(no subject)
in a semi-late school night insomniatic whim i had an urge to come check up on something that used to be a huge part of my expression.
it seems so strange to sit and express things to a screen, it seems counterproductive. yet at the same time, i still love it.
summer came and went with the blink of an eye. it brought new experiences and mischief. it is now not summer anymore, and it is just kicking in. leaves are starting to turn, and i can feel fall coming. yet this year i am going into the winter without expectations of the cold bringing loneliness.
i have been so happy, i can't imagine how i didn't realize it sooner. it's my choice, i can leave anything that hurts. how can we not realize that we are all the masters of our own fate? we bring upon ourselves what we think we deserve. there is terror in the world, there is so many sad things in all of our lives. but if you let it, it will consume you. takes away part of you that is a key element in living. that key element is the will to live. sadness extinguishes it. it is a rapid fire. all consuming.
yet.. also is happiness. i used to think that sadness was the only way to cope. it was the only thing i knew how to feel really well, because i hadn't been accepting real love and hadn't been appreciating real happiness. yet it's exactly the wrong way. it's terribly wrong. i think about how dependant we are all on it, about how it's such a crutch. it makes me want to vomit.
anyways. smile once in a while, a real smile, not one just for onlookers. and, stop taking things so goddamn seriously.
it seems so strange to sit and express things to a screen, it seems counterproductive. yet at the same time, i still love it.
summer came and went with the blink of an eye. it brought new experiences and mischief. it is now not summer anymore, and it is just kicking in. leaves are starting to turn, and i can feel fall coming. yet this year i am going into the winter without expectations of the cold bringing loneliness.
i have been so happy, i can't imagine how i didn't realize it sooner. it's my choice, i can leave anything that hurts. how can we not realize that we are all the masters of our own fate? we bring upon ourselves what we think we deserve. there is terror in the world, there is so many sad things in all of our lives. but if you let it, it will consume you. takes away part of you that is a key element in living. that key element is the will to live. sadness extinguishes it. it is a rapid fire. all consuming.
yet.. also is happiness. i used to think that sadness was the only way to cope. it was the only thing i knew how to feel really well, because i hadn't been accepting real love and hadn't been appreciating real happiness. yet it's exactly the wrong way. it's terribly wrong. i think about how dependant we are all on it, about how it's such a crutch. it makes me want to vomit.
anyways. smile once in a while, a real smile, not one just for onlookers. and, stop taking things so goddamn seriously.