Chapter 3c
“So, you think the divinity might be somewhere around here?” Chris asked, his tone making it clear that he was just humoring Jensen.
Jensen nodded.
They were in the water swimming around the left side of the island. Jensen had been analyzing his map for two hours when, in a fit of inspiration, had suddenly found the most likely place the divinity should be.
But he couldn’t pinpoint the exact spot.
“He couldn’t be anywhere else. Our city is below us. If the singer was on the other side of the island, the sound wouldn’t reach us.”
Chris raised an eyebrow. Jensen could see the thoughts aligning in his head.
“But the singer has special abilities.”
Jensen shook his head. He knew Chris wouldn’t be convinced that easily.
“Yeah, but the person wouldn’t be able to bend the law of physics.”
Chris frowned.
“Why not?”
Jensen sometimes wondered why Chris was so stubborn. And it was only with him. When he and Steve were still talking, Chris never doubted him. Jensen swam closer to Chris.
“Ok, let’s do a little experiment,” he put his hands on Chris’ shoulders and turned him around. Then, he did the same, their backs touching.
“Now, listen to me talking,” Jensen said “You can’t hear the sound as clear as if I was talking to you face to face.”
Chris turned.
“I know physics, Swordboy,” he said rolling his eyes. “I don’t know the divinity.”
But Jensen was resolute.
“Nobody can bend these laws, Chris.” That’s what the academy had taught him and he was a firm believer in its concepts. It was there that Jensen learned he could make a difference in the world.
“A divinity can.”
But Chris didn’t go to the same academy Jensen did. The watchers were more practical and direct, more empiric than hypothetical. Their training demanded time spent on the surface and a complex analysis of the human psyche. Steve always said that was why Chris didn’t like humans. Jensen thought it was because Chris could never be contradicted. Beside them, no merman alive had made contact to the human world.
“You don’t know that,” Jensen said
Chris crossed his arms.
“How do you know I don’t know?”
Jensen sighed. Chris could be impossibly pigheaded. Jensen tried a different approach.
“Chris, how many divinities do you know?”
Chris looked at him as if evaluating his sanity.
“Excuse me?”
And even Jensen could see the question was a silly one. Chris wouldn’t appreciate being treated as a child. In fact, he could relate to him. He shrugged.
“Look, if the divinity really could bend the laws of physics, they would be flying also. But you don’t see any person flying, do you? I mean, why he would bend only one law and not all of them?”
Chris seemed to consider the question. Jensen was beginning to feel victorious. Finally, Chris shrugged.
“I have no idea, Jen. I’m not a divinity.”
Jensen felt as if he was dealing with the mentally impaired.
“I know you’re not a divinity, Chris! That’s not what I said!”
Chris chuckled and raised his hands in a piece gesture.
“I told you we wouldn’t find anything.”
Jensen wondered what was it about him, and him alone, that always seemed to bring the silliness from Chris. When they were with Steve, Chris was in his best behavior. He needed help to deal with this.
Jensen didn’t know what had made him say it. Later he would plead insanity, but what really happened that afternoon on the left side of the beach was that Jensen needed someone to help him. They were returning home, Chris swimming in front of him, when Jensen decided that was as good a time as any.
“He kissed me,” Jensen blurted.
Jensen saw Chris stop, his body tensing, and felt a bit guilty for not having the courage to say it directly to Chris face.
Chris turned around, his clear blue eyes contracting. Jensen prayed Chris wouldn’t take the information too badly.
“I’m sorry, what?”
Jensen shrugged, making his body as small as possible. He didn’t want to initiate a fight, he wanted Chris assistance.
“Jared kissed me last night.”
Chris became silent. His gaze fixed on Jensen. Jensen had the impression he was evaluating what to do with him.
“The fuck, Jen?” Chris said finally.
Jensen swam around Chris.
“I couldn’t stop him,” he explained, because for some reason he needed Chris to understand how helpless he was feeling.
But Chris wasn’t buying the explanation; Jensen could see it in the way his head was shaking, as if he didn’t believe in what he was hearing. His face was stoic, the way it became every time Chris talked to Steve.
“Couldn’t or wouldn’t stop him?”
