insanity...

Nov 27, 2005 00:39

I've been so confused about EVERYTHING lately...My mind wont stop racing with thoughts. I haven't been able to get much sleep lately.
I'm wondering if I'm ever going to find a good guy that makes me happy. A guy friend once told me that, if HE likes you then he'll find time to call you no matter how busy he is. Those words keep running through my head. I have talked to him online but still...idk...maybe I'm just being stupid. I just wanted him to call me, not even really talk for that long, just call me to make me feel like he gave a shit. Just having the stupid insecure female thoughts...Sometimes I wish everyone was completely 100% brutally honest. Like they would either say, "I like you", "I don't like you", or "You're cool, but I'm just fucking w/you". It could suck at times but at least you get it all out and the open and it would be less confusing.
All I want is a good guy, a guy that I have things in common with...a guy who likes and cares about me just as much as I do him. Is that too much to ask?...I guess so...
Maybe its just me. Maybe Jessica's right. She says its the guys I go after. I mean...I must be the biggest idiot ever. I fall too hard too fast. I think to myself, maybe this guy will be different, maybe he'll be better, it will be better. But then it turns out to be the same problem/s over and over again. I know this, but I don't know how exactly to stop it. Tessa said that, no matter what there's going to be some type of problem, and if I go around saying FUCK IT all the time w/every guy that comes along, if I just give up, then I might as well become a nun. This is true, all too true. But at the same time I hate feeling stupid and not being in control. I don't want to keep at something when I'm scared that I'll get fucked over. I just get so tired of trying and feeling like I'm getting nowhere. I see all these couples so happy (oh and god...don't even get me started on Facebook...where it says.."In a relationship w/...", god that makes me wanna VOMIT!!!) and sometimes it just gets to me. I want to be like that....like them...but sometimes that just seems completely impossible...
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