[FIC] I Don't Know Why
Title: I Don't Know Why
Pairing: Schnidal (Bernd Schneider/Arturo Vidal)
Rating: R - NC-17
Summary: He doesn't know why the reason of being desired by a person of another race. POV Arturo Vidal.
I shouldn't be ashamed for my skin color. Or my mother language. Or my way of German pronouncing. I know I'm improving, but I'm still shy. I don't know if he would say 'well done' or 'you're wrong'.
But he says it doesn't matter. I'm trying to communicate. That's all.
He looks at me with those blue eyes, his voice whispering at my ear saying 'Ich liebe dich,Arturo' with that accent in my name. I know he can't make the sound, but I let myself go. Indeed... I don't know why I fall into his charms... is for the fact of being a foreign person?
'Ich dich auch' I answer cutting the words because of kissing.
Lips are wet, warm... tongues are playing inside. Caressing his face... I look into his eyes. Being with him feels so good...
Coming back to kiss... I lay down.
I'm feeling strange, but good.
My mind is upside down, or better to say... I've lost it...
I erase the boundaries involved in real world. It's just the bed, Bernd, me, both nude kissing and touching each other. His white hand gets mixed with my dark skin.
I don't wanna say it... but I dare to say in German: "I wanna feel you", but he's already rubbing on me. I feel warm... but deep inside I'm driving myself crazy.
Suddenly I feel like in the air. My legs are already in that sense. He doesn't want to leave a trace... but he wants to save his life and career at the same time. (you know what I'm talking about).
With a finger starts the final scale in this long journey. I already feel soft and good. Relief and pressure at the time.
At last my first moan...
He looks into my eyes once again. Biting my lips while sucking my jaw. Bernd's in silence. Just a few gasps and panting.
And suddenly... here I come... Spanish language flows...
"Dale,Schnix, dale" I beg him...I tell him with that phrase 'don't stop'. But then I can't elaborate an accurate phrase. It's all abstract. I put my hands on him like claws. I even scratch him...
He likes it more. I feel him more... I moan once again.
"Dale"
He likes my pitch and tune, even my voice gets distorted and out of tune for a while. In Spanish it's called 'gallito'.
But then the harmony comes. At last. There's the Schnix I like... the one I love most, with passion and lust.
Full of sweat and emotions at the time.
I offer my finger and he sucks it. I couldn't believe he could do it. Then he takes my hand and with it he caresses his face.
Sighing in that low pitch and deep tune.
"Arturo.Don't go" he says in German.
"No, sino" I answer him in Spanish.
He understands.
But... I don't know why he feels like this.
I don't know why it happens.
I don't know if it's for flesh matters, for having a 'fuck-buddy' of another race. In Spanish I call it 'el firme'.
I'm afraid he says 'I love you' but then in any moment he can talk crap about me. Calling me 'savage' or 'sudaca'...even worse, it's like stabbing on my back.
I don't ask him why he loves me.
It's my dark skin???
Am I a 'exotic beauty' for him?? I'm average... I'm not enough for a German I think.
But Bernd is unique...
I don't know why I'm talking like that about him.
I don't know why I like his blue eyes and his voice...
Is it because of the experience??
Maybe... he's fourteen years older than me... but I'm still thinking...
I don't know why my heart beats for him...
I don't know the reason why I LOVE HIM.
Maybe the experience, race,youth... it's an unsolved question. I don't know what to say. I'm lying naked next to him. And I still don't know why I stay with him like this.
I have no words to explain it. La dura...
Bernd Schneider... is the name of experience transformed into beauty and lust at the time.
Period.
THE END
RANCAGUA, CHILE, JANUARY 10th, 2009