oh my
work today was more than likely the most ridiculous day of my employment at publix. wait.. forget 'more than likely' it DEFINITELY WAS.
i basically don't have a job description, let's just start with that. tuesdays, thursdays, and sundays, i do... i work the grocery truck. but mondays and fridays? i used to work frozen but now joseph has taken that over. so i basically have all the duties of a closer but i don't close. what? yeah. exactly. so i go around and check specials, water, ice, milk, eggs... but what the fuck? if they're full then what? nothing. so i wander around with my thumb in my ass (which gets really boring after a while, especially since i have the urge to always be doing something -- well almost) which either gets me bitched at/looked at/just plain bored.
anyway, let me get started now -- this one's a doozie!
(who says 'doozie'?!@?!?)
alright. so the day starts off with me all WTF cuz there's really nothing for me to do at noon, we're already a pretty slow store and we've only been open 5 hours (okay that actually sounds like a long time, but it's really not...!)... no one cleans out the shelves in that time.
well next thing i know, bobby calls me and asks if i know how to run a register. har har har NO. so i'm all like well i'll come up and bag groceries what the hell. PANIC ENSUES. i feel bad, cuz there's lines and junk and i know people are just looking at me like 'WHY CAN'T THAT BITCH OPEN A REGISTER?!' because i know that's what i'd be thinking. we only had 2 registers open and 2 baggers so i stuck out like a sore thumb trying to bag groceries. i mean... how many people does it take to bag some shit? anyway, one of the guys took a cart out and he was gone for a while which was good because it didn't make me look so bad. but i have this like FREAK OUT when i bag because i'm scared i'm doing it wrong, i'm scared someone's going to stop me/yell at me/bitch at me and i'm all like OH HELL NO when it comes to confrontation with older people. i mean... c'mon, i know you are too. i mean i'm not going to crush your eggs and bread or put your meat in a bag with your lysol, but i am liable to put coffee with your ice cream and yogurt with your spices. shit happens, okay?! i guess it sounds weird but when you really think about it, who gives a crap, right? you're not going to go home, unpack your groceries, and say, 'what a dumb bitch -- who puts the bologna with my gatorade?! i'm going to kroger!'
so anyway, i bagged for what seemed like an eternity, which was actually only 30 minutes or so. but there was already a crazy guy, a kind-of-douchebag, and a weird lady that wanted me to put her groceries in her tote... not a big deal, but it was a kroger tote and she was trying to hide it. like i give a shit. whatever, anyway. and to put the cherry on the top of it all, debit was down so you had to run your debit card as credit and that just confuses the hell out of some people. and remind me again, why do people still write checks?
so anyway, i'm back on the floor again to deal with more shit. publix has a mystery coupon that you can clip out of the paper (or say, 'oh.. i forgot!') and on sundays and mondays you can pick up the MYSTERY ITEM FOR JUST A PENNY (when you purchase $10 worth of groceries, excluding tobacco, alcohol, and giftcards!) SO OH SNAP. so we always put the mystery item in some sort of dump bin or just stack it right at the store's entrance. unless of course it's 1/2 gallon milk or ice cream sandwiches and they're in their respective cold areas which no one can ever seem to find. and i swear.. you never see people go crazy than people going crazy over ice cream sandwiches for a penny. anyway.
this week's penny item was... a 4 pack of publix greenwise toilet paper! ahem -- bath tissue. anyway. so i notice at about 1PM that we have, uh, 6 packs left. like. 6. 6 customers would be happy. what the hell? so we're all like ahhh wtf do we substitute? because apparently no one wanted to get off their ass and get some more and we found a shitload of apple and eve cranberry juice to load up and get ready. so anyway. fast forward to a couple of hours later. or whatever. anyway, this lady comes up to me and she's standing there in front of 2 empty boxes of the toilet paper (we had them stacked on that) and the sign that says the mystery coupon is bath tissue. she looks at me, looks at the "display", points at the empty boxes, looks in them, and asks, 'well i see you have bath tissue for the penny item but, uh, which one and where is it?' like it's going to magically pop out of the fucking box. anyway, i show her the display right next to it and say, 'oh, i'm sorry, we ran out and are waiting for the manager to bring back some more, but we're substituting this juice in the meantime.' *SMILES* because apparently bobby was on lunch/dr's appt./hitting up bridgemill for more toilet paper. and the lady looks at me and with her bitchy ass sarcasm: 'uh you're substituting juice for bath tissue? HA! that's silly.' and just turned around. what a bitch. what the fuck? IT'S A FUCKING PENNY YOU CUNT GET THE FUCK OVER IT OR GO TO ANOTHER PUBLIX AND GET YOUR SHITTY ASS RECYCLED GREENWISE TOILET PAPER SO YOU CAN WIPE YOUR FAT ASS WITH IT.
