Nothing will change
Who is the real me? I don't even know anymore. One minute I'm laughing, and the next I'm crying. One minute I feel alive, and the next I feel like I'm suffocating. I don't know why I try; I get discouraged so easily that I think it's better that I never try at all. Prevent the heartache that comes from failing all the time. I'm convinced that no one will ever really love me. There's this deep emptiness inside me that I can't fill. No distractions, no money, no relationship, no one thing can fix it. It's getting bigger every day, all consuming. Most people would tell me it's God I'm missing and maybe He is...but I'm convinced he doesn't like me either. Who would? I'm a mess. Disgusting. I just wish I were dead. I'm only comforted by the thought that I can die at any moment and all this sadness will be gone forever. At least....I hope. Because living is not worth it. I don't love life. I don't have a passion for it. Every day is lifeless. Why do I think anyone would love me? I just bring everyone down. I'm a complete and total idiot.