” Kyungsoo states. Jongin nods slowly, his eyebrows knitting together, and the other senses he’s apprehensive about something. It makes Kyungsoo’s stomach churn.
“I didn’t forget,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo thinks he’s foolish for believing him a second time, “I’m just as confused as you are, but I’m still trying to find a way to get you back, I promise.” Their eyes meet for a few seconds, and that’s enough for Kyungsoo to take his word for it.
Just as Kyungsoo swipes his sunglasses with the hem of his shirt, he accidentally drops them, and when he looks down to retrieve it, he blinks a few times, watching as dark, gray swirls slowly engulf it till it disappears.
“W-What’s that?!” Kyungsoo almost shouts, bringing his knees up so his feet aren't touching the floor of the car. This place is really too fucking weird for him to handle, and he hasn’t even been here for more than a week.
“Ah, the black hole,” Baekhyun says, eyes still closed as he drifts in and out of consciousness, “just make sure you don’t drop anything or else it’s gone forever, though I’m pretty sure you know that now.” His breathing is more regulated once he leans against Yifan’s shoulder and stops fighting against sleep.
“Where do they end up?” Kyungsoo presses, but Yifan doesn’t know much more about it than he does. Soon, Yifan’s sleeping as well, his head resting atop Baekhyun’s and it’s only Jongin and Kyungsoo that are awake.
“Let’s play a game,” Jongin suggests, eyes still on the road in front of him, “how about I Spy?” He takes a sip of his raspberry lemonade sitting in the cupholder, and Kyungsoo’s thankful it’s not another bottle of whiskey. Jongin curses aloud when he accidentally drops the bottle in front of him.
“Damn car,” he mutters as his drink disappears.
“Really though? I Spy is such a child’s game.”
Jongin sighs, “Look I just don’t wanna fall asleep on the wheel okay?” Kyungsoo grunts to himself, searching around the car for an object to guess on. He figures the ballpoint pen resting in the opened glove compartment should work.
“I spy, something small and pink.” Jongin snorts aloud, and the other’s cheeks begin to redden.
“I was gonna say my dick but,” Jongin clears his throat, “I’m not exactly small you see.”
“Well I can’t see anyway," Kyungsoo mutters. Jongin laughs even harder and Kyungsoo thinks he needs to shut up right about now.
“Want me to show you then?” If Kyungsoo can reach over to the front seat and hit Jongin where it hurts he would, really. But that would mean a fight might ensue, which he isn’t up for right now.
“You know what? Once this game is over, I’m going to sleep.” Jongin continues to laugh until Kyungsoo’ fast asleep on the car window, his breath fogging the pristine glass.
Jongin can’t even remember the last time he’s ever laughed like this.
“I think they’re fighting again,” Kyungsoo says, pointing as Baekhyun’s practically screaming his head off while poking his index finger against Yifan’s chest repeatedly. The elder’s growing equally frustrated but chooses to run his hand through his hair in exasperation instead.
“Yeah, well, happens all the time,” Jongin lights another cigarette, “Yifan’s a patient one though, that’s for sure.” Kyungsoo shifts uncomfortably, staring at the bickering couple. Jongin snorts, shaking his head as he takes the other’s hand in his. Kyungsoo yelps, trying to release Jongin’s grip by twisting and turning his arm but the other doesn’t seem to be affected in the slightest.
“Quit acting like a virgin and let’s get out of here.” Jongin leads them both outside the hotel room, and Kyungsoo’s both embarrassed and flustered because of Jongin’s insult and the fact that they’re still holding hands even when they’re out the door.
“Where to now?” Kyungsoo asks, pulling away once Jongin loosens his grip. The other’s thinking for a long while, and Kyungsoo’s not really surprised when he says, “There’s a bar not too far from here, we could get a couple drinks.”
If Kyungsoo wanted to babysit a drunken Jongin, then of course he would’ve agreed. For the past five days, it had been a routine for all of them; they would go to the bar for a few drinks, order more when three bottles wasn’t enough, and while Yifan and Baekhyun would argue about who even knows what on their way to the car, Kyungsoo would struggle to hold up Jongin, who would barely be able to walk once the night was over.
