On My Own...

Jan 22, 2002 16:10

Well, not really. I've started moving in with my cousin; she didn't have a roommate, because the one she was counting on living with her has put it off for about 7 months now, and says she won't be here until April. It's a little 2-bedroom duplex; not bad, really, and in a very small town. We have a DQ, but the nearest McDonald's is 15-20 minutes away. Can you imagine? *gasps of horror* If she ever gets here, I don't know how we're going to manage the space. *shrug* I'm hoping she'll back out of it completely. That'd be nice.

It sounds mean, but it really isn't, because she's a pushy sort of person, and she just steamrolls over my poor, kind-hearted cousin Mel. She's not mean about it, but she doesn't like to hear "no" at all. And if she wants something, you can't get out of it nicely (e.g., "Maybe later," or "I don't know, let me think about it."). You have to bluntly say, "I won't."

My cousin's really nice, though. Almost too nice. And I really, really, really want to make it clear to everyone (myself included) that I'm not just taking advantage of her hospitality and generosity. It's to the point that I don't eat much because I don't want her to have to buy more food than necessary. I know it's silly, but....I don't know, I feel kind of silly sometimes.

I've actually been quite productive today. I cleaned and pseudo-organized the kitchen, and I've been doing laundry all day, including the clothes my cousin went caving in. EW. She just threw everything in the washer, caked-on mud and all, and ran it through twice. I finally dumped everything in the bathtub and hand-rinsed it so all the sandy mud would work out of the fabric. Yikes, that took forever.

I want to write, and I just can't. I don't know what it is; I've tried several times to write something - anything! - and it just doesn't work out. Everything that I put down on that piece of paper (or Notepad) just looks like utter crap to me. I'm so dissatisfied with whatever it is I do that I can't seem to get around it. Even telling myself that I'm just getting the basics down on paper and can go over it again later on doesn't work. I agonize over the little details for so long that I completely lose whatever inspiration I once had, and it's just force and stubbornness that keeps me going. It's so frustrating. *sigh*

I'm in a writing slump. I feel like I am a writer's block. Maybe I just need to take time away from writing and read instead.

Writing is a muscle that has to be kept in shape, or it'll atrophy. I've been so busy and lazy for so long that (I think) I'm simply out of practice. *kicks things*

I don't like that. I want to be able to do it now.

NOW!!!! *stomps foot*

*grumbles*

c-ness

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