Serious issue for a change
I had this LJ account for awhile and I have been personal, but I still didn't get really personal. Some of the issues that have plagued me I felt awkward writing about. Now I feel comfortable with my friends that I can open up on some of these issues. It makes me happy to realize that some of my friends who haven't had the time to meet me will understand me a bit more. Sorry--it has been a long time coming.
So here is my issue: My dad and his wife has picked up a kid.
I heard while I was in Chicago that one of the volutneers that worked with Rox was going through a horrible time and they were thinking about adopting him. I was upset at first and now, I still don't know how I feel about it. I do understand that the kid had a shit deal in life. I will refer to him as the kid, and I won't go into his problems because it is not in my place. This is more about my feelings dealing with this issue and hopefully some consoling from my LJ friends or at least some understanding.
When I first heard of the news I ran to Al and cried to him. He was my lab partner/best friend while in Chicago. So I cried to him for a straight hour because of this news my dad gave. What hurt my feelings was that dad was taking in this kid that was the same age we were when he left. So the only thoughts going through my mind at the time was: "How could he do this--he wasn't there for us, what is my dad thinking, he can't raise a teenager. He left when all the hardships of teen life struck me and my brothers." I had gotten over this whole divorce issue my senior year of high school, but hearing this made all those sad memories come back. I thought I had gotten over the rejection issues, but sometimes they do come back. They struck me like a vengeance. I didn't talk to my dad for a whole month. I have a good relationship with my dad and this hurt me. I at least try to call him every week or every two. Well my dad dropped the issue.
Now he has come up to see us for Christmas and I'm glad they are here. But what I didn't expect was the kid. I didn't hear about him in months so it was a suprise. Well I was upset because once again that brought up rejection issues. I had a talk/arguement with my older brother about it. To put it midly we yelled at each other and he pretty much told me I was being sort of bitchy and that dad did a lot for us. Okay now I was pissed and extremely hurt. He didn't understand why I was hurt or respect my opinion on the issue. Time for one fact: Dad did what he had to, but he did not overly exert himself for us. But I was okay with that because I do have a good relationship with him. So after five or ten minutes of crying in my room- I apologized to my brother and tried to at least get him to understand my feelings.
I also thought about the kid and decided that I wouldn't make a decision on the issue until I meet him. Tonight I go over to Rox's mom's house. Me and my twinsy meet the kid. I'll admit it I like him, he is sweet, he seems to be really happy. So all I will say about the issues is: I still don't know how I feel about it, but if it gives the kid a normal shot at life I can't begrudge him that. I want you guys as my friends to understand that I never once blamed the kid for anything or hate him, because I really do like him. My issues dealt more with nonexistence rejection that my dad created when he left my mom.
So all I can say for my behavior is: these are my true feelings at the time. Rightly or wrongly I judged my dad when he wasn't the only one to make the decision. It was a decision between him and Rox. When I told my mom about it, she did make me feel better about it. She gave me one piece of good advice that I will like to share with my friends. "Heather, I understand your feelings. Never be ashamed for how you feel, because it is your opinion. As long as you are honest with yourself then you have no need to justify your actions when dealing with these feelings." So I felt better about the fight I had with the older brother because I didn't back down. ^_^
Sorry if I rambled and raged but it feels good to discuss this with my friends and maybe you guys can give me advice about this. Because in all honesty I still don't know how I feel about the whole issue. I'm confused.
So here is my issue: My dad and his wife has picked up a kid.
I heard while I was in Chicago that one of the volutneers that worked with Rox was going through a horrible time and they were thinking about adopting him. I was upset at first and now, I still don't know how I feel about it. I do understand that the kid had a shit deal in life. I will refer to him as the kid, and I won't go into his problems because it is not in my place. This is more about my feelings dealing with this issue and hopefully some consoling from my LJ friends or at least some understanding.
When I first heard of the news I ran to Al and cried to him. He was my lab partner/best friend while in Chicago. So I cried to him for a straight hour because of this news my dad gave. What hurt my feelings was that dad was taking in this kid that was the same age we were when he left. So the only thoughts going through my mind at the time was: "How could he do this--he wasn't there for us, what is my dad thinking, he can't raise a teenager. He left when all the hardships of teen life struck me and my brothers." I had gotten over this whole divorce issue my senior year of high school, but hearing this made all those sad memories come back. I thought I had gotten over the rejection issues, but sometimes they do come back. They struck me like a vengeance. I didn't talk to my dad for a whole month. I have a good relationship with my dad and this hurt me. I at least try to call him every week or every two. Well my dad dropped the issue.
Now he has come up to see us for Christmas and I'm glad they are here. But what I didn't expect was the kid. I didn't hear about him in months so it was a suprise. Well I was upset because once again that brought up rejection issues. I had a talk/arguement with my older brother about it. To put it midly we yelled at each other and he pretty much told me I was being sort of bitchy and that dad did a lot for us. Okay now I was pissed and extremely hurt. He didn't understand why I was hurt or respect my opinion on the issue. Time for one fact: Dad did what he had to, but he did not overly exert himself for us. But I was okay with that because I do have a good relationship with him. So after five or ten minutes of crying in my room- I apologized to my brother and tried to at least get him to understand my feelings.
I also thought about the kid and decided that I wouldn't make a decision on the issue until I meet him. Tonight I go over to Rox's mom's house. Me and my twinsy meet the kid. I'll admit it I like him, he is sweet, he seems to be really happy. So all I will say about the issues is: I still don't know how I feel about it, but if it gives the kid a normal shot at life I can't begrudge him that. I want you guys as my friends to understand that I never once blamed the kid for anything or hate him, because I really do like him. My issues dealt more with nonexistence rejection that my dad created when he left my mom.
So all I can say for my behavior is: these are my true feelings at the time. Rightly or wrongly I judged my dad when he wasn't the only one to make the decision. It was a decision between him and Rox. When I told my mom about it, she did make me feel better about it. She gave me one piece of good advice that I will like to share with my friends. "Heather, I understand your feelings. Never be ashamed for how you feel, because it is your opinion. As long as you are honest with yourself then you have no need to justify your actions when dealing with these feelings." So I felt better about the fight I had with the older brother because I didn't back down. ^_^
Sorry if I rambled and raged but it feels good to discuss this with my friends and maybe you guys can give me advice about this. Because in all honesty I still don't know how I feel about the whole issue. I'm confused.