Well its a 1, 2, 3 take my hand and come with me...
Well its a 1, 2, 3 take my hand and come with me 'cause you look so fine and i really wanna make you mine, I said you look so fine and i really wanna make you mine...
So turns out being off the pill really really fucks with your emotions and sleep patterns. I've been up all night three nights in a row, catching short cat naps, feeling utterly exhausted and then not being able to fall asleep again. And when I'm awake I've been either wanting to rip someone's throat out, anyone and everyone, or cry, or laugh uncontrollably... real mind fuck ay?
So I've been up all night and in between trying to fall asleep watching Skins (UK)... I'm at that bittersweet moment where the show is about to end and I'm happy because I'm near the conclusion, and incredibly depressed because it's going to be over.
I feel like I'm floating in limbo... like my new catchphrase should be "we're all damned here," even though I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, the Devil, Heaven, Hell.. any of it... and yet, that's how I feel.
I've been reaching out for any and all male attention, which is never a good thing. Someone wise once told me "when you're feeling depressed the last thing you need is to party and fuck" ..so tell me why that's exactly what I want to do? Lose myself to mind altering substances and people. Lose myself.
Earlier today around 1pm I got the strangest text message. My best friends college friend, who I've hung out with a few times, texted me this; "I'm starting to think we suck I hope that in order for me and you to hang out or do something she doesn't have to be there, Miss ya." so I said "we suck?" (being completely sleep deprived and exhausted didn't exactly make me the best conversationalist haha) and he said "Me and you lol we don't call or text each other, and youre one of my favorite people" (I just fixed his misuse of "your" because it annoyed me so much for you non-existent readers.) So without knowing what else to say I just replied with, "I will try to make more of an effort" and he seemingly satisfied said, "As will I" then shortly after he added "Now are you free anytime soon? I would like to hang out with you are you free anytime this week?" so as my mind changes hourly I simply replied with, "By now I'm sure you've caught on to the fact that I don't plan things in advance lol" he laughed and the convo ended....
Now I don't know what to do with that... he's my friend through a friend, she would say it wouldn't bother her but I know it would.. besides... hanging out one on one... sounds very "Date-y" to me. I don't know how I feel about all that. I've decided not to think about it until he texts me again and I'm forced to deal with it. Hey, no one said the easy way was the healthy way.
My best friend is currently texting me freaking out on the train to the city on the way to a date with a guy she's already slept with... I can't pretend like I care, she's already slept with him, what's there to be scared of?! Yesterday after traveling upstate to fuck some dude from college she texted me "I want to make out with someone, ughhh!" like.. shut the fuck up, I told her not to waste my time with inane blathering.. she told me to fuck off and go to sleep... best friends till the end.
My phones about to die and I've finally gotten the boy to not only answer my text but keep the convo going... Timing can be such a bitch. I just asked him if he wanted to get lost in a hedge maze with me, he responded with a moronic "huh?" ...I clarified and said "you know.. a labyrinth." I'm pretty sure he doesn't get the reference to the movie labyrinth but I still wanna fuck him. Obsession with the unattainable has always been my biggest problem.
There's this new boy J I've been talking to. He's absolutely perfect except for the one major flaw of him living hours away upstate. He's a poet, he's tall and sexy and has tattoos and a big family. He's sweet and decent and fun, he's everything I could ever want.. but he's there and the boy is here... and so my decent into madness continues.
So turns out being off the pill really really fucks with your emotions and sleep patterns. I've been up all night three nights in a row, catching short cat naps, feeling utterly exhausted and then not being able to fall asleep again. And when I'm awake I've been either wanting to rip someone's throat out, anyone and everyone, or cry, or laugh uncontrollably... real mind fuck ay?
So I've been up all night and in between trying to fall asleep watching Skins (UK)... I'm at that bittersweet moment where the show is about to end and I'm happy because I'm near the conclusion, and incredibly depressed because it's going to be over.
I feel like I'm floating in limbo... like my new catchphrase should be "we're all damned here," even though I'm an atheist and don't believe in God, the Devil, Heaven, Hell.. any of it... and yet, that's how I feel.
I've been reaching out for any and all male attention, which is never a good thing. Someone wise once told me "when you're feeling depressed the last thing you need is to party and fuck" ..so tell me why that's exactly what I want to do? Lose myself to mind altering substances and people. Lose myself.
Earlier today around 1pm I got the strangest text message. My best friends college friend, who I've hung out with a few times, texted me this; "I'm starting to think we suck I hope that in order for me and you to hang out or do something she doesn't have to be there, Miss ya." so I said "we suck?" (being completely sleep deprived and exhausted didn't exactly make me the best conversationalist haha) and he said "Me and you lol we don't call or text each other, and youre one of my favorite people" (I just fixed his misuse of "your" because it annoyed me so much for you non-existent readers.) So without knowing what else to say I just replied with, "I will try to make more of an effort" and he seemingly satisfied said, "As will I" then shortly after he added "Now are you free anytime soon? I would like to hang out with you are you free anytime this week?" so as my mind changes hourly I simply replied with, "By now I'm sure you've caught on to the fact that I don't plan things in advance lol" he laughed and the convo ended....
Now I don't know what to do with that... he's my friend through a friend, she would say it wouldn't bother her but I know it would.. besides... hanging out one on one... sounds very "Date-y" to me. I don't know how I feel about all that. I've decided not to think about it until he texts me again and I'm forced to deal with it. Hey, no one said the easy way was the healthy way.
My best friend is currently texting me freaking out on the train to the city on the way to a date with a guy she's already slept with... I can't pretend like I care, she's already slept with him, what's there to be scared of?! Yesterday after traveling upstate to fuck some dude from college she texted me "I want to make out with someone, ughhh!" like.. shut the fuck up, I told her not to waste my time with inane blathering.. she told me to fuck off and go to sleep... best friends till the end.
My phones about to die and I've finally gotten the boy to not only answer my text but keep the convo going... Timing can be such a bitch. I just asked him if he wanted to get lost in a hedge maze with me, he responded with a moronic "huh?" ...I clarified and said "you know.. a labyrinth." I'm pretty sure he doesn't get the reference to the movie labyrinth but I still wanna fuck him. Obsession with the unattainable has always been my biggest problem.
There's this new boy J I've been talking to. He's absolutely perfect except for the one major flaw of him living hours away upstate. He's a poet, he's tall and sexy and has tattoos and a big family. He's sweet and decent and fun, he's everything I could ever want.. but he's there and the boy is here... and so my decent into madness continues.