只能怪你自己 (you have only yourself to blame) - for exothermc
Title: 只能怪你自己 (you have only yourself to blame)
For: exothermc
Pairing: friendship!Chen/Xiumin, friendship!Chen/Baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death/s
Word count: 2,109
Summary: The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them and for every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.
Stupid lies, shattered dreams, broken promises and ruined friendships weren't the things that Kim Jongdae thought of doing.
Jongdae has never thought of singing in front of screeching and wailing fans. He also reasons out that it’s stupid to have every move monitored by those said beings with painfully heavy and neck-breaking lenses connected to expensive cameras in hand. He doesn’t like the idea of receiving luxurious gifts such as branded clothes to smartphones coming from random people specifically modified as the hardcore fans that he doesn’t really and will never know personally. He lets himself be convinced that being an idol is a very huge pain in the ass, as simple as that.
But Jongdae couldn’t actually believe that he had let himself be persuaded by his old friend, a fellow member of his middle school's choir club, to audition on a very well-known record company in South Korea, SM Entertainment.
“The new choreo sucks balls.” Jongdae begrudgingly whispers as he sighs for the nth time. Sending daggers to the newly assigned choreographer of the month, who will help them for the monthly evaluations of the trainees, seemed like the easiest way thing to do for now. He flips his long slick bangs covered in sweat to the side, catching his breath as loudly as he could to annoy anyone from the trainees because he just feels like it.
He closes his eyes as he momentarily thinks of his journal and takes note of that specific day as his 44th training day, he was (not) counting, until the day of his debut which is approximately 420 days ahead. Gladly enough, he’s just right in the middle of giving up.
Baekhyun nudges him from the side. “Dude, keep the complaints down.” He was another trainee with the same age as Jongdae and just got accepted last month with a debut stage just ahead of them in the coming year as well.
Them being classified as pain in the ass was very much acknowledged by most of the trainees. Like how Jongdae seems to be far behind and had been generously granted with the trait of unwillingness to learn dance steps. He still had the guts to blame the steps for being too hard for him. Baekhyun, on the other hand, is still having a hard time to adjust and control his voice when it comes to reaching high notes.
Jongdae snorts before rolling his eyes, a hobby he has learned from another trainee named Oh Sehun every time that the former gets a step wrong when they would practice for their dance evaluation. “It’s not like my complaints could do anything.” His right hand unknowingly fondles with his worn-out cotton sweaters and Baekhyun stares at it suspiciously.
“Wait, why the hell are you wearing sweaters? You do know that it’s fucking hot in here.”
Avoiding his gaze from Baekhyun, Jongdae settles himself on seeing the latter just from his peripheral vision as he stares at the infamous sky wallpaper at the corner of the practice room. “Just wanted to try this on, it’s been on my closet at the dorm forever.”
“Don’t exaggerate. We’ve just been here for a month.” Baekhyun scowls. “We can’t compare ourselves to those other trainees who trained for years of hard work and shit while waiting for an official debut date.”
Jongdae sighs at the other’s sudden seriousness. Aside from having problems with the bullies, he also feels guilty for taking the spot from those trainees who might’ve deserved to be on his. “It’s just……I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
With him lying like a pro, Baekhyun unconvincingly agrees and quickly dismisses the topic before standing and walking towards the drinking fountain.
Jongdae fails to see the bruises located at Baekhyun’s back. He fails to tell the truth about having a new set of bruises as well on his arms. He fails to notice how the latter staggers slightly with each step that he takes. He fails to realize that things might’ve been easier if he could tell everything to Baekhyun. He has failed to know the true meaning of trust.
Every night before Jongdae sleeps, he thinks about the dreams of the other trainees that might've been shattered into pieces. The possibility for them to debut was then again narrowed and accompanied with burdensome years. Guilty thoughts instead of his lonely parents waiting for him to perform live on television were bothering his, thankfully, still sane mind.
Jongdae gives up on the idea of sleeping and accepts the fact that he'll be feeling like a zombie for tomorrow's practice.
