(no subject)

[chemdramafreak]

Have you ever been so depressed you try to hid it in front of other people, but seeing them happy makes you so sick you want to vomit? That is the way I have felt for a couple of months. I think I am going crazy. Kevin and I only see each other when it is homeroom day. Even then, we hardly speak to each other. He like Iris, who is also another friend of mine. I should be happy for her, even though she is dating someone else, but when I see her, it is like a newborn moster inside of me wanting to tear her limb from limb because she knows that I have had a big crush on him since last year. It is not her fault, but I can help blaming her and not him. I don't know what to do anymore. I know I should forget about him and look for someone who apprieciates me and blah blah blah...but let's be honest...when has that ever worked? I could lose a few pounds. However, my weight is not from eating, and some people who talk about me behind my back, like Kyle Boyce and David Stearns, need to know that. When I get really sick, and that happens about 5 or 6 times a year, I am put on a lot of steriods which make me blow up like a balloon. Then it is even harder to get off the weight. But it should matter what is on the inside but people act like I am some kind of moster who eats people while they sleep. It is so hurtful that sometimes I think I want to die. I am just a laughing joke and I am so sick of it. In 10th grade, when I was at the academy and did colorguard, I had it made. I was in line to be the captian in 11th grade if I stuck with it. The loss of this? Drama, everything I had loved. In the end, it was not worth it. So at the end of the semester, I did not continue to winter guard, and did not stay at the academy for the full year. Instead, I devoted all my time to drama. There, I became a standing joke. No one knew my true feelings. I am very smart, but at work rehearsals I am never allowed to do anything challenging. Nooooooooo...I get stuck washing brushes for everyone or organizing crap. People with no experience are allowed to do the harder stuff and I get stuck doing chores. I basically spent the whole day doing that. 11th grade was worse. Kyle Boyce was in my Algebra 2 class even though he was a freshman. Ever since then he has tried to show me up and I am sick of it. I hate it when he embarrassess me in front of people like I am stupid. Yes I have a freakin eye problem, but he has to makej the biggest deal out of it just becase no one can be as perfect as him. Even if someone else does something to him, he takes it out on me. For example, when he was rehearsing his lines, he said a word wrong, he said deaf when it was daft. Eric and I said it at the same exact time. No...he did not tell Eric off, he yelled at me. Well he needed to get his freakin lines right because he memorizes every part but his own like he can do better than anyone else. We were chosen for a reason, and he needs to respect that. And another thing if you ever read this Kyle: STOP DICTATING AND EMBARRASSING ME DURING REHEARSAL AND CLASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RULE NUMBER ONE IS TO RESPECT EACH OTHER. PERIOD. WE DON'T HAVE TO LIKE EACH OTHER, BUT WE HAVE TO RESPECT EACH OTHER. THIS INCLUDES IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. SAME GOES FOR YOU DAVID. IF TYLER AND I CAN BE ON GOOD TERMS FOR MORE THAN A MONTH NOW, I THINK WE CAN TOO.

That is it for tonight. I had to get it off my chest. Thannks.

AND ANOTHER THING...I HAVE ASKED EVERYONE TO CALL ME BY MY FULL FIRST NAME OR LIZ. I MEAN IT. IF YOU CALL ME BY THAT LITTLE GIRLS PIG NAME, I WILL NOT RESPOND. IT WAS FUNNY IN FRESHMAN YEAR...AND SINCE I AM THE ONLY SENIOR WHO WAS AROUND FOR IT..., I, RANDY JACOBS, BRITTNEY DOYLE, TROY LANE, AND MS. NEANDER ARE THE ONLY ONES ONES ALLOWED TO USE IT.