Fic: Their Break-Up (2/2)
Title: Their Break-Up (2/2)
Fandom: Scrubs
Pairing: JD/Cox
Rating: T for angst
Summary: Songfic set to Kelly Clarkson's "I Hate Myself For Losing You."
JD had been in New York City for a little over a month. He’d settled into his position as attending at St. Luke’s Hospital and was learning his way around the new hospital. His mind kept replaying that final scene with Perry, and that had made him edgy and irritable the first two weeks or so. He of course hadn’t heard from the older man, which was what he had been expecting. But a secret part of his heart had been hoping that maybe this would play out like it did in all of his favorite romantic comedy films-one person takes off, the other realizes how much they truly love the other, so they follow and convince their love to give the relationship a second chance. He knew this was an unrealistic expectation, but his wounded heart kept telling him that if Perry really loved him, he would have followed him to New York City, and that since he hadn’t, that meant he was never truly in love with him.
He hadn’t told his friends he was leaving, although he assumed that they found out from Perry. He’d gotten several dozen messages from Turk, five or so from Carla, and three from Elliot, but he never picked up his cell when they called. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to be persuaded into returning to Sacred Heart. But the real reason why he never answered was because he was afraid to hear the disappointment in their tones.
The last message of Turk’s that he had listened to was about Perry. “Dude, JD, Dr. Cox is totally moping around the hospital. I mean, he hasn’t come in to work drunk or anything, but he’s acting like he did when he lost those three transplant patients a while back…” JD deleted that message and all subsequent messages from Turk. He thought about Perry every day as it was; he didn’t need Turk keeping him up-to-date on Perry’s daily activities.
Perhaps it was the breakup that caused him to act the way he did. At St. Luke’s, he was a different JD-people there didn’t know him, had no preconceived notion of him. He was no longer the carefree, daydreaming, doe-eyed doctor. Now he was sarcastic, bitter, and all-around, well, acting like Dr. Cox used to.
He had only one friend at the hospital-no one else wanted too much to do with him because of his bad attitude, which was fine with him. He made it a point to push away anyone who got too close, for fear they would find out why he really transferred to New York. The janitor named Charlie was the only person he trusted enough to tentatively call “friend.”The irony of the situation, that his only friend was a janitor, was not lost on him. But as much as he may have wanted to, he couldn’t bear to let anyone else get too close, for fear of them breaking his fragile heart.
In this way, two months passed. His interns were terrified of him, the nurses talked about him behind his back, and his fellow attending, while grudgingly admitting he was a talented doctor, didn’t care much for his abrasive personality.
Eventually, the phone calls from home stopped, and for some reason JD was disappointed that his old friends had given up on him. He should have been happy that he had finally and successfully cut all ties to his past; why then was he so sad?
It was hard not to think of Perry constantly, and JD found himself wishing the other man would call, just once. One night, when he was sitting in his apartment, alone and drunk, he dialed Perry’s number. But when Perry had answered, “Yeah?” JD lost his drunken courage and flipped shut his cell, effectively cutting the connection. His heart ached just from the sound of Perry’s voice. That night, he drank himself into a stupor and spent the night passed out on the couch.
JD thought of Perry nonstop. He wondered what the other man was doing. Had he moved on yet? Maybe gotten back together with Jordan? He wondered if Perry ever thought about him. Did he ever wonder how JD was doing on his own in the big city? Did he ever lie awake at night, thinking about that fateful morning, like JD did? Who knew?
On the morning of the three month anniversary of The Breakup, JD walked into work early. He had a full patient load, and his interns were performing at a level that was considerably less than stellar. He worked himself hard all morning and was successful in keeping away all thoughts of what day it was. No use dwelling on things in the past.
He was just settling down at a table in the corner of the cafeteria when his pager went off. Growling angrily, causing several interns sitting a few tables away to flinch in fear, he pulled the offending device off his scrubs bottoms and looked at its message. It was a page from one of his interns, Mary.
DR. DORIAN,MEET ME IN THE DOCTOR’S LOUNGE ON THE SECOND FLOOR. IT’S URGENT.