The anxiety Jensen was trying to repress was rapidly gaining territory inside him.
“I don’t know Chris! I mean. You know I like him-”
Chris snorted.
“That was obvious. Everyone could see it, even if I was blind, I’d be able to see it.”
Jensen massaged his forehead. Chris was so irritating.
“Chris, I really could use some supporting…”
And Chris went ballistic.
“Supporting? Supporting? Jen, you just told me you kissed a human!”
“He kissed me. Not the other way around,” Jensen said automatically.
Chris looked at him as of he was four years old.
“Are you deliberately making a joke out this?” he asked in a cold voice.
Jensen swam back, getting further from Chris, his arms moving without coordination.
“I’m asking for help! It’s you that’s being intransigent!”
Chris went after him.
“I’m being intransigent? Fuck you, Jen!
“No, fuck you, Chris! Didn’t you hear what I just said? I don’t know what to do!”
Chris’ teeth clenched. Jensen knew he was making an effort not to hit him. He wondered if Chris and Steve’s fight had been like the one he was having now.
“You had no problem in deciding to let him kiss you,” Chris pointed in an icy tone.
Jensen recoiled. Chris was hurting him on purpose. He had never done it before.
“Chris-”
But Chris’ eyes widened the moment Jensen moved. He realized what he had said quicker than Jensen would credit him.
“I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Jensen nodded, still surprised by the hurtful words.
“No, you shouldn’t.”
Chris sighed.
“Sometimes I don’t know when to stop,” his voice was soft and his eyes were downcast.
Jensen swam closer to him again.
“You should learn to stop, Chris.”
Chris’ laugh was all wrong. It lacked in happiness and was numbly resigned. Jensen had never heard it before, which was strange, because Chris spent most of his time with him. But the way Chris was acting, as if it was normal for that laugh to make an appearance, Jensen was sure he wasn’t as surprised by its sound as he was.
But Jensen didn’t like its submissive sound; it didn’t match with Chris’ Bohemian approach of life.
“I don’t know how to.”
Suddenly, Jensen realized who had been hearing this sad substitute for a laugh.
“Is this what happened to Steve?” he asked softly. “You couldn’t stop?”
Neither Chris nor Steve ever told him what went wrong in their relationship and Jensen never asked. He believed when they were ready to talk, they would talk. But this seemed a good time to understand his friends.
Chris eyes became dull. He shot Jensen a warning glance.
“What happened to me and him stays between me and him.”
Jensen sighed. Chris was an ass. Just because he was sad, didn’t mean he would be any more receptive.
“Sure,” Jensen agreed easily. “But see if I’ll listen when you want to talk to me.”
Chris rolled his eyes, a small smirk reappearing in his face. Jensen smiled back. He liked the Chris that teases back much more than the Chris that aims to hurt.
“I’m not a mermaid, Jen, I don’t like to share my feelings.”
“And I do?”
Chris shrugged.
“You were the one who wanted to tell me about your first kiss.”
Jensen opened his mouth and closed it again. He didn’t know what to say. Chris rescued him.
“I don’t know what you should do, Jensen. I’m not good with relationships. But if I were you, I wouldn’t get too involved. After this month, we’ll be back downstairs.”
Jensen sighed. He already knew all this.
“I’m screwed, aren’t I?” he asked in a hopeless tone.
Chris shook his head determined.
“Not screwed. Or maybe, not yet.”
Jensen eyes widened when he understood what Chris was implying.
“You are a bastard, Chris.”
Jensen had discovered how helpful the telephone was when Jared had given him his number. He had gone home with the seven digits sequence written on a napkin and scanned through Steve’s notes to understand what he had to do with it.
After reading through them three times, Jensen was secure he could use the phone sitting quietly on a table near the kitchen. He and Chris both watched while Jensen pressed the numbers on the object and listened expectantly to the calling signal and then Jared’s voice saying ‘hi’.
Chris and Jensen were so surprised that, in reflex, they put the phone back down and laughed nervously. Indeed, it was a remarkable invention.
Two and a half weeks later, Jensen was more familiar with the phone and its utilities, and when it rang, he answered it with a ‘hello’. Jared’s voice at the other side of the line was as happy as always when he asked Jensen if he wanted to meet him at the pier.