so onto the next thing. bobby's still gone (he's the customer service manager) and i notice the monster fridge (yes we have one) is nearly empty. so i bring out some 4 packs to fill it up, and bring out some singles. well. i needed a gun from customer service to scan and adjust and whatever technical shit i don't even want to explain right now and i turn around and the lines are like WTF down the aisles and shit. and i'm like, 'uhhh doreen, you want me to help?' and scott is already up there paging me. okay, scott doesn't bag groceries nor can he run a register. so i'm bagging again, doing my whole 'awkward bagging' thing because there's already enough people up there, but at least i helped out this time because the lines were literally wrapped around the front speedway and going into customer service. i wish i could explain it better. it was a shitload of people. so ric (the assistant store manager) has been paged like 2 or 3 times at this point and never shows. so halfway through bagging my order, scott grabs me and pulls me aside. 'c'mon, let's go. ric's not coming downstairs so why the fuck should we help?' and yeah i see his point but not really when there's actually customers to help. apparently ric was upstairs sitting on his ass, didn't come down, but he did like 10 mins later because it was time for him to LEAVE. what the hell. so anyway. AND OH. in the mess of this big ass dumbass rush, this old guy comes up to me and priscilla and he's holding the ad pointing to a picture of a gazebo tent thing? i don't know. it has 4 legs and a little tent thing on the top, you get what i'm saying. anyway, he's all like, 'i want this.' and we're all like, 'well you have to go to customer service so they can check and see if we have one in the back to give you.' and he's all like, 'i went to customer service and they told me to come here!' why someone would send a customer to the end of the registers in the middle of a rush from hell, i will never understand. but this guy was insistent. so i paged scott, and he said we didn't have any, but we'd be able to order one for the guy for wednesday. or he could check a larger store (1.5 miles down the road -- rose creek) and they should probably have it. i tell the guy that and he gets all pissed, even after i offer to call the store for him -- and he's all waving the ad in the air asking why we even advertise something we don't even carry. uh. sorry?
where shopping is a pleasure!
oh so then the toilet paper finally arrives and george and i are setting it up. right next to the toilet paper we have a rather large dump bin of organic baby food, which is on sale now, and is going on better sale (bogo!) starting thursday. so anyway, there's this lady on the phone with presumbably her daughter asking which flavors little jimmy wants to eat. "does he like winter squash?" what baby wouldn't? haha. winter squash. i don't even KNOW what winter squash is and i'm almost 23 years old. i doubt a baby is going to give a shit. so then she looks at me and asks, 'do you have anything in green? i mean, this is ridiculous! ha! NO GREEN?!?!' and i'm like ARE YOU FOR REAL!? HAHAHA green?! good god. PEAS. BROCCOLI. GREEN BEANS. SPINACH. this bitch could've said anything but straight up 'GREEN.' i mean, damn. does it really matter, anyway? do you have to have a complex and varying color pallet for your child? it's going to be green when it comes out anyway, honestly.
so then i'm walking to the back with my empty toilet paper boxes and this guy stops me. 'hey, can you tell me where the maraschino cherries are?' he seemed nice. 'sure!' so i led him to the cherries. you just can't TELL people at publix... you must LEAD them to the product. if it's something easy and generic like bread or coffee, i usually just tell them the aisle number, but cherries are a little hard to find, so i led him to it. he's all smiles after i show him and i'm walking off and then BAM! i already knew. i turned around and there was red shit everywhere. he was very apologetic and even offered to pay for it. haha. i told him not to worry about it, it happens everyday. because seriously... it does. and NO you don't have to pay for it. it's cherries. like $1.04 who cares. i guess? well anyway, here's the kicker. i run to the back, grab the magic powder (soaks up anything!) and broom and dustpan. this guy is standing there and is like, 'where's the jello?' and i'm like, 'um.. aisle 4!' and he's like, 'the kind you eat.' and i'm like... 'yeah, aisle 4. unless you want it refrigerated and that's down aisle 9 next to the milk.' and he's like getting all pissy and he JUST WANTS THE KIND YOU FLIP OPEN AND EAT! and i'm like JEEZ AISLE 4. we have some in 2 spots but i automatically assume if you're not looking for it in a cold area (aka the fucking cereal aisle like this guy) then you don't want the trademark JELL-O you want the shitty handi-snack and snack pack knock offs.
