Quintessence: A Compendium of Memories (Chapter Four)
I'd almost forgotten that I started posting this fic here! Sorry it's been so long. Delicious Irony is putting up a fight against me and I've been rather caught up in trying to get chapter 14 out. I'm taking a break to post this up :) Enjoy!
Quintessence: A Compendium of Memories
Authoress: chelime
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: Moments that made up the lives of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. [Drabble fic.]
- - - - - - - - - -
This is for the better, Remus thought a bit desperately, clinging to that one shred of knowledge to avoid being swept away by grief. This is for the best.
He sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a cup of now-lukewarm tea. He’d made the tea when Sirius had declined his help; he felt he had to do something rather than sit around and wait for the inevitable.
Only now, the tea had been made and partially drunk, and Remus was doing exactly what he’d been trying to avoid.
He shifted in his seat and sighed. It’s for the best, a small, timid voice in his head reminded him.
Sirius suddenly appeared in front of him, a box filled with knickknacks in his arms and his trunk floating behind him.
“Do you have everything, then?” Remus asked hollowly.
He noted Sirius’s carefully blank expression. “Yeah.”
Remus looked at Sirius. There was a few days’ worth of stubble on his face, and hidden beneath it was a stubbornly set jaw. He was holding himself tautly, tension thick in his shoulders. Sirius, Remus thought, was not meant to hold himself in such a way, the way pureblood mothers taught their sons in the hopes of producing a satisfactory heir, which was exactly how Sirius had learned such poise and rigidity. No, Sirius was meant to be all loping limbs, elbows knocking into things and shoulders slumping in that casual, indolent way, a complete defiance of his upbringing.
“That’s…that’s good,” Remus said feebly, trying to fill the silent void of their-his-kitchen.
Sirius nodded once, shifting the box in his grip.
“Well…I guess that’s all then.” Something inside Remus curled in on itself, weeping.
“Yeah,” Sirius said, deadpanned, “that’s all.”
They had agreed, Remus reminded himself. They had agreed that this was best. In these dark times, it was impossible to tell friend from enemy, impossible to trust anyone. Death Eaters were infiltrating the lives of all those opposed to them; their lives, their minds, their hearts. Sirius and Remus had decided that, instead of waiting for the Death Eaters to tear them apart, either by Imperius Curse or something much, much worse, they would separate, present less of a target. Protect themselves from each other.
“This is for the best,” Remus whispered, a small plea for understanding and acceptance.
“I’ll just-I’ll be going now,” Sirius said gruffly. Remus stood up, a vague thought of hugging Sirius entering and quickly fleeing his mind. He held onto the edge of the table to squash the impulse. “Goodbye, Remus.”
“Goodbye, Sirius. Be safe.” A futile aphorism, but one that Remus had to say, if only to give life to the hope that safety was, maybe, just a little bit, attainable.
“Yeah. You too.”
And then he was gone.
Remus’s knuckles were white as he clenched his fists around the kitchen table. “No tears,” he told himself, “no tears, because this isn’t the end, this is just a precaution, until it’s safe again, it’s not the end. No tears.”
His cup of tea blurred in front of him.
“No,” he said frantically, “no tears. No bloody fucking-oh bleeding hell-“
With a choked cry, Remus let go of the table, falling somewhat dazedly back into the wall. His suddenly boneless legs crumpled under him as he slid downwards. Shuddering sobs echoed in the kitchen and filled the room, filled the hollow space where Sirius had stood only moments ago.
Remus wondered absently how he was going to sleep that night with emptiness as his bedfellow, taking over the space that had once been filled with Sirius’s warm body, molded to his during these chillier nights.
A door opened.
“Sorry to bother you, Remus, but I forgot my-“
Remus, in his alarm, raised his face, forgetting briefly that when he cried, his eyes puffed and his nose ran in a most unseemly manner.
“Oh, Moony,” came Sirius’s distressed voice. He swiftly crossed the kitchen floor and dropped down beside Remus, taking the sobbing werewolf into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” Remus said thickly, “don’t know why-I’m an idiot, really, always such a bloody-“
“You’re not an idiot,” Sirius said firmly. “Or rather, you’re not the only idiot. Fuck, this was a stupid idea, Remus. I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not-what?”
“Those fucking Death Eaters have already ruined enough stuff-they’ve got James and Lily constantly on edge what with the baby, they’ve got Hogwarts on the verge of shutting down, they’ve-they’ve done a lot of shit, and I’ll be damned if I let them ruin us too.”
“But what if-what if they get one of us, Sirius, we can’t be sure, we can’t-“
“We’ll be careful.”
Something in Sirius’s voice suppressed all of Remus’s arguments. “We’ll be careful,” he agreed softly.
And as Sirius dried his tears and covered him with tiny, butterfly kisses and “I’m sorry”s, Remus held on to the belief that being careful was enough.
