just for one thing..
i was up until 5 am reading. i hate when you pick up a book and you can't put it down and you keep reading and reading and then you have to work the next day. i realzied a few things though.
the book was second helpings. when jessica said she really really wants something she always thinks she's never going to get it so this is what she does: deny deny deny! that's exactly what i do..
i always think it's not going to work because somehow i always fuck everything up. always. everything i've ever done.. i screw it up somehow. so then i just deny that anything is happening to avoid screwing it up. yeah well, that doesn't always work. sierra asked me about mike.. and i just denied everything. at least i came to my senses and i realized i was in denial, and that i couldn't be forever. my feelings overcame my brain and i could no longer deny. what a great thing that was. now look where i am. :D i'm happier than ever and i have a permanent smile on my face. i love mike.
as for screwing this up.. i want this more than i've ever wanted anything. i'm not even worried about messing up because the more i worry about it, the more it comes close to happening. i've never had the drive to succeed in anything as much as i want this realationship to work. and i have faith that it will.