wow
So for my inability to fall asleep tonight, I decided to log back into my livejournal after about 3 months of not writing anything. Jesus God was I in a bad place in September. Holy shit. I went back and reread the last entry I made, which happened to be private, and I just sounded so depressed and miserable. Things have totally done a 180 for me since then. Soon after my last entry, everything changed for me.
My sister, Sarah, talked me into going out with her one weekend. Truthfully, I didn't think that I was going to have a good time at all. My thoughts were "oh great.. i'm going to go hang out with Sarah and her old friends. hooray" but then I found such a pleasant surprise waiting for me. She took me to this place where she goes every weekend, and the doormen got me in. The place was surprisingly really chill and awesome, and one particular employee caught my eye.
This person just to happened to be her friend, Ryan, and apparently I had caught his eye as well, because he immediately bought me a drink and started talking to me. By the end of the night he had rescued me from this creep that was trying to dance with me, we had exchanged many hugs, and gotten to know each other moderately well. In fact, we even established that I was the woman of his dreams, lol. The next day we found each other on myspace/aim, and kicked things off in a sexy, technological way, lol. Soon enough, I was going out with my sister every weekend to see him, and he even started to visit me at school. And by Halloween we were "facebook official". oolala.
He has changed my life so much... I just can't even begin to list the ways. Ryan completes me in a way that I've never known or experienced. He's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend, and I plan on keeping him around for as long as humanly possible.
Our chemistry is almost incomprehensible it's so good. He's also led me to do things that I've never done, such as sitting beside him at restaurants (say it's corny if you want, but I think it's terribly romantic). He treats me the way that I deserve to be treated. We actually go on dates. Imagine the thought! James would've spent his money on drugs over me any day of the week, and he actually did... while at the same time asking me to help fill his gas tank or buy him cigarettes. Ryan's a man.. not some chump from Mill Run with his head up his own ass. And Josh.. I really can't say anything bad about him, because I think he's a really cool person. I also think it's quite possible that he just doesn't know what he wants out of life yet, and we are just better as friends. Josh and I had fun together this summer, but let's face it.. that's all it was.
With Ryan I feel like I have a solid future with him. I have 100% trust in him, and I just feel so incredibly safe and happy. Perhaps the age difference helps in this situation. I'm pretty mature for my age. I'm not a wild college girl by any means, and he's passed that stage in his life now. More than anything I would just honestly love to graduate early or on time, and get married and start my life. I'm ready to be an adult that goes to work, pays bills, and comes home to her family. I've always wanted that more than anything. I swear to God I was born to be a housewife. If I didn't have to work, I'd stay the fuck home so fast it would make your head spin. haha.
Now at this point with Ryan I look back at my 3 year relationship with James and wonder if I even really loved him. I cared about him very much, and we had some good times, especially in the beginning.. but there was so much shit in that relationship. I can't believe that I dealt with as much as I did. The only good thing I can say about him is that he's a great bass player. However, as a person I feel he fails miserably. He needs fucking therapy, and fast. Otherwise, he's never going to be happy or be able to hold down another solid relationship.
I love Ryan so much that I feel like my heart could explode, as cheesy as that sounds. I feel like I loved him from the first weekend we spent together outside of his place of business. And I'm not stupid. I don't say it if I don't mean it, and I don't like rushing into things. But I honestly, legitimately love him... more than I've ever loved anyone in my life.
I'm just so happy now.. and I can't believe how the course of the semester changed for me like this. When the psychic told me that I still had one more person to meet, and he would be husband material, I thought "pshh.. when the fuck is he going to get here? when i graduate?". But now I know she was right. He's my one, and my soulmate.. without a doubt.
And now after typing all of that.. my eyes are sleepy, so I think I'll be able to fall asleep now. Goodnight!
My sister, Sarah, talked me into going out with her one weekend. Truthfully, I didn't think that I was going to have a good time at all. My thoughts were "oh great.. i'm going to go hang out with Sarah and her old friends. hooray" but then I found such a pleasant surprise waiting for me. She took me to this place where she goes every weekend, and the doormen got me in. The place was surprisingly really chill and awesome, and one particular employee caught my eye.
This person just to happened to be her friend, Ryan, and apparently I had caught his eye as well, because he immediately bought me a drink and started talking to me. By the end of the night he had rescued me from this creep that was trying to dance with me, we had exchanged many hugs, and gotten to know each other moderately well. In fact, we even established that I was the woman of his dreams, lol. The next day we found each other on myspace/aim, and kicked things off in a sexy, technological way, lol. Soon enough, I was going out with my sister every weekend to see him, and he even started to visit me at school. And by Halloween we were "facebook official". oolala.
He has changed my life so much... I just can't even begin to list the ways. Ryan completes me in a way that I've never known or experienced. He's everything I've ever wanted in a boyfriend, and I plan on keeping him around for as long as humanly possible.
Our chemistry is almost incomprehensible it's so good. He's also led me to do things that I've never done, such as sitting beside him at restaurants (say it's corny if you want, but I think it's terribly romantic). He treats me the way that I deserve to be treated. We actually go on dates. Imagine the thought! James would've spent his money on drugs over me any day of the week, and he actually did... while at the same time asking me to help fill his gas tank or buy him cigarettes. Ryan's a man.. not some chump from Mill Run with his head up his own ass. And Josh.. I really can't say anything bad about him, because I think he's a really cool person. I also think it's quite possible that he just doesn't know what he wants out of life yet, and we are just better as friends. Josh and I had fun together this summer, but let's face it.. that's all it was.
With Ryan I feel like I have a solid future with him. I have 100% trust in him, and I just feel so incredibly safe and happy. Perhaps the age difference helps in this situation. I'm pretty mature for my age. I'm not a wild college girl by any means, and he's passed that stage in his life now. More than anything I would just honestly love to graduate early or on time, and get married and start my life. I'm ready to be an adult that goes to work, pays bills, and comes home to her family. I've always wanted that more than anything. I swear to God I was born to be a housewife. If I didn't have to work, I'd stay the fuck home so fast it would make your head spin. haha.
Now at this point with Ryan I look back at my 3 year relationship with James and wonder if I even really loved him. I cared about him very much, and we had some good times, especially in the beginning.. but there was so much shit in that relationship. I can't believe that I dealt with as much as I did. The only good thing I can say about him is that he's a great bass player. However, as a person I feel he fails miserably. He needs fucking therapy, and fast. Otherwise, he's never going to be happy or be able to hold down another solid relationship.
I love Ryan so much that I feel like my heart could explode, as cheesy as that sounds. I feel like I loved him from the first weekend we spent together outside of his place of business. And I'm not stupid. I don't say it if I don't mean it, and I don't like rushing into things. But I honestly, legitimately love him... more than I've ever loved anyone in my life.
I'm just so happy now.. and I can't believe how the course of the semester changed for me like this. When the psychic told me that I still had one more person to meet, and he would be husband material, I thought "pshh.. when the fuck is he going to get here? when i graduate?". But now I know she was right. He's my one, and my soulmate.. without a doubt.
And now after typing all of that.. my eyes are sleepy, so I think I'll be able to fall asleep now. Goodnight!