Chapter One: Better Than Packing
Chapter Two: Furry Little Problem
Chapter Three: Fetch
Quintessence: A Compendium of Memories
Authoress: chelime
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
Summary: Moments that made up the lives of Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. [Drabble fic.]
- - - - - - - - - -
This is for the better, Remus thought a bit desperately, clinging to that one shred of knowledge to avoid being swept away by grief. This is for the best.
He sat at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a cup of now-lukewarm tea. He’d made the tea when Sirius had declined his help; he felt he had to do something rather than sit around and wait for the inevitable.
Only now, the tea had been made and partially drunk, and Remus was doing exactly what he’d been trying to avoid.
He shifted in his seat and sighed. It’s for the best, a small, timid voice in his head reminded him.
Sirius suddenly appeared in front of him, a box filled with knickknacks in his arms and his trunk floating behind him.
“Do you have everything, then?” Remus asked hollowly.
He noted Sirius’s carefully blank expression. “Yeah.”
Remus looked at Sirius. There was a few days’ worth of stubble on his face, and hidden beneath it was a stubbornly set jaw. He was holding himself tautly, tension thick in his shoulders. Sirius, Remus thought, was not meant to hold himself in such a way, the way pureblood mothers taught their sons in the hopes of producing a satisfactory heir, which was exactly how Sirius had learned such poise and rigidity. No, Sirius was meant to be all loping limbs, elbows knocking into things and shoulders slumping in that casual, indolent way, a complete defiance of his upbringing.
“That’s…that’s good,” Remus said feebly, trying to fill the silent void of their-his-kitchen.
Sirius nodded once, shifting the box in his grip.
“Well…I guess that’s all then.” Something inside Remus curled in on itself, weeping.
“Yeah,” Sirius said, deadpanned, “that’s all.”
They had agreed, Remus reminded himself. They had agreed that this was best. In these dark times, it was impossible to tell friend from enemy, impossible to trust anyone. Death Eaters were infiltrating the lives of all those opposed to them; their lives, their minds, their hearts. Sirius and Remus had decided that, instead of waiting for the Death Eaters to tear them apart, either by Imperius Curse or something much, much worse, they would separate, present less of a target. Protect themselves from each other.
“This is for the best,” Remus whispered, a small plea for understanding and acceptance.
“I’ll just-I’ll be going now,” Sirius said gruffly. Remus stood up, a vague thought of hugging Sirius entering and quickly fleeing his mind. He held onto the edge of the table to squash the impulse. “Goodbye, Remus.”
“Goodbye, Sirius. Be safe.” A futile aphorism, but one that Remus had to say, if only to give life to the hope that safety was, maybe, just a little bit, attainable.
“Yeah. You too.”
And then he was gone.
Remus’s knuckles were white as he clenched his fists around the kitchen table. “No tears,” he told himself, “no tears, because this isn’t the end, this is just a precaution, until it’s safe again, it’s not the end. No tears.”
His cup of tea blurred in front of him.
“No,” he said frantically, “no tears. No bloody fucking-oh bleeding hell-“
With a choked cry, Remus let go of the table, falling somewhat dazedly back into the wall. His suddenly boneless legs crumpled under him as he slid downwards. Shuddering sobs echoed in the kitchen and filled the room, filled the hollow space where Sirius had stood only moments ago.
Remus wondered absently how he was going to sleep that night with emptiness as his bedfellow, taking over the space that had once been filled with Sirius’s warm body, molded to his during these chillier nights.
A door opened.
“Sorry to bother you, Remus, but I forgot my-“
Remus, in his alarm, raised his face, forgetting briefly that when he cried, his eyes puffed and his nose ran in a most unseemly manner.
“Oh, Moony,” came Sirius’s distressed voice. He swiftly crossed the kitchen floor and dropped down beside Remus, taking the sobbing werewolf into his arms.
“I’m sorry,” Remus said thickly, “don’t know why-I’m an idiot, really, always such a bloody-“
“You’re not an idiot,” Sirius said firmly. “Or rather, you’re not the only idiot. Fuck, this was a stupid idea, Remus. I’m not leaving.”
“You’re not-what?”
“Those fucking Death Eaters have already ruined enough stuff-they’ve got James and Lily constantly on edge what with the baby, they’ve got Hogwarts on the verge of shutting down, they’ve-they’ve done a lot of shit, and I’ll be damned if I let them ruin us too.”
“But what if-what if they get one of us, Sirius, we can’t be sure, we can’t-“
“We’ll be careful.”
Something in Sirius’s voice suppressed all of Remus’s arguments. “We’ll be careful,” he agreed softly.
And as Sirius dried his tears and covered him with tiny, butterfly kisses and “I’m sorry”s, Remus held on to the belief that being careful was enough.
Chapter One: Better Than Packing
Chapter Two: Furry Little Problem
Chapter Three: Fetch