How I narrowly escaped having my brains eaten by red neck zombies, on Easter
So Easter night I'm on my way home to Lansing from my brothers house in Holy when my car starts making this grinding, rattling, squeaking noise and the right back tire starts to wobble, kind of like it's about to come off my car. I get off at the next exit that thankfully has a gas station at it or so the sign says.
When I get off the freeway I find myself on a very dark very deserted road the only things around me are a few old houses, what looks like a tractor store and a very old very creepy cemetery. Not seeing any gas station I decide to try and make it to the next exit but as I turn the wobble gets worse and I'm just really not comfortable with getting back on the freeway. So I pull off too the side of the road, directly across from the cemetery and I laugh at how ridiculously cliché this all is, young girl all alone gets stranded on a dark country road across from a creepy old cemetery, it's like I'm in a George Romero movie.
So I decide I'm going to get out and see what is going on with my car, why I decide this I'm not really sure because I certainly do not have the knowledge nor the ability to do anything about it. But I get out anyway and since there are no street lights on this dark and creepy road I decide I'm going to leave my lights on so that I can see what I can't fix, this of course requires me to leave my keys in the ignition but I take my clicker with me just in case I lock the door accidentally. Well no need to drag this out any longer because I'm sure you've already figured it out, yes I locked the car and my clicker isn’t working! I stand there for about a minute just pushing the button hoping it will work but it doesn’t. Thankfully I had my phone in my hand when I got out of the car otherwise I would be fucked. I seriously don’t know what I would have done because there is nothing on this road.
So I call my brother and tell him what I have just done and he gives me the number for road side assistance, now because its 10pm on Easter Sunday I get an automated system and the little computer voice doesn’t recognize the name of the town I'm in and who can blame it because I’ve never heard of it! So after four attempts I finally just say Lansing and the computer voice connects me with a towing service in Lansing which is about a half hour from where I am, they assure me they will be there as soon as they can.
Meanwhile it has started to snow and I have a very light spring jacket on and dress shoes with no socks!
I continue to press the button on the clicker in the off chance that it will work I even climb on top of my car to try and pry the sun roof open far enough to get my purse and the spare key inside! Finally I give up and stand there with nothing to do but stare at the creepy old cemetery while the lights on my car slowly dim as the battery dies and that’s when I start to hear the sounds of zombies climbing out of their graves and shuffling their zombie feet through dead leaves and ice to eat the brains of the poor young girl stranded on the side of the road! Realizing that I am letting my imagination run wild I call my brother and make him talk to me.
"Are you in a bad area?" He asks
"Well I'm not afraid of being mugged or shot in a drive by if that’s what your asking but it is a little (humms banjo music from Deliverance) out here and there’s that creepy old cemetery."
Brother laughs
"So I guess all I have to worry about is having my brains eaten by red neck zombies or my blood sucked by Billy Bob the vampire."
"(Still laughing) so you’re ok then?"
"No I'm freaking out! I swear I just heard shuffling zombie footsteps coming down the road towards me!"
Finally, after forty minutes, the tow truck driver arrives just seconds after my lights go completely out and after fighting off the zombies who launch an attack at that very moment we jump in his tow truck and drive back to the safety of Lansing. Where I only have to be afraid of being mugged or shot in a drive by, well not really, but yeah kind of.
When I get off the freeway I find myself on a very dark very deserted road the only things around me are a few old houses, what looks like a tractor store and a very old very creepy cemetery. Not seeing any gas station I decide to try and make it to the next exit but as I turn the wobble gets worse and I'm just really not comfortable with getting back on the freeway. So I pull off too the side of the road, directly across from the cemetery and I laugh at how ridiculously cliché this all is, young girl all alone gets stranded on a dark country road across from a creepy old cemetery, it's like I'm in a George Romero movie.
So I decide I'm going to get out and see what is going on with my car, why I decide this I'm not really sure because I certainly do not have the knowledge nor the ability to do anything about it. But I get out anyway and since there are no street lights on this dark and creepy road I decide I'm going to leave my lights on so that I can see what I can't fix, this of course requires me to leave my keys in the ignition but I take my clicker with me just in case I lock the door accidentally. Well no need to drag this out any longer because I'm sure you've already figured it out, yes I locked the car and my clicker isn’t working! I stand there for about a minute just pushing the button hoping it will work but it doesn’t. Thankfully I had my phone in my hand when I got out of the car otherwise I would be fucked. I seriously don’t know what I would have done because there is nothing on this road.
So I call my brother and tell him what I have just done and he gives me the number for road side assistance, now because its 10pm on Easter Sunday I get an automated system and the little computer voice doesn’t recognize the name of the town I'm in and who can blame it because I’ve never heard of it! So after four attempts I finally just say Lansing and the computer voice connects me with a towing service in Lansing which is about a half hour from where I am, they assure me they will be there as soon as they can.
Meanwhile it has started to snow and I have a very light spring jacket on and dress shoes with no socks!
I continue to press the button on the clicker in the off chance that it will work I even climb on top of my car to try and pry the sun roof open far enough to get my purse and the spare key inside! Finally I give up and stand there with nothing to do but stare at the creepy old cemetery while the lights on my car slowly dim as the battery dies and that’s when I start to hear the sounds of zombies climbing out of their graves and shuffling their zombie feet through dead leaves and ice to eat the brains of the poor young girl stranded on the side of the road! Realizing that I am letting my imagination run wild I call my brother and make him talk to me.
"Are you in a bad area?" He asks
"Well I'm not afraid of being mugged or shot in a drive by if that’s what your asking but it is a little (humms banjo music from Deliverance) out here and there’s that creepy old cemetery."
Brother laughs
"So I guess all I have to worry about is having my brains eaten by red neck zombies or my blood sucked by Billy Bob the vampire."
"(Still laughing) so you’re ok then?"
"No I'm freaking out! I swear I just heard shuffling zombie footsteps coming down the road towards me!"
Finally, after forty minutes, the tow truck driver arrives just seconds after my lights go completely out and after fighting off the zombies who launch an attack at that very moment we jump in his tow truck and drive back to the safety of Lansing. Where I only have to be afraid of being mugged or shot in a drive by, well not really, but yeah kind of.