Sighing, he dumped his food in a nearby trash bin and cast angry glares at anyone who so much as looked at him askance. He grumbled under his breath the whole way to the doctor’s lounge.
Mary was one of his favorite interns, although he would never admit it to her. She was already a talented doctor, and with the right teacher to guide her, she would go places. But that didn’t mean that JD couldn’t be pissed about being paged away from his lunch.
He pulled open the door to the lounge. “Dammit Mary, there had better be a damn good reason why you paged me or else I’ll…” he trailed off when he noticed Mary was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the entire doctors’ lounge was entirely empty.
“What the hell…” JD muttered, a perplexed scowl on his face.
“Turn around, JD.”
That voice! JD turned around slowly, thinking his mind was playing a cruel trick on him, even though he hadn’t daydreamed in months. But this was no hallucination-Perry was standing there, right in front of him.
JD was speechless, which was what Perry had been counting on. He began to speak. “JD, please listen to me. I was wrong. I hate myself for losing you.” He continued, and JD was unsure of who exactly Perry was talking to, to JD or to himself. “What do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at you is why he’s not here?”
JD opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed, which was fine with Perry as he continued. “I hope you’re happy here, but it’s killing me inside. Now I dread each day, knowing that I can't be saved from the loneliness of living without you. And, I don't know what to do, not sure that I'll pull through. I wish you knew…The morning after you left, I woke up wide awake in an empty bed, staring at an empty room. And I knew I had myself to blame for the state I was in that day. Dying didn’t seem so cruel.” Perry’s voice cracked at the last sentence, and JD’s heart ached at the sound.
Somewhat out of breath, Perry paused, searching for a reaction. When several moments of silence had passed, something in Perry’s eyes dimmed. JD desperately wanted to respond to Perry’s declaration, but couldn’t think of any words to express his joy that Perry loved him and had traveled thousands of miles across the country to see him, to win him back. Perry loved him! Then what could he do to stop him from turning away and heading out the door like he was now?
“Perry! Wait!” JD reached out and grasped Perry’s forearm. Turning him around, JD clutched the older man’s shoulders and kissed him soundly. Perry froze at first, stunned, but easily slipped his arms around JD, pressing their bodies together. They fit together perfectly, even after having been separated for three months, and JD brought his hands up to twine in Perry’s curls, their kiss never breaking.
Finally, JD pulled away. “God, Perry, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
“I think I do, because I’ve felt the same,” Perry confessed. “I love you, JD.”
“Love you too, Per-Bear.”
Perry grinned at the annoying nickname he had grudgingly allowed JD to bestow upon him. He never thought he’d miss that irritating moniker, but in the three months that JD had been gone, he’d missed hearing “Per-Bear!” echo through the halls of Sacred Heart. Slinging his arm around JD’s shoulders and steering them out the door of the lounge, he said, “Seems like you’re quite the ball-buster around here, eh Shirley? I mean, that was a pretty decent start to an angry rant there when you first walked in the door.”
A wide grin split JD’s face for the first time in three months as they exited the lounge. “Well, Per-Bear, I did learn from the best angry ranter in Sacred Heart…”
In the now-deserted lounge, Mary crept out from her hiding place in the corner where she’d witnessed the whole exchange between the two doctors. When the red-haired man had asked at the front desk for a Dr. Dorian, she’d piped up that he was her attending. He’d asked her to page him so he could speak with him in private, and she had come up with the idea that they rendezvous in the doctors’ lounge. The man had seemed pleased with this idea, and when they got to the lounge, he had used an intimidating voice to get everyone to clear out. Dr. Dorian’s mannerisms were so similar to those of this man that she was curious. When the man had settled in to a chair by the door, she made as if to leave by the back door, and instead had hidden herself to watch the exchange.
Now, after it was all over, Mary exited the lounge and headed towards the nurses’ station to spread word of what she’d seen. She was so excited that Dr. Dorian had finally found happiness that she couldn’t wait to tell everyone else at the hospital.
She knew Dr. Dorian wouldn’t mind. After all, it looked like he’d be heading back to his old hospital soon enough.
