I can feel it.. I understand what it was like for you..
"everything is perfect now"
Despite my current financial woes, and a few little niggling worries, I feel.. wonderful.
It must be something in the air, maybe its the weather. I dont know.
But I feel fabulous.
I feel calm and collected. I feel organized.
And I am so very excited for Aidan to get back from Europe.
He gets back Saturday week. So 10 more days.
I cant wait to see him.
In about 2 months, Aaron and I will be looking for a new unit.
Weve just been informed that the owners want to move in once our lease is up.
This bothers me, as I love it here. Ive made a home here, and the location is nigh perfect.
But.. sometimes these things happen. So Im going to take it in my stride, and put a positive light on it.
I think it could be a nice change of scenery, despite the fact weve only been here 5 months.
Anyway, I never really liked the light of this place ;)
We dont get direct sunlight :( hehe
So in October we will be seriously looking for a new place. the lease runs out on the 21st.
In a not-so-positive aspect.. I had a terrible experience with weed this week.
I flipped out. Really bad.
I literally thought I was going to die.
I felt.. trapped. Almost in an alternate reality.
Nothing was real. There was no life. There was no death.
Everything was looping.
Aaron would walk in, speak, then walk out.
Sam would walk in, ask if I was ok and hand me a bottle of water.
Id clench it because I "knew" I was never going to get out, then Id accidentally spill it all over myself, and not even notice.
And it would all repeat over and over again.
I would cry and tell them to take me to hospital. "Im crazy. Im serious Sam, IM CRAZY.. TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL PLEASE SAM. IM GOING TO DIE. TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL" .
I would shout, even though I knew they didnt exist and I was shouting at nothing.
I would scratch at my face because I couldnt feel anything, and watch as I place my hands to my side in slow motion.
And I would be stuck there for eternity. Not human. Not even a being. Just matter.
It was horrible. The next day I still felt as if I was drifting in and out of reality. It started wearing off around 2pm.
I feel different now. Like something inside me has shifted. Like, part of me has changed and Im not completely the same now.
But its ok. It doesnt matter, because I still feel happy.
And thats all that really matters.