Issues resurfacing
When I clean my house, I think. Sometimes during this time I come up with wonderful solutions to problems that seem unsolvable and other times I dwell on things that I can't change. This morning I became re-pissed over some things. I find it so frustrating that my family really isn't interested in my wedding. The planning, the ceremony, the food, no aspect of it whatsoever. I'd at least think some of the people would inquire about the food being served. I bet none of them even know what kind of flowers I'm having. None of them ever ask "How is the plannning coming along for the wedding?" "Where are you going for your honeymoon?" "How are you wearing your hair?" Its like the forbidden subject or something. Whenever I talk about it I feel like I'm talking to myself or forcing them to talk about it. This is suppose to be a very important time in my life and right now it just sucks. Its hard for me to be excited about something when no one else is. My sister, Kristian and my stepmom are excited with me so I am glad for that. They both live far from me so I only get bits and pieces of excitement at a time. Also I feel so guilty about allowing my dad and stepmom to spend a ton of money on a couple of hours. My stepdad and mom aren't helping with the cost AT ALL! That makes me upset. I really think that if I had it to do all over again, Justin and I would just go to a tropical island and get married alone. It would be a helluva lot cheaper! So I guess my lesson for the day is "If you know someone important to you that runs off and gets married, don't feel sad or left out, be happy for them because they were true to themselves." Let me tell you, in planning a wedding you feel so much guilt and you want to please everyone closest to you. People think they aren't telling you what you should do with your wedding when thats exactly what they're doing with their sarcastic comments, raising of the eyebrows or the ever popular "you're doing that?!" In some cases its not done in an in your face way but it is still there. I feel like I've been pressured about pretty much everything from choosing my dress to choosing my maid of honor. Because of this wedding I've lost a dear friend of many years and I just hate this whole situation!!