Que Pasa...
I want to just crawl under the bed and hide…I hate it when Shawn and I fight. Tonight, all I can think of his how badly I’d like to leave him and just run back to the city. Not this city…but the city…Chicago.
I used to roll my own cigarettes and lurk in bars with my friends, laughing at the world and not eating a thing. Now, I’m stuck in the house all day with my own thoughts with no friends, no family, nothing to do but loathe myself. I’m chained to this life that he’s brought me to. I’m not happy here. I love him…but I’ll never love him the way that I should. My heart died the day that my love Pete died. It’s a shriveled corpse of a heart now. But I tired! Lord! Did I try! But he’s tested me so deeply as of late and I don’t think I can take much more.
Tonight I reserve for only red wine and cigarettes and nothing more. Maybe I’ll have a good cry.