Hanging around
Thought maybe for once this summer, I'd give you guys a real update, despite the fact that I'll see basically all of you on Sunday anyway.
Ash left yesterday. I guess not a lot to say about that. Bummed out, to say the least, but less crying than there was when he left in December. It was wonderful actually being with him for so long this summer, but it's going to make the five month break until December very hard to deal with. And my campers continuously calling him my husband didn't help either. I wish we were that far along. Then we wouldn't be living 3,000 miles apart.
I dunno...things seem to be coming at me fast. Which isn't exacty unexpected. As soon as Spain happened, I knew it'd be moving fast. But man...two more semesters, graduation, get a job, earn money so I can move to Vancouver, get a job, earn money to get married...hello, adult life. There's no breaks from now on, it seems. Cause after marriage there's a house and kids and cementing yourself into your life. Which sounds like I don't want to do any of that, which isnn't true...it's just I feel like a lot of my options have just disappeaed. Poof. I've never had my life set for so many years in the future. I feel a bit confined. But that's responsibility for you. Happy to have it and nervous at the same time.
A kinda funny thing from camp: I noticed a fair bit of people telling me that I was lucky to have Ash...but no one told him that he was lucky to have me. Not a lot, admittedly, but it kinda popped up a lonely question of if anyone thought he was lucky, too. Could just be like Ash told me, that guys don't really tell each other stuff like that (it was all girls saying it to us). But yeah. On the occasions when I got snippy with him this trip (and he never gets snippy with me), I kinda wondered if he didn't deserve someone better. And I hate that I'm doing this, cause dammit I know I'm worthwhile and I know he loves me. But I guess I've always been afraid of losing him, in one way or another. Especially since I periodically lose him everytime one of us goes home. It's hard to shake that fear entirely.
But hey, he'll be at SU for our graduation, so I'll actually get to prove that he's real to the rest of you. Just like he proved to the people in his Army Cadet unit this summer that I'm real. It's nice not being imaginary anymore. :-)
I guess that's probably it for now. See most of you later this week!
Ash left yesterday. I guess not a lot to say about that. Bummed out, to say the least, but less crying than there was when he left in December. It was wonderful actually being with him for so long this summer, but it's going to make the five month break until December very hard to deal with. And my campers continuously calling him my husband didn't help either. I wish we were that far along. Then we wouldn't be living 3,000 miles apart.
I dunno...things seem to be coming at me fast. Which isn't exacty unexpected. As soon as Spain happened, I knew it'd be moving fast. But man...two more semesters, graduation, get a job, earn money so I can move to Vancouver, get a job, earn money to get married...hello, adult life. There's no breaks from now on, it seems. Cause after marriage there's a house and kids and cementing yourself into your life. Which sounds like I don't want to do any of that, which isnn't true...it's just I feel like a lot of my options have just disappeaed. Poof. I've never had my life set for so many years in the future. I feel a bit confined. But that's responsibility for you. Happy to have it and nervous at the same time.
A kinda funny thing from camp: I noticed a fair bit of people telling me that I was lucky to have Ash...but no one told him that he was lucky to have me. Not a lot, admittedly, but it kinda popped up a lonely question of if anyone thought he was lucky, too. Could just be like Ash told me, that guys don't really tell each other stuff like that (it was all girls saying it to us). But yeah. On the occasions when I got snippy with him this trip (and he never gets snippy with me), I kinda wondered if he didn't deserve someone better. And I hate that I'm doing this, cause dammit I know I'm worthwhile and I know he loves me. But I guess I've always been afraid of losing him, in one way or another. Especially since I periodically lose him everytime one of us goes home. It's hard to shake that fear entirely.
But hey, he'll be at SU for our graduation, so I'll actually get to prove that he's real to the rest of you. Just like he proved to the people in his Army Cadet unit this summer that I'm real. It's nice not being imaginary anymore. :-)
I guess that's probably it for now. See most of you later this week!