(no subject)
I think I have finally uncovered my main source of dissatifcation with my life.
it's like a light went on.
and it finally makes sense.
I'm not sure where all of this is coming from,
but I'm working through my feelings of uneasiness by finally letting myself be angry about it.
I am not here for the entertainment of men.
I am sick of feeling like I am never pretty enough,
never in good enough shape,
never what I want to be when I look at myself in the mirror.
and it's all because of these expectations put on us
to look a certain way
so that men find us attractive.
everything we do
is so that someone finds us attractive.
all of this plastic bullshit.
so that we feel like we are worth something.
I had this all figured out in high school.
I just didn't know it yet.
I never cared if someone thought I was pretty.
I wasn't trying to be pretty.
I was just trying to find my place, be myself.
and now I guess I'm trying to be pretty.
why do I care if some sleazy fucking pervert thinks I'm hot enough to take to bed with him?
for fuck's sake,
even if he didn't think I was that hot,
he'd still sleep with me.
the whole thing is bullshit.
and I refuse to participate in it.
I refuse to base my self-worth on someone else's ideologies of beauty.
and that's it.
you can count me out.