(no subject)
Feels like I'm due for another entry.
Life's moving incredibly fast yet incredibly slow at the same time.
Still out of work, but working on that. +25 points to Kina for keeping everything running for us during this period. She's earned her art-only job vacation.
Getting married soon. That's neat. Makes me feel old, lol. It's nothing like I imagined. Not a bad thing necessarily but the movies totally just don't train you for how...practical each of you have to be. A lot of it is like having a teammate in life. Someone you can lean on who leans back. Someone you can talk to who talks back. I dig it. Drives me nuts sometimes but that's my job. This is definitely a reciprocated process too.
It's weird *still* not having any clearly defined direction in my life. Contrasted with having some resemblance of one prior to this whole adventure. It's pretty frustrating but nothing either of us can help right now. The economy is totally fucking us at the moment. It kind of scares me not knowing if we'll be able to cover our bills til the end of the year. I'm optimistic and figure it's pretty improbable that I'll have trouble finding a job for a duration longer than our savings can last.
Option A is that Kina continues working her arse off and I start working part time after getting a study visa and all that jazz. Not the ideal situation as kina wants to focus on her art and I want to work full time.
Option B is that I get a job anywhere but in Canada. I move to wherever I must and provide however I can/have to. Option B.1 is that Kina continues her job/finds another job in Canada and we just make it work. Basically use the time we're making double the income to get our debts paid off and get us in a better position in the future. I'd hate being far from her but it's short term while the benefits are long term. Option B-2 is that she just follows me around wherever I end up and she continues on her art full throttle.
There are a bunch of different routes in and out of those options but those are the main things.
I'm totally getting cabin fever though. Not working and not going to school puts a tremendous stress on the mind when you're used to being gone from 7am to 9pm most of the week. And by used I mean - same routine for the past 5 years. Ottawa is a terribly difficult shift for me to adjust to. Basically took me from beautiful weather at home and then a few weeks later slammed into -30C.
She's fought damned hard to keep me happy though - and I love her all the more for it. I've got to be a pain to live with right now. All I want a lot of the time is just be home at my old job and working on my house or sleeping on my hammock. All the stupid little things I used to enjoy are tough to find here. I don't know anymore if it's a "here" thing or just the fact that I'm not in a position to really control...well anything anymore. Finally I simply can't just make things happen anymore.
I kind of want to live in a house here. But then I don't. Shoveling snow is a LOT less fun than cutting my grass. I hate that I'm basically looking at 3-4 months of just...absolutely the shittiest weather I've ever experienced repeated every year for potentially the rest of my life or for however long I remain in depending on circumstances.
Snow is pretty the first couple days but fuckkkkk it's super useless and a giant asshole after that. And you get to be best friends with it until March apparently starting in November.
So - we'll see how the rest of the year goes. The snow is melting and I can walk around with a tshirt now and no more long johns. Huge plus.
I guess that's all for tonight. Getting super sleepy.
Life's moving incredibly fast yet incredibly slow at the same time.
Still out of work, but working on that. +25 points to Kina for keeping everything running for us during this period. She's earned her art-only job vacation.
Getting married soon. That's neat. Makes me feel old, lol. It's nothing like I imagined. Not a bad thing necessarily but the movies totally just don't train you for how...practical each of you have to be. A lot of it is like having a teammate in life. Someone you can lean on who leans back. Someone you can talk to who talks back. I dig it. Drives me nuts sometimes but that's my job. This is definitely a reciprocated process too.
It's weird *still* not having any clearly defined direction in my life. Contrasted with having some resemblance of one prior to this whole adventure. It's pretty frustrating but nothing either of us can help right now. The economy is totally fucking us at the moment. It kind of scares me not knowing if we'll be able to cover our bills til the end of the year. I'm optimistic and figure it's pretty improbable that I'll have trouble finding a job for a duration longer than our savings can last.
Option A is that Kina continues working her arse off and I start working part time after getting a study visa and all that jazz. Not the ideal situation as kina wants to focus on her art and I want to work full time.
Option B is that I get a job anywhere but in Canada. I move to wherever I must and provide however I can/have to. Option B.1 is that Kina continues her job/finds another job in Canada and we just make it work. Basically use the time we're making double the income to get our debts paid off and get us in a better position in the future. I'd hate being far from her but it's short term while the benefits are long term. Option B-2 is that she just follows me around wherever I end up and she continues on her art full throttle.
There are a bunch of different routes in and out of those options but those are the main things.
I'm totally getting cabin fever though. Not working and not going to school puts a tremendous stress on the mind when you're used to being gone from 7am to 9pm most of the week. And by used I mean - same routine for the past 5 years. Ottawa is a terribly difficult shift for me to adjust to. Basically took me from beautiful weather at home and then a few weeks later slammed into -30C.
She's fought damned hard to keep me happy though - and I love her all the more for it. I've got to be a pain to live with right now. All I want a lot of the time is just be home at my old job and working on my house or sleeping on my hammock. All the stupid little things I used to enjoy are tough to find here. I don't know anymore if it's a "here" thing or just the fact that I'm not in a position to really control...well anything anymore. Finally I simply can't just make things happen anymore.
I kind of want to live in a house here. But then I don't. Shoveling snow is a LOT less fun than cutting my grass. I hate that I'm basically looking at 3-4 months of just...absolutely the shittiest weather I've ever experienced repeated every year for potentially the rest of my life or for however long I remain in depending on circumstances.
Snow is pretty the first couple days but fuckkkkk it's super useless and a giant asshole after that. And you get to be best friends with it until March apparently starting in November.
So - we'll see how the rest of the year goes. The snow is melting and I can walk around with a tshirt now and no more long johns. Huge plus.
I guess that's all for tonight. Getting super sleepy.