Kyungsoo hates this place, hates it so much. Everything’s dark, maybe a little gray sometimes, and no one ever fucking smiles here. Even more frightening however, is that everyone looks exactly the same from when they died. If someone blew their brains out with a gun, that’s how they appear to be here. There’s really no way Kyungsoo can get used to this, and it’s not like he should, considering he’s not like everyone that resides here; the way he thinks and the way they think are too different.
Unlike Jongin, Yifan, and Baekhyun, he still wanted to live while he was still breathing on Earth. He needs to go home.
“How about we drive for a bit?”
Jongin pulls out his car keys from his pockets. “Sure, anywhere specific you want to go?” Kyungsoo contemplates long and hard, however he still doesn’t really know the area well besides the small bar that stands a few minutes from Jongin’s apartment but well, they’re 7 hours away from that now.
“Just, anywhere’s fine.”
“If that’s what you want.” Jongin shrugs, and now they’re on the highway again. There are barely any cars on the road. Maybe once in awhile they’d spot one, but Jongin ends up passing all of them from how fast he’s driving. For about twenty minutes into the drive, no one’s saying anything, there’s no awkward coughing or shifting going around, nothing.
“Honestly, I regret it so much,” Jongin scratches the top of his head sheepishly, eyes still remaining on the road in front of him, “killing myself I mean, I wish I didn’t do it. At the time, doing it felt so right though.”
Kyungsoo turns to look at him, and Jongin’s biting incessantly on his bottom lip as he talks, and when he isn't, they're quivering slightly. He does the obvious and slowly reaches over to his hand on the other’s knees, and when Jongin didn’t react to the touch by pulling away, he squeezes lightly in a comforting gesture.
Jongin sighs, and Kyungsoo takes it as a good sign.
“Everyone says the same thing when people die. They’re in a better place, so we shouldn’t worry about them. Maybe this only applies to people who have a natural death or haven’t been killed by their own hands. As for us, this place only serves as a punishment, by being exactly like Earth, just a little bit worse.”
“You want to go home too.” Kyungsoo finally looks up to Jongin and the other’s nodding firmly. For once, Jongin seems so sure about this. Truthfully, this makes Kyungsoo happy for different reasons, one being someone shares the same thoughts as him, and two, without even trying, Jongin seems to have no problems opening up to him. Kyungsoo didn’t think he would be able to connect to anyone here, but thankfully he’s never been more wrong.
Once they find out who the, “People In Charge” are, Kyungsoo won’t forget to beg them to let Jongin come back with him. He doesn’t belong here either.
“Yeah, I really do.”
Jongin doesn’t think he could ever tell this to Baekhyun or Yifan, and it breaks his heart that he’ll never be able to, that they’ll never understand how he really feels about being here. He really does love them as brothers, however some things are best kept as secrets.
And somehow, he trusts Kyungsoo not to tell the news to them. He might be naive at times, but there’s no way he would let anyone else around here know about this. He likes that there’s someone he can rely on now after being here for the past year.
For the first time, Jongin’s smile reaches his eyes.
“We’re back!” Jongin calls out and sets two bags of food on the coffee table. Baekhyun and Yifan are out of the bathroom at the same time, their towels hanging loosely around their waists and Kyungsoo’s surprised they got over their earlier fight so quickly.
“Baekhyun, we got you some ribs and there’s a burger with ketchup, lettuce, pickles, and no tomatoes in one of those bags for you Yifan.”
“Thanks man,” Yifan says earnestly, removing his food from the aluminum foil and taking a large bite. Jongin nods as he and Kyungsoo pick out their own subs and head to the second room, shutting the door and leaving the other two in the living room.
They eat without talking; it’s impossible anyway when they’re both practically inhaling their sandwiches after having nothing to eat all day. Since their little talk in the car, neither of them said anything else till it was time for them to order some food at a small food cart. Perhaps it was better off that way.