Fandom: Scrubs
Pairing: JD/Cox
Rating: T for angst
Summary: Songfic set to Kelly Clarkson's "I Hate Myself For Losing You."
JD had been in New York City for a little over a month. He’d settled into his position as attending at St. Luke’s Hospital and was learning his way around the new hospital. His mind kept replaying that final scene with Perry, and that had made him edgy and irritable the first two weeks or so. He of course hadn’t heard from the older man, which was what he had been expecting. But a secret part of his heart had been hoping that maybe this would play out like it did in all of his favorite romantic comedy films-one person takes off, the other realizes how much they truly love the other, so they follow and convince their love to give the relationship a second chance. He knew this was an unrealistic expectation, but his wounded heart kept telling him that if Perry really loved him, he would have followed him to New York City, and that since he hadn’t, that meant he was never truly in love with him.
He hadn’t told his friends he was leaving, although he assumed that they found out from Perry. He’d gotten several dozen messages from Turk, five or so from Carla, and three from Elliot, but he never picked up his cell when they called. He told himself it was because he didn’t want to be persuaded into returning to Sacred Heart. But the real reason why he never answered was because he was afraid to hear the disappointment in their tones.
The last message of Turk’s that he had listened to was about Perry. “Dude, JD, Dr. Cox is totally moping around the hospital. I mean, he hasn’t come in to work drunk or anything, but he’s acting like he did when he lost those three transplant patients a while back…” JD deleted that message and all subsequent messages from Turk. He thought about Perry every day as it was; he didn’t need Turk keeping him up-to-date on Perry’s daily activities.
Perhaps it was the breakup that caused him to act the way he did. At St. Luke’s, he was a different JD-people there didn’t know him, had no preconceived notion of him. He was no longer the carefree, daydreaming, doe-eyed doctor. Now he was sarcastic, bitter, and all-around, well, acting like Dr. Cox used to.
He had only one friend at the hospital-no one else wanted too much to do with him because of his bad attitude, which was fine with him. He made it a point to push away anyone who got too close, for fear they would find out why he really transferred to New York. The janitor named Charlie was the only person he trusted enough to tentatively call “friend.”The irony of the situation, that his only friend was a janitor, was not lost on him. But as much as he may have wanted to, he couldn’t bear to let anyone else get too close, for fear of them breaking his fragile heart.
In this way, two months passed. His interns were terrified of him, the nurses talked about him behind his back, and his fellow attending, while grudgingly admitting he was a talented doctor, didn’t care much for his abrasive personality.
Eventually, the phone calls from home stopped, and for some reason JD was disappointed that his old friends had given up on him. He should have been happy that he had finally and successfully cut all ties to his past; why then was he so sad?
It was hard not to think of Perry constantly, and JD found himself wishing the other man would call, just once. One night, when he was sitting in his apartment, alone and drunk, he dialed Perry’s number. But when Perry had answered, “Yeah?” JD lost his drunken courage and flipped shut his cell, effectively cutting the connection. His heart ached just from the sound of Perry’s voice. That night, he drank himself into a stupor and spent the night passed out on the couch.
JD thought of Perry nonstop. He wondered what the other man was doing. Had he moved on yet? Maybe gotten back together with Jordan? He wondered if Perry ever thought about him. Did he ever wonder how JD was doing on his own in the big city? Did he ever lie awake at night, thinking about that fateful morning, like JD did? Who knew?
On the morning of the three month anniversary of The Breakup, JD walked into work early. He had a full patient load, and his interns were performing at a level that was considerably less than stellar. He worked himself hard all morning and was successful in keeping away all thoughts of what day it was. No use dwelling on things in the past.
He was just settling down at a table in the corner of the cafeteria when his pager went off. Growling angrily, causing several interns sitting a few tables away to flinch in fear, he pulled the offending device off his scrubs bottoms and looked at its message. It was a page from one of his interns, Mary.
DR. DORIAN,MEET ME IN THE DOCTOR’S LOUNGE ON THE SECOND FLOOR. IT’S URGENT.
