Just so you think this isn't some asshole posting anonymously, this is Aaron Sharpsteen.
While I agree generally with your suppositions, I disagree with your last assertion:
"Also, confidence is NOT not giving a shit about what everyone thinks, it is assuming that everyone likes you until they outright say they dont. So fuck everyone who wants to say you shouldnt care what other people think. because everyone cares, they just pretend they dont to look confident."
The reason I disagree with this is because I agree with something you said earlier, namely:
Confidence also has to do with not sweating the small stuff. Basically just a general who gives a fuck, do your best all the time but if it doesnt turn out great, whatever, forget-about-it kind of attitude. You're still acting the same, you're just not obsessing over these trivial things.
Now, while you yourself may not categorize "what other people think" as a trivial thing (which may be leading to some of your anxiety), other people can and do often trivialize the opinions of others. Sometimes we like to call these people "assholes," but other times this trivialization seems useful in putting things into context. The starting place for approval and confidence is the self. If one is comfortable with oneself, then one may not need to conceptualize "the opinions of others" as anything more than a trivial matter...and therefore, a part of their confidence would be, as you put it, "not giving a shit what anyone else thinks." But, as I said, it usually takes a somewhat egotistical person to view the opinions of others as completely trivial matters. I think this point also needs to be specified: I think we categorize people, placing some into a group whose opinions we care deeply about (heroes, family, very close friends, etc) and others whom we care less so about (aquaintences and the like) and yes, even some who we consider trivial (people we don't know and don't really want to know).
I'd also like to apologize for being somewhat ghost since I've been out here...hopefully things will get better next term (assuming I get out of the boonies) but I do have a finalized class schedule, and I am in Portland on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, each day having a little bit different schedule. Perhaps if one of these is a regular day off for you, we can hang out sometime.
While I agree generally with your suppositions, I disagree with your last assertion:
"Also, confidence is NOT not giving a shit about what everyone thinks, it is assuming that everyone likes you until they outright say they dont. So fuck everyone who wants to say you shouldnt care what other people think. because everyone cares, they just pretend they dont to look confident."
The reason I disagree with this is because I agree with something you said earlier, namely:
Confidence also has to do with not sweating the small stuff. Basically just a general who gives a fuck, do your best all the time but if it doesnt turn out great, whatever, forget-about-it kind of attitude. You're still acting the same, you're just not obsessing over these trivial things.
Now, while you yourself may not categorize "what other people think" as a trivial thing (which may be leading to some of your anxiety), other people can and do often trivialize the opinions of others. Sometimes we like to call these people "assholes," but other times this trivialization seems useful in putting things into context. The starting place for approval and confidence is the self. If one is comfortable with oneself, then one may not need to conceptualize "the opinions of others" as anything more than a trivial matter...and therefore, a part of their confidence would be, as you put it, "not giving a shit what anyone else thinks." But, as I said, it usually takes a somewhat egotistical person to view the opinions of others as completely trivial matters. I think this point also needs to be specified: I think we categorize people, placing some into a group whose opinions we care deeply about (heroes, family, very close friends, etc) and others whom we care less so about (aquaintences and the like) and yes, even some who we consider trivial (people we don't know and don't really want to know).
I'd also like to apologize for being somewhat ghost since I've been out here...hopefully things will get better next term (assuming I get out of the boonies) but I do have a finalized class schedule, and I am in Portland on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, each day having a little bit different schedule. Perhaps if one of these is a regular day off for you, we can hang out sometime.
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