“Not sure if Yifan told you yet but, we’re going to see his friend tomorrow morning.” Jongin frowns when his head sinks into one of the hotel pillows. They always feel somewhat like clouds, he hates it. Kyungsoo misses when he throws his foil in the trash bin in front of him.
“He didn’t, but thanks for letting me know. Have any idea who he is?”
“Not really, but I think his name’s Luhan.”
“Ah, got it.” Kyungsoo lies down as well, picking his fingernails in boredom when both of them stop talking. There seems to be a growing pattern, sometimes they can go on for hours without talking and then afterwards there’s an awkward silence and although they want to say something, they choose not to, and it’s frustrating for them to deal with, really.
“You’ve never heard Baekhyun perform, right?” Jongin asks and Kyungsoo’s face suddenly lights up. He’d thought the other was fast asleep.
“No, but I bet he’s really good.”
“He is. And speaking of bets, I think I should probably give Yifan back his money.” Jongin mutters the last sentence and snickers with his hand over his mouth when Kyungsoo watches his him looking perplexed as ever.
“What was that?” Kyungsoo tries his luck and asks anyway; though he has a feeling Jongin wants to keep this one to himself.
“Nothing, nothing at all.”
It turns quiet again and Kyungsoo frowns. He figures Jongin’s probably fast asleep at this point in time until he hears the other sighing softly, shifting positions to find a comfortable spot. Kyungsoo thinks it’s kind of cute.
“Can you, do me a little favor?” Jongin asks timidly, and it’s weird to Kyungsoo because, well, from what he knows so far about him, he’s anything but timid or shy.
“What is it?” Kyungsoo breathes out. Jongin takes a while to answer and it makes the other nervous as well.
“Can you, um, sleep next to me? I mean, if you don’t want to that’s fine too," Jongin quickly adds, and Kyungsoo wants to cackle loudly because it’s awfully strange seeing and him act sheepishly.
“No no, it’s fine. I don’t mind at all.” Kyungsoo doesn’t bother bringing over his pillows or sheets when he moves over next to Jongin on his bed; he decides they can both share without asking. Both of them feel their cheeks burning when Kyungsoo’s daring enough and leans over to wrap his arm around Jongin’s bare torso. He doesn’t pull away and Kyungsoo presses on and massages his fingertips into Jongin’s skin, smiling when the other exhales shakily.
“You okay?” Kyungsoo is surprised he can even talk when his heart’s practically beating out of his chest.
“Yeah, just fine. Thank you.” Jongin forces out a cough and rests his hand atop Kyungsoo’s. Within five minutes, they’re both fast asleep.
“Baekhyun, can we talk for a minute? Please?” Kyungsoo whispers carefully so he doesn’t wake up Yifan since he’s pressed up to Baekhyun and snoring lightly. Baekhyun squints up at Kyungsoo, then looks at the alarm clock beside their bed, “Kyungsoo, it’s three in the morning.”
“I know but―”
“Kyungsoo, it’s three in the morning,” Baekhyun repeats and Kyungsoo sighs heavily.
“Never mind, go back to sleep.” Kyungsoo turns until Baekhyun’s grasping his arm. “Too late, I’m up, and this better be important.” Kyungsoo hopes it’s important too.
“Okay so.” Kyungsoo starts when they’re both standing outside their hotel room. Baekhyun’s still looking groggy from sleep and he feels slightly bad for waking him up. Just slightly.
“Right, um, well I think I might have a tiny crush on Jongin.” Well that didn’t exactly come out that way he wanted it to. Baekhyun scoffs, “Seriously, this is what you wanted to tell me? And I’m sorry to break it to you but there’s a pretty big chance Jongin doesn’t like you back, I mean, he’s not really fond of anyone besides Yifan and I.”
Well, he’s harsh and to the point.
“I’m not so sure about that, I mean he did ask me to sleep with him last night and I just don’t know anymore.” Of course Baekhyun’s wide awake after hearing this.
