(no subject)
I didnt think I hid myself that much from people. Nor did I think that because Im scared of certain emotions people would walk away.
If any guy out there doesnt need his balls .... send them my way. I'm determined to just let it all out. But not until after I enjoy myself and relax at home with my family and friends. But when I get back I'm going to suck it up, be selffish and let it out. Theresa and Kate will both know exactly how I feel about them. Not that the feelings are bad at all .... just .... so strong. And probably not the right timing. But if keeping this shit inside put me into this mess to begin with then maybe finally vocalizing them will help to start "put pieces back together". I'm going to be hopefull ... and strong ... and optimistic. And when I get back, I'll be here with a shit load of balls .... and a lot a lot alot of nervousness. No ones ever encouraged me to be this open. No one has ever literally pushed me so far that I'd be here saying "thats it .. im ready to let it out". Though I know it was done out of anger and being hurt .... and i am truely sorry for that .... i'm kind of blessed for this opportunity. I dont know where it will get me. I dont know what will happen next. Good or bad .... i HAVE to do this. I have to be done with being scared of the unknown. Every emotion I feel is allowed. No one can tell me HOW to feel ... and that how i feel is WRONG. But I know people can take things the wrong way, or think my emotions or too stong or not enough ... and then leave. And thats what scares me the most. I dont want to be punished because of how I feel. I guess i'll have to wait and see how things go. As for now .... 11:ooam on Saturday morning June 17th ... i'm on vacation. Going home. And enjoying myself.
Cooter: I miss you already love.
Kate: I miss you a lot.
Steph: I miss you, keep hanging out with Amy!!
If any guy out there doesnt need his balls .... send them my way. I'm determined to just let it all out. But not until after I enjoy myself and relax at home with my family and friends. But when I get back I'm going to suck it up, be selffish and let it out. Theresa and Kate will both know exactly how I feel about them. Not that the feelings are bad at all .... just .... so strong. And probably not the right timing. But if keeping this shit inside put me into this mess to begin with then maybe finally vocalizing them will help to start "put pieces back together". I'm going to be hopefull ... and strong ... and optimistic. And when I get back, I'll be here with a shit load of balls .... and a lot a lot alot of nervousness. No ones ever encouraged me to be this open. No one has ever literally pushed me so far that I'd be here saying "thats it .. im ready to let it out". Though I know it was done out of anger and being hurt .... and i am truely sorry for that .... i'm kind of blessed for this opportunity. I dont know where it will get me. I dont know what will happen next. Good or bad .... i HAVE to do this. I have to be done with being scared of the unknown. Every emotion I feel is allowed. No one can tell me HOW to feel ... and that how i feel is WRONG. But I know people can take things the wrong way, or think my emotions or too stong or not enough ... and then leave. And thats what scares me the most. I dont want to be punished because of how I feel. I guess i'll have to wait and see how things go. As for now .... 11:ooam on Saturday morning June 17th ... i'm on vacation. Going home. And enjoying myself.
Cooter: I miss you already love.
Kate: I miss you a lot.
Steph: I miss you, keep hanging out with Amy!!