Have faith in me...
I know stress can make you feel the way I do but I don't know what I'm stressed out about. My feelings are raging. I wish to take a walk in the dusk 'til it's dark listening to music and calming my mind. I wish to speak to Migen about this matter but I don't know if he can help me, it would be better if I could discuss this with myself but I don't understand it either! Isn't that why I need to talk about it, so that I can get the points I missed back then? So I can finally find out what it is that makes me feel this way.
I don't dare to fall asleep at night because I'm afraid that I might die while sleeping and thereby never wake up again. I don't know what will happen when I die and that scares the shit out of me! Some say it's okay since if you just disappear you won't notice, well that's exactly what's the problem! I don't want to turn into nothing without knowing it! But I don't want to know it either! I have to distract my mind in order to dare to sleep, I always cry when I have these thoughts. I've also had these thoughts that I want to cut my arms, from the wrists to the elbow, four straight lines...
I don't dare to fall asleep at night because I'm afraid that I might die while sleeping and thereby never wake up again. I don't know what will happen when I die and that scares the shit out of me! Some say it's okay since if you just disappear you won't notice, well that's exactly what's the problem! I don't want to turn into nothing without knowing it! But I don't want to know it either! I have to distract my mind in order to dare to sleep, I always cry when I have these thoughts. I've also had these thoughts that I want to cut my arms, from the wrists to the elbow, four straight lines...