“Wait you mean, you both fucked? Oh my god.”
“No! I mean, we literally just slept next to each other. That’s it.” Baekhyun’s back to his original state again, and Kyungsoo can’t help but stare incredulously at him. He never knew he was one to engage in gossip.
“Still though, wow. He hates it when anyone goes near him. You must be a real special one.” Kyungsoo laughs nervously, scratching the top of his head, because he doesn’t remember ever being considered as special to anyone, ever.
“You think so?” Kyungsoo needs some kind of affirmation, though he should really be talking about this with Jongin instead.
“Yeah, I think he really likes you too. You’re in luck.” Baekhyun pats his back and smiles.
“This is my friend I was telling you guys about.” Yifan says after pulling away from a brief hug. Kyungsoo almost gasped aloud when he sees the young man’s face; from the side he appears to be beautiful but, there’s a hole in the middle of his forehead. No one else says anything and he’s glad he had the willpower to hold himself back.
“Hi, name’s Luhan. Nice to meet you all.” After getting over their stiff introductions they’re sitting on a long couch opposite him and Jongin and Kyungsoo look around the home; it’s pretty small but seems comfortable and at least the paint color around the house’s not dark like everything else, Kyungsoo thinks.
“So, how long have you been living here?” It’s pretty difficult for Kyungsoo to meet his eyes so he quickly glances at him before setting his eyes at his feet again. He almost jumps when Jongin presses his fingers into his back, and when he turns to look at him, he’s staring at him solemnly and shaking his head slightly. Kyungsoo gulps.
“Almost five years,” Luhan says in a hushed tone and gazes up momentarily to smile, “it’s been awhile since I left that place.”
“Ah, I see. Do you like it here?”
Luhan presses his lips together, “I’m not really sure yet.” No one’s saying anything until Yifan stands up and heads out to the kitchen next door, “Feeling kind of hungry you got anything to eat?”
“Some fried chicken and fried rice leftover from yesterday but other than that, not much.” Luhan looks apologetic.
“Anyway,” he turns to look at the three sitting upright on the couch, hands resting on their own knees, “Yifan and I talked on the phone a few days ago, something about there being a mistake?” Baekhyun and Jongin turn to look at Kyungsoo.
“Yes, that’s me. There’s been a mistake and I’ve been sent here even though I didn’t,” Kyungsoo pauses to look at Jongin and the other reaches over to hold his hand, and now he’s feeling less anxious than before, “kill myself.”
“So you want to go home, is that what you’re saying?” Luhan presses on further, and Kyungsoo nods, squeezing Jongin’s hand.
“Okay. Get ready then, I’m going to take you back.” All three of them are left with their mouths wide open and unable to speak. So, this was why Yifan wanted to meet with his old friend so badly, he’s one of the People in Charge. Or the Person in Charge, whichever it is. He’ll need to thank Yifan later for this huge favor.
“Really, you can?!” Kyungsoo turns around and sees Jongin with a huge smile, “Jongin, I get to go home!” He pounces on the younger man, his tight grip on his neck almost suffocating him, he’s sure of it. Jongin laughs, his own arms closing in around Kyungsoo’s waist, “I know, I’m so happy for you.”
Kyungsoo misses the sadness in his voice when he says this, or doesn’t think for a moment that he really meant I know, but I’ll miss you.
He takes about ten minutes to say his goodbyes to everyone, taking half of that time to hug Jongin. He’s so close to living again but, this would mean they wouldn’t be able to go together. Kyungsoo begged and begged Luhan and even went down on his knees crying for Jongin to come with him until the younger hauls him up on his feet, telling him it’s okay, even though they both know it’s not, and they probably won’t see each other again after this.
“I’m really sorry,” Kyungsoo whispers against Jongin’s neck and the latter smiles, rubbing small circles over his back, “that I can’t take you with me, I really am.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Jongin says and he pulls away for a bit, leaning down to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s.