so i'm walking to the back again and this guy with his cool bluetooth earpiece on is talking, and usually i ignore such people because after several 'omg they're talking to me' i realized 'omg they're NOT talking to me' so i just breeze on by with a smile. so this guy is talking about vidalia onions and i can just feel his eyes burning through the back of my head and i turn around and look back. 'um, weren't you supposed to get vidalia onions shipped in on tuesday?' and what the fuck man, do i look like the produce person? luckily chris was right around the corner and i'm all like, 'uh, do you know anything about vidalia onions that were supposed to be shipped this tuesday?' in this sarcastic tone because *I* knew it was a stupid question and i don't even work in produce. i work enough to know that they don't even get a truck on tuesday but it's like, what the hell do i know, y'know? so chris is all like, 'uhhh no...' and the guy is like, 'well i heard on the radio that they're gonna start shipping out the onions on tuesday!' what the hell? you must listen to some boring ass NPR shit if they're even talking about onions anyway. onions is the most annoying word to type so i'm not even going to talk about this anymore. chris and i had a chuckle and a good, 'uh, what the heck' when that guy walked off anyhow.
so, finally... FINALLY... i get to take a break, almost 5:30. after running around like a chicken with my head cut off i could finally sit down and enjoy a nice, nutritious snack: bagel bites (which SUCK), honey nut chex mix (it's okay), and a yogurt. all in all the meal was kind of shitty because of the bagel bites, and i'm sad i picked out such a shitty meal. the highlight of my break was sitting upstairs and starting out into the store (the breakroom is upstairs, and instead of a wall it's WINDOWS overlooking the store, pretty crazy) and seeing a jar of pickles or relish smashed open on aisle 4. i laughed as george walked right by it. then we called downstairs and bobby paged george to aisle 4 and george just stood there and looked at it. ha. earlier in the day when i was in a really pissy ass mood, george was like, 'you better watch how you act or someone's liable to call you a bitch!' and this is coming from a 60something year old man with a country accent. haha. i love it.
anyway. back from break. i just clocked in, and i see scott walking to the back with a 6 pack of malta, and holding one bottle, like it just slipped out. so i thought i'd be nice and open the door for him and as he's a foot away from the door he drops one of the bottles and the shit went EVERYWHERE. there was glass everywhere. who knew? today was a BREAK SHIT day.
oh, so then there was this lady holding the ad with a picture of greenwise (publix's organic/natural/whatever brand) black beans and asking where she could find it. 'oh certainly! i'll show ya!' and as we're nearing the shelf i'm already like, 'fuuuuck we're out...' and get down on the floor to reach around to realize YES, we are out.. and i knew she was pissed.
another lady had a coupon for .75 off some hershey's 100 calorie packs (oxymoron much?) that i have NEVER seen before. i told her i'm sorry, i don't think we carried those. 'oh. well.. KROGER HAS THEM!' well then why the fuck do you have to switch up your stores? go back to kroger. biatch!
