(no subject)
long time.
some new thoughts to cover the last few months since I last wrote something on here.
I really wish the people who live above me knew how to shut the fuck up.
they truly insist on making obnoxiously loud noises all day long.
i wonder if they have jobs, or ever leave the apartment?
how can you bang on the floor all day long?
it's a fucking mystery.
i hope it turns out that they are serial killers.
i feel like i've lost my nerve.
the punk ass kid who resides in my soul.
i'm not entirely sure what that means, or what the result might be of losing said character.
i just feel like... i'm not doing a very good job
of resisting growing up.
i guess it could be worse.
it could always be worse.
i think i know what i want. now i just need to go and get it.
things feel like... they are beginning to make sense.
school is still my biggest point of indecision,
i guess just because i don't know where this is going to take me.
i know i will stick it out though.
i love it enough.
constantly thinking (obsessing) about relationships.
about the theory behind them, why they happen.
i have come to no conclusions at this point in time;
i am both against and in support of the most confusing topic
that i will ever encounter.
i guess it comes down to:
who ever decided that one person would be "right" for someone all their life?
I think, I have friends that span specific parts of my life.
people that are there when they need to be,
and disappear when we grow apart.
they fulfill their duty, and I fulfill mine. a temporary agreement.
so who says that relationships aren't the same way?
i don't believe in marriage,
and that hurts me a little, because i wish i did.
i want to be (and stay) in love with one person forever.
i really do.
i want that fairytale.
but i know it isn't true.
i know it doesn't really happen.
not without compromising something really important.
not without giving something up.
commitments steal a part of your soul that you never get back.
relationships, friendships, partnerships.
one person has to sacrifice something.
and i don't want to have to do that.
and i don't want the one i love to do that either.
i feel like... these thoughts never end.
i can never turn off that negative voice in my head.
and i do want to,
but i also never want to get myself off track,
make myself believe that something could be perfect.
i need to keep myself in check.
i need to keep my life in check.
on another note,
i do miss the boy i share my life with.
a few days can seem like an eternity,
when everything is going right.
god,
everything is always pending on something else.
some new thoughts to cover the last few months since I last wrote something on here.
I really wish the people who live above me knew how to shut the fuck up.
they truly insist on making obnoxiously loud noises all day long.
i wonder if they have jobs, or ever leave the apartment?
how can you bang on the floor all day long?
it's a fucking mystery.
i hope it turns out that they are serial killers.
i feel like i've lost my nerve.
the punk ass kid who resides in my soul.
i'm not entirely sure what that means, or what the result might be of losing said character.
i just feel like... i'm not doing a very good job
of resisting growing up.
i guess it could be worse.
it could always be worse.
i think i know what i want. now i just need to go and get it.
things feel like... they are beginning to make sense.
school is still my biggest point of indecision,
i guess just because i don't know where this is going to take me.
i know i will stick it out though.
i love it enough.
constantly thinking (obsessing) about relationships.
about the theory behind them, why they happen.
i have come to no conclusions at this point in time;
i am both against and in support of the most confusing topic
that i will ever encounter.
i guess it comes down to:
who ever decided that one person would be "right" for someone all their life?
I think, I have friends that span specific parts of my life.
people that are there when they need to be,
and disappear when we grow apart.
they fulfill their duty, and I fulfill mine. a temporary agreement.
so who says that relationships aren't the same way?
i don't believe in marriage,
and that hurts me a little, because i wish i did.
i want to be (and stay) in love with one person forever.
i really do.
i want that fairytale.
but i know it isn't true.
i know it doesn't really happen.
not without compromising something really important.
not without giving something up.
commitments steal a part of your soul that you never get back.
relationships, friendships, partnerships.
one person has to sacrifice something.
and i don't want to have to do that.
and i don't want the one i love to do that either.
i feel like... these thoughts never end.
i can never turn off that negative voice in my head.
and i do want to,
but i also never want to get myself off track,
make myself believe that something could be perfect.
i need to keep myself in check.
i need to keep my life in check.
on another note,
i do miss the boy i share my life with.
a few days can seem like an eternity,
when everything is going right.
god,
everything is always pending on something else.