Sighing, he dumped his food in a nearby trash bin and cast angry glares at anyone who so much as looked at him askance. He grumbled under his breath the whole way to the doctor’s lounge.
Mary was one of his favorite interns, although he would never admit it to her. She was already a talented doctor, and with the right teacher to guide her, she would go places. But that didn’t mean that JD couldn’t be pissed about being paged away from his lunch.
He pulled open the door to the lounge. “Dammit Mary, there had better be a damn good reason why you paged me or else I’ll…” he trailed off when he noticed Mary was nowhere to be seen. In fact, the entire doctors’ lounge was entirely empty.
“What the hell…” JD muttered, a perplexed scowl on his face.
“Turn around, JD.”
That voice! JD turned around slowly, thinking his mind was playing a cruel trick on him, even though he hadn’t daydreamed in months. But this was no hallucination-Perry was standing there, right in front of him.
JD was speechless, which was what Perry had been counting on. He began to speak. “JD, please listen to me. I was wrong. I hate myself for losing you.” He continued, and JD was unsure of who exactly Perry was talking to, to JD or to himself. “What do you do when you look in the mirror and staring at you is why he’s not here?”
JD opened his mouth to speak, but no words formed, which was fine with Perry as he continued. “I hope you’re happy here, but it’s killing me inside. Now I dread each day, knowing that I can't be saved from the loneliness of living without you. And, I don't know what to do, not sure that I'll pull through. I wish you knew…The morning after you left, I woke up wide awake in an empty bed, staring at an empty room. And I knew I had myself to blame for the state I was in that day. Dying didn’t seem so cruel.” Perry’s voice cracked at the last sentence, and JD’s heart ached at the sound.
Somewhat out of breath, Perry paused, searching for a reaction. When several moments of silence had passed, something in Perry’s eyes dimmed. JD desperately wanted to respond to Perry’s declaration, but couldn’t think of any words to express his joy that Perry loved him and had traveled thousands of miles across the country to see him, to win him back. Perry loved him! Then what could he do to stop him from turning away and heading out the door like he was now?
“Perry! Wait!” JD reached out and grasped Perry’s forearm. Turning him around, JD clutched the older man’s shoulders and kissed him soundly. Perry froze at first, stunned, but easily slipped his arms around JD, pressing their bodies together. They fit together perfectly, even after having been separated for three months, and JD brought his hands up to twine in Perry’s curls, their kiss never breaking.
Finally, JD pulled away. “God, Perry, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
“I think I do, because I’ve felt the same,” Perry confessed. “I love you, JD.”
“Love you too, Per-Bear.”
Perry grinned at the annoying nickname he had grudgingly allowed JD to bestow upon him. He never thought he’d miss that irritating moniker, but in the three months that JD had been gone, he’d missed hearing “Per-Bear!” echo through the halls of Sacred Heart. Slinging his arm around JD’s shoulders and steering them out the door of the lounge, he said, “Seems like you’re quite the ball-buster around here, eh Shirley? I mean, that was a pretty decent start to an angry rant there when you first walked in the door.”
A wide grin split JD’s face for the first time in three months as they exited the lounge. “Well, Per-Bear, I did learn from the best angry ranter in Sacred Heart…”
In the now-deserted lounge, Mary crept out from her hiding place in the corner where she’d witnessed the whole exchange between the two doctors. When the red-haired man had asked at the front desk for a Dr. Dorian, she’d piped up that he was her attending. He’d asked her to page him so he could speak with him in private, and she had come up with the idea that they rendezvous in the doctors’ lounge. The man had seemed pleased with this idea, and when they got to the lounge, he had used an intimidating voice to get everyone to clear out. Dr. Dorian’s mannerisms were so similar to those of this man that she was curious. When the man had settled in to a chair by the door, she made as if to leave by the back door, and instead had hidden herself to watch the exchange.
Now, after it was all over, Mary exited the lounge and headed towards the nurses’ station to spread word of what she’d seen. She was so excited that Dr. Dorian had finally found happiness that she couldn’t wait to tell everyone else at the hospital.
She knew Dr. Dorian wouldn’t mind. After all, it looked like he’d be heading back to his old hospital soon enough.