Aside from the irritating tick of the clock, Jongdae hears the unpleasant snore of Chanyeol, another trainee like him, and notices that Baekhyun isn't in his bed yet. The three have been roommates, unluckily, for a while and were secluded at the said room knowing they easily get along together as friends since they have the same birth years.
The sight of various posters from top Korean girl groups were plastered against the wall where his two roommates sleep in makes Jongdae dizzy. It eventually makes him claim that his side seems much better like the wall monument of peace and serenity.
Jongdae sits up as he tries to look away and ignore the obvious mess around their room with the clothes strewn all over the floor. It makes him think that their room is very much worse than rat, pig and cockroach houses combined. He tries to divert the feeling of how his back is subsiding slowly of the pain from slipping on the stairs towards the training room. As he remembers what had happened, he does his best to ignore the feeling of shame and embarrassment with the laughs coming from behind him when he had slipped. He then settles his mind while trying to sleep again after laying down on his cozy bed.
Before he could close his eyes, Jongdae hears something from the outside of their room. No one was talking and he was definitely sure that it wasn’t just some ghost or any supernatural beings. He thought that it sounded like muffled cries.
Scanning around the dark room for the clock, he sees that it was already past midnight and most of the trainees would probably be asleep just to get enough energy for the next hell day.
Jongdae gets up as silently as he could and carefully walks toward the door in order to avoid waking Chanyeol up from the old creaking wooden floor. But before he could exit the room, he goes back and takes something valuable, for himself, from the very bottom of his bag hidden under the bed before proceeding to silently walk to the balcony through the hallway opposite to where the living room is and where the cries were coming from. He tries to inhale the toxic smoke along the city streets and exhale all of his worries, but fails.
Jongdae knew that it was Baekhyun. But it wasn’t like he didn’t care at all. He just doesn’t mind caring.
The trainees, who were bound to debut in just around half a year left, were gathered in a room. Aside from Chanyeol and Baekhyun, Jongdae sees some new faces of the trainees he’ll be debuting with. He didn’t even realize that it was Sehun whom he sat beside with, so they had talked about stuffs regarding them while limiting the things that are a bit too personal to share with.
Jongdae doesn't trust anyone easily, right after what had happened during his first week of stay as a trainee. He had been backstabbed and bullied with the people he called as friends and trusted the most. They were the ones who had been too envious of his debut.
He could say that he was lucky enough to meet Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Sehun. They all seemed very nice to him but he doesn't really know Sehun and Chanyeol that much well to decipher anything about their personality. Baekhyun seems kind of close to him but there's still that hanging trust in the line.
Someone walked in the room and they had recognized that person as one of the higher reps.
"You'll be debuting as a group with 12 members." All of the trainees had that stern look on their faces. "But in two main units, one will be singing korean while the other sings mandarin."
Jongdae surely got disappointed when he heard his name as one of the members for the mandarin unit. The fact that he'll be singing in chinese seems like a great idea but dealing with members who speaks in a different language will surely make him suffer so bad. Countless negative thoughts have bothered his mind after.
One member of the group who Jongdae will be debuting with is Minseok. He seems like a nice guy, so he got close to him as well. The latter being the oldest hyung to the group was one of the things that pursued him to give the trust he was selfishly keeping to almost all of the people he had met since then.
After a series of hardcore practices since their expecting debut was just weeks ahead, the mandarin unit was now taking a break at the practice room. The chinese members were huddled in a corner while Jongdae and Minseok, the only korean members, were sitting at the other side of the room.
"I really have something to say to you since months ago." Minseok says before drinking on his bottle of water.
Jongdae nods to continue what he was gonna say as he fiddles with his shoe laces.
"You should stop doing that."
He faces Minseok with an obvious confused look. "What are you talking about?"
The hyung had whispered what he was referring to Jongdae's ear and got surprised about what he heard.
It actually made Jongdae to not trust Minseok anymore.
A week exactly before their debut, Jongdae dreams of him and Minseok at a very familiar place. With the feeling of goose bumps that felt real, they both see that there were no people around. It was also weird since they can’t speak on that dream as well.