and here's the incident that takes the fucking cake:
it is 30 minutes until i am free, and this guy comes up to me. he is frantic, and looking for nachos, peanuts, honey, coffee, milk, all in one. i'm all like WHHAAAAAT. so who just looks for nachos? nacho stuff is what he wants. he has an accent so i'm all nervous because i can never understand what people say to me! then he starts shouting about this machine and how he has to hurry and go. but it's all about 'the machine, the machine, the machine!' and i'm like WHAT THE HELL?! so i take him to the nacho stuff (salsa, jalapenos, WHO THE HELL KNOWS) and he's like, i need coffee! and i'm like, well it's right around the corner. so he runs/limps and his leg is all jacked up. i can't tell what's going on. as he's gone picking out the coffee i seriously debate just running the hell off because i now think that this guy has a bomb strapped to him! 'my machine!' what the hell? there was this device on his hip with a cord coming out... i don't want to pull an aqua teen lite brite, but this shit was scaring the hell out of me. so he runs back and he wants honey. forget the nachos. we get the honey, after he tells me, 'you don't know what kind i want!' after i offer to run and get it for him. when we get there he grabs one and asks, 'uhhh is this one good?' then i see what he wants, NATURAL, not NACHOS. haha. natural peanut butter. so that took a good 5 minutes finding one, and then i went to show him where the milk was. which is coincidentally across from the wine which a bottle of was coincidentally in his cart. i mean... hello!? he then talked me into giving him a high-five and he left.
what are the chances, seriously?
i'm on my way out and i'm buying a quart of sherbet (drastic times call for drastic measures). i go through lindsay's line and this guy comes up to us and points to the gigantic grill we have sitting up front and asks, 'hey, how much is this?' ugh. of course there wasn't a sign. so i page scott and it takes him a minute but he calls back. but from the display on the phone he was calling from his cell phone. which more than likely indicated he was in the bathroom. haha. he's like, 'shit... i don't know! it's either $299 or $399. scan the box!' so the box was right next to it and we're like DUH and lindsay scans the box. 'ITEM NOT FOUND.' HAHAHAHA OF FUCKING COURSE. we found another barcode... 'ITEM NOT FOUND.' figures. we told the guy either 2 or 399. he's like, 'uhh okay i'll just check back next time...' haha. i'm sorry, go to home depot. you do not want to buy this shitty ass grocery store grill. so anyway, as if i thought that guy was the icing on the cake... i'm walking out of the store with my ice cream to my car in the parking lot and i'm almost there and this lady stops me.
'what time do you guys close?'
'TEN O'CLOCK!!!!'
'ok, thanks!'
i mean... UGH I'M IN THE PARKING LOT. did she think we closed earlier than 10? that'd be a little messed up. maybe she had more then an hour of shopping to do? it was 9:06... who knew.
anyway. talk about a messed up day. i mean.. seriously.
-chels
i basically don't have a job description, let's just start with that. tuesdays, thursdays, and sundays, i do... i work the grocery truck. but mondays and fridays? i used to work frozen but now joseph has taken that over. so i basically have all the duties of a closer but i don't close. what? yeah. exactly. so i go around and check specials, water, ice, milk, eggs... but what the fuck? if they're full then what? nothing. so i wander around with my thumb in my ass (which gets really boring after a while, especially since i have the urge to always be doing something -- well almost) which either gets me bitched at/looked at/just plain bored.
anyway, let me get started now -- this one's a doozie!
(who says 'doozie'?!@?!?)
alright. so the day starts off with me all WTF cuz there's really nothing for me to do at noon, we're already a pretty slow store and we've only been open 5 hours (okay that actually sounds like a long time, but it's really not...!)... no one cleans out the shelves in that time.
well next thing i know, bobby calls me and asks if i know how to run a register. har har har NO. so i'm all like well i'll come up and bag groceries what the hell. PANIC ENSUES. i feel bad, cuz there's lines and junk and i know people are just looking at me like 'WHY CAN'T THAT BITCH OPEN A REGISTER?!' because i know that's what i'd be thinking. we only had 2 registers open and 2 baggers so i stuck out like a sore thumb trying to bag groceries. i mean... how many people does it take to bag some shit? anyway, one of the guys took a cart out and he was gone for a while which was good because it didn't make me look so bad. but i have this like FREAK OUT when i bag because i'm scared i'm doing it wrong, i'm scared someone's going to stop me/yell at me/bitch at me and i'm all like OH HELL NO when it comes to confrontation with older people. i mean... c'mon, i know you are too. i mean i'm not going to crush your eggs and bread or put your meat in a bag with your lysol, but i am liable to put coffee with your ice cream and yogurt with your spices. shit happens, okay?! i guess it sounds weird but when you really think about it, who gives a crap, right? you're not going to go home, unpack your groceries, and say, 'what a dumb bitch -- who puts the bologna with my gatorade?! i'm going to kroger!'