Forty-five minutes later, Jensen saw Jared arriving in a purple shirt and white trunks. He wondered where Jared got his clothes. Surely he knew they were hideous.
“Hi,” Jared said with his trademark smile.
Jensen smiled back.
“Hi. Wanted to see me?”
Jared nodded happily.
“Missed you,” and stole a small kiss from Jensen.
Jensen was a bit surprise with Jared’s forwardness, but as soon as his brain got back in action his smile became softer.
“I like that I can do that to you,” Jared said. “And I like that it makes you happy.”
Jensen nodded.
“You kissing me makes me more than happy.” And he pointedly ignored the warning sign flashing right above Jared. They had kissed for the first time two nights ago and after his talk with Chris, Jensen had decided, he would take what Jared offered him for as long as he could.
If it made him feel a bit of a bastard, it was nothing compared to the desperation that rose when he thought of not seeing Jared again.
Jared, completely unaware of Jensen’s thoughts, took his hand and led him to a bench.
“So, you friend visited me last night,” Jared said as soon as they were seated.
Jensen held his breath.
“Chris?”
Jared nodded, his face serious.
“He threatened me. Told me if I hurt you he would go after me.”
Jensen gave himself an imaginary hit. Of course Chris would do something like that. He should have known it already, the way Chris took Jensen’s news about the kiss. With friends like Chris, he didn’t need any enemies.
“I’m really sorry, Jared. He can be a bit over protective when he wants to be, but he crossed a line when he went-”
“I believed him.”
Jensen’s month closed in a gap.
“What?”
“I believe that if I hurt you, he’s going to go after me.”
Jensen took a deep breath, trying to control a tantrum. He could accept a lot from Chris, much like Chris accepted a lot from him, but Jensen had never threatened any of his friends, he trusted Chris to judge who he wanted to have close to him. It hurt to know Chris didn’t have the same trust in him.
“Don’t worry about Chris, Jay. I’ll take care of him,” he said resolute. Chris wouldn’t know what hit him when he got home.
Jared laughed.
“What I want to tell you is that I’m glad you have such a fierce friend. I mean, I know my friends would be worried about me and all, but I can’t really see Chad threatening you. Maybe Sandy.”
Jensen snorted. Jared was like a fresh breeze, impossible to predict but always enjoyable.
“You aren’t mad?”
Jared shook his head, his eyes shinning in amusement.
“No, Jen. I think it’s great that he wants the best for you.” He got closer to Jensen his voice turning into a whisper. “And I like it even better that you want to protect me from him.”
Jensen flushed. Jared could play him like a violin.
Jared laughed.
“You are beautiful when you’re embarrassed.”
And obviously, Jared knew that too.
Jensen tried a distraction:
“You should be happy that Chris likes you. Now that man on the kiosk-”
Jared laughed out loud, breaking the mood.
“Mike doesn’t count! Nobody likes Mike at the first sight.”
“-that man should be running for his life.”
Jensen saw Jared’ eyes drift to the beach. Suddenly, he had an uncontrollable urge to brag Jared into the water and swim with him all day long. He missed having his body wet all the time.
He saw Jared’s smile turn into a grin and waited for the great idea Jared would come up with. He had learned to read the signs over their few encounters. When this particular grin appeared, Jensen knew Jared had made up his mind about something.
“You know, the beach is just a few steps from us. You wanna go take a swim?”
Jensen shook his head. His smile got gentler, resigned, letting Jared know he wasn’t happy with his next words.
“I can’t.”
Jared frowned, the grin disappearing from his face.
“What? You can’t swim?”
Jensen agreed.
“But if you want to go, I’ll wait for you on the sand,” he said instead. He wouldn’t deprive Jared of his joy. He knew how great swimming could be.
Jensen wondered what Jared would say if he saw his tail. He wondered if he would find it pretty. The King used to say Jensen’s was one of the most exotic tails in the entire city. Its scales were a dark green with a golden border, when the sunlight would catch it; it appeared as if Jensen was shining.
Jensen lost count of how many times he heard people gasping at his tail. He, though, was so used to its unnatural color that he didn’t even pay attention to it any more.
