Questions asked on a South African Tourism Website about South Africa,
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have
never seen it rain
on TV, so how do your plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street?
(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometers. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa?
Can you send
me a list of them in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay?
(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?
(USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does
not... Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing
is every Tuesday night
in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us
when you get
there and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which
is.. ..Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir
plays every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No! We don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where
the female
population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa?
(France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk
available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan
hunter-gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa
who can dispense
rattlesnake serum.(USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where YOU
come from. All
South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
safely handled and
make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to
contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help?
(USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go?
(USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
never seen it rain
on TV, so how do your plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street?
(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometers. Take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa?
Can you send
me a list of them in Johannesburg, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay?
(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?
(USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does
not... Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing
is every Tuesday night
in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us
when you get
there and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
(USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which
is.. ..Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir
plays every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No! We don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where
the female
population is smaller than the male population?
(Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa?
(France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk
available all year
round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan
hunter-gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa
who can dispense
rattlesnake serum.(USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-i-ca, which is where YOU
come from. All
South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be
safely handled and
make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to
contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help?
(USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the
hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go?
(USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.