so anyway, i bagged for what seemed like an eternity, which was actually only 30 minutes or so. but there was already a crazy guy, a kind-of-douchebag, and a weird lady that wanted me to put her groceries in her tote... not a big deal, but it was a kroger tote and she was trying to hide it. like i give a shit. whatever, anyway. and to put the cherry on the top of it all, debit was down so you had to run your debit card as credit and that just confuses the hell out of some people. and remind me again, why do people still write checks?
so anyway, i'm back on the floor again to deal with more shit. publix has a mystery coupon that you can clip out of the paper (or say, 'oh.. i forgot!') and on sundays and mondays you can pick up the MYSTERY ITEM FOR JUST A PENNY (when you purchase $10 worth of groceries, excluding tobacco, alcohol, and giftcards!) SO OH SNAP. so we always put the mystery item in some sort of dump bin or just stack it right at the store's entrance. unless of course it's 1/2 gallon milk or ice cream sandwiches and they're in their respective cold areas which no one can ever seem to find. and i swear.. you never see people go crazy than people going crazy over ice cream sandwiches for a penny. anyway.
this week's penny item was... a 4 pack of publix greenwise toilet paper! ahem -- bath tissue. anyway. so i notice at about 1PM that we have, uh, 6 packs left. like. 6. 6 customers would be happy. what the hell? so we're all like ahhh wtf do we substitute? because apparently no one wanted to get off their ass and get some more and we found a shitload of apple and eve cranberry juice to load up and get ready. so anyway. fast forward to a couple of hours later. or whatever. anyway, this lady comes up to me and she's standing there in front of 2 empty boxes of the toilet paper (we had them stacked on that) and the sign that says the mystery coupon is bath tissue. she looks at me, looks at the "display", points at the empty boxes, looks in them, and asks, 'well i see you have bath tissue for the penny item but, uh, which one and where is it?' like it's going to magically pop out of the fucking box. anyway, i show her the display right next to it and say, 'oh, i'm sorry, we ran out and are waiting for the manager to bring back some more, but we're substituting this juice in the meantime.' *SMILES* because apparently bobby was on lunch/dr's appt./hitting up bridgemill for more toilet paper. and the lady looks at me and with her bitchy ass sarcasm: 'uh you're substituting juice for bath tissue? HA! that's silly.' and just turned around. what a bitch. what the fuck? IT'S A FUCKING PENNY YOU CUNT GET THE FUCK OVER IT OR GO TO ANOTHER PUBLIX AND GET YOUR SHITTY ASS RECYCLED GREENWISE TOILET PAPER SO YOU CAN WIPE YOUR FAT ASS WITH IT.
so onto the next thing. bobby's still gone (he's the customer service manager) and i notice the monster fridge (yes we have one) is nearly empty. so i bring out some 4 packs to fill it up, and bring out some singles. well. i needed a gun from customer service to scan and adjust and whatever technical shit i don't even want to explain right now and i turn around and the lines are like WTF down the aisles and shit. and i'm like, 'uhhh doreen, you want me to help?' and scott is already up there paging me. okay, scott doesn't bag groceries nor can he run a register. so i'm bagging again, doing my whole 'awkward bagging' thing because there's already enough people up there, but at least i helped out this time because the lines were literally wrapped around the front speedway and going into customer service. i wish i could explain it better. it was a shitload of people. so ric (the assistant store manager) has been paged like 2 or 3 times at this point and never shows. so halfway through bagging my order, scott grabs me and pulls me aside. 'c'mon, let's go. ric's not coming downstairs so why the fuck should we help?' and yeah i see his point but not really when there's actually customers to help. apparently ric was upstairs sitting on his ass, didn't come down, but he did like 10 mins later because it was time for him to LEAVE. what the hell. so anyway. AND OH. in the mess of this big ass dumbass rush, this old guy comes up to me and priscilla and he's holding the ad pointing to a picture of a gazebo tent thing? i don't know. it has 4 legs and a little tent thing on the top, you get what i'm saying. anyway, he's all like, 'i want this.' and we're all like, 'well you have to go to customer service so they can check and see if we have one in the back to give you.' and he's all like, 'i went to customer service and they told me to come here!' why someone would send a customer to the end of the registers in the middle of a rush from hell, i will never understand. but this guy was insistent. so i paged scott, and he said we didn't have any, but we'd be able to order one for the guy for wednesday. or he could check a larger store (1.5 miles down the road -- rose creek) and they should probably have it. i tell the guy that and he gets all pissed, even after i offer to call the store for him -- and he's all waving the ad in the air asking why we even advertise something we don't even carry. uh. sorry?
