Life Isn't Short
#yolo
#lifeisshort
Two of the many phrases people say to emphasize the apparent shortness of life. But for the average person, life isn't short at all. I guess the depression makes it feel like life is never-ending. But statistically speaking, I'm going to live to at least 70 years old. That means I have 49 years of life left. Of course that's not a guarantee. So many things could happen in between that timeframe that could kill me. I could even die within the next few years, or months or even tomorrow. But the possibility that I have a good chance of living another half a century scares me.
By that time, my parents will be dead. My grandparents will be long gone. My aunts and uncles… dead. A lot of heartache to come. Too many funerals to attend. My cousins will probably marry, have kids, have fulfilling careers. But I'm going to be alone and probably poor. How do I know that? Because I've chosen to never get married or have children. I doubt I'm going to pursue anything further than a high school diploma. So minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life. A tiny apartment in my hometown until I die. I might get a cat. I'll bring my dog Roxy with me, but she'll be dead within the next 8 years or so.
I've predicted my future, if I decide to let nature take its course. I can't feel sorry for myself because my misfortune is the consequence of my choices. Even the Bible says, "As a man thinks, so is he." So if you hate yourself, your behavior is going to reflect it. If you're a pessimist, then it's going to seem like everything is going wrong. So yes, life isn't short: unless you're young with a terminal illness, hoping you could have experienced much more out of life. Or your son or daughter was rammed by a drunk driver. Or you lose a baby during birth. Or you live in a third world country where the life expectancy is only 30 years. Wait… I guess life is short.
So short that I really don't want to give it a chance. It's like a vapor, there one day and gone the next. I really love the Book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible. Solomon says that all of our actions are vain, futile, empty, temporary and fleeting because we all die in the end. Of course, he finds meaning in keeping God's commands, which is the duty of everyone. But I guess I'm too caught up in the senselessness of life to find any eternal meaning. I just want to leave this place. Selfish, I know. At least I can honestly call myself out.