The two, with scared looks on their faces, continued to walk on the now abandoned street. That street was where Jongdae and Minseok usually went to during breaks so they could eat street foods that they’ll definitely miss once they debut.
But then, it turns out that like a scene from a horror movie, they both knew that someone or something was behind them. Before they could even react, Jongdae runs as fast as he could when he sees a strange figure from the side of the street, leaving Minseok behind who looks dumbstruck.
Jongdae, after running a few meters, looks back at a lifeless Minseok who is bloodied all over his body.
Jongdae wakes up, now on a very unfamiliar place, with a very painful headache and a suffocating feeling like he can’t breathe nor will be able to speak properly. He looks at the side and sees that the walls were all white and the smell was definitely nauseating.
When he sees the medical equipment right beside of him, he realizes that he was actually at a hospital. The door then opens and he sees a gloomy Baekhyun walking towards him.
“Minseok hyung is dead.” Baekhyun says while looking at the ground as he stands beside his bed.
Jongdae touches the now covered bruise on his head but he still doesn’t know how he got it in the first place. There were thousands of questions that he wanted to ask Baekhyun about but nothing came out from his mouth.
"The two of you went out yesterday. From what we could see from the cctv camera at the street, you were walking far behind Minseok hyung who was actually running towards you." Baekhyun sighs before continuing. "You were about to get something from your bag without looking at the stoplight going green as you cross the street. You luckily and successfully crossed but as for hyung....."
All Jongdae sees with a blurry vision and suffocating feeling is the retreating form of Baekhyun towards to door.
On April 8, 2012, EXO, a South Korean-Chinese group produced by SM Entertainment, made their official debut with the song, Mama. Formed in 2011 in Seoul, South Korea, EXO comprises of ten members separated into two subgroups, EXO-K and EXO-M, performing music in Korean and Mandarin, respectively. Their name was taken from exoplanet, a term referring to planets outside of the Solar System.
On April 8, 2012, Kim Jongdae passed away due to a smoking-related disease.
dear exothermc: Hi! These were such nice prompts but....this is what I failingly did. I'm really sorry.
For: exothermc
Pairing: friendship!Chen/Xiumin, friendship!Chen/Baekhyun
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Character death/s
Word count: 2,109
Summary: The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them and for every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.
Stupid lies, shattered dreams, broken promises and ruined friendships weren't the things that Kim Jongdae thought of doing.
Jongdae has never thought of singing in front of screeching and wailing fans. He also reasons out that it’s stupid to have every move monitored by those said beings with painfully heavy and neck-breaking lenses connected to expensive cameras in hand. He doesn’t like the idea of receiving luxurious gifts such as branded clothes to smartphones coming from random people specifically modified as the hardcore fans that he doesn’t really and will never know personally. He lets himself be convinced that being an idol is a very huge pain in the ass, as simple as that.
But Jongdae couldn’t actually believe that he had let himself be persuaded by his old friend, a fellow member of his middle school's choir club, to audition on a very well-known record company in South Korea, SM Entertainment.
“The new choreo sucks balls.” Jongdae begrudgingly whispers as he sighs for the nth time. Sending daggers to the newly assigned choreographer of the month, who will help them for the monthly evaluations of the trainees, seemed like the easiest way thing to do for now. He flips his long slick bangs covered in sweat to the side, catching his breath as loudly as he could to annoy anyone from the trainees because he just feels like it.
He closes his eyes as he momentarily thinks of his journal and takes note of that specific day as his 44th training day, he was (not) counting, until the day of his debut which is approximately 420 days ahead. Gladly enough, he’s just right in the middle of giving up.
Baekhyun nudges him from the side. “Dude, keep the complaints down.” He was another trainee with the same age as Jongdae and just got accepted last month with a debut stage just ahead of them in the coming year as well.
Them being classified as pain in the ass was very much acknowledged by most of the trainees. Like how Jongdae seems to be far behind and had been generously granted with the trait of unwillingness to learn dance steps. He still had the guts to blame the steps for being too hard for him. Baekhyun, on the other hand, is still having a hard time to adjust and control his voice when it comes to reaching high notes.
