(no subject)
The snow piles up, and I get moody.
To my mind, it symbolizes the building of problems in my life.
To make that association is to dwell on them further. Rationality flees, and all that is left is what I wish to do, and what I think should be done.
I am distant, yet close. Our contact is limited to mere cuddling. Never a kiss, or a slipping of my arm into his. None. Yet I grow to close. I become too fond. I must stop this. It must end.
There never should have been an "us." I was weak, and caved. And my sin is that I want to cave further. Let lips do what pilgrims do, and ask for my sweet sin again. I have dug this hole; I may as well bury myself in it.
It isn't fair to him. He explains things to me, perhaps thinking I'll be jealous. It makes no difference to me who's on the phone. Mentioning hot girls will not upset me. It's those eyes that will. When they focus on me, and seem to single me out, even when talking to many others.
That way that he both demands and gently offers. He has become silly around me in private. But in public, I am able to maintain my distance. It's always when there are no other eyes that I am swayed.
And while I contemplate his lips, my heart flies away. It reaches desperately to another, making preparations to leave and perhaps never to return. I want to blame him for this, but I am the fool that rushed in. He has never been at fault. He has always been perfect, and that is why I felt hollow when I heard his plans for departure.
It is his lips I should be contemplating. I should be blushing if our hands brush, or getting intoxicated by the mere thought of him. Yet I have attached myself to another in my terror. It seems the more I push him away, the tighter he threads himself to me.
If a kiss be my death, so be it. Upon my grave let it read, "The wrong lips were her demise."
If the intention was to run to You, here I stand. What now? What would You have me do? I am a lost sheep, and I need my Shepherd to find me. I am a child left alone in the dark, and I am here, crying to my Father to help.
My heart and my ears are open Lord; speak, and I will hear You.
To my mind, it symbolizes the building of problems in my life.
To make that association is to dwell on them further. Rationality flees, and all that is left is what I wish to do, and what I think should be done.
I am distant, yet close. Our contact is limited to mere cuddling. Never a kiss, or a slipping of my arm into his. None. Yet I grow to close. I become too fond. I must stop this. It must end.
There never should have been an "us." I was weak, and caved. And my sin is that I want to cave further. Let lips do what pilgrims do, and ask for my sweet sin again. I have dug this hole; I may as well bury myself in it.
It isn't fair to him. He explains things to me, perhaps thinking I'll be jealous. It makes no difference to me who's on the phone. Mentioning hot girls will not upset me. It's those eyes that will. When they focus on me, and seem to single me out, even when talking to many others.
That way that he both demands and gently offers. He has become silly around me in private. But in public, I am able to maintain my distance. It's always when there are no other eyes that I am swayed.
And while I contemplate his lips, my heart flies away. It reaches desperately to another, making preparations to leave and perhaps never to return. I want to blame him for this, but I am the fool that rushed in. He has never been at fault. He has always been perfect, and that is why I felt hollow when I heard his plans for departure.
It is his lips I should be contemplating. I should be blushing if our hands brush, or getting intoxicated by the mere thought of him. Yet I have attached myself to another in my terror. It seems the more I push him away, the tighter he threads himself to me.
If a kiss be my death, so be it. Upon my grave let it read, "The wrong lips were her demise."
If the intention was to run to You, here I stand. What now? What would You have me do? I am a lost sheep, and I need my Shepherd to find me. I am a child left alone in the dark, and I am here, crying to my Father to help.
My heart and my ears are open Lord; speak, and I will hear You.