But suddenly, he wanted to show Jared his tail, show him how cool it was.
“You don’t know how to swim?” Jared’s voice brought Jensen back.
“I’m allergic to salt water,” Jensen answered. He and Chris had talked about what excuse they could use when asked about their water avoidance (and Jensen was aware of how ironic that was). According to Steve’s notes, the best way would just say they had an allergy. It wasn’t necessary a lie. For humans, their body did react to the water in an unusual way.
Jared sighed.
“No way, man! How can you be allergic to water? It’s the ocean!”
Jensen shrugged.
“I just am.”
Jared crossed his arms.
“That sucks,” he said sincerely. Jensen wondered if Jared had any filter between his brain and his month. “Jesus, you don’t know anything about beach volleyball, you are allergic to salt water... How can you live, man?” his eyes brightened “At least the volleyball part I can do something about! I’m going to teach you how to play!”
Jensen had no problem identifying the signs. Jared was drop dead gorgeous, no one, not over nor under water could comparer to him. Jared was larger than life, enormous in his generosity, made do be appreciated. He was the embodiment of every thing Jensen considered right.
Jensen also had no problem in recognizing how affected by Jared he was. He laughed more, went out more. He was interacting more with humans. Last night Sandy crossed the streets just to say him hello. He was even beginning to form some sort of friendship with Mike. And if that wasn’t a testament of Jared’s influence, he didn’t know what would be.
But Jensen had been having some problems inferring what would happen next. Suddenly, in the first morning of their third week on the surface, when Jensen was enjoying a lazy swim in his private beach with Blue, the reality came crashing down on him.
The swordfish sensed something was wrong with his master and got closer to Jensen. Jensen shot Blue a scared look.
“Oh, fuck. I’ve been in love with Jay since the first time I saw him.”
The swordfish rolled his eyes at him, as if wondering why he had to put up with that kind of stupidity.
Jensen waited until the afternoon to talk to Chris. By the way Blue reacted to his news - showing a complete lack of surprise-, he guessed Chris would react the same. At least Jensen hoped he would.
So, when Chris entered their living room, Jensen had already rehearsed his speech and was ready to face whatever Chris would throw at him in retaliation. It was a bit anticlimactic when Chris didn’t even give Jensen a chance to speak.
“Your boyfriend isn’t from this world.”
Jensen often would ask himself why Chris thought he had telepathy powers.
“What?” he asked instead of telling Chris Jared wasn’t his boyfriend. Because Jensen couldn’t have a boyfriend if he was going to leave in less than two weeks.
Chris let himself fall on the sofa.
“Everyday since you kissed, whenever he sees me, he asks me how you are doing. The boy is exactly like one of his damned dogs, always so eager to hear about you-”
Jensen sighed. Chris could carry on and on about Jared. Actually, he could carry on about all humans; he would always have something to criticize them about.
“The point, is…?” Jensen instigated.
Chris shot him a warning glace. Jensen chuckled. Chris didn’t like being interrupted.
“The point is today he asked about how I was doing.”
Jensen frowned. That was strange. Jensen knew Jared was afraid of Chris reactions.
“Why?”
Chris rolled his eyes.
“I have no idea, Swordboy. Do I look like I understand humans?”
Jensen shrugged.
“Well, you should, of the two of us; you are the one that spent more time watching them.”
Chris dismissed him.
“I’m not the one who would spend all his free time watching the two legged people.”
Jensen massaged his temple. He had no idea how Chris could drive him insane so quickly. He knew all the right buttons to push.
“Why are we discussing this again?” he asked just because. It wasn’t as if he nurtured any hopes of making sense of the conversation.
“Because your boyfriend stopped me on my way to that crazy’s man kiosk to ask me how I was doing.”
Jensen really made an effort to understand Chris’ logic. But no, he still couldn’t figure out what was the problem.
“What’s wrong with him wanting to know if you were okay? He’s nice, Chris I already told you that.”
Chris got up from the sofa and got closer to Jensen.
“You know what day is today, Jen?”
Jensen wondered if it was a trick question.
“The fifth?” he asked.
He saw Chris closing and opening his eyes tiredly. Jensen felt a stab of warning in his gut. Something wasn’t right.
