right...
well.... im not dead... sort of... schools done on monday... not like it matters cause since i got back from New York ive gone once... i just dont see a point... i know that makes no sense but nothing i do right now makes sense... ive cut off my connections to the world.... all ive been doing is working and then going out and drinking... 8 nights in a row... something must be wrong if i go drinking for 8 nights in a row... im definately learning how to hold my alcohol better though and im not a lightweight anymore... not that its something to be proud of but seriously... what do i have left... school is over... les is gone... all my friends have pretty much disappeared... theres only the guys left and right now thats just turning into another awkward situation due to know ones fault but my own... see but i could have predicted that... i think most people could of if they knew what the hell im talking about... so summer is just around the corner... and i dont even know what im going to do... of course i gotta work but there must be more to life than just work... and what about next year for school?... like it was good but im just sick of everything right now and dont care about anything either so i really dont want to reapply of register or anything... and i may end up regretting it but then again... when do i not regret ANY of the decisions that i make lately... god... i should really think about things before i do them... cause all this is doing is tearing me apart... piece by piece.. and it hurts more than anything else ever has... and no one is to blame but myself.. and no im not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me cause that would just be stupid... im just really trying to figure out why i do this... and unfortunately... this situation isnt going to get better... its just gonna get worse... unless some sort of a miracle happens... but i dont believe in miracles... they only happen to people who deserve them... and after all this... i really dont deserve anything at all...