Kyungsoo presses back into him right away, his vision blurry because he can’t imagine leaving Jongin alone here. He needs Jongin, and he knows the other feels the same way about him. When Jongin tries to pull away, Kyungsoo whines and scratches at his back, his cheeks wet with fallen tears. He wants to punch Jongin when he laughs in his mouth.
Kyungsoo reluctantly pulls away first, turning to face Luhan and nods solemnly, uncaring to wipe away at his face, “I think I’m ready to leave.” Luhan nods, gesturing him to lie down on one of the beds in his guest room. Kyungsoo looks up at everyone and smiles, but for once his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I love you,” Jongin mouths to him and at that moment, Kyungsoo regrets leaving.
It’s been a month since Kyungsoo went back to earth. Jongin doesn’t really talk much after, not even to Baekhyun or Yifan and neither of them have ever brought up his name since then. He stopped smiling as well, but then again he’s never smiled once before he met Kyungsoo. He went back to his old habits, not caring, not smiling, and not engaging in conversations.
Baekhyun had his problems with Kyungsoo when they first met, but he couldn’t deny he didn’t miss him either. Things were a lot quieter around the apartment, of course when Yifan and Baekhyun weren’t trying to tear each other apart with the harsh insults. Even once while Jongin was away from them, Yifan muttered that things just, simply weren’t the same without him.
Jongin’s chugging down drinks at the bar, and this time the pair with him only order a couple drinks each.
After his fifth bottle, Jongin breaks down completely, and Baekhyun and Yifan aren’t really sure how they should go about trying to comfort him, or if they should at all. He shoves the bottles in front of him away, muffled sobs leaving his lips when he presses his face into his hands. He doesn’t remember ever crying like this, crying so much that he feels like throwing up, and literally no one at the moment can say or do anything to get rid of this feeling of loneliness.
“I, I,” Jongin forces out before throwing a coughing fit and now he’s close to choking.
“Just, let it all out. Don’t speak.” Yifan says and Jongin cries for another good two hours.
Jongin did not for a second think he’d see Kyungsoo standing right in front of him when he opened his apartment door. There was lot of screaming involved, too much hugging, kisses, and tears from both of them. Baekhyun and Yifan didn’t say anything and didn’t push themselves in either, because they figured they both need some time alone.
“You’re an idiot for coming back.” Jongin says before kissing him long and hard, and Kyungsoo reciprocated with an equal passion, perhaps even more. “I couldn’t,” Kyungsoo murmurs against his lips, “I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry.”
After calming down and pulling away, Baekhyun finally asks him how he came back.
“I overdosed, and this time it was on purpose,” Kyungsoo said with his eyes shut and Jongin interlocks their fingers together, “I was so scared but I wanted this so bad.” He stops talking and cries again against Jongin’s shoulder.
They all agreed not to bring it up again until he does first.
“You know, the minute I saw you, I knew I made the right decision.” Kyungsoo says, interlocking their fingers together. Jongin smiles and presses a kiss on the top of the other’s forehead.
“Yeah?” He asks smugly and Kyungsoo laughs.
“Yeah, and Baekhyun told me about your crying fits. I see you missed me too.”
“I’ll kill him.” Jongin mumbles, his cheeks flushed because Kyungsoo was never supposed to know about this, they all agreed on it.
“You won’t get that far with Yifan next to him all the time.” Kyungsoo flicks his forehead playfully, snorting when Jongin starts grumbling to himself again. There are no more awkward silences between the two and Kyungsoo’s thankful. In a sense, they needed some time away from each other to sort out their feelings and rethink everything that’s ever happened between the two. A lot can happen in just one month.
“Oh and, I love you too.” Kyungsoo leans over to kiss him again.
Neither of them has ever felt so alive.
so funny thing, I wrote this super late for my recipient and it ended up being super choppy
and just, downright awful but nonetheless i had to get this sent in before the deadline haha.
i wanted to edit a few parts in it but i think i'll just leave it the way it is ;~~~;