Chris ran his hand through his face and hair.
“You want to swim? I could use some quietness.”
Jensen started to worry.
“Yeah… ok; we can go swimming.”
As Chris got out of the house, his strides slow, Jensen wondered when his friend started acting as if the world was on his shoulders. How come he hadn’t realized his steps looked heavy?
Chris dived into water seemly unaware of his surroundings. Blue raised his eyes in interest and swam closer to him. Chris’ face resurfaced and he smiled complacently when he saw the swordfish approaching.
“Hi, Blue,” he said running his hands over the swordfish’s back.
Jensen chuckled while watching his two friends. He would never understand their relationship. Blue was always able to identify when of them were upset, but with Chris, the fish would go after him, his big dark blue eyes shinning in concern. Jensen guessed it was because, in a way, Chris was the closest he could relate to as a brother, always messing with the other, always protecting the other.
Jensen went into water after them. Blue was curling his body around Chris in a comforting manner. Jensen regretted the question he would make.
“Chris? What day is today?” he asked softly.
Chris sighed.
“Today was… actually, two years ago,” he offered Jensen a small smile. “But it was the same day. I fucked up really badly.”
Jensen frowned. Chris never ‘fucked up.’ He was always sure of what he was doing and always knew what the outcomes of his actions would be.
“What did you do?”
Chris eyes found Jensen’s. Their dullness frightened him. Chris shook his head slowly.
“It was…” his tail appeared on the surface; Jensen could see it moving back and forth nervously. He wondered if he should warn Chris about the possibility of him accidentally creating big waves.
“What?” Jensen insisted.
Chris dived. Blue went after him. Jensen went after them.
“Can I give you a rain check on this?”
Jensen considered the possibility for two seconds. He would never force Chris to tell him something. Their friendship didn’t work like that. They waited until the other was ready to talk.
“Yes you can. But can also help me understand what the matter with Jared is. And that I won’t accept on a rain check.”
Chris sighed.
“Fair enough. It happened that just when I decided to get lost inside my head mourning for a future that could never be, Jared suddenly appeared out of thin air with that stupid big eyes of his and asked me if I was alright.”
Jensen tilted his head.
“And?”
Chris’s tail snapped.
“What do you mean ‘And’? Jen, he wasn’t there and then he was! All concerned and eager to help.” Chris took a deep breath. “Jen, he actually asked me why I did it. Why I ruined my chance at happiness.”
Jensen frowned. There too many holes in the story: Chris untold tale from before, Jared sudden appearance, Chris’ dislike for Jared…
“What are you saying Chris?” he asked cautiously.
Chris took a deep breath and starred at Jensen.
“Don’t you think it’s strange that he could relate to you so easily? I mean, no one here could understand our ways. They still can’t! But Jared just accepted our weird selves and our suspicious interest in all their mundane things. Not only that, but he actually has developed a crush on you!”
Jensen turned his back to Chris. He didn’t like the way this conversation was going. In fact he didn’t like the conversation at all. Confused, he grabbed the only part that was familiar to him.
“And what, Chris? I’m that different from them that they wouldn’t want me? That’s what you are saying?”
They way Chris’ eyes widened, Jensen knew the thought haven’t even crossed his mind.
“What? Are you insane?”
But Jensen was feeling too over protective of his and Jared’s relationship to pay attention to details.
“Of course I’m not, Kane!”
Chris’ fist clenched his eyes narrowed. Blue hid behind a rock. And Jensen realized his mistake.
No friend of Chris called him Kane. It was a rule Chris had installed. That’s how he separated people. He liked to know his friends saw him in a different way.
“I’m sorry.”
Chris eyes didn’t loose the steel.
“Never mind, doesn’t matter.” And he headed back to the beach, leaving Jensen with a frightened Blue beside him.
He sighed and looked at his swordfish, who had recoiled until he could hide behind his master. Even Blue wouldn’t cross Chris when he was really mad.
“What do you think I should do?”
But Blue had no problem in presenting his thoughts to Jensen. He pushed his master towards Chris’ retracting form. When Jensen tried to stop him, Blue growled.
“Ok… I’ll go after him.” He rolled his eyes “I wonder how I get myself in these situations.”