(no subject)
mixed emotions.
and extremely lonely.
i found happiness with you, but i threw it out the window. over and over again. so how i feel now, is well deserved. maybe someday i'll forgive myself. but i see this as round #2. fucking bitch you say? yes .... agreed.
i miss paul. weird? i know. but im sure he's happy now. im sure he has found real love, the love i feel wont ever come my way. im sure he's such a great daddy to his daughter and im sure he's doing a great job at keeping his family safe, and most importantly together. he deserves everything he's got. and i wish him the best. yet sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only ....
the big question circling through my brain lately is weather its best to put that little box back, or to just let everything in it ...out. i was looking for a clear cut sign. and i got it tonight. the box is going back on the shelf, but for very good reasons. i can honestly say that the smile i saw today, the way the eyes lit up .... was the most beautiful and REAL thing i have seen in so so so so long. i want to see that more, so im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. i've realized that love sometimes means letting go, or putting certain things aside. does it hurt? YOU BET!!! but is it worth it?? EVERY SECOND OF IT. im hoping for the best for you. keep that cheezy smile coming!!! :)
and one more thing. certain individuals know how to cut you deep deep down inside, with a smile, and while playing the innocent card.
the end.
goodnight world.
and extremely lonely.
i found happiness with you, but i threw it out the window. over and over again. so how i feel now, is well deserved. maybe someday i'll forgive myself. but i see this as round #2. fucking bitch you say? yes .... agreed.
i miss paul. weird? i know. but im sure he's happy now. im sure he has found real love, the love i feel wont ever come my way. im sure he's such a great daddy to his daughter and im sure he's doing a great job at keeping his family safe, and most importantly together. he deserves everything he's got. and i wish him the best. yet sometimes i wonder what it would be like if only ....
the big question circling through my brain lately is weather its best to put that little box back, or to just let everything in it ...out. i was looking for a clear cut sign. and i got it tonight. the box is going back on the shelf, but for very good reasons. i can honestly say that the smile i saw today, the way the eyes lit up .... was the most beautiful and REAL thing i have seen in so so so so long. i want to see that more, so im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. i've realized that love sometimes means letting go, or putting certain things aside. does it hurt? YOU BET!!! but is it worth it?? EVERY SECOND OF IT. im hoping for the best for you. keep that cheezy smile coming!!! :)
and one more thing. certain individuals know how to cut you deep deep down inside, with a smile, and while playing the innocent card.
the end.
goodnight world.