It Never Ends...
I can't sleep. Story of my life as of late. Even when I DO sleep, I wake up at least 4 times... I need a good nights sleep...
I hung out with Lindsay tonight. Amazingly, the conversation did NOT revolve around the baby. But, not so suprisingly, the conversation still centered around her. When I was trying to talk to her about the *crap* going on, she said "Well, i guess theres just some benefits to being in a monogamous relationship"
Ummm... what the hell does that mean? I think my jaw hit the ground... i believe the words "i really don't think that has anything to do with it" made it out of my mouth as she scrambled to change the subject. Its unbelievable how a situation like this can really show the true colors of people. Its like their reaction is something like a mirror of the relationship... as though the image I see is not what is reflected in the mirror. Its just strange...
Theres so much going on right now... not so much EVENTS, but just stuff... emotional, physical... I feel so unsettled... I feel like all I want to do is drive to the middle of nowhere, stand in an open field and SCREAM. Run until my lungs burst. Lay in the grass and feel the sun beat down on me. JUST ANYTHING to get rid of this tension and this... craziness...
I feel like all day long, i'm smiling, putting on this mask of strength, but inside I'm a complete mess... and its like i don't feel like I can break down even when i'm by myself... I feel like if I break down, then that means everything isn't okay and everything isn't GOING TO BE okay. I just want this all to go away. THIS is why I'm not pressing charges. I don't want to ahve to think about pending trials, sentencing dates... I don't want to worry about jennifer suddenly hating me. I don't want to deal with any of this... all I want to do is disappear.....
I'm just done with everything at this point.
I hung out with Lindsay tonight. Amazingly, the conversation did NOT revolve around the baby. But, not so suprisingly, the conversation still centered around her. When I was trying to talk to her about the *crap* going on, she said "Well, i guess theres just some benefits to being in a monogamous relationship"
Ummm... what the hell does that mean? I think my jaw hit the ground... i believe the words "i really don't think that has anything to do with it" made it out of my mouth as she scrambled to change the subject. Its unbelievable how a situation like this can really show the true colors of people. Its like their reaction is something like a mirror of the relationship... as though the image I see is not what is reflected in the mirror. Its just strange...
Theres so much going on right now... not so much EVENTS, but just stuff... emotional, physical... I feel so unsettled... I feel like all I want to do is drive to the middle of nowhere, stand in an open field and SCREAM. Run until my lungs burst. Lay in the grass and feel the sun beat down on me. JUST ANYTHING to get rid of this tension and this... craziness...
I feel like all day long, i'm smiling, putting on this mask of strength, but inside I'm a complete mess... and its like i don't feel like I can break down even when i'm by myself... I feel like if I break down, then that means everything isn't okay and everything isn't GOING TO BE okay. I just want this all to go away. THIS is why I'm not pressing charges. I don't want to ahve to think about pending trials, sentencing dates... I don't want to worry about jennifer suddenly hating me. I don't want to deal with any of this... all I want to do is disappear.....
I'm just done with everything at this point.