Jongdae snorts before rolling his eyes, a hobby he has learned from another trainee named Oh Sehun every time that the former gets a step wrong when they would practice for their dance evaluation. “It’s not like my complaints could do anything.” His right hand unknowingly fondles with his worn-out cotton sweaters and Baekhyun stares at it suspiciously.
“Wait, why the hell are you wearing sweaters? You do know that it’s fucking hot in here.”
Avoiding his gaze from Baekhyun, Jongdae settles himself on seeing the latter just from his peripheral vision as he stares at the infamous sky wallpaper at the corner of the practice room. “Just wanted to try this on, it’s been on my closet at the dorm forever.”
“Don’t exaggerate. We’ve just been here for a month.” Baekhyun scowls. “We can’t compare ourselves to those other trainees who trained for years of hard work and shit while waiting for an official debut date.”
Jongdae sighs at the other’s sudden seriousness. Aside from having problems with the bullies, he also feels guilty for taking the spot from those trainees who might’ve deserved to be on his. “It’s just……I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
With him lying like a pro, Baekhyun unconvincingly agrees and quickly dismisses the topic before standing and walking towards the drinking fountain.
Jongdae fails to see the bruises located at Baekhyun’s back. He fails to tell the truth about having a new set of bruises as well on his arms. He fails to notice how the latter staggers slightly with each step that he takes. He fails to realize that things might’ve been easier if he could tell everything to Baekhyun. He has failed to know the true meaning of trust.
Every night before Jongdae sleeps, he thinks about the dreams of the other trainees that might've been shattered into pieces. The possibility for them to debut was then again narrowed and accompanied with burdensome years. Guilty thoughts instead of his lonely parents waiting for him to perform live on television were bothering his, thankfully, still sane mind.
Jongdae gives up on the idea of sleeping and accepts the fact that he'll be feeling like a zombie for tomorrow's practice.
Aside from the irritating tick of the clock, Jongdae hears the unpleasant snore of Chanyeol, another trainee like him, and notices that Baekhyun isn't in his bed yet. The three have been roommates, unluckily, for a while and were secluded at the said room knowing they easily get along together as friends since they have the same birth years.
The sight of various posters from top Korean girl groups were plastered against the wall where his two roommates sleep in makes Jongdae dizzy. It eventually makes him claim that his side seems much better like the wall monument of peace and serenity.
Jongdae sits up as he tries to look away and ignore the obvious mess around their room with the clothes strewn all over the floor. It makes him think that their room is very much worse than rat, pig and cockroach houses combined. He tries to divert the feeling of how his back is subsiding slowly of the pain from slipping on the stairs towards the training room. As he remembers what had happened, he does his best to ignore the feeling of shame and embarrassment with the laughs coming from behind him when he had slipped. He then settles his mind while trying to sleep again after laying down on his cozy bed.
Before he could close his eyes, Jongdae hears something from the outside of their room. No one was talking and he was definitely sure that it wasn’t just some ghost or any supernatural beings. He thought that it sounded like muffled cries.
Scanning around the dark room for the clock, he sees that it was already past midnight and most of the trainees would probably be asleep just to get enough energy for the next hell day.
Jongdae gets up as silently as he could and carefully walks toward the door in order to avoid waking Chanyeol up from the old creaking wooden floor. But before he could exit the room, he goes back and takes something valuable, for himself, from the very bottom of his bag hidden under the bed before proceeding to silently walk to the balcony through the hallway opposite to where the living room is and where the cries were coming from. He tries to inhale the toxic smoke along the city streets and exhale all of his worries, but fails.
Jongdae knew that it was Baekhyun. But it wasn’t like he didn’t care at all. He just doesn’t mind caring.
The trainees, who were bound to debut in just around half a year left, were gathered in a room. Aside from Chanyeol and Baekhyun, Jongdae sees some new faces of the trainees he’ll be debuting with. He didn’t even realize that it was Sehun whom he sat beside with, so they had talked about stuffs regarding them while limiting the things that are a bit too personal to share with.
