(no subject)
My mouth today is silent, but my heart is screaming. I have said nothing, and he has not asked me. We both fear what must be done. And I must not back down, today. I was silent most of the day for all LGBT who have to suffer in silence due to their sexual orientation.
In this "relationship" of ours, I, too have suffered in silence. If you're not even willing to call me your girlfriend, what kind of coward does that make you? He obviously still keeps me around to hold and kiss. And he acts like we're together in every other way. Why is it, then, that you still call me, "a friend," when on the phone with others.
We have to talk. It's time to be honest, for once. We both know how wrong we are for each other. So why not talk about what the hell is going on, and if we should give it another go (for REAL this time), or drop it.
I'll not have a half-relationship with him. You're either with me or not. If you like me or love me, say it. You shouldn't be ashamed of me. Are you afraid to make up your damn mind because I was so hesitant at first? Is this divine retribution for ignoring all signs that said, "What the hell are you doing?! He's wrong for you in almost every conceivable way"? Perhaps. I will not rule that out.
And I'm tired of this - whatever it is. Whether it bind us closer or tears us apart, I don't care. I'm past the point of caring. I want answers, and I will get them. I must tell him this time, or it'll kill me. It's already eating me up inside to the point where I'm angry for no reason at times. I wake up wanting to smash something. This isn't good for me. And if it's him that's not good for me, I will remove him from my life.
It stops here.
In this "relationship" of ours, I, too have suffered in silence. If you're not even willing to call me your girlfriend, what kind of coward does that make you? He obviously still keeps me around to hold and kiss. And he acts like we're together in every other way. Why is it, then, that you still call me, "a friend," when on the phone with others.
We have to talk. It's time to be honest, for once. We both know how wrong we are for each other. So why not talk about what the hell is going on, and if we should give it another go (for REAL this time), or drop it.
I'll not have a half-relationship with him. You're either with me or not. If you like me or love me, say it. You shouldn't be ashamed of me. Are you afraid to make up your damn mind because I was so hesitant at first? Is this divine retribution for ignoring all signs that said, "What the hell are you doing?! He's wrong for you in almost every conceivable way"? Perhaps. I will not rule that out.
And I'm tired of this - whatever it is. Whether it bind us closer or tears us apart, I don't care. I'm past the point of caring. I want answers, and I will get them. I must tell him this time, or it'll kill me. It's already eating me up inside to the point where I'm angry for no reason at times. I wake up wanting to smash something. This isn't good for me. And if it's him that's not good for me, I will remove him from my life.
It stops here.