where shopping is a pleasure!
oh so then the toilet paper finally arrives and george and i are setting it up. right next to the toilet paper we have a rather large dump bin of organic baby food, which is on sale now, and is going on better sale (bogo!) starting thursday. so anyway, there's this lady on the phone with presumbably her daughter asking which flavors little jimmy wants to eat. "does he like winter squash?" what baby wouldn't? haha. winter squash. i don't even KNOW what winter squash is and i'm almost 23 years old. i doubt a baby is going to give a shit. so then she looks at me and asks, 'do you have anything in green? i mean, this is ridiculous! ha! NO GREEN?!?!' and i'm like ARE YOU FOR REAL!? HAHAHA green?! good god. PEAS. BROCCOLI. GREEN BEANS. SPINACH. this bitch could've said anything but straight up 'GREEN.' i mean, damn. does it really matter, anyway? do you have to have a complex and varying color pallet for your child? it's going to be green when it comes out anyway, honestly.
so then i'm walking to the back with my empty toilet paper boxes and this guy stops me. 'hey, can you tell me where the maraschino cherries are?' he seemed nice. 'sure!' so i led him to the cherries. you just can't TELL people at publix... you must LEAD them to the product. if it's something easy and generic like bread or coffee, i usually just tell them the aisle number, but cherries are a little hard to find, so i led him to it. he's all smiles after i show him and i'm walking off and then BAM! i already knew. i turned around and there was red shit everywhere. he was very apologetic and even offered to pay for it. haha. i told him not to worry about it, it happens everyday. because seriously... it does. and NO you don't have to pay for it. it's cherries. like $1.04 who cares. i guess? well anyway, here's the kicker. i run to the back, grab the magic powder (soaks up anything!) and broom and dustpan. this guy is standing there and is like, 'where's the jello?' and i'm like, 'um.. aisle 4!' and he's like, 'the kind you eat.' and i'm like... 'yeah, aisle 4. unless you want it refrigerated and that's down aisle 9 next to the milk.' and he's like getting all pissy and he JUST WANTS THE KIND YOU FLIP OPEN AND EAT! and i'm like JEEZ AISLE 4. we have some in 2 spots but i automatically assume if you're not looking for it in a cold area (aka the fucking cereal aisle like this guy) then you don't want the trademark JELL-O you want the shitty handi-snack and snack pack knock offs.
so i'm walking to the back again and this guy with his cool bluetooth earpiece on is talking, and usually i ignore such people because after several 'omg they're talking to me' i realized 'omg they're NOT talking to me' so i just breeze on by with a smile. so this guy is talking about vidalia onions and i can just feel his eyes burning through the back of my head and i turn around and look back. 'um, weren't you supposed to get vidalia onions shipped in on tuesday?' and what the fuck man, do i look like the produce person? luckily chris was right around the corner and i'm all like, 'uh, do you know anything about vidalia onions that were supposed to be shipped this tuesday?' in this sarcastic tone because *I* knew it was a stupid question and i don't even work in produce. i work enough to know that they don't even get a truck on tuesday but it's like, what the hell do i know, y'know? so chris is all like, 'uhhh no...' and the guy is like, 'well i heard on the radio that they're gonna start shipping out the onions on tuesday!' what the hell? you must listen to some boring ass NPR shit if they're even talking about onions anyway. onions is the most annoying word to type so i'm not even going to talk about this anymore. chris and i had a chuckle and a good, 'uh, what the heck' when that guy walked off anyhow.
