(no subject)
Regardless of what (BESSIE) others may say of the situation, I believe that this punishment is uncalled for. No kitchen duty for four days? It. Is. Insane. If I didn’t run the risk of further increasing my punishment, I would revolt or barter. But… four days without the kitchen… *whimpers*
I hope some of you (BESSIE) are happy. All this work to further the goals of Akatsuki, and what do I get? Banned from my beloved haven. All I did was test a simple organic compound from the ablata seaweed that would render someone immobile and slightly hallucinating for the minimum of two days and unable to sleep for a minimum of eight and a maximum of twelve. Weeks that is. Besides, it’s not like I tested it just for nothing. I was going to use it on a certain member that was way too hyper for the organization’s good, and two days of him unable to move would render the cave slightly more peaceful. Tell me that’s not a good thing.
But… my kitchen… *sobs* I have turned the only key over to Sir Leader. I am letting you know the Kakuzu is checking the inventory as of now, and if anything is decreased out of projected proportion, you can be sure that strict disciplinary measures will be taken that fit well enough into Sir Leader’s rules. I am the chef. Do not test my patience.
Also, I believe I should let you know that the every single bakery within five hundred miles of the cave belong to me. And because I have decided to go on a journey to take my mind away from the horrible fate of disentangling myself from the kitchen *sobs*, all those bakeries will be closed. As well as all suppliers of flour, eggs, and yeast.
To let you all remember my presence, I have released a few harmless yet intelligent spores into the air ventilation system. These spores will serve to protect my room during my absence. If any of you, any, decide to enter my room, be assured that I will no longer be the only plant hybrid in the organization. However, I will still be the only plant hybrid with free will.
Bovineessie, if you’re wondering why the images of my room you get on screen are starting to appear green, it’s not a reception problem. My spores are attracted to anything electric and will slowly cover your cameras. It’s a good thing. At least you won’t see exactly what happens in my room if I’m not around to keep my plants in check.
If the cave suddenly begins to bear resemblance to a rain forest after twenty-nine hours, complete with canopy and actual rain, you might as well enjoy the new scenery. At least the added plants would clean the air and for once help the cave smell normal.
Kakuzu, I apologize that I won’t be able to watch you while you exhibition your inner sexiness every 12:39 am, when you need to drink or else die of dehydration. I’ve instructed one of my plants to record your activities whenever you’re in the kitchen, whatever you’re wearing. Although, I must say, I like it best when you go to the kitchen after you’ve just bathed covered in nothing but your skimpy towel. And how little droplets of water escape your lips and travel down your stitched torso… I had the temptation to lick your abs at night instead… but Hidan might grow jealous.♥
Although the Akatsuki kitchen will undoubtedly be my only home, I must take residence in another first-rate kitchen and accept the apprenticeship of yet another talented cook. If you need to reach me, I will be in Orochimaru’s kitchen, refining my recipes with his infinite supply of manmeat.
Kisame, I expect the new kitchen annex to be operational when I get back. I’ll be ready to serve you the meal of your choice by then, and you can even watch me prepare it. By the way, I’ve taken your Orange Sock. Orochimaru’s labs are more capable than ours, so I thought I should experiment with it there.
Itachi, I will say hello to your brother for you. No worries, I will assure him that you love him much more than any other brother could.
Oh, and to Sir Leader… I’ll bake you some pie when I get back. By then I’ll have invented some new recipes that I’m sure you’d want to try. With informed consent, of course.
So, that’s it for now. Enough waiting in the wings, I must take my leave and enjoy the show.
PS: If a package arrives for me, just slip it into under my bedroom door. It’s most probably the new issue of Playnin with Kakuzu on the cover.
*bows, exits stage down*
I hope some of you (BESSIE) are happy. All this work to further the goals of Akatsuki, and what do I get? Banned from my beloved haven. All I did was test a simple organic compound from the ablata seaweed that would render someone immobile and slightly hallucinating for the minimum of two days and unable to sleep for a minimum of eight and a maximum of twelve. Weeks that is. Besides, it’s not like I tested it just for nothing. I was going to use it on a certain member that was way too hyper for the organization’s good, and two days of him unable to move would render the cave slightly more peaceful. Tell me that’s not a good thing.
But… my kitchen… *sobs* I have turned the only key over to Sir Leader. I am letting you know the Kakuzu is checking the inventory as of now, and if anything is decreased out of projected proportion, you can be sure that strict disciplinary measures will be taken that fit well enough into Sir Leader’s rules. I am the chef. Do not test my patience.
Also, I believe I should let you know that the every single bakery within five hundred miles of the cave belong to me. And because I have decided to go on a journey to take my mind away from the horrible fate of disentangling myself from the kitchen *sobs*, all those bakeries will be closed. As well as all suppliers of flour, eggs, and yeast.
To let you all remember my presence, I have released a few harmless yet intelligent spores into the air ventilation system. These spores will serve to protect my room during my absence. If any of you, any, decide to enter my room, be assured that I will no longer be the only plant hybrid in the organization. However, I will still be the only plant hybrid with free will.
Bovineessie, if you’re wondering why the images of my room you get on screen are starting to appear green, it’s not a reception problem. My spores are attracted to anything electric and will slowly cover your cameras. It’s a good thing. At least you won’t see exactly what happens in my room if I’m not around to keep my plants in check.
If the cave suddenly begins to bear resemblance to a rain forest after twenty-nine hours, complete with canopy and actual rain, you might as well enjoy the new scenery. At least the added plants would clean the air and for once help the cave smell normal.
Kakuzu, I apologize that I won’t be able to watch you while you exhibition your inner sexiness every 12:39 am, when you need to drink or else die of dehydration. I’ve instructed one of my plants to record your activities whenever you’re in the kitchen, whatever you’re wearing. Although, I must say, I like it best when you go to the kitchen after you’ve just bathed covered in nothing but your skimpy towel. And how little droplets of water escape your lips and travel down your stitched torso… I had the temptation to lick your abs at night instead… but Hidan might grow jealous.♥
Although the Akatsuki kitchen will undoubtedly be my only home, I must take residence in another first-rate kitchen and accept the apprenticeship of yet another talented cook. If you need to reach me, I will be in Orochimaru’s kitchen, refining my recipes with his infinite supply of manmeat.
Kisame, I expect the new kitchen annex to be operational when I get back. I’ll be ready to serve you the meal of your choice by then, and you can even watch me prepare it. By the way, I’ve taken your Orange Sock. Orochimaru’s labs are more capable than ours, so I thought I should experiment with it there.
Itachi, I will say hello to your brother for you. No worries, I will assure him that you love him much more than any other brother could.
Oh, and to Sir Leader… I’ll bake you some pie when I get back. By then I’ll have invented some new recipes that I’m sure you’d want to try. With informed consent, of course.
So, that’s it for now. Enough waiting in the wings, I must take my leave and enjoy the show.
PS: If a package arrives for me, just slip it into under my bedroom door. It’s most probably the new issue of Playnin with Kakuzu on the cover.
*bows, exits stage down*