Jongdae doesn't trust anyone easily, right after what had happened during his first week of stay as a trainee. He had been backstabbed and bullied with the people he called as friends and trusted the most. They were the ones who had been too envious of his debut.
He could say that he was lucky enough to meet Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Sehun. They all seemed very nice to him but he doesn't really know Sehun and Chanyeol that much well to decipher anything about their personality. Baekhyun seems kind of close to him but there's still that hanging trust in the line.
Someone walked in the room and they had recognized that person as one of the higher reps.
"You'll be debuting as a group with 12 members." All of the trainees had that stern look on their faces. "But in two main units, one will be singing korean while the other sings mandarin."
Jongdae surely got disappointed when he heard his name as one of the members for the mandarin unit. The fact that he'll be singing in chinese seems like a great idea but dealing with members who speaks in a different language will surely make him suffer so bad. Countless negative thoughts have bothered his mind after.
One member of the group who Jongdae will be debuting with is Minseok. He seems like a nice guy, so he got close to him as well. The latter being the oldest hyung to the group was one of the things that pursued him to give the trust he was selfishly keeping to almost all of the people he had met since then.
After a series of hardcore practices since their expecting debut was just weeks ahead, the mandarin unit was now taking a break at the practice room. The chinese members were huddled in a corner while Jongdae and Minseok, the only korean members, were sitting at the other side of the room.
"I really have something to say to you since months ago." Minseok says before drinking on his bottle of water.
Jongdae nods to continue what he was gonna say as he fiddles with his shoe laces.
"You should stop doing that."
He faces Minseok with an obvious confused look. "What are you talking about?"
The hyung had whispered what he was referring to Jongdae's ear and got surprised about what he heard.
It actually made Jongdae to not trust Minseok anymore.
A week exactly before their debut, Jongdae dreams of him and Minseok at a very familiar place. With the feeling of goose bumps that felt real, they both see that there were no people around. It was also weird since they can’t speak on that dream as well.
The two, with scared looks on their faces, continued to walk on the now abandoned street. That street was where Jongdae and Minseok usually went to during breaks so they could eat street foods that they’ll definitely miss once they debut.
But then, it turns out that like a scene from a horror movie, they both knew that someone or something was behind them. Before they could even react, Jongdae runs as fast as he could when he sees a strange figure from the side of the street, leaving Minseok behind who looks dumbstruck.
Jongdae, after running a few meters, looks back at a lifeless Minseok who is bloodied all over his body.
Jongdae wakes up, now on a very unfamiliar place, with a very painful headache and a suffocating feeling like he can’t breathe nor will be able to speak properly. He looks at the side and sees that the walls were all white and the smell was definitely nauseating.
When he sees the medical equipment right beside of him, he realizes that he was actually at a hospital. The door then opens and he sees a gloomy Baekhyun walking towards him.
“Minseok hyung is dead.” Baekhyun says while looking at the ground as he stands beside his bed.
Jongdae touches the now covered bruise on his head but he still doesn’t know how he got it in the first place. There were thousands of questions that he wanted to ask Baekhyun about but nothing came out from his mouth.
"The two of you went out yesterday. From what we could see from the cctv camera at the street, you were walking far behind Minseok hyung who was actually running towards you." Baekhyun sighs before continuing. "You were about to get something from your bag without looking at the stoplight going green as you cross the street. You luckily and successfully crossed but as for hyung....."
All Jongdae sees with a blurry vision and suffocating feeling is the retreating form of Baekhyun towards to door.
On April 8, 2012, EXO, a South Korean-Chinese group produced by SM Entertainment, made their official debut with the song, Mama. Formed in 2011 in Seoul, South Korea, EXO comprises of ten members separated into two subgroups, EXO-K and EXO-M, performing music in Korean and Mandarin, respectively. Their name was taken from exoplanet, a term referring to planets outside of the Solar System.
On April 8, 2012, Kim Jongdae passed away due to a smoking-related disease.
dear exothermc: Hi! These were such nice prompts but....this is what I failingly did. I'm really sorry.