so, finally... FINALLY... i get to take a break, almost 5:30. after running around like a chicken with my head cut off i could finally sit down and enjoy a nice, nutritious snack: bagel bites (which SUCK), honey nut chex mix (it's okay), and a yogurt. all in all the meal was kind of shitty because of the bagel bites, and i'm sad i picked out such a shitty meal. the highlight of my break was sitting upstairs and starting out into the store (the breakroom is upstairs, and instead of a wall it's WINDOWS overlooking the store, pretty crazy) and seeing a jar of pickles or relish smashed open on aisle 4. i laughed as george walked right by it. then we called downstairs and bobby paged george to aisle 4 and george just stood there and looked at it. ha. earlier in the day when i was in a really pissy ass mood, george was like, 'you better watch how you act or someone's liable to call you a bitch!' and this is coming from a 60something year old man with a country accent. haha. i love it.
anyway. back from break. i just clocked in, and i see scott walking to the back with a 6 pack of malta, and holding one bottle, like it just slipped out. so i thought i'd be nice and open the door for him and as he's a foot away from the door he drops one of the bottles and the shit went EVERYWHERE. there was glass everywhere. who knew? today was a BREAK SHIT day.
oh, so then there was this lady holding the ad with a picture of greenwise (publix's organic/natural/whatever brand) black beans and asking where she could find it. 'oh certainly! i'll show ya!' and as we're nearing the shelf i'm already like, 'fuuuuck we're out...' and get down on the floor to reach around to realize YES, we are out.. and i knew she was pissed.
another lady had a coupon for .75 off some hershey's 100 calorie packs (oxymoron much?) that i have NEVER seen before. i told her i'm sorry, i don't think we carried those. 'oh. well.. KROGER HAS THEM!' well then why the fuck do you have to switch up your stores? go back to kroger. biatch!
and here's the incident that takes the fucking cake:
it is 30 minutes until i am free, and this guy comes up to me. he is frantic, and looking for nachos, peanuts, honey, coffee, milk, all in one. i'm all like WHHAAAAAT. so who just looks for nachos? nacho stuff is what he wants. he has an accent so i'm all nervous because i can never understand what people say to me! then he starts shouting about this machine and how he has to hurry and go. but it's all about 'the machine, the machine, the machine!' and i'm like WHAT THE HELL?! so i take him to the nacho stuff (salsa, jalapenos, WHO THE HELL KNOWS) and he's like, i need coffee! and i'm like, well it's right around the corner. so he runs/limps and his leg is all jacked up. i can't tell what's going on. as he's gone picking out the coffee i seriously debate just running the hell off because i now think that this guy has a bomb strapped to him! 'my machine!' what the hell? there was this device on his hip with a cord coming out... i don't want to pull an aqua teen lite brite, but this shit was scaring the hell out of me. so he runs back and he wants honey. forget the nachos. we get the honey, after he tells me, 'you don't know what kind i want!' after i offer to run and get it for him. when we get there he grabs one and asks, 'uhhh is this one good?' then i see what he wants, NATURAL, not NACHOS. haha. natural peanut butter. so that took a good 5 minutes finding one, and then i went to show him where the milk was. which is coincidentally across from the wine which a bottle of was coincidentally in his cart. i mean... hello!? he then talked me into giving him a high-five and he left.
what are the chances, seriously?
i'm on my way out and i'm buying a quart of sherbet (drastic times call for drastic measures). i go through lindsay's line and this guy comes up to us and points to the gigantic grill we have sitting up front and asks, 'hey, how much is this?' ugh. of course there wasn't a sign. so i page scott and it takes him a minute but he calls back. but from the display on the phone he was calling from his cell phone. which more than likely indicated he was in the bathroom. haha. he's like, 'shit... i don't know! it's either $299 or $399. scan the box!' so the box was right next to it and we're like DUH and lindsay scans the box. 'ITEM NOT FOUND.' HAHAHAHA OF FUCKING COURSE. we found another barcode... 'ITEM NOT FOUND.' figures. we told the guy either 2 or 399. he's like, 'uhh okay i'll just check back next time...' haha. i'm sorry, go to home depot. you do not want to buy this shitty ass grocery store grill. so anyway, as if i thought that guy was the icing on the cake... i'm walking out of the store with my ice cream to my car in the parking lot and i'm almost there and this lady stops me.
'what time do you guys close?'
'TEN O'CLOCK!!!!'
'ok, thanks!'
i mean... UGH I'M IN THE PARKING LOT. did she think we closed earlier than 10? that'd be a little messed up. maybe she had more then an hour of shopping to do? it was 9:06... who knew.
anyway. talk about a messed